Little Acons No. 56

LA56

42 thoughts on “Little Acons No. 56

  1. Witch says:

    Did your mum have affairs that you knew about?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I did not know at the time.

  2. π‘ͺβ˜… says:

    @Ah Oh… i am curious, I believe you had said you worked in Vegas at a table for a period of time? Did you wear makeup then, for work? If not, I admire your bravery, especially in the competitive world of the Vegas Strip!

  3. π‘ͺβ˜… says:

    β‚Έhank Β₯ou

  4. Annie says:

    HG, do you find you are attracted to the same qualities in both primary and secondary sources (e.g., pristine, immaculate, proper, ‘clean’, etc), or do you find that in your SS and DLS you have more freedom to experiment with other qualities in a woman that may differ from your typical type (provided they provide fuel of course)? I guess what I am asking is, aside from the fact that they all provide delicious fuel, do all of the intimate partners have similar characteristics or have you shaken things up once in a while with a free spirit wild child, for example? Thanks!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Interesting question. The empathic, class and special traits are those which are of the greatest consequence and of course these matter most in the primary source. I would be less exacting about the class trait of being clean and pristine with say an intimate partner tertiary source, but there would still be standards. It is the difference between wanting 10 out of 10, but with some appliances accepting 8 or possibly 7 (if there were higher marks available for other traits) but never a 3. My primary sources are not clones – they are different in many ways but all have the necessary excellence with regard to the empathic, class and special traits. More of this will be brought out in The Asylum of the Grotesque.

      1. Annie says:

        Aww, I just saw your response, HG. Thank you so much. I wonder if those ‘lower mark’ traits would end up being those very characteristics you end up criticizing during devaluation. Is having someone with traits very different from your mother refreshing or uncomfortable?

        I’ve been wondering about something else – has an intimate partner ever said anything negative to you about your mother? If so, how do you react?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          They have.

          Sometimes I have agreed. Sometimes I have used it as a basis to manipulate them. It depended on the circumstances as to when it was stated.

      2. Annie says:

        Thank you!

  5. AH OH says:

    *cloths

  6. Miss Teri says:

    Oh My, Sir HG Tudor. Loving ‘Your’ Posts, but ‘What is ‘That’? OMG! She needs to have ‘Several’ Seats. Sit down ‘Gal’! Now! Thanks Sir…

    1. AH OH says:

      Hello Miss Teri,

      Help me understand your post. I could not follow what you are trying to say. Please pardon me for my ignorance.

  7. narc affair says:

    Somatic alert πŸ“£πŸ“£πŸ“£

  8. MLA - Clarece says:

    Was this a theme with MatriNarc too? I know cleanliness was a priority with her. Was she also the kind who didn’t want kids hugging or grabbing on her especially once she was fixed up so as not to get messed up? I’m guessing her bathroom was full of anti-aging products also?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have never seen her without make-up on. She even looked immaculate when deadheading flowers (well she stood and directed, someone else did the deadheading).

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Never? So are you telling me you, Rachel and Lennox had to wait to open Christmas presents for MatriNarc to get her “face” on first? That’s crazy to me. Many times I’ll go au natural on a weekend day with no makeup just to give my skin a rest from it.
        Does that affect your perception then with your girlfriends? Meaning if they are comfortable in their own skin and over time hang out with you with no make up sometimes, do you value that they are opening their true self to you or do you get upset thinking they aren’t admiring you as much because they didn’t preen for you? It should be taken complimentary but with MatriNarc as your point of reference, I’m not sure.
        My ex-husband always, always told me he thought I was beautiful with no make-up, especially in the morning. Have you had girlfriends where you found yourself liking it more when they were just their natural self around you?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Correct Clarece. Nobody ever went into the sitting room before MN on Christmas Day.

          I regard the lack of ‘warpaint; as signifying a diminution in making an effort for me.

