Come One Come All

 come-one-come-all

My kind need people. We do not like to admit it as the suggestion of reliance on somebody else brings with it connotations of weakness and this dents our sense of omnipotence. It is however an inescapable fact. We do not like it and indeed this is in part the thing which drives our devaluing behaviour. I need other people because I need to gather fuel from those people through their emotional responses to me. I am often asked and sometimes lambasted for it, whether I obtain fuel from my writing and interaction with those who comment on it, asking questions and advancing their own experiences and theories. I freely admit I do so but emphasise that since all of those who I interact with are remote strangers then in accordance with the fuel index, the amount of fuel that I receive is very low. Nevertheless, it is naturally welcome and I am far more content to receive it than not. The receipt of this fuel though is not the driving force behind why I write and share my experiences, observations and increasing awareness. The receipt of fuel is neither the key reason why I interact with the many people who take the time to comment and question me. I interact with my readers because I gain by exhibiting my works to them. I interact because I learn from my readers, by understanding their views, their responses and their desires. I interact because they can learn from me and the dissemination of my knowledge is a powerful sensation indeed. I interact because I find the questions posed often challenging, invariably interesting and stimulating. I interact because I am interested in the lives and experiences of those who have found themselves participating with me. I also often find them entertaining and humorous too. Through my writing and the almost daily interaction with these people I have also come to recognise that these people fall in to particular groups. I have observed this repeatedly and I wanted to share this observation with you. You may recognise people belonging to these groups and have your own views about that inclusion. You may indeed recognise which group you belong to and quite possibly further categorisations which have not yet occurred to me. I would be interested to know. So, what are these groups?

  1. The Angered

Admittedly not a large group, but there are those who present full of anger and hatred, either towards my kind and even me specifically even though we have never met. Of course, I am representative of my kind, albeit a superior version and therefore it is to be expected that I would take some flak for this. I understand how badly people have been hurt and abused by my kind and therefore this anger is entirely natural. I have no issue whatsoever in people telling me what a bastard I am, that they would like to punch me in the mouth or that I should be taken out and shot. If people wish to vent their spleen in such a fashion, they should feel free to do so. They may feel better about it and of course it is just fuel to me.

  1. The Confused

There are those who are completely bewildered by what has happened and this state persists for some time, despite the explanations that I provide and the clarity through which I articulate these explanations. That is not to suggest that these people are thick or stupid, far from it, but is in fact testament to just how confusing, disorientating and perplexing our behaviour can be. Many people in this group cannot fathom out how our kind can be as we are and moreover how we cannot know what we are. It is pleasing to watch as the understanding suddenly forms over time, as the pieces fit together and the whole narcissistic experience begins to make sense. I often find that it is when those people begin to realise that they have to adopt our perspective in order to gain understanding. That is often the breakthrough moment

  1. The Answer Seeker

This group embodies one of the fundamental traits of empathic people; the need to know and understand. Question after question is posed, usually based on their own experiences in order to assist them in fathoming out what type of narcissist this person became entangled with, why the narcissist did as he did and what can be expected to happen next. Occasionally, this group may pose questions which are hypothetical but in the main the repeated and valid asking of questions is premised on what has happened to them.

  1. The Sponge

This group comprises of Answer Seekers but goes beyond this. They wish to know and understand everything there is to know about the narcissistic experience. They need to understand what happened to them but also find considerable interest in the experience of others and then applying their new found knowledge to unravelling the mysteries of the tales from other people. This group cannot get enough of the knowledge and understanding, they wish to examine every facet of narcissism, whether it is from the victim’s perspective or that of the narcissist. They need to know why, how and what. These people soak up all this knowledge and do so with a healthy understanding of their tolerance to do so as they place understanding above emotional response.

  1. The Burnt Victim

This group consists of people who find the whole entanglement with the narcissist still very raw. They may not be confused as they know what they have been ensnared by and they are beginning to understand the essentials of what has happened and why. Moments come when the content is difficult to stomach, the wounds still raw and painful and this may result in occasional absences, yet, the desire to have those wounds heal and push through the pain with commendable bravery sees these people pressing on with their interaction and understanding, no matter how much it continues to hurt.

