Little Acons – No. 43

WHY DID IEVER BOTHERHAVING YOU_.jpg

17 thoughts on “Little Acons – No. 43

  1. DontMentionTheWar says:

    When I was still together with the father of my daughter we visited his mother. I was pregnant and 36 years old. She said to me – he sat beside me – “It is a mistake that you will have a baby at your age. I had him” (the father of my daughter or “my narcissist”) “at the age of 35 and I regretted that so much. He cried so often that I had to take his cradle in the basement and shut the door.”

    His behaviour towards our daughter is slightly more subtle, but as cruel as that of his mother.
    I left him almost 11 years ago when our daughter was 2 years old. He was never interested in her with his heart. I tried to manage it that they can have a kind of relationship so that she can try to love him like she wants it, but it is not possible because of him.

    When I think of only a few things … He fell asleep once when he came for an hour to visit her at her birthday (and was offended when I critisized him), never visited her or called when she was in a hospital, at Christmas he took a gift from her, but didnยดt unwrap it, and because she didnยดt want to show him her school report last year (after a lot more bad experinces with him), he didnยดt call at her birthday, but wired 1 Cent (really 1) to her account with the note “Happy birthday”. He took so often revenge, thinking the other person deserves that.
    My daughter is twelve years old. She is a good, bright, strong, social and funny person. The bad thing is that she will never get an apology of her father.

    I wish there would be a law that such parents would force to tell their children something like “you are perfect as you are. I have a personality disorder and can not care for you and respect and love you as I should do it. I am so sorry”

    1. June says:

      Oh wow. Your poor daughter. At least she has you.

  2. June says:

    Oh wow! Ha ha! ๐Ÿ˜€ My brother is narcissistic too. And a bunch of extended family members are as well.

    The sheer number of narcs, when you count all the un-diagnosed ones, must be staggering. When I asked HG to estimate I think he said 1/6 people in the world are.

    (I’m going off on a tangent again, so sorry :)) A lot of people, on this website and not, seem to want to kill or imprison or subject all those people to lifelong torment. Those sentiments grate on me every time I see them posted. Not only is it unfeasible to do so, but I think that all of us are the way we are for a reason and have a purpose. Many narcissists, particularly the intelligent ones, use their drive for success and admiration to create great things that wouldn’t exist otherwise.

    And, narcissists or not, I’d kill anyone who wanted to kill/imprison/torture my father or brother.

    And that’s the end of my tangent! ๐Ÿ˜€ I seem to be unable to stay succinct and on topic these past few days. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. June says:

    He doesn’t think this anymore, but I know very well my father didn’t want to have me originally and regretted doing so when I was very young. He actually left me in a restaurant and drove away because I cried too loud. Fortunately for all, he came to his senses and came back. Even more fortunately, he does learn over time how to better pretend. Every year he gets a bit better. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      June
      That is horrible and worse that they told you about it. My father in law left my husband in a bar in Germany when he was just a year old. Wasn’t on purpose, though, he just forget he had the baby with him. My mother in law had to back track everywhere he’d gone until she found the baby in a back room with the empty beer bottles playing with the barkeep’s dog. At least most narc mothers seem to view the appearance of childcare as important to their facade. Narc fathers often view it as someone else’s problem.

      1. June says:

        Windstorm:

        Well, I was a baby then. Deadly dull. ๐Ÿ™‚ By the time I hit toddlerhood I became interesting enough for him to bother. My brother and I are part of his legacy-he had to make sure we developed PROPERLY (in the mold he wanted).

        Wait wait, your father in-law took his infant son to a BAR?! And FORGOT he had done so?! Are you SURE he’s not part of the Gang of Narc? ๐Ÿ˜€ (Kidding, kidding…mostly.)

        “most narc mothers seem to view the appearance of childcare as important to their facade.”

        Though there’s an exception to every rule. My online friend can certainly attest to THAT.

        1. Windstorm2 says:

          Ha, ha June!
          Of course my father in law was a narc!! So is my exhusband. And like you say, babies are little boring noiseboxes to a narc!

