Why We Target You?


When we set our sights on acquiring our appliances to fuel us, it stands to reason that we dedicate the greatest amount of time to the person who is going to be our primary source of fuel. Of course the amount of time dedicated to this depends on the relevant narcissist but all of our kind are looking for certain traits which are prevalent to empathic individuals. There are certain core traits which exist in empathic individuals. Normal people will have some of these traits, probably not all and they will not have the traits to the extent and degree of an empathic person. Thus, this is why normal people are rarely made our primary sources. There are also traits which are known as class traits. These are the traits which appeal to the relevant cadre of narcissist, be that person a Victim, Somatic, Cerebral or Elite Narcissist. The core traits are hugely important to us. Their existence provides us with the three key elements that we take from our victims. Firstly, these traits means that the fuel provision will be high because of their connection to the emotional output from the victim. Secondly, there are certain residual benefits that come from these traits which we want. Thirdly, by attaching ourselves to somebody who has these traits we can pretend we have them too. We do not have these traits. Therefore we want to take them from you to apply to our construct and pass them off as belonging to us. Since we are experts and copying, we do not have these traits for ourselves and we do not feel them, but we are able to replicate what they look like by studying how you behave, because you have these traits. We then apply this to our own behaviour in order to maintain the façade. This fools other people into thinking that we are honest, decent and loving. It also enables us to mirror your traits and reflect them back at you so that you think we have them also. This makes us all the more appealing to you and ensures that you are bound closer to us. Accordingly, identifying these core traits in our victims is extremely important. The more of these traits that you have, the better. The more of these traits that you have, the greater the likelihood of being ensnared by our kind. A combination of the core traits and the class traits appearing in the way you behave and act draws our kind to you. We sense and see these traits and lock our sights on you as a prospective primary source.

There are ten of these core traits. The ideal is to find a victim who has all ten core traits and exhibits them to a considerable degree. We would then also want them to exhibit the relevant class traits which match with the type of narcissist that we are.

The Lesser Narcissist is unaware of these traits but like a hungry wolf sniffing out food he can sense the existence of these traits and know that the person exhibiting them is somebody he wants with him.

The Mid-Range Narcissists recognises these traits as admirable traits for a person to have. He sees them as plus points in the same way as someone might regard someone who is interested in art, travel and classical music, as a good match to start dating. The Mid-Range knows that he values these traits but he does not know the fundamental reason why he is drawn to them.

The Greater Narcissist knows what these traits are and why they are important. He knows the function that they play, he knows better than anybody else how to detect them and the places where (“the hunting grounds”) people can be found who will have these core traits and also the class traits. The Greater can sniff out the existence of these traits and match the target to them before moving in to ensnare that person.

So, what are these traits? Well, here are five of the ten by way of example. It is highly likely that you will have all five of these traits and you will have them in significant amounts because that is why you were ensnared by a narcissist to begin with.

Love Devotee       – we require our targets to be committed to the concept of love. You want to find love, experience love, love and be loved. The idea of love is central to your existence and you truly believe that our purpose on this earth is to love others. Not only does this mean loving those around but above all else you believe in the fulfilment that arises from having that one special person who you are committed to, who you will do anything for and who you will make sacrifices for. The existence of love is a reason, to you to exist and therefore you must find it and once located, obtain it and maintain it. We want love devotees because your dedication to love often blinds you to so much else and accordingly by pretending to give you love we can hook into this trait of yours and it allows us to ensnare you all the more readily.

Compassionate – our target must exhibit compassion. This compassion must be mainly for us although we are content for it to be exhibited for other people and objects such as animals, in order to detect it. If we identify that someone cares more about animals and things and not people however we do not consider that this fulfils our requirement. At an early juncture, if we see evidence of compassion for animals it generally (but not always) follows that this person will be compassionate towards humans as well.

Decent – We look for decent people. People who are well-mannered, polite and understanding. People who have consideration for others, wait their turn in speaking, allowing others to take a slice of cake before anyone else, giving to charity and conducting him or herself in a dignified manner. Decency is an attractive trait because it tells us that you will adhere to certain standards and that you also expect us to do the same. This matters because we know that this is often indicative of the fact that you are therefore unlikely to give up on us when the going gets rough.

Moral Compass –  we prefer a person with a strong moral compass, somebody who would hand a wallet to the police with the contents intact if they found such an item in the street or they would alert the shop assistant if they were handed too much change. This person is monogamous and faithful and believes others should conduct themselves by a similar moral code. Again, this tells us that you are far more likely to hang in there once devaluation starts and our behaviour will offend your moral compass so there will be the accompanying emotional reaction and thus copious fuel.