  1. The Narcissists

As one might expect, my work will attract those who are of my kind and those who perhaps are not quite narcissists but have strong traits in that regard. These people recognise what they are and are content to share this as well as learn more about themselves by reading the words of one of their own. Occasionally they bristle and raise their hackles, once in a while lashing out, leaving others in no doubt as to what they are, but invariably they recognise my arena as a place of knowledge and learning and are content to engage in that as the primary purpose.

  1. The Unwitting Narcissists

From time to time this very small group has a membership when one of our kind wanders by and repeatedly exhibits all the traits which demonstrate that they are one of our kind, but they do not see it. Indeed, their blame-shifting, projection and deflection are manifestly obvious, but not to them for they have no insight. It is not in accordance with the five rules for me to tell them what they are, but I always recognise my kind when they alight here and from time to time they do.

  1. The Introspectives

This group comprises those who wish to learn about the narcissistic experience, ask questions and soak up the knowledge but in doing so, the experience is as much learning about my kind as understanding what they are and why they became entangled or keep becoming entangled. These people see the benefit of beginning to understand themselves by understanding the behaviour of their tormentor and are keen to grasp what it is about them, their behaviour, their past and their characteristics which influences their choices.

  1. The Staters of the Obvious

This group, which is small, consists of those who seem to believe that they have to tell me what I am. I do not include those who advance an idea or theory in a respectful manner based on their own experience and understanding. It is evident when somebody is doing that and such a constructive approach is always welcomed. The Staters of the Obvious have a tendency to tell me what I already know, do so in a derogatory fashion and make it appear as if it is some major revelation to me. For instance, they may announce,

“Your kind are just all spoilt children and you will never be happy.”

Thanks for that. That is illuminating.

Or I am advised,

“You are just a fucking waste of space and karma will get you because you are empty and evil.”

Glad we cleared that up then.

It is of course fuel and many who engage in this do so not because they are angry but because they believe they understand what I am more than I do myself. They are incorrect. This often happens when someone comes across my material for the first time and races to such injudicious pronouncements without digesting more of my work which will soon reveal to them that my level of awareness is considerable. I do find that those individuals flare up and vanish very quickly when the bite they are hoping for does not come. It is easy to play with such people and I could amuse myself by doing so, working them up into a frenzy as they unwittingly realise they are pouring fuel in my direction but that is not a productive use of my time.

  1. On the Up

This group consists of those who are recovering and supplementing their recovery with additional knowledge and understanding. They have a clear direction of where they are going and in typical empathic style they wish to share their experiences and help others. This is not done in a bragging manner (see the group below) and it is not expressed so it is “all about them” but is rather done from the purpose of giving encouragement and inspiring others that there is a way forward and a path through the pain. This group are keen to detail constructively what has worked for them and what has not. Their recollections are often under-stated, modest and sensible.

  1. Point to Prove

By contrast to the above group, those members in this small group feel the need to repeatedly declare how much of a champion they are for surviving. Indeed, I understand the pride which must come to the fore after having suffered horrendously and then having moved forward, but the frequent need to shout this from the rooftops tends to suggest to me that the progress is not as great or a secure as they would like others to believe. Indeed, I often regard those in this group, as compared to those above, as being more in it for themselves and do it more to bash and bait my kind, rather than truly revel in the advancement of their own recovery and those of their fellow victims.

