The Overload

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Intriguing. Curious. Interesting. Exciting. Fascinating. Absorbing. Compelling. Gripping. Riveting. Captivating. Magnetic. Engaging. Enthralling. Alluring. Diverting. Distracting. Titillating. Tantalizing. Stimulating. Thought-provoking. Amazing. Brilliant. Magnificent. Scintillating. Astonishing. Mesmerizing. Hypnotic. Happiness. Joyful. Elation. Stunning. Alluring. Ecstasy. Uplifting. Empowering. Glowing. Buoyant. Overjoyed. Euphoric. Blissful. Exhilarated. Enraptured. Cheerful. Merry. Gleeful. Carefree. Smiling. Jovial. Fascinating. Unique. Breathtaking. Glorious. Beaming. Shining. Glittering. Sparkling. Blessed. Jocund. Exuberant. Gregarious. Charismatic. Sensational. Thrilling. Startling. Staggering. Lovely. Handsome. Beautiful. Caring. Gorgeous. Wonderful. Bonny. Radiant. Unforgettable. Unmissable. Enchanting. Entrancing. Bewitching. Wonderful. Exquisite. Remarkable. Outstanding. Impressive. Memorable. Arresting. Eye-catching. Masterful. First class. Delicious. Delectable. Scrumptious. Formidable. Virtuoso. Swell. Awesome. Fabulous. Divine. Heavenly Majestic. Noble. Engaging. Loving. Passionate. Ardent. Zealous Fervent. Encompassing. Intense. Impassioned. Vehement. Fiery. Sexual. Sensual. Mysterious. Animated. Spirited. Consuming. Burning. Mercurial. Vigorous. Athletic. Energetic. Erotic. Lustful. Amorous. Sultry. Torrid. Steamy. Electric. Devotion. Tenderness. Intimacy. Adoration. Endearment. Doting. Attentive. Idolization. Worshipping. Ardor. Desire. Adulation. Infatuation. Friendly. Besotted. Obsessed. Beloved. Perfection.

Distant. Aloof. Remote. Detached. Unresponsive. Unapproachable. Isolated. Formal. Cold. Icy. Stand-offish. Stiff. Austere. Withdrawn. Reserved. Indifferent. Unforthcoming, Uncommunicative. Unfriendly. Cool. Chilly. Unsociable. Disdainful. Frosty. Frigid. Supercilious. Haughty. Cut-off. Separated. Removed. Reticent. Taciturn. Forbidding. Introverted. Retiring. Private. Reclusive. Diffident.

Furious. Enraged. Raging. Infuriated. Inflamed. Fuming. Boiling. Incandescent. Irate. Irritated. Incensed. Seething. Mad. Ranting. Shouting. Violent. Ranting. Raving. Angered. Livid. Outraged. Indignant. Wrathful. Explosive. Destructive. Riled Apoplectic. Aerated Turbulent. Tempestuous. Fierce. Wild. Howling. Roaring. Insinuate. Blame. Label. Castigate. Accuse. Demean. Belittle. Disparage. Denigrate. Downgrade. Deprecate. Trivialize. Deride. Mock. Ridicule. Criticize. Scorn. Condemn. Abuse. Malign. Revile. Decry. Reprimand. Censure. Control. Harm. Hurt. Maltreat. Wound. Decry. Injure. Damage. Cripple. Disable. Maim. Mutilate. Scratch. Hit. Punch. Kick. Throttle. Strangle. Beat. Assault. Molest. Damage. Torture. Maltreat. Imprison. Misuse. Pervert. Exploit. Maul. Oppress. Bully. Insult. Grope. Manhandle. Push. Pull. Slap. Curse. Jibe. Tease. Rebuke. Upbraid. Slight. Disrespect. Defame. Segregate. Foul. Terrible Horrible. Unpleasant. Awful. Dreadful. Abominable. Loathsome. Vile. Frightening. Terrifying. Scary. Petrifying. Revolting. Repulsive. Odious. Sickening. Repellent. Nauseating. Repugnant. Horrendous. Hideous. Appalling. Atrocious. Offensive. Objectionable. Obnoxious. Unpalatable. Unsavory. Filthy. Off-putting. Noxious. Rank. Ghastly. Gruesome. Diabolical. Dangerous. Bad. Nasty. Severe. Alarming. Painful. Ugly. Muzzle. Suppress. Stifle. Gag. Grotesque. Unkind. Grave. Critical. Serious. Annoying. Unwelcome. Frustrating. Aggravating. Maddening Vexatious. Pernicious. Mendacious. Toxic. Poisonous. Virulent. Deadly.

