You Sicken Me


We are strong, powerful and impervious to illness or injury. We are a bastion of invulnerability, a veritable shining example of radiant health and vitality. Our superiority means we stand head and shoulders above everyone else and the weakness that comes with ill health and infirmity is not something that affects us. Except when we decide it must. That is when we play the sickness card. There are three instances, in the main, when we do this.

The first is when we do actually suffer from some illness or an injury. It may just be a fractured eyelash but to us we have been blinded with a red hot poker. The pain, good Lord the pain, it is too great and intense. It wracks us and has us twisted up in agony. Come on empath, do something. Do something now. Soothe our fevered brows, splint our broken limbs and bind our wounds. You must drop anything and everything. Forget being at work today, you must call in and excuse yourself no matter how inconvenient, for you are required to don a nurse’s outfit and do your best Florence Nightingale impression for us. This slight snuffle is pneumonia you know and to top it all it is your fault. You insisted on the window of the bedroom being left open, now see what you have done. I may not last the week. You would like that wouldn’t you, you ungrateful bitch after everything that I have done for you. You did it on purpose. You wanted me to be ill so you could see me suffer. That is how nasty and selfish you are. Is it any wonder I have been off with other women when this is how I am treated by somebody who is supposed to love me? Yes the smallest spot, minor ache and slight cough are all that is needed to enable us to declare that we are on our death beds. It is good for several uses. First of all, we will use it to avoid doing things such as household chores or attending an event that you wanted to go to. Secondly, it means you must give us plenty of attention by looking after us. Those soothing words and hot water bottles brought to our bedside all provide us with fuel. Thirdly, we are able to provoke you by being demanding and castigating you for not living up to expectations. You didn’t bring that hot lemon drink soon enough or those are the wrong pills. We will compare you to others, ” My mother would do a better job of looking after me than you.” All of which is designed to cause a reaction from you.

The second occasion on which we will play the sickness card is when you are ill or injured. We are not here to look after you. Good Lord, not at all. Why should we? That is not our role. We are too busy looking for fuel and we do not have the time or energy to spend engaged in nursing you. Not only of course are we devoid of the concept of feeling that we should care and that we should feel sorry and compassionate for someone who is unwell, we do not regard it as a task that is worthy of someone as brilliant as us. If you moan enough so that we are compelled to call out a doctor we will pronounce our own diagnosis in order to align ourselves with the brilliance of the medic. When he concludes what ailment it is you are suffering from we will declare,

“Yes, I said to her that that was what was wrong with her, but she won’t listen to me doctor, she insisted on getting you out. I am sorry she has wasted your time.”

We get to denigrate you and upset you whilst showing off how clever we are because we knew what was wrong with you (even though we did not) and the doctor accords with us. We may as well steal a segment of the doctor’s brilliance for our construct whilst he is here mightn’t we?

We will then invite the doctor to examine our shoulder or leg as we go to great lengths explaining how much pain we are in. This keeps the spotlight firmly on us and has you annoyed that we have hijacked your consultation. We will look to declare we are far worse off than you. You have a cold, well we have flu. We will use this as an opportunity to accuse you of attention seeking (nice bit of projection there) as we point out how selfish you are for being ill when we are. We have no interest in tending to you and we need to make the situation all about us. Accordingly, we will fake an illness or an injury in order to trump yours.

The third reason as to why we will play the sickness card is when we are low on fuel and low on energy. There may be any number of reasons why this state of affairs has arisen. You may be getting wise to some of our manipulative behaviour and therefore you are not reacting as often so that the level and quality of fuel that you provide is reduced. We may also have a natural dip in our energy levels or feel some degree of vulnerability which means that our resources are being stretched rather thin. This makes it difficult for us to seek out additional sources of fuel. This diminution in fuel reduces our power and this risks the craven creature that lurks within trying to escape and making itself heard. When this happens, the creature’s whisperings remind us of our weakened selves. We are not ill. We are not injured. What we are however is feeling weakened, as if we are ill or injured. Accordingly, we play the sickness card in order to obtain an emergency injection of fuel from you or whoever else might be to hand. As an empathic individual you are programmed to respond to this and you cannot resist the opportunity to exhibit your caring nature in order to help us out and nurse us. The attention you lavish on us provides us with fuel and we begin to feel more powerful again. The creature’s catcalls fade as he is subsumed within the prison of our constructed edifice once again and our supremacy returns. Our weakness lifts thanks to this provision of fuel from you and this has been instigated by us playing the sickness card. We will do this to garner sympathy from you, from family and friends and also from health professionals. Our favourite ailments of course are of the invisible variety. Depression, a stomach pain or a bad back. We are brilliant actors and ham up our suffering. The portrayal of our poor sick self would please Ferris Bueller. As with most things it is just another fabrication designed to manipulate you and provide us with fuel but you must never dare question us. We of course have researched the symptoms thoroughly and our Munchausen Syndrome is most prevalent. You are duty bound to help us rise from our sick bed or you are a bad person and we will cut you out of our will in the event that this terrible affliction sends us to the reaper. You will be sick to death of our illnesses and injuries but you will be duty bound to attend to them.