  1. The Weaponising Empath

This group is one of the larger, if not the largest group I find I am interacting with. It consists of people who realise that they have access to a unique resource which they can use repeatedly to help themselves by understanding. They know they can ask questions, read as much or as little as they require, they frame considered and respectful questions and do so in order to understand, to acquire knowledge, to defend themselves and to enable them to tackle the effects and influence of the narcissist or narcissists in their life. The members of this group recognise that they can gain far more by engaging with me than seeking to point score, but that does not mean they will necessarily accept everything that is stated with querying or even challenging it. They adopt an open-minded approach to the ongoing process that they find themselves a part of and are enthusiastic in being able to avail themselves of a rare and unusual source of knowledge. They are able to put to one side any distaste they may have at “fraternising with the enemy” by reason of their empathic nature (they recognise what has happened to my kind as well) and the fact they know they stand far more to gain by extracting knowledge and observation than by engaging in a bun fight. Many appear within this group from the start and others gravitate towards it during their interaction with me. It is a beneficial and rewarding group for its members and for me as well.

Do any of these groups seem familiar to you? Perhaps there are others I have missed. Perhaps you identify which one you belong to. I would be interested to read your observations.

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72 thoughts on “Come One Come All”

  1. I weaponized by gaining knowledge. The Art of War. Know thy enemy. Study weaknesses to have a superior defense in order to counter against them.

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  2. I see myself in #8 as I would truly like to find out why I keep attracting and am attracted to your kind.(I didn’t realize there had been so many in my life until I started reading about them. I never knew there was a name for your kind, I just thought you were mean) I also feel I am in group #12 – all that is said here resonates with me.

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  3. I think I’m a #12. Having run into 2 in the last 6 months, first understanding I’m a tested INFJ Empath, and then stumbling onto your site, it’s helped me to tremendously turn the tables and discard them prior to the other way around, and infuriate them, while I do not care in the least. Thank you.

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  4. This is a good one. All these groups cover the majority of the commenters here, except for ISEEYOU. Since finding you in March, I feel like I have made it into # 12 after spending some time in #s 4, 8, 10.

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      1. Fo’shizzle! There have been bumps, reversals and baby steps but what the hell; I am just gonna go with it now and see where it takes me. It has been an eye opening experience though!

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  5. Interesting and enlightening HG! Thank you!

    My quest for Narcissistic knowledge started shortly after my Nex disengaged from me 8 months ago. My research lead me to HG’s YouTube videos (the best Narcissism info on YT) then to Narcsite, Facebook and finally, HG’s books.

    I believe my journey has landed me in many of the above groups as I absorbed, learned and grew from HG’s media and the interaction with HG and the others here. I am so grateful for this community!

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  6. I really love this article . So grateful for the knowledge you provide HG , and to be part of a great community filled with such great people:) thank u once again.

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  7. What a great article ..trying to find myself in it .I think i am a few different groups at the moment but learning all the time.

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  8. I know I’m 2, 3 and 4. I had no idea people like this existed until just right before my relationship ended recently. It hurts but fascinating to me now. I knew the discard was going to happen and how it would happen before it happened due to this site. I still don’t want to believe it but everything that happened was in lockstep to what I have been reading here. You are an MF’er but man great insight!

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  9. I see myself in 3,4,8, and 12. Some of the other stages I have gone through, such as raw and confused, but that was long ago. I want others to understand what this is all about too. There is so much more to it. HG, have your researched the jezebel spirit as it relates to narcissism? One cannot argue the similarities.

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  10. Hi. An enjoyable read.
    I recall I dived in the deep end with your blog, HG,. I didn’t introduce myself, I just wrote a comment. It’s fair to say I’ve been angry in some of my comments, although never rude, but I’m very much the sponge; like a dog with a bone, I research every angle of a complex and cruel mindset, and I’m still learning thanks to narc literature and your insightful blogs.
    I’m now at the stage where I am learning about myself. I have a good knowledge as to why I attract Narcs, but I need to change that and I’m working on it.
    I’m aware I have never sympathised with your condition, HG and I probably never will. I can empathise, however. I had a very similar upbringing to my narc but I chose to hang on to my empath traits while he decided bullying tactics and gaslighting was the way forward. I’m not ready yet to forgive any narcs and that includes you HG, but I thank you all the same for your patience and consideration and I respect you for that. (Btw, I like all the commenters, even ISeeYou had something to say in her painful, muddled way).