Jettison. Discard. Scrap. Hurl. Dispose. Repudiate. Abandon. Leave. Drop. Relinquish. Reject. Axe. Fling. Dump. Ditch. Trash. Shed. Forsake. Vacate. Disappear. Vanish. Flit. Evaporate. Dissipate. Retire. Retreat. Pass. Ebb. Fade. Silence.

Appear. Hoover. Surprise. Pester. Stalk. Harass. Surface. Arise. Materialize. Occur. Emerge. Visible. Apparent. Reveal. Badger. Hound. Harry. Plague. Bedevil. Smear. Slur. Persecute. Bother. Annoy. Worry. Disturb. Trouble. Ghost. Haunt. Vex. Stress. Agitate. Provoke. Nag. Chivvy. Bait. Hassle. Bug. Pressure. Interfere. Mither. Regretful. Penitence. Contrition. Repentant. Rueful. Remorseful. Abject. Guilty. Apologetic. Sorry. Sheepish. Shameful. Ashamed. Pitiful. Pathetic. Woeful. Lamentable. Tragic, Wretched. Miserable. Plaintive. Forlorn. Promise. Pledge. Honour. Assurance. Vow. Oath. Guarantee. Chance. Commitment. Undertaking. Covenant. Swear. Change. Convert. Transform. Adapt. Modify. Rebuild. Remake. Refashion. Reconstruct. Beg. Plead. Beseech. Entreat. Implore. Ask. Request. Adjure. Exhort. Enjoin. Petition. Humble. False.

Repeat. Parrot. Recurrent. Regurgitate. Replicate. Duplicate. Restate. Reproduce. Again.

Exhaustion.

Overloaded.

Listen to The Overload

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109 thoughts on “The Overload”

  1. HG maybe you have answered this question before and I have just not read that post yet…………is the narcissist behaviour, as outlined in the article above, conscious behaviour, sub conscious behaviour or unconscious behaviour. I guess I am asking if you (or other narcissists) sit there in advance plotting every single present and future move (from seduction period through to devaluation, discard and hoover period) to each and every victim within the matrix, or whether this is just natural instinctive behaviour to you and you don’t even need to think about it too much…… I know you are thinking about it now due to therapy and writing this blog…..maybe different types of narc react differently too????? I know you have stated that a lesser or midrange narc do not realise what they are….. but that is not my question. I am confusing myself now!!!!!!!

    1. Lesser – instinct.
      Mid Range – instinct (MMR slight calculation. UMR more calculation)
      Greater – mostly calculation with some instinct.

      1. If you search for those terms using the search function. The Fuel Matrices articles (Part Two) will provide you with additional information also.

  2. Reading all the comments about the Isolation Experiment…I just have to say that even seriously contemplating something like that takes a lot of guts. I have no idea what it’s like to be constantly hungering for fuel, but I do know how difficult it can be to even consider leaving behind what you’ve always known. That’s why I haven’t done it myself. Ha ha. 😀

    But you are a braver soul than I, HG. So I hope you gain a lot of valuable self-knowledge and perhaps even learn something that will help you take a less destructive path to fulfill your needs. 🙂

    I know you can’t have the internet because you could get fuel from interacting on it, but you WILL at least have access to unlimited streaming on Netflix (or an equivalent service), right? Because if that’s not part of the deal, you should absolutely use your charm and manipulative powers to make it so. 😀

  3. I really like this article…….I am guessing that you always win at scrabble…..I can’t really fathom what you mean by “fuel” or why you need it, but this type of writing is my kind of fuel……although I have quite a bit of work to do to fully understand it.

