The Ties That Bind



One of our central aims when we have targeted you is to bind you to us. During our seduction we create this magical place and invite you and only you to inhabit it with us. We build a fantastic place and place you on a pedestal in the centre of this artifice. It is very difficult for you to realise this is a fallacy and even harder to do something about it. Every day, every hour that you remain close to our influence allows us to create more ties, more connections and increase the extent that you are bound to us. We make you feel fabulous, worshipped and loved. The dizzying, whirlwind nature of our passion is unlike anything else you have known and you readily accept it. It is of course not informed consent. You have no idea what we are, but nevertheless you accept all of this wonderful treatment. You allow us to permeate every aspect of your life. We draw you into ours and make you feel special and privileged for being allowed to do so. Consider how we penetrated your every network so everywhere you turned we were there.

We knew all your friends, we ingratiated ourselves with your family and got to meet your colleagues. We knew all the places you liked to go to and introduced you to some additional ones. We made sure we knew every favourite thing of yours, from books to plays to food. Your wine rack became stocked with the types of wine you preferred, your wear the jewellery that was bought for you after careful solicitation of what you deem pretty and I occasionally arrive bearing a new book from the stable of authors that you enjoy to read. Bit by bit I invade your life and as our relationship progresses at light speed, the gradual, creeping advance of my influence has actually gained more than a toehold. It has spread across your territory like some formidable weed that cannot be held back, covering and smothering. My clothes hang in the wardrobe, I have my favourite chair at your house, you now buy the cereal that I prefer to eat in the morning even though you think it is just a mouthful of sugar. You now wash my socks, my songs populate the iTunes playlist and the bathroom is testament to my occupation with the bottles, razors and accoutrements mingled amongst yours. You cannot fail to see my influence all around you, but you welcome this and from it you gain a great happiness. From dating, to staying over, to co-habiting and on to marriage, this inexorable march of sudden and frantic seduction, although this is only ever apparent with hindsight as at the time it was the right thing to do, results in our lives entwining as I wrap my tendrils around your life and drag you tight against me. So many links, connections, lines and ties between you and I.

These ties keep you in place despite the abuse that is to come. It is sudden and bewildering but you will not give up easily. Not only did you say those vows, you meant every word and we know this. You will not let what we have built up crumble to dust. Admirable as your fortitude may be, you may as well stand on a beach and command the tide to halt its own unceasing advance for all the good you will do. This will not stop you trying though. We know this. The ties are many and they are tight so you will not run for cover at the first administration of a silent treatment. You will not down tools and walk away when the shouting continues long into the night. You do not pack a bag and leave it in the hallway, sitting on the stairs as you wait for us to return, late at night, from whatever tryst we have been engaged in. You keep going, bound to the hope that everything will be good once more, that the golden period will return. You hang in there, you battle, you demonstrate misguided resolve as we lash out time and time again, drawing the negative fuel from your distress, dismay and disarray. You will not let go. The connections are too many. Our behaviour is reprehensible as we open up front after front after front against you, leaving you confused and crushed. We twist, blame, push and pull yet you will not waiver. No matter how many times we knock you to the floor you keep coming back for more, dragged back onto your feet by the ties that bind you to us.

Then one day you remove yourself from our toxic influence or in some instances you are removed. Those ties remain but there is an elasticity which allows you to escape us. To be taken away from the acidic words and viscious schemes. The insults, the violent rages, the isolation and the denigration may have been halted. You may no longer be subjected to being spat at, your hair pulled, your money withheld, your social interactions curtailed and your self-esteem trampled underfoot. You may have escaped the daily devaluations which came at you in so many different and unedifying ways but your ordeal is far from over.

You may not have our furious face shouting into yours anymore. You may not be sat cowering behind a locked bathroom door as we pound on it demanding you come out. You may not lie crying in a bed made to feel empty by our absence. You may not stand outside the study seeing the glow of the monitor within, under the door and wonder who we are engaging with online, that knotted sensation in your stomach inducing sickness. You may have escaped many of these manipulations but the ties that bind remain.

The bond we have created with you is so strong, so deep and so far-reaching that every day you will feel a vast void at being parted from us. You will excuse the abuse as you hanker for those golden days. You will feel like something has been ripped from you by our absence. Even though you know how terrible we have acted towards you, you will still suffer that sense of illogical loss. Every day feels empty. You wonder what we are doing, who we are with and whether we are thinking about you. You see our presence all around you still, people still ask about us, you collapse on to your bed burying your face in that t-shirt we kept under our pillow and you still smell us on it. You drink deep of the scent, hoping the nagging pain will recede, that somehow you will be magically restored to where we once both were, when we were happy. Your run your fingers over the tub of hair wax which we left and you remember watching us as we carefully applied it. You cannot bring yourself to discard it, clinging on to these reminders of the joy that once abounded in these walls. You pass the bookcase, touching the spines of the volumes we bought for you, the words and letters all further reminders of our presence here in this house. You miss us you miss us so much, you shouldn’t do, not after what we have done. Not after the vile treatments you have suffered. It makes no sense that you should feel this way but you do. You ache for us, the ties that remain are still being pulled and yanked, even though we are not there with you. The searing pain rises as another reminder appears, the tie still strong. Unlike an umbilical cord which provides life, your cord to us continues to pain you. When will this end? When will this agony recede and be replaced by something else? Would it now not even be better to feel nothing? To be numbed and anaesthetised so you do not have to endure this ongoing pain.