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    1. You’re welcome and your observation about other commenters is why I allow some but not all posts through so people can see the different elements of the dynamic through the behaviour of other people

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  11. I definitely arrived on this site as a rampant No 1! However, your work has been instrumental in my healing/recovery and has seen me evolve through the burnt out rage and hatred to a dichotomous No 4 / No 12. Thank you HG 😊

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  12. I can see myself progress through #3,4,5 and especiality #12. I understand why some would get in line to slap your face, not me. The Knowledge is power. Thanks.

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    1. I did slap my Ex N’s face after he called me “sick” several times. “You’re sick, you’re just sick”… he kept repeating over and over. After I had kept my cool for so long during the argument, I finally gave him fair warning not to call me that again or I would slap him in the face. He did, so I did too. It was probably the first face-slap he ever got. He walked out of the house, drove away… and then drove back within minutes because ‘he just couldn’t stay away from me, he didn’t know what to do’…. Who is the sick one (besides me for putting up with his stupid behavior)?

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      1. Wow, you’re very lucky, Lori. I slapped my exhusband once in an argument. Only time he ever hit me. Took his fist and cold cocked me to the floor. Had a black eye for days. Needless to say, I never did that again.

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  13. Ha, ha! Easy to label me on this one! I’m an introspective, answer-seeking sponge!! In every aspect of my life – not just here.

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  14. Wow HG, you truly categorize everything…even your own readers! 😀

    On one hand, making systems like these definitely helps when trying to understand and predict human behavior. The flip side is they can be a bit objectifying and slowly reduce human beings into being seen as a set of statistics.

    Given what I’ve learned here about narcissism and about you, I theorize you create these categories for both reasons. 🙂

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  15. I’m lost I don’t see my self as an empath I wonder if I’m a narc I have a strong anger when I hear of social injustices and I know I don’t see myself as superior to anyone just the opposite but I would never go out of my way to help anyone I see myself in some of those categories but I’m starting to think I’m actually a narc

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  16. Having a better understanding of my abusers has been catalyst for my acceptance, but I have a very long way to go. I am triggered by any number of occurrences on a weekly basis . I don’t truly believe that I will ever be normal ever again. I will always be looking over my shoulder and fearful. I will never let anyone be close to me again. I do commend you on all of your hard work on this matter and hope that one day someone breaks through your ice cold interior, but it isn’t likely. You are quite fortunate in the fact that you don’t feel ANYTHING .. It means that you will always flourish.

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    1. I empathise with what you are experiencing. Have you been evaluated for Complex PTSD? As a result of my connection with a narcissistic father, combined with a borderline mother, I have now learned that I have got complex PTSD. I will now get treatment for it, so I feel hopeful that my fear of middle aged men, my triggers and emotional flashbacks will be disappear.

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  17. The Golden Vaginas
    Those who are sure that if their gravatar is sexy and they fawn enough, HG will gravitate to the golden light emanating from their vagina, commit to its power, and be cured. He has never met anyone like them before. He will want to meet with them in real life and he will never be mean to them and they marry and live happily ever after.

    The Cliff Notes
    Their time is too valuable to actually read the articles so they will read only the title and then pepper HG with questions that were fully explained in the article had they read it.

    The Only Child
    They cannot comprehend why their question was not answered immediately. They are sure that this egregious error has occurred because it has been lost or overlooked and not just awaiting moderation. They are so used to having their way (and immediately) that it is lost on them that they are requesting this from a Narcissist.

    The Illuminators
    They will trump us all by asking the question that no one has asked before. They will bask in the spotlight once HG has replied that yes, he receives a minute quantity of fuel from the blog. They will smile grandly and nod their head all around pleased that they have illuminated the rest of us (who are staring ahead blankly to the sound of crickets).

    The Seagulls
    Flies in and shits all over the place, then flies off-likely (and hopefully) never to be seen again.

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    1. NarcAngel

      I stopped after reading the first…..I am stuck on the HG will have to met them in real life, marry and never be mean to them. Nothing brings out the competitive spirit in many women then a man that cannot be conquered.