          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            Naturally, my first inclination was to respond saying I’m sorry you never got to experience the rush and excitement jumping out of bed obscenely early on Christmas morning to race under the tree and tear open presents. But then I stopped thinking, wait, that’s not right. How could you miss something you never had or known? In fact, I imagine when you’ve maybe shared Christmas holidays with your girlfriend’s or ex-wife’s family, if they got up to open presents still in pj’s and bedheads, that had to have felt surreal and almost fake to you. You say the golden period with your feelings never extending past infatuation isn’t real for the victim. I’m now wondering if their profession of true love to you feels somehow fake and not real because it’s so foreign to you? If maybe when you dissociated at 10 that part of you is too walled up and guarded to try to open up to that?

      2. 12345 says:

        She sounds like old Hollywood. Always ready for the cameras.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Most accurate.

      3. narc affair says:

        Lol i couldnt help but giggle at the image of her directing someone to deadhead.
        The cleanliness factor i thought was a result of something else but i didnt realise that about your mother HG. Wow youve never seen her without makeup?
        I gave up on the looking immaculate once i had my twins πŸ˜‚
        Its interesting but i do see elements in my mother in law passed down to my hubby altho he is not a narcissist by anh measure.

      4. narc affair says:

        Not sure if anyones watched the 80’s thriller “pin” but the guy in that movie his parents were “clean” fanatics to the point all their furniture had covers on it. After his parents die him and his sister deliberately live like slobs as a form of rebellion. I suspect one or both of his parents were narcissistic based on how troubled he is. Not to say youre like this character HG.
        Anyways this clean theme i find interesting. I know HG on the live stream youd mentioned if your emplyees desks are messy you will hide their stuff on them lol im curious this cleanliness of your mothers did it extend to the house too? Did she need the house spotless at all times?
        I think its just another form of control of ones environment and brings a sense of ease and security.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          The house was always tidy and clean and we were commanded to adhere to that.

          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            Reading some more of the comments here regarding MatriNarc, I can’t help but refer to the similarities of what you’re drawn to from the chapter China Doll in “Beautiful and Barbaric”. Your China Doll is described by you as being proper, pristine, having a flawless existence with everything neat, tidy and having its own place. Yet as attracted as you are to that on the outside you seek to discover what action or will take to crack that veneer and destroy it.
            You repeat what you know since childhood as it is a continual unresolved issue. Your own mother was not comfortable enough in her own skin for her children to see her whole self to be embraced. Always something to hide and an image to project.
            I wonder if your Grand Design will finely crack her? Maybe then you won’t be drawn on a certain level to women who remind you of this controlling dynamic that you have on a repeat cycle.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Well spotted Clarece, gold star coming your way. The Grand Design will bring her (and others) down.

      5. narc affair says:

        Ty for your reply HG.
        I was a neat freak before i had my kids but quickly gave up. It was distressing to let go at first but freeing after. My place is clean but needs major decluttering lol
        A friend of mine from a wealthy family in the home building business is a clean freak and her home every nook and crannie is organized. She has a spot for everything and her kids bedrooms look like no kids use them lol i do know she has this compulsion to keep her place “perfect”. Her other siblings are the opposite. She is in the designer end of the business so maybe that has something to do with it. Shes very minimilistic and that helps as well. I feel like a slob next to her πŸ˜„

      6. AH OH says:

        I hate wearing makeup. I can not imagine having this stuff covering my skin everyday. She had/has to wear her mask as god knows what is underneath.
        I know many women who wash off the stuff and they look totally different and you realize what they are hiding.

        My mother told me I had youth and a natural look on my side and to not cover it. But before saying this, she was brutal in saying I looked like a clown with makeup on. (I have wrote about this on the blog)

        In the picture I have on here, I only have eyeliner and a bit of mascara. There is nothing else and yet I still hate the thought of having to clean it off my eyes. This week I will have worn the mascara four times and it was because I had/have social functions to attend. Other than this nothing. I have been ahead of the curve way before Alicia Keys making no makeup a popular thing. One thing for sure, my pillowcases are never stained and my face clothes are never stained.

