The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 2

i-amemptyi-show-youwhat-youwant-to-see

There is a vast emptiness inside of me.

Whatever was meant to be there is not there and instead this chasm remains, an expansive void that is dark, deep and perpetual. I remain ahead of this void because it wants to consume me and in so doing consign me to oblivion. This relentless black hole wants to devour me, breaking down all that I have achieved and crushing them into nothingness, a final insult against me as I disappear without trace. A terrible matter to contemplate that as this extinction is aimed at me is the prospect of never having mattered, never having existed and never having made a mark on the world. To be erased in an instant, obliterated and deleted.

I am fearless in all that I do, save that is this void, this nothing which is the architect of one total fear. It is against this constant fate that I drive forward. You see, hurled into this void is The Creature and he is scrabbling to escape it so that with dreadful suicidal intent he can wrap his sinewy arms about me, his yellowed and sharpened teeth plunging into my neck, his venom paralysing me as he gurgles and giggles, hauling me backwards off the precipice and into the void, the pair of us plummeting into oblivion.

That must not happen.

In order to keep him deep, deep down in the void it is necessary to imprison him and keep his vile and seditious whispers silenced. This means filling the void. Imagine he lurks at its very deepest point. He wishes to keep the void as it is. Vast and empty, since by doing so he will be able to then clamber out and grab me, dragging me down back into the void. He needs the void to be just that. He needs emptiness so he can reach out of it unhindered. He needs the void to be just that. He needs emptiness so he can destroy me through its unrelenting absence of anything.

I cannot have emptiness.

This void must be filled and it is filled with fuel. Each piece of fuel places a layer within the void and behind each layer The Creature becomes imprisoned. Oh he will wail and protest but as those layers become thicker and more numerous his wretched cat calls become muffled and then silenced. He cannot break through these layers, he cannot reach out and burst through the constructed layers to sabotage my existence. Each layer differs in depth, strength and duration in accordance with the type of fuel that I am able to gather and place within the void, fashioning my construct.

The smile from a stranger is a thin and ephemeral sliver. The admiration from a newly acquired primary source is a dense and durable slab that protects me and makes the construct strong. Piece by piece, layer by layer, each segment of fuel, positive and negative, reinforces the construct, fills the void and keep The Creature at bay.

One cannot rest for these pieces dissipate and melt away through time. The Creature picks at them, claws at them, raking through them. Your treacherous criticism punches massive great holes in them allowing the mocking howls of The Creature to echo to me. See now why we hate criticism so vehemently?

Fuel fills the void. Fuel creates the construct.

The fastest way to gather fuel is to show you what you want to see for then you will pour forth with your love, your delight, your admiration and your appreciation. Marvellous, edifying and filling is your fuel. If I show you the very thing that you want to see, namely yourself, you will give me this fuel more readily, with such potency, often and in huge amounts. I have not time to build something of substance for you to fall in love with, to admire and desire. I must create it with due expedience and what better way than to use that which already exists, namely you. Thus, I show you yourself through my mirror and you fall for that image believing it to be me, believing it to be my essence and substance.

You do not realise that you are seeking yourself and indeed you do not see yourself when I mirror you back at yourself. You are conned by my fakery into thinking that it is my substance that you see and it dazzles and enchants you. I care not. So long as you are providing me with that fuel, I will hold up that mirror to you and let you fall in love with yourself. It is an artifice, a fabrication and fakery but it is necessary.

I give you what you want. It is not real but it seems so real to you and thus your responses are in fact real. The delicious fuel flows and I want you to pour it into me, filling me up, creating a barrier of salvation between me and the Creature as you are chief architect in the plans to frustrate and defeat his attempt to dethrone me.

This is why when you are installed as primary source and your wonderful fuel flows you truly are everything that matters to us.

You are our salvation and if holding a mirror up to achieve this salvation is what must be done, then it will be done.

35 thoughts on “The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 2

  1. Indy says:

    “….oh he will wail and protest”….
    When was the last time you heard it wail?
    What does it say?
    Yes, I know, boook, boook, please a little nibble?

  2. Maria says:

    Which of your books have more information on this subject? Thanks

    1. HG Tudor says:

      On which subject Maria?

      1. Maria says:

        The creature, the void,why you need fuel

    2. catlady2468 says:

      Fuel goes further into this

      1. Maria says:

        Thank you!

  3. K says:

    If I ever get my hands on the Creature, I am gonna choke the living shit out of him!

  4. Jane Hall says:

    I feel this is almost Spiritual. HG do you think that you could have this void filled by God? I only ask because my husband did improve vastly when he prayed and asked God to fill that emptiness. That said he is still struggling with things. But, you know God as our Creator can surely fill that empty feeling with his light and his truth. And as the good book says “The truth will set you free”. What do you think?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No I do not Jane.

  5. Mona says:

    Anne, that could be different from narc to narc. But we will see… what this creature is. Is it only a mind construct (literally) or is it living in him in his mind.