    1. Hi Diva, read HG Tudor’s book, “Fue” for a detailed explanation. I downloaded it from Amazon Kindle. Fuel is the motivational crux of why a Narcissist behaves as he/she does and is crucial to your understanding of a Narcissist.

      1. Hi Kimi many thanks for that information…..I am still painstakingly (pain being the ultimate word) working my way through the blog posts and hopefully then I will move onto the books at a later stage…..that is if I haven’t lost the will to live during this process!!!!! I only say this in a joking manner……but many of the articles are a tough read…..interesting and informative and well constructed, but the truth often hurts when you are facing up to the reality of your own situation. I have to say that the readers comments with HG usually lighten the mood more often than not and I like reading those too. Thanks again…….

  4. Yes NA I would certainly struggle with it anybody would . I’d. be fine if I had a TV and my phone ha ha . I like to be alone anyway and don’t always need company. I don’t really understand the experiment as it’s not just narcissists that would find that difficult . But I’m sure it will all be explained when HG is ready to do so .

    1. Id go thru major withdrawals if my phone was gone or the internet. Its amazing to look back not that long ago before the internet and think how different life was. In many ways better.

      1. Narc Affair
        I remember it, too but it wasn’t good!!! Being stranded alone on a farm in the country. No one to call, no one to play with, no way to contact anyone, no way to find the answers to my questions! Just 3 channels on the tv and forbidden to watch more than an hour at a time, because it wasn’t good for me! Cell phones and google are two of the greatest blessings in my life!! I know that if I had to I could live without them, but it would be a poor, colorless and lonely existence!

  5. I know that everyone means well but as a mental health professional and as someone who has ADHD and ODD you do things when you are ready to do them – when you want to.

    That is the thing with HG and therapy is that everyone is trying to make him change behaviors and things about himself that he doesn’t want to change.

    Goals need to be agreed upon and shouldn’t be pushed.

    HG is evolving. I respect that.

    1. Dr. HQ
      And there are things he can not change. He is who he is and always will be. If you study this disorder in depth as I have, including discussing with professionals, there is no magic fix. None. He will be behave as he does for his life, it will be just different degrees of it. He needs fuel as much as he needs air.

      Accept and adjust. Simple.

      1. I understand his disorder extremely well – especially because I am one of those
        Professionals.

        I know what to expect. I deal with psychopaths on a daily basis….

        Literally on a daily basis.

        I’m well aware of the research and what not.

  6. I think it’s important that people don’t push HG to do something he is not ready to do. When he is ready to do it he will do it. As we all know he is constantly traveling so it would have to fit it into his schedule.

    We all don’t want to come off like we are pushing or nagging.

    The fact that HG is even contemplating change is a big deal. That is what stage he is at – I think it’s important to let him move at his own pace.

  7. I know HG has a high thresh hold…. it is mind over matter issue… he will survive his isolation experiment with ease… that is how he rolls…. and I would expect no less of him, based on how he presents himself here, on his blog

  8. MLA. Hi. How are you ?

    I honestly don’t think HG can do the ” isolation experiment ” tbh .

    He’s said he would for quite some time but still hasn’t .

    I understand why he wouldn’t want to, but he’s a man of his word as all narcs are aren’t they .

    1. I have the ability to do it but at present there are two factors preventing it:-

      1. The requirements of the good doctors; and
      2. My professional commitments will not allow a sufficient gap in my schedule to do this.

      If it is to have any value, it has to be done correctly.

      1. HG Thanks .

        Since when did you ” conform ” though to anything any one tells you ? If you honestly really wanted to you would .

      2. I don’t, that is why I am doing it when I choose to, but I am not fucking up my arrangements.

      3. No .. HG
        You’ve been an excellent teacher to all of us.. Soo when are you going to do it ? It seems to me * fucking up your arrangements” is a get out ” Clause ” ?