7 thoughts on “You Sicken Me

  1. Mary says:

    I can’t say much here because I DO have invisible health problems. I have fibromyalgia, mild intermittent atrial fibrillation, severe back pain that radiates into a leg, and tendonitis. There is no objective testing for fibro, but MRIs have shown the bulging disc in my back as well as severe inflammation in the joints that ache. I also have a diagnosis of the a-fib thing that resulted from wearing a heart monitor. It’s not life-threatening at this point, but it causes shortness of breath and fatigue. My “invisible” illnesses aren’t imaginary. I’m 40 and I feel about 85.

    Often, my hub (who may or may not be narc) makes me feel like they are. The a-fib was the most recent of these, and when I told my hub what the doc said, he replied, “Am I really supposed to believe there could be SO MUCH WRONG WITH YOU?” When I have been forgetful and missed something he said and I asked him to repeat the one part I missed, he will say the entire thing back to me Veeeerrrrry slooooow, which feels condescending and insulting. When I tell him that’s mean, and that I am foggy headed from pain meds, he says, “Well, whose fault is that?” He pisses me the fuck off. He has asked me to help move part of a mattress set when I was still sore from an injection for pain, and he bitched about me “complaining.” I’m in an awful flare this week – my spine injection has worn off – and I told him it’s really painful to squat or bend down – and he rolled his eyes right in front of me. I’m just so fucking done. Every time he acts this way, I feel like there’s no way he could love me. I know it’s hard to live with someone who is in pain a lot. But I wouldn’t have to verbalize the pain if I didn’t have to keep reminding him I need help with reaching things when he’s nearby. He barely ever gets sick, and any joint pain goes away in a day. He doesn’t know how it feels, so he takes for granted that everyone else is as fortunate.

    1. cadavera666 says:

      Mary, I read somewhere several months ago, that the issues that you described here are often caused by narcissistic abuse syndrome–especially the fibromyalgia. The article also said that autoimmune disorders can be caused by it as well. I don’t have the link but you might be able to find it if you do some Google searches. Idk if your health would improve if he was gone but I’m guessing it just might.

  2. ajo says:

    Wanted to thank you for this article, HG. I remember needing an MRI because I had symptoms of a possible brain tumor or MS. What did the narc boyfriend do? Picked up an extra shift at work and stayed home. He couldn’t deal with it. (I am fine, btw) But this article actually took me back to my marriage which I had took my focus off of because of the last boyfriend being so extremely more narcissistic. I started remembering early in the marriage during times of extreme stress or illness, being abandoned by my ex husband so he could hang out with friends. He had no use for me unless I was serving him. He never devalued me, but I was extremely neglected (hence my affairs). This helped peel off another layer, open my eyes to more warning signs and helped me heal. A good man will attend to their woman in distress. Even after the infatuation has passed.

  3. Narc affair says:

    My brother in law fakes a bad back to avoid working yet tore apart a garage roof to ground with his bare hands. He cant handle taking directions from anyone. He expects others to support him yet when my sil is sick he wont even drive her to the hospital.

  4. Nin says:

    So crazy. Mine used to literally gasp for air in the earlier stages as I was uncovering deception, like a dying fish. Also, during an argument over the phone about him blatantly avoiding work, he conveniently smashed his toe nail and sent me a series of photos of it, broken and bloodied. He was “unable” to get to interviews for over a week due to the injury.

  5. Anne says:

    Bahahaha, cripe, thats one of the ways i got sucked in. Was for sure seeing red flags and handling it with kid gloves, and thennnnn, called me hurt, asked if i could help him for a couple of days. Didn’t help i just walked my ex to that place in the sky, so i was already in high gear. And boy did, nursed knees, colds, backaches, you name it, i did it. Egos, lol! Cleaver boys, had me jumping. However, that creature, he knows he teally is in trouble. Cause mine, yep, in a way i own him too, is falling apart. That must be scary for him, unless someonevis stroking him, and he’s gotta live with what i know, and he knows, he’s falling apart! I will be sure to bless his grave when he goes out!

  6. Laura says:

    He non-stop complained about some invisible health issue, but made snide remarks about my good health. Why?

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