  6. Anne says:

    This creature that lurks within must be hard to keep at bay. He must consume you. I do not agree that this is any kind of mental illness. I can understand why you would have to keep gaining fuel to keep the horrific emptiness from consuming you. But his ugly nature is always lurking. We are just food to make you feel better about the evil that engulfs you. But he peaks his ugly head out to inflick pain on those who are made of light. I’ve seen it, rages that where frightening. His voice changed, his anger out of control, his eye’s empty. Cold, scary, Mr Hyde showing his true self. And knowing all of this, I’m still sad that the part i thought was love is a impossibility. Discarded, then coming back, then again, i love you, i wanna make it work, and in one day, we are done. And just when i was good without him, he pulls me apart again. No more! Every time I’m disgarded, or disengage, he always erupts on someone else. That creature can find new food.

  7. onlynow says:

    Wow. This opened up a lot for me. As a super empath, I can feel burdened with how naturally I feel what others are experiencing, even if they are not aware of it themselves. So, enter mid-range narc, my first relationship post-divorce (21-year marriage with a normal man who became selfish and self-centered over time with my help). I was a dry sponge…parched really. This man soaked me with a mirror of who I was thirsty to be, and at the time, appeared to be my dream come true. I anointed him as the reason I had been through the dissolution of my marriage (no pressure though!). So this writing is poignant on many levels – most notably that at any particular time I could be authoring much of your post. I felt empty, I wanted to be protected, I was running from something. I felt like a willing participant, even a co-conspirator at times.
    It was a fascinating dance (now that it is over a year since any contact and the relationship lasted a short albeit intense 5 months) and I see my role clearly. I saw how I wove myself into his life so I would become indispensable. And then seemingly without provocation, I was dispensed. It was in that dark place that I once again had a choice: to die or to dissect my own demons to see what they were feeding on. And, in the words of Dr. Phil, time heals nothing unless you’re doing the work to heal, and that’s what I continue to do. I first had to own my part of the relationship. Please know that I didn’t suffer any physical or overtly emotional abuse so I am not discounting the truly traumatic experience of others. For me, this post opened up a new layer of how I showed up ready to play a role I didn’t know until HG’s enlightenment for which I was perfectly primed.

  8. Mona says:

    I really believe, that you believe in this creature, it is part of your reality.
    It must have been created by your brain long time before. It is sad, that you cannot destroy this creature. I do not think any longer, that it is your inner child, that you neglect. It is something else. So sad and so crazy.

  9. Natalie Rand says:

    This makes me feel so sad for you. I can’t imagine the terror you must feel. This discription makes me want to love you all the more 💔

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No terror.

    2. Fiona says:

      My point exactly.

  10. Lisa says:

    HG I know you are not really concerned about why you are the way you are.
    However from your knowledge of observing all types of narcissists and your own story plus information from doctors , do you think it’s nature or nurture ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      As stated before Lisa, I regard it as a combination of genetic predisposition with the layering of nurture.

      1. Lisa says:

        I’m glad you’ve said that because that’s what I think

        1. HG Tudor says:

          We have so much in common Lisa!

          1. Lisa says:

            We certainly do HG !!
            Do you think I’m a narcissist ?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            No you are not a narcissist.

  11. Fiona says:

    Hence should we have sympathy for the narc? Agreed, it is important to understand their (your) motivations in order to recognise and mitigate impact of behaviours. But allowing this thinking in, sets up a sympathy response in the empath. How can the empath manage this internal dissonance?

    1. Indy says:

      Great point, Fiona. It is this that kept me bound to my exes. I saw the wounded child in the man and wanted to rescue the child. I know now I must not, though you are correct, it is so hard when we know that they were wounded too.

  12. Lisa says:

    HG thank you for reposting this about the creature , I didn’t know about this one . I do go through and try to read all posts but I wouldn’t have seared that name for that one . This does explain the creature a bit more and I’ve just read all the comments on the older post. I still want to read the book though so can you hurry up with that please 😜
    Can I just ask a couple of questions while I’m waiting for the book
    Is the creature weak and that’s why it has to be hidden ?
    Or
    Is the creature really evil and it has to be hidden due to the facade ?
    My narcissist said to me that he is just an empty shell there’s nothing there

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The book will answer your questions.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Is it fair to say that it is where the childhood shame resides?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Do you mean, does childhood shame reside with The Creature? Yes, along with many other things best left locked away.

  13. Jody Allen says:

    If it is myself that I, in fact, fall in love with…am I not then a Narcissist?

  14. Diva says:

    Why is it that you can understand “us” so well yet we can not truly understand you?………this article is crystal clear but I cannot truly fathom it……maybe my mind can not go there…….I can’t watch even 5 seconds of a horror movie, from behind a cushion…..this is the closest I have been to one…..whilst knowing about it……..

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Because I have spent years analysing your kind so I have become the Ultra.

      1. Tappan Zee says:

        THATS it. I could not articulate what made me feel so validated by all this invalidation. YOU are an expert on US. Collateral damage (of others) helps us. Sort of like war. Some have to die for the greater good. Of course I feel “bad” (empathy) about that but GOOD that their loss is my gain. Your (kind) which is not so kind to us… ironically due to this: YOU help us.Thankyou. And fuck your kind. Haha. It’s so diabolical.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed I am.

  15. HG Tudor's #1 fan says:

    Sad but true.

  16. Crystal says:

    You are soul wounded. You have nothing to fear. I believe God will show you great mercy.

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