      4. No it is not. I know what you are trying to do. It is transparent. It will happen. When I have the relevant two week period available to do it. I am not spurning other opportunities which assist my cause in the meanwhile.

      5. I could see why isolation therapy would be intimidating to a narcissist the same way it is for a codependant to break away from their narcissist. You can be armed with all the knowledge thats out there but the first step and the rest have to be your own. Its scary when youve come to depend on certain ways of life to get by and it becomes who you are. To lose who you were is terrifying.
        I do wonder with this isolation therapy how long is required for it to work permanently if its possible. A few months may not do it? The other thing is like an addiction how would you keep those tendencies in check so you dont revert back into narcissistic habits. Its healthy to keep some narcissism as well. Im sure its more complex than being isolated from fuel and coming back free of narcissism youd have to build a whole new identity.

      6. The purpose of the isolation is not to see if it “cures me” but rather what will the effect on me be by being denied fuel for a sustained period of time.
        There is also the question mark of what happens if it goes beyond a period of time which is deemed acceptable to the good doctors.
        They advocate an orchestrated deconstruction (not based on fuel removal) and then reconstruction which takes years. It is me that has wanted to see what happens when I am isolated and denied fuel for a sustained period and to also to convey that to readers.

      7. Thank you for your explanation. I’d had wondered what the disagreement was between what the doctors want and what you want.

      8. Is HG Tudor going to lock himself away with Netflix and Depeche Mode?
        Also I watched the movie Dr.Strange, he had a drawer that contained several watches in rotating cases is this on your Christmas list?

      9. HG will do it when he wants to do it and has the time for it.

      10. Hi HG…i thought isolation was to break down the belief that you required fuel to preserve your identity but maybe thats what seeing how you react without it is doing. I think its great you want to find out and brave. Its no contact from fuel which is very uncomfortable.
        The deconstruction would take years for sure but very worth it but thats for you to decide for yourself. Best of luck!

      11. Thank you sir , I like you, now these watch winders are going to be a big gift from santa so try to stay on the nice list.

      12. Would this apply to Dolus Malus as well? I’ve been anxiously awaiting since the initial announcement. Thanks for all you do HG!

      1. I am sure he can do the isolation thing, and one day will.But is it odd that I kind of worry about how that will affect him? That I worry he could suffer greatly emotionally? Damn… I’m still such a softy 😂

      2. I agree Strongerwendy! HG’s response will be interesting! You can do it HG!

        Star, softness is part of who we are… it’s ok and beautiful!

      3. If HG goes through with it , he’ll do it because he can’t stand to fail at anything . I’m sure he’s curious about it . I know my narc likes a lot of alone time and it doesn’t bother him not having human interaction BUT if you took his TV, Internet and phone from him OMG. I doubt he could cope with that for very long at all. No distractions he might have to think ………

      4. Hi lisa …i think for a lot of people if you took those things away theyd be very restless myself included. Itd be a learning experience for anyone. Weve really come to depend on our devices and interaction.

    2. Hello NSS! I’m doing well! Thanks for thinking of me. I always enjoy hearing from you!
      When HG first brought up doing the isolation experiment (about 6-7 months ago) I interpreted that it was in the early talking stages only. A lot of readers started sending goodbye messages and I was confused as to what I missed? Lol
      I get the impression he wants to devote substantial time for this and since everything “HG” related is private in his real life, how is he supposed to explain his disappearance to work, family, friends, girlfriends, etc.?
      I just assumed this is something way down the pike after he can go public.
      He’s buried with people needing help with email and phone consults too now. There is so much momentum with his blog, why interupt now?
      I think he’s brave enough to try it. It’s his choosing if/when he decides while weighing if he’s willing to face his biggest fear (being on the brink of oblivion with no incoming fuel) for the good of research with the doctors and for his blog and books.
      I think it may also be helpful if he felt he had a support network to wait it out on the other side during his absence and knowing the real reason he’s gone. Could that help him build trust?