Caring – an individual who will always look after somebody else. Whether it is through working to provide for us, running the home in an excellent manner, looking after us when we are ill and being concerned about our well-being, the caring trait is very important and must be evident in our primary source especially. Not only will this tell us that you will want to look after us but it also signals to us that when we begin the devaluation of you, you will want to fix us and heal us and therefore you will keep plugging away, trying to do the right thing. It also tells us that we can expect considerable residual benefits from you in terms of you looking after us, which accords with our view of how you should be, subservient and obedient.

15 thoughts on “Why We Target You?

  1. LB says:

    I am currently reading your material – it is very good and I enjoy your insight. My question has to do with chemistry – some people you have chemistry with-some not so much. Does a narcissist have better chemistry with one source of supply vs. another? Or is the fuel the chemistry you desire. ( I mean specifically sexually chemistry when I use the word). Can a supply source be regarded better in the ranking if you have this chemistry?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you for reading and the compliment.

      Look at it this way. Person A meets person B. Person A has various interests, character traits, behaviours, moral outlooks, pursuits, achievements which fall within what we shall call Number One Zone. Person B has various interests, character traits etc also in Number One Zone. Neither are narcissists. They have “chemistry”.
      Person A meets Person B. Person A has interests etc in Number One Zone. Person B has interests in Number Two Zone. Neither are narcissists. There is little or no chemistry.
      Person A (non-narcissist) meets Person B (narcissist). Person A has interests etc in Number One Zone. Person B mirrors this to appear that they have interests in Number One Zone. They have “chemistry” but it is not genuine.

      It is not the issue of chemistry, it is the person behind that. You can have chemistry with two different people – one a narcissist and the other is not. You need to learn to spot the narcissist so you realise that the chemistry is not genuine and so you are not misled by it.

  2. Debbie says:

    HG I love your honesty which is uncharacteristic for a NPD Which leads to my question: I have a what I thought was a boyfriend. He is 71. I’m 62. I am an empath and even though we are no contact and everything is blocked, and he pulled every narc trick on me in the book, I still think of him. The same story here different players. Although I want to help him become self aware, like you, I wish to help him through outside resources. I am also self aware and know I can’t be with him and could never go through that again. How did you become self aware and does it stop you from hurting others or is your mission to get the word out to warn victims before they become such. It would seem that a small part of you would cognitively stop your self or pull back on the reins some when you are imposing the fuel gathering. He is out of control. He has the harem but he goes on messenger groups to slaughter people like 8 hours a day. He is suffering 24/7 and doesn’t seem to get satisfied. He even has a primary source while putting me on a shelf where I did not stay. I’m a rebel lol.

    HG I just love reading your words and I think we need more of you to get the word out. You are the best of the best

    Ps I was never mean to my narc. I dealt with him with complete compassion and when I went NC I professed my love for him and even sent a bday present to him. We were together 1 1/2 years. I know his story and I never wanted to add to the hurt


  3. K says:

    There is no “It Boy” and I am afraid to love ever again. Being a Love devotee is nothing but trouble.

  4. KP says:

    I can understand most of those… though, I have heard mention of pursuing people that are married as a challenge. Since my ex and his current girlfriend were both married when they became involved, I don’t see her as a moral fit under this article. I think he meant to make another paramour his primary source, but I got in the way of that one. This current one ended up pregnant quickly before all of us were divorced and she moved him away from the state I live in and he has started his whole life over again in a new town. Pretty much switched me out for her, adding a baby. So, in the case of moral code, they are almost equals unless she happens to be more like him than I know! He seems to be trying to make the same life we had, with the new person… add the baby we lost. Claimed he didn’t really want kids… hmmmm.

  5. Diva says:

    Can you please just write something that I can disagree with…….something that does not apply to me ……something that I can not relate to……maybe just one sentence would suffice……I pride myself on the apparent illusion that no one really knows me at all……and here I am exposed to someone that I have never met, that seems to know me inside out, back to front, top to toe…….. I don’t want to know what the other 5 traits are……I want to be a greater narc…….

  6. Peaceful says:

    HG, I’ve been asked to monitor a FB page on Narc abuse. I’ve been posting your articles, books and videos like crazy! Thank you so much. You are educating victims so much every day! There is SO much positive feedback regarding your writings. I encourage these people to subscribe to Knowing the Narcissist and Narsite.com.
    – Peaceful

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Peaceful, please keep spreading the word wide and far.

  7. alexandra fagan says:

    Hi have you ever got clse to anyone…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Physically proximate? Repeatedly? Emotionally? Yes to them, but not allowed them close to me.

  8. Sophia says:

    Have you ever met a woman that turned out to be just like you? If so, what was that like?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have met Greater females yes. I do not couple with them as IPPSs.

      1. Sophia says:

        Do you find them to be attractive? Have you kept one as an IPSS?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I assume you mean physically attractive, if so, yes. I have utilised them as IPSSs from time to time.

          1. Sophia says:

            I guess a part of me wonders if there would be an attraction based on a similar thought process. I do understand why empaths would be a better option based on fuel needs.

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