      7. narc affair says:

        Forgot to add the distinction of money and being able to pay someone to keep your home clean makes all the difference. Hg im sure your mother didnt do her own housework and be able to look like a supermodel 24/7? I suspect she had someone who came in and kept her home spotless. That makes it achievable. The average person would find it difficult to keep their home pristine and raise children without looking ragged and wornout.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Correct. We had a housekeeper and cleaners.

      8. Cβ˜… says:

        perhaps she was made to feel insecure by her mother/father? see, I can understand that & the need to always have on make up because you were told how ugly you were as a child

      9. narc affair says:

        Hi cβ˜†…my mother in laws a somatic midrange dirty angel narc and she does this all the time to my sister in law. She will constantly tell her shes fat or looks like an old woman and to fix herself up but she doesnt listen to her and ignores it. My sister in laws also married to a lesser or midrange narc so she worries more about him i think.
        I am curious as to HGs mothers parents what they were like i think it could shed a lot on why shes that way.

        1. Cβ˜… says:

          I’m hoping HG will address this and is why I mentioned it. but perhaps He already has in one of his books and will let us know which one…

          1. HG Tudor says:

            It will be addressed in Little Boy Lost and MatriNarc.

      10. Re: lack of warpaint. So, why did the narcs say “you look beautiful without make up, why do you put it on? Are you trying to attract someone else? ” Yet then would say I wasn’t making an effort when I occasionally didn’t (later in the relationship, of course).

        Then there is my mother… ” one must never leave the house without your lipstick on and dressed well! And “You aren’t going to wear THAT are you? Just trying to be helpful! ” (my ex narc said that as well sometimes too)

        back I went to change my outfit…

        Damn it!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Because at that point, making such a remark was the pragmatic remark to make for the purposes of gaining what the narcissist required. Today you look great without make-up, tomorrow you look old and need the make-up. Remember, whatever the circumstances require, we will do it or say it.

          1. Ok, got it. πŸ™

          2. I sometimes wonder if I was better off not realizing my mother is a narc (a realization I received as a side benefit of reading your blog). It is a lot to process and I wish I didn’t have to, but now it keeps hitting me in the face. I love her very much. We’ve always been extremely close and this shatters to pieces a pillar in my life I thought I could always depend upon (and she’s noticed the change in me. We normally would speak or email daily. I’ve been getting alot of “I haven’t heard from you! what’s going on, are you dating? Is it work? I’m very concerned about you. Are you speaking to _____ (ex narc) or is it _____(ex husband)”
            ha ha…no, I’m not dating…

            I thought she was the one person (besides my children) who loved me unconditionally. But if she is a narc she can’t love, based on what you’ve said, so she never loved me. That fundamentally hurts in a way I can’t describe. I believe she thinks she does, though. I don’t think she’s self aware of this (and she definitely had a narc mother and was also a golden child).

            Anyway, just a rant. I’m hoping putting this out there will help me move forward as writing other things here has done.

        2. MLA - Clarece says:

          I had identical comments from my ex-husband and mother. My mom is always flabbergasted when I run to the groc store or other errands with no make-up on. She’ll ask what if the ONE is in the produce section at the groc store today? I always answer in the 24 years I’ve been on my own, I’ve never witnessed a chance for that kind of action to go down. Lol

  9. 12345 says:

    Never got this one. Mom hated my sister and I when people complimented us on our appearance. They never said “like mother like daughter”. They always said they look just like their dad. He’s full blooded Mohican Indian and she hated him. Makes me smile now.

  10. AH OH says:

    My sons told me they were always very proud how I took care of myself.

  11. ;peace out says:

    narcs have no psychic immunity against power dynamics which they take literally, such as the cultural oedipus complex.

  12. π‘ͺβ˜… says:

    Really???? who does this??? what mother says his shit to their kid?? HG, your mom actually said this to you?? I thought being beat with the belt and be told what a looser i am, ugly, fat, filthy dirty, horrible etc., I was, is the norm…. then being told, I should be more like “her”….

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