  9. Hi T, sorry I don’t understand any of your comment. If he ceased to be the man he is and became a different man that would be positive . Non of these narcissists are ever going to change but the ones that have insight could change behavioural patterns but would still be narcissists, only my opinion. The man behind HG (whoever that is) has enough intelligence and talent to be successful without being deliberately hateful and cruel for the rest of his life . There’s no excuses for that , particularly when someone knows better and knows right from wrong .

    1. The fact of the matter is the man he is, is a narcissist bottom line. Take this out of the equaltion this man ceases to exist Everything he has learned and does, and I mean everything becomes null in void. No more HG Tudor, no more brillant insights nothing zip, zero, nada.

      1. I would love to hear your opinion different views are a way of learning new things

      2. I just think that narcissists could get all the fuel they need without being monsters. Certainly self aware narcissists like HG could channel their narcissism in a way that fuel is flowing but not because of bad behaviour and at the cost of others suffering. If on the other hand they really are mentally ill that maybe different , but they are not so mentally ill that they don’t know when to hide it, cover up , lie , wear masks around certain people . Some of them may struggle more with control but they all know how to cover up . They know right from wrong , narcissism may have been a coping skill that they did not ask for in life . BUT when you know better you should do better . No excuses !!!

    2. I agree with you Lisa. Obviously he would not cease to exist like in a puff of smoke. But as we all learn and grow, we alter little by little and in a sense become different people. I’m certainly not the same person I was in the past, even just last year. Who I am continues to grow and evolve. Narcissists can do the same. Especially the self aware ones. They will never stop being narcissists, but they can learn ways to obtain their needed fuel without being so purposefully hateful and cruel.

      1. Yes that’s exactly what I think , they can get plenty of fuel in their life without taking the route of being monsters

      2. Lisa and Windstorm2

        I see your point and agree, I just see this as a behavior modification, I was stuck on the taking the narcissist part out.
        I hope he does find a way for things not to be done in such a destructive way. I do believe if anyone can he can.

  10. Another article for the therapists out there. So many words for all the emotions that go into one of these relationships.
    You could provide training all over the world.

    1. I’m not sure a perfume could be described as a narcissist. Oh you mean the Tesla fellow ; I don’t know enough about him to form a view.

    1. My fantasy is of you, HG coming through my window, and doing a reenactment of, Dracula. Slowly and romantically, making me submit to you.

  11. This writing is very clever HG. Forget the narcissist thing . Just to be able to write this way . Your talents are wasted . You spend way too much time plotting and scheming and carrying out dastardly deads when you could be writing a best seller

    1. Indeed, HG Tutor is an excellent writer. In my opinion, HG Tudor is the most talented writer on planet earth. His eccentric, unique, and dark vivid imagination is mesmerizing.

      1. Hi number 1 fan you make me laugh “best writer on planet earth ” you’ll have to be first in line at his book signings 😀
        If HG spent less time being a narcissist he could have had a few best sellers done and finished 😜

      2. That’s the illusion and the trickery that narcissism plays on you . It’s NOT true . Do you really believe for example your a talented writer only because your a narcissist ? Or are you referring to HG the character that has been created for this blog wouldn’t exist ?

      3. That’s true you would turn to dust immediately !! Such a strange way of thinking and I don’t think anyone can really ever understand that thought process as it is a disorder and makes no sense . It only makes sense to you .

      4. No, your beating heart and air-filled lungs allow you to exist. Machinations not included. Lisa is right.

      5. Yes I do and you’ll figure it out in your isolation experiment. You’ll feel like shit no doubt, but you’ll still exist.

      6. I know, it’s never not funny to you. It reminds me of that childhood story I shared with you ages ago “Tiddilik The Frog” and the little eel who sits on his big belly and makes him laugh so he isn’t grumpy anymore. Lol

      7. I believe it will be under the monitoring of his doctors but he will isolate himself with absolutely no access to human contact whether in person, phone, or electronically. Basically like a solitary confinement experiment to track what happens to him personally when fuel access hits an all time low.