      On a different note How are you doing NarcAngel?

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    2. That was very good…..made me laugh out loud…….have to go though…..I am really busy cleaning up my shit and where the hell is that gold paint when you need it!!! Glad to see you back.

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    3. Wow, this was so funny to read! 😀 You have a great sense of humor, NA!

      There was that nagging bit of insecurity after I finished laughing though…the “None of these apply to me…right? My questions really are interesting and not obvious…um, right?” 😀

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      1. June

        Haha no. These are usually people I have observed to wander in and out over time not bothering to get a feel for the place. Not regular readers or contributors.

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    4. Now that is my Narc Angel. You don’t mind I call you mine do you? Again your wit and charm has me wishing I walked on the other side. We can be buds and travel around and play with all the fun guys out there if you want.

      My favorite every time.

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      1. AHOH
        Haha. Im all yours and what a prize! Do you remember our first conversation? It didnt start off so well but we were direct and sorted it without emotion and here we still are. Still laughing at your new pic.

        (Christ I hope you dont change it back before this posts or we’ll have to start all over lol).

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    5. NA, got to give you props on that list. See… this is why you can’t ever leave here. I swear there is a drinking game that can tie in with fuel question by the Illuminators…

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      1. Clarece, you cannot promote such binge-drinking, besides how will the residents of certain counties in Kentucky join in?

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      2. How kind of you to be concerned, HG, but no need to worry about us. We Kentuckians have always known how to circumvent unwanted interference in our lives by the government. Binge drinking is alive and well here!

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      3. Cognitive works for me. I have always appreciated it more because it is a deliberate choice, not just instinctive. While the very best responses are usually a combination of both, often it’s the cognitive that results in the most good.

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  18. I’m still searching, always reading on the fly, trying to understand more. Unsure where I fit in and still feeling my way. I didn’t realize that your site was the support forum that it is and didn’t introduce myself or take the time to meet others but I learn much by reading the experiences of others. They say that one should never minimize the abuse they’ve suffered, but when reading some of the horrible things others have gone through, it helps to make my own experiences seem mild by comparison. To feel stronger, to not feel like a victim, to see others vent in either compassion, humor, anger, disgust. To understand I’m not crazy. 🙂 I’m recovering, getting stronger, but any given day there comes a challenge or a trigger to make me question what I’m doing. Or to question the why of it all. I don’t demonize the narcissist anymore. I’ve faced the monster and still have compassion, understanding unique traumas have shaped both the narcissist and the codependent. But when I found myself studying empathic confrontation, schema therapy, etc your work began to draw my interest. Wanting the narcissist’s perspective. You’ve also taught me more about the behavior of the empath which needs to be my focus. I’ve observed that the “stronger” I become, the narcissists I still deal with become better behaved by the day. But you taught me not to trust that. It’s a false sense of security, and I know from past experience if ever lured back in, the punishment is more severe the next time. Your work has been life saving, and I cannot thank you enough.

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  19. It keeps changing – but I’m mainly bewildered arsonist victim at the moment.

    I see what you’re doing there, HG. You’ve given Weaponising Empaths the best category name and best description so we desire to be herded into that category. Gladly when I get to that stage, eventually. 😊

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  20. I have no clue where i fit, lol! Since i found this site my emotions have been all over. From anger, to tears, seeking understanding of what just happened. Thankful for you sharing, it’s helped me at least understand. Wish i didn’t have to. Been exposed to some of the most horrific emotional abuse. He appears hear and there still, just to tear me apart with cruel tests, silent treatments, and a new punch in the gut.

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  21. Think I’m somewhere between introspective and weaponising .
    Probably started off as burnt victim sponge, but since finding your blog and YouTube haven’t sought out other sources of info and have moved on from the anger and confusion.
    I’m certainly always introspective, but thanks to you definitely feel weaponised and educated.

