Little Acons – No. 40

I FORBID YOU TO BE YOU

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “Little Acons – No. 40”

  1. Oh ok – fair comment. I can be overly literal sometimes 🙂 I do automatically assume that if it’s on the meme then it’s an automatic narc label! Thanks for the clarification.

  2. I don’t think this is especially a narc thing. As parents we naturally think our children will grow up with our beliefs, values, morals etc. We forget that our children are separate from us.

    Whilst my parents didn’t understand me and tried to get me to be more like they were (dad was very conservative, humble – he would have hated his own funeral given that he was the centre of attention!) – I was simply not that person and they had no idea what to make of me. Having a very conservative and strict upbringing themselves, this is how they tried to bring up their children. It doesn’t make them narcs – it simply makes them misguided.

    For a long time I was guilty of the same thing but now I realise that my children must be free to be who they are and it is my job to encourage that.

    1. Just because someone says such a thing as in this meme or thinks it does not automatically make them a narcissist. That is not the point of the memes. They are indicative and representative. Thus if you know a parent is a narcissist, you will invariably recognise what is in the theme and understand how it applied to your dynamic. Some people will recognise some of the memes in a non-narc parent.

      The point is that all parents expect their offspring to accord with some or all of their outlooks, beliefs etc and impose them but over time realise that the child is separate. A parental narcissist never recognises this and the ‘little mirror’ approach continues into adulthood, hence it is a Little Acon.

      1. Who is similar in that they are not a mirror but have been moulded as such by narcs? I consider myself a hybrid. I enjoy fine tastes but don’t consider image to reflect worth or money etc. I just a job where I could tell the truth but my mother is fantasy-driven. I feel the pathology most as an empath encouraged to carry and take responsibility for her emotions and pain. She was like a child that kept soiling itself, looking up and saying “change me?”
        She’d try to make me more like her with false closeness by finishing my sentences with her own words and then laughing or giving me a compliment. Id just look and say “er…no.”

  3. I do not know where to put it, because I believe your mother or father would have never said that to you, so I place it here.
    It was very strange, but now understandable.

    Some day my mother said out of nothing and very seriously : “Mona, if I have to die some day, it would be better for you to die with me.”

    I asked : “Why?”

    Her answer: ” I don`t want you to be alone.”

    My comment: “Thank you, mam, but I want to live.”

    She was surprised and a little bit confused about my answer.. She could not understand it, because she thought, she was only caring..

    At that time I was thirty, had a good job, nice friends and was very happy. … .

    1. Hi mona…basically your mother thought you couldnt possibly survive or live ok without her….yup a narc!

  4. In my and my sister case it was “I command you to be whatever I want”.

    I wasn’t. My sister was and is. The end result is identical for both of us. We both are bad daughters. Only one difference is that I don’t mind to be a bad daughter and she desperately continues to prove otherwise to our Patrinarc. However, she has a reason. She isn’t that type of woman, who prefers to work hard, so she (and her husband!) is dependent from Patrinarc financially. And of course, if she wants his money, she has to be “whatever he wants”. Brutal truth of life.

  5. I remember telling my mother several times, as a teenager, that I thought there was something wrong with my sight. She always told me that cannot be because she had always had an excellent sight.
    That is just one example.

  6. You narcs trusted your parents and gave your self away. Now you punish your children for it for the rest of their lives.
    Smarts would have shown you to rely on yourself, not your parent. There’s a big world out there.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.