      8. Interesting Clarece, I hope HG goes through with it . When the fuel levels drop I hope he doesn’t turn into a Weirwolf 😱

      9. Not just a vampire The Count , I always think Christopher Lee was the best , I remember being terrified of those films when I was a kid . They are almost comical now but I still watch them if they come on TV

      10. Lisa

        If HG spent more time not being a narcissist he could have a best seller or two out, I would agree with this statement.

        If HG was less of a narcissit many things that must be done wouldn’t be done, or have you developed the mindset to do what must be done?

        The man he is would cease to exist, if he wasn’t who/what he is.

      11. Clarece

        I apologize for jumping in, I hope you don’t mind me asking this.

        What do you believe this world would be like iff let’s say one could go back and kill Hitler before he grew to become a man?

      12. You will exist, Tudor. It will the biggest surprise for you to discover it.

        If you’ll feel “I can’t take it anymore”, stop your isolation and have a rest. It isn’t a weakness or cowardice, it is a resonable decision that gives the posibility for your brain to process and sort out your experience. Next time you can start from that “break point” and continue your “journey”. Step-by-step to your freedom.

        God help you, man. It won’t be easy, but you are strong enough to take this “journey”. Everything will be alright.

      13. Eventually, yes Lisa. Though I may do it sooner to escape the proliferation of STD-mania.

      14. LOL Windstrom2
        I read the whole thread this morning at the gym on the article “The Kiss”. I loved the article and the thread was very entertaining and it will make you not want to touch anyone ever again.

      15. Oh, thanks Snow,
        Thought maybe STD stood for something different.
        I’ve tried reading the comments a few times in the Kiss article, but it’s just too far out of my experience, and rather depressing. I have vague memories of pleasant kisses when I was 16 and first engaged. But that’s the sum total of any pleasant experiences and over 40 years ago. Once I had agreed to have sex with him, he saw no reason for any foreplay ever again and that included kissing. And I’ve never had another lover. I think it’s impossible to ever really understand how all the great kissing people talk about would feel just by reading. Sort of like knowing what an elephant is really like without ever seeing one.

      16. Ha ha good precaution !! Where is this information ? Is it in your blog ? I’m most upset that I don’t know about this 😀 What are we all going to do ? While your off in isolation , giving us the silent treatment and disengaged from us your groupies ?? Will there be a 24 hour crisis blog set up if we need to contact you ?

      17. It has been mentioned in comments Lisa.

        There will be HG Support Centres established in all empathic centres where you can read my books and sit in a booth listening to my voice saying “us” and “love” and “control” and “fuel” and “wankel rotary engine” on a loop.

      18. Lisa, I love Christopher Lee as Dracula and also the modern day Gerard Butler in Dracula 2000 (great plot!)!

      19. Lisa, I equate my childhood affinity for monsters to be directly related to my father’s behavior. No, he was not a Narc, but he was raised by 2 orphans who did not know and were unable to teach him how to express his feelings. So I spent my childhood trying to read him emotionally. He improved with age, however I was already seeking out mates whose behavior was similar and they were Narc Monsters! This, a life long affinity for Monsters, real and imagined! I have since changed my search criteria!😉

      20. Kimi that’s awful for you and I’m glad your starting to move on from that , well done 😘

  12. There are times I consider sending your posts to my latest ex-CVN as you have a way of getting the point across in poignant ways. If it weren’t for my suspicions that he’d only use the info to further advance his manipulations and aims… On the plus side, I don’t think he has learned if you yet as in his most recent feigned apology he sent an ‘evil heart’ (knowing I’m usually ok enough with peoples effed up-ness over the last 2 yrs that he’s ok with sharing some admittance of the ‘evil’ bit as this typically plays well into his victim I’m the worst person ever so don’t expect anything from me and tell me how great I am public façade) – want to know what he sent? Not your evil heart image above, but album art from alexisonfire brown heart skull sampler ironically featuring their single sharks and danger lolololol never one for missing a chance at giving layered meanings anyway.

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