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  22. Good morning, HG. All good classifications on those who frequent your blogs. I, myself would be a ‘Weaponizing Empath’ although, the adjective selected comes off a bit severe. Empowering, may seem more apropos? Question: I’ve often heard that narcissists lack the ability to have self-introspection/insight, yet you seem to keenly have this ability? Is this attributed to you being sociopathic? Does your status as a Great allow you to do this? Slowly but surely, I am getting over my narcissist (the man w/ two young children as I’ve written before that I believe is truly gay but is still in hiding about it). Through your blogs, I’m able to better accept the very nature of what he is and thus to let go. My empathic nature still holds me back not to mention the cognitive dissonance that all victims endure. The level of detail and secret depth of topic which your write about is astounding. I often ask myself, ‘How could he possibly know?’ But oh, how do you love reading those words, don’t you? And no, I would not dare presume know what you may be thinking. But I suppose I just did. At any rate, I again just wanted to thank you for assisting me and others in our quest for knowledge, to better understand the minds of your kind. Do you know what I wish more than anything for my ex-narc? That he would know and thusly admit to himself what he is. Through your literature, I have pegged him to be in between the Lesser and Mid-Range. I suppose that if I knew he knew what he is, then it would somehow make it all less painful…

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    1. You are welcome. It is the case that most narcissists are Lesser or Mid Range and thus have no insight. Greaters do have insight, although Greaters are far rarer.
      Your desire for your narcissist to have some insight is an entirely common response but alack alas not one which will ever meet with satisfaction.

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  23. I honestly don’t know what I am, other than to say I ask loads of questions . I’ve been like this since I was about 3, my mum always says I should have been an interrogator ha ha . I’ve always been really interested in psychology and journalism so I think it’s a combination of that and whatever my personality type is . I am a giver not a taker and this is to my detriment as I actually feel more comfortable giving than receiving , I have no idea what that means , but it’s certainly a problem with romantic relationships . Having had this relationship with this one and only narc that I’ve had a romantic relationship with has some how led me here and I know I’m a pain in the ass to HG with my questions . It’s been an education and continues to be so and it’s saved me from continuing in a hopeless relationship as I know there is no hope . I think I would spot another N thanks to HG and even if not straight away certainly I would see it pretty quick and not beat myself up over it and not continue to invest time and emotion in it. It’s taught me that I have encountered many N’ s in my life , in the work place and various other areas and didn’t realise it. I would never be rude or argue with anyone on this blog , I don’t see the point and I don’t really like to see other women doing this to each other on here. But each to their own. I am cheeky with HG sometimes but he can take it and I have the same dry sarcastic sense of humour so it makes me laugh . I continue to learn and am grateful for HG’s tolerance

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  24. This is a fascinating read, HG! It’s helpful to see that we all had certain reasons for coming initially, and how some of those have changed over time. I started out in categories 2, 4 and 5 and see myself more 12 now, though 4 still fits and always will.

    It says a lot that your blog holds its readers once we are beyond the emotional crisis that initially brings us here, or at least it has for me. That is because of the quality of your insight and as well as the support shared between commenters. I feel very fortunate to have found this resource just as I was struggling with going no contact.

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  25. It is interesting to read about how you view and divide into groups the people who write to you. I aso see patterns in everything around, so it is something I as well would do if I had such a website. I think you have forgotten one group, though I am not sure whether I should call it “The naive ones” or the “The flirty ones” ? I am thinking about the ones who, for example, write: “You seem so nice. I don’t understand how you can be a narcissist?”
    Best regards

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  26. I could be any and all of the above depending on the mood and what is being discussed. I’m obviously not “normal” because if I was I wouldn’t even be here.

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  27. I think I am an angry, confused, introspective, answer seeking, weaponising empath. I am on the up, with a point to prove, although sometimes I just feel like a burnt victim. I sometimes state the obvious and sometimes I believe I am an unwitting narcissist or do I mean narcissist? No matter which of the above is true…..I know this much…..I am soaking up this blog like a dry sponge………… and if there had been a “crazy” group……I would have definitely belonged in there too. Diva

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  28. I’ve definitely been a few 1 to 10 but now because of your work HG I’m definitely a 10 & 12 now, thank you so much, it’s been an extremely painful experience.