  4. Narc affair says:

    A narc aunt of mine used to say to her kids ” i brought you into this world i can take you out”. I would cringe bc its so disgusting and damaging to say such things to your kids ๐Ÿ™ some people are not meant to be parents!

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      Narc Affair
      Possibly true, and maybe some children of narcs would choose not to have been born, but I think most of us would still choose to stay and be alive.

    2. June says:

      I have a narc great aunt who I heard said similar things to her kids. My mother lived with her for a few years after her own mother died and her (physically abusive, probably Mid Lesser) father couldn’t be bothered with raising his kids.

      Fortunately I never had to suffer HER presence in my life after an incident when I was a toddler. My father couldn’t stand her either. If only I knew whether he actually knew what they both are or if it was instinctual.

      Same thing with picking a woman to marry who was raised by a Lesser who’s favorite hobby was beating her with a belt. My father must have looked great by comparison even during devaluation by simply never raising a hand to her, and she had been raised on dysfunctional relationships and manipulation. That is either great instincts or conscious brilliance.

      Aaand I’ve gone off on a tangent. ๐Ÿ˜€ Sorry about that. But yeah, some people just SHOULDN’T parent.

  5. Windstorm2 says:

    I’ve just been sitting here, rocking my 2 week old granddaughter and staring at those red words in this ACON. Staring and remembering the painful wound in my soul caused by knowing my mother regretted having me. Staring and wondering if there was anything of all the hurtful things she ever did that was worse than that. Staring and wondering how many children are having to deal with this pain right now. Staring and wishing I could do something to stop their pain, but feeling helpless.

    But then I realized I’m not helpless. If I was helpless I wouldn’t be here 700 miles from home rocking this baby. All my children know I wanted and love them. All my grandchildren know I wanted and love them. And when I get back home and go to my school, I will make sure every student I interact with knows they’re wanted and loved – if not by their parents, then at least by me. We may have been helpless as children, but we are none of us helpless now.

  6. Cโ˜… says:

    Omg… how could a parent ever say these words to their child…. but I know that they do…. another valid reason for mass (reversible) sterilization upon puberty…. parenthood should be a mandated licensed privilege…

    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      This stopped me cold too. I can’t imagine even a remote thought like that towards my daughter. But I spent five years trying to conceive her too. Motherhood is such a privilege and honor.

      1. Cโ˜… says:

        it is and should be a privilege and an honor….. now take a look at what goes on, for example (not singling out) inner cities and the continuity of addicts, welfare recipients, gang bangers, corner prostitutes, etc., that have sex, create a child as a by product…. the cycle goes on and on. this is just one example of why I say “sterilization”, till licensed and privilege earned. Not all people such as yourself are such amazing parents… far and few between, and someone like you would have no problem obtaining said license if it was a reality. I also respect & give credit to those educated & informed couples that make a conscious decision to not have children rather then just have them for appearances sake. Children need to have nurturance, comfort, protection and a sense of security in order to grow up well adjusted kind humans…

    2. Rubies says:

      The trouble with making parenthood a licensed privilege would be that the approval board would probably end up being made up of narcs, and even if the government could insure they’re all well adjusted “normal” individuals, they’d probably still approve narcs for parenthood. Narcs make better impressions, and even fool psychologists. They’d probably never be able to create a quick narc proof vetting system, especially since it can take months and sometimes years to figure them out, even decades. I also think if such a process were put in place, having children would some how become a status symbol. (I know a couple narcs who act like they became highly revered saints upon having a child now.) Being approved would simply become a goal for them to achieve in life, more “proof” they’re superior to others, rather than an opportunity to nurture a precious human being.

      1. Cโ˜… says:

        that could also work favorably, Rubies, because Narcs, if the Greater, make logical decisions. HG being a Greater has intentionally made the decision to NOT have children, for example… I think they would best be appointed for such decision making versus an Empath. Empaths are fooled more easily and too many applicants would slip under the radar…. IMO

      2. Rubies says:

        C, I wanted to put this under your response to my comment but there’s no reply button on it. I think your idea of appointing a Greater for the job of selection is brilliant. He/she would probably be able to detect the true empaths from the pretenders within ten minutes or less. Of course, an adoring entourage would also have to be appointed in order to excessively praise all the Greaters wise decisions.

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