12 thoughts on “Little Acons – No. 53”

  1. When I was about 14 or 15, my mum read my entire diary. She didn’t even think anything was wrong with that because “I need to know what’s going on”. I wasn’t one of those problematic kids, so there definitely wasn’t anything she needed to know. Then she recited from my diary for years, so that various people knew various things that were never meant to be read/seen/known by anyone. I wished the ground wound swallow me up.

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    1. A parent justifying themselves with the “need to know” is one thing, but repeatedly embarrassing you in such a way is truly despicable. I imagine she went on to feel quite amused with herself after making these devastating attacks on your soul. Feel for you!

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      1. I’m still not sure about mum, I don’t know if she felt amused with herself or if she simply lacks the ability to understand how wrong it was and how much she embarrassed me.
        My older sister got a diary from mum once, this was before she read mine. My sister thought it was weird that the diary came with only one key since they always come with two. Of course that was because mum kept one of the keys.

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    2. Anonymous
      WTF! That was shitty. Sorry she did that to you. I am still amazed by what these people will do for fuel/control, even though I know why they do it.

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      1. My mother did a lot of shitty things. I wasn’t aware of this for the longest time because it was normal to me. She’s still very controlling. The other day I was out late and she somehow knew and ended up calling me saying “in these days, women don’t stay out late”. By these days she means terrorism. But I live in a safe country. And…I’m 40. FML.

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      2. Certainly sounds like premeditation, keeping one of the keys. Seems she’d figured out a way to know the inner thoughts, feelings, and possible secrets of her children, while circumventing their desire to keep some things private. What do you think H.G.? Do you think a mother doing this lacks the ability to understand how wrong, and embarrassing this is? Or do you think they feel they have every right to do this, since it’s their child? And do you think they would use this info simply to attack at random, or save it to use in a passive aggressive way? Such as in retaliation for the child possibly paying too much attention to another mother, or not getting a good grade, or not cleaning their room as obsessively as she would have liked, etc…? And do they ever do this sort of thing to their golden children, or just their scapegoats?
        Sorry, maybe too many questions. I imagine you won’t bother to answer them unless you feel like it. : )

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      3. Keeping a key to a diary in this way Rubies is a clear indicator of :-

        1. A sense of entitlement;
        2. Lack of boundary recognition;
        3. Lack of accountability;
        4. The gathering of information which we regard as crucial.

        I should imagine that a healthy parent would recognise their child’s need to journal and record their hopes, fears, feelings etc and respect their privacy no matter how tempting it would be to read.
        I would regard this act as not so much obtaining the information and using against the child (although that is always a possibility) but rather it is the control exerted “I am a key holder, so remember I am the one in control” and the threat of reading which will be used to ensure compliance.
        Of course, thinking it through, since the child recognises that a key was missing then they realise there is a risk of the parent reading what they write, so therefore the child is unlikely to write anything personal in that particular diary.

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  2. Been so ignorant to the fact that my own loving mother have turned into a N? Can that be the case? Very good childhood and strong family ties but since the trauma she has turned into a monster!
    Interfering, commenting and even bugging me regarding anything I post on-line and now a freaking silent treatment?!?!
    WTF happened?
    The things she said to me since I moved out .. in bed traumatized!
    – maybe he got feed up with you?
    – he is probably back with his ex
    – you have had a vacation for two years (that is what she called my sickness and that I was suicidal for so long, rehab)
    – want to control and rule ..
    So I don’t take crap from anyone after the ass of a man… therefore she is now giving me the ST… I simply told her to not interfere in my life, don’t comment stupid things on fb or Instagram or I would have her removed! She could not .. so I did the worst thing in her mind .. I removed her!
    She’s always been controlling and I have never been good enough (despite my degree, my excellent work record etc)
    It’s madness … pure madness and I’m not putting up with more crazy people in my life EVER.. even my own mother l!!!

    – opened all my mail while living at home
    – want to know who called and why
    – called every day to tell me about the terrible weather … disasters etc.
    – always finding problems or bad things
    – how I’m able to keep my son alive is a mystery to her!!!

    You’d think she would be happy for me finding a home again… nope it’s to small, to close to the water (my son would drown … despite excellent swimmer), winter is going to be terrible by the water, too expensive … damn!!

    So it’s all or nothing with her! Tried to reason and explain. Explained triggers, sickness, my feelings and my wishes … totally ignore it! I was away from Instagram for one year and I told her many times it’s a trigger for me… she puts the phone right in my face to shown me how my cousin just bought a fantastic house and how happy SHE is!!

    So now I’m gray rock with my own mom! Can’t take it anymore

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  3. Yes, no matter how hurtful, how embarrassing, how soul-crushing, it’s always for our own good. And if they’re midrangers or lowers, they may actually believe it.

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  4. All the time!!

    A recent incident was when my cell phone’s battery died so I couldn’t call my father at the time I do every day from college. I knew he was going to be angry, so I ran back to my room to plug my phone in.

    When I got there, my roommate told me that my father had just called HER to tell her to tell me to call. It was even more awkward because my roommate had no idea how he’d gotten her number, nor did I…apparently he had gotten it going through my cell phone when I left it unattended.

    My father wasn’t the least bit embarrassed or sorry about it, and said he did so he’d be able to make sure I was okay if ever I didn’t call, and portrayed it as what any good parent would do.

    I should mention I was only about 15 minutes late calling. So…way to abuse the privilege I never actually granted you.

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    1. When I was in my mid 30s, I just started seeing a guy and my mum made me give me his number when I went on a short trip with him. I really didn’t want to give it to her but knew she’d not shut up so I gave it to her.
      Another time when I was abroad for a couple of weeks, she sent me a rude email telling me how rude I am for not getting in touch. This was on the second or third day (I was in my late 30s). The funny thing is that she goes abroad quite often and never stays in contact with neither me nor my siblings, nor do we have any way to contact her really. If we did that we’d never hear the end of it.

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