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  29. Think I’m 1,2,3,4,5, depending on how I’m feeling!
    Not angry at you HG or your kind as such but definitely angry at Narchole and still confused as to why he does what he does. Would like to seek answers from him but that is a pointless pursuit because he will not admit the truth of what he is or what he does or why. But might be fun to see how he responds to questioning.

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  30. In the six + years, I’d say I’ve fallen in all categories. Is that possible? Then as i read, some of the descriptions are guite *eye opening (somewhat narc like) ! I keep trying to Stay On Top, not research so much, stay positive & …Win….?? 🙂

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  31. NarcAngel, I loved your post!You have such an amazing ability to cut through the bs and read people for who they really are. You have a very organized and methodical way of thinking. Plus ,tho sometimes the truth hurts, your delivery always makes me laugh out loud, as well as really making me stop and think logically rather than from an emotional standpoint:)

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    1. Star
      Thank you thats very kind. Though it sometimes does hurt and Im occasionally slammed for using it, I think logic is the best route to zero impact.

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  32. I was confused. Now, i’m an answer seeker, sponge, and introspective – i think. I don’t believe i’m a weaponising empath because i don’t hate my narc nor wish to be weaponised against him. I do try to protect myself these days, but that is not my main goal. I just want to understand him. I feel sorry for him. I feel bad that he has to live a life with npd.

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  33. I’ve been all of these except insulting to Mr. Tudor. I’m drawn to narcissists, but what Mr. Tudor has taught me is how to spot and avoid them in real life.

    My quest for knowledge about the man with whom I became involved for five years began on Quora, where psychopathy and narcissism is discussed extensively. I began to spot symptoms of x-narc’s personality and behavior there, which led me to more online research. I discovered Sam Vankin, among the many sites run by victims of narcissists.

    I was fascinated and at the same time repulsed by these personality disorders. The more I watched the more I was convinced that I had been victimized, used, propped up, and then dumped by a narcissist, who is possibly also a psychopath.

    Long story short, I eventually ran into HG Tudor the Great on YouTube. He personified the charming gilded-tongued narcissist who entrapped me. I fell asleep listening to his voice, becoming hypnotized by what I regarded as an extremely confident man who just didn’t give a fuck!

    Even though I was repulsed, I admired that aspect of his personality and wished that I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude for myself. I was filled with bravado! I can be like that. Fuck x-narc! He didn’t use me; I used him!!

    Then I discovered this blog. Seeing the words in black-and-white literally broke me down and made me realize that there was nothing glamorous about narcissism and psychopathy.

    I was wallowing in pain and hurt and betrayal. I just wanted the pain to stop. My relationship with x-narc was sexual, but I was in denial. I had developed feelings that I didn’t want to admit. I reached out to x-narc, who always answered.

    I was torn between wanting revenge and wanting him back.

    That pain pushed me to post here, looking for a quick fix. I wanted to feel better now! The emotional pain was the equivalent of someone whose chest was cut open, bleeding out. Mr. Tudor advised me otherwise. He told me it would take discipline and knowledge and suggested books like Fuel and Exorsism. For me, HG was a lifeline. I read, I’m pretty sure, all of his books. I began to see him as a savior who showed me the true nature of the man behind the curtain. My wound was closing.

    But WHY was I STILL attracted to the narcissistic personality? Likening it to a recovering drug addict, who still desires to use, but had learned that drugs had the power to lead him to total destruction, I healed even more. I know now that I want to find real love, of which a narcissist is incapable.

    I want to overcome even the desire for narc, but I was conditioned as a child to conflate love and abuse and only intense therapy will help me to do that.

    Until the desire disappears (and I’m sure it will with continued abstinence and therapy), I’ll continue to go to DBT classes, to read and re-read Mr. Tudor’s books, listen to his audio, learn from other, more knowledgeable posters at narcsite, be extremely grateful for this forum, and safely flirt with Mr. Tudor the Great. Muah!

    😟

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