The bond we create with you is so powerful, so deep and so long lasting that it is often the aftermath of the ties that bind that hurts more than the abuse itself. That is how dangerous we are.

84 thoughts on “The Ties That Bind

  1. June says:

    Is there a way to turn the tables? To make the narcissit enslaved to us?

    1. HG Tudor says:


    2. Tappan Zer says:

      For fuel they already are. Always new stations available. But still enslaved to fuel be it: (us/her/them) As the table is presently set. Unless we GOSO/NC and permantly shut down OUR station. That is the table I wish to turn. For me revenge is a dish best not served. Not pollyanna. Simply done. Fuel switch off.

      PS: Simply done = HARD AF

  2. robins359 says:

    “obviously I would be wearing my narc goggles, I would not be making eye contact with anyone, I would be biting on my bottom lip to ensure I didn’t smile and I would be wearing my F-OFF face, which I have been practising.To be honest even with all that said, I still suspect that it will be to no avail”

    Diva – That it so true. You make me laugh. The part about wearing narc goggles – too funny! My whole life, people I don’t even know pour their hearts out to me and tell me things, that in my mind, is TMI! I don’t know why they trust me with their secrets but they do. I’m a good listener I suppose. Thank you for the comment about my daughter. She is my best friend and the reason I feel I was born. I don’t know what I would do without her. She says the same of me, which just makes my heart just burst. I am sure you will have the same relationship also.

    1. Diva says:

      Hi Robin I have to find some humour in all of this otherwise it would all have been pointless!!!!! You really don’t need to tell me about the feelings between you and your daughter…….it is simply oozing out of those photos for all to see…….and it is lovely to see, it really is. I think we are kindred spirits…..your posts often make me smile too. Diva

      1. robins359 says:

        Thank you, Diva. 🙂

  3. Lisa says:

    Thanks for your reply Oops, yes me too, I am waiting for HG to write about the Beast and the Creature . I have a feeling the Beast protects the Creature and if the Beast were killed off the Creature would be exposed with no protection . Did yours actually say he wanted to do bad stuff ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are in the right area.

    2. Oops says:

      Hi Lisa,
      I’m not sure how much to say without my own sanity or lack thereof being exposed.
      One example early on after he told me he was a bad person: He stated outright he’d love to skin someone alive just to look at and study the muscle structure, see the blood ….when I innocently (at that time) asked, ” So, You’d really want to skin someone you hate?”, he told me no, didn’t matter who. “I could do it to you, don’t care who, but I’m not willing to risk jail for what I wish I could do, if it wasnt for fear of conviction, even you wouldn’t be safe”.
      Of course he was intoxicated at the time and I’d never been around anyone with an alcohol problem before, so I excused it as the liqueur talking.
      Anytime I’ve brought that up since, he says he doesn’t know what I’m talking about and I must be nuts.
      That’s just one example.
      Beast or creature….sometimes I wonder if what peeks out is a cry for help. That’s what keeps me reeled in, maybe.

      1. Lisa says:

        Hi Oops thanks for explaining an example. That’s pretty scary and explains why your therapist said he’s possibly a psycopath. There are many walking around that never act on their impulses but obviously some of them must have dark thoughts. I don’t know your situation , but take care and understand that even if it is a cry for help, it’s not something you can help with. Try to help your self you deserve better.

      2. AH OH says:

        OPPS, this is insane. I would have ran from that and never looked back, and reposted him to the authorities. Always good incase bodies turn up.

    3. Yolo says:


      I think i have read on a few of H.G. posts how they fear the creature being exposed. And the extent they will go to protect it thus thr savage treatment when we fail them. Failure from the narcs perceptive of course.

      Also, I think the comments about being capable of things far beyond our comprehension is to install fear and manipulation (fuel)

      The former narcs used would say similar things. After, the physical abuse that occurred over 15 years or more. I would tell them I welcome that side because my brothers would f***up their life. They saw their pics and the physical abuser learnt a lesson. For narcs i think most are full of crap. Psychopath are more likely in my opinion to have that darker side. IMO

  4. 𝑪★ says:

    i am a shell of my former self too, RS. I am hoping time will heal, if not, I am ok alone…. i am rarely bored & try to stay busy (it helps) good luck to you in your life path

    1. robins359 says:

      Even as a teenager I needed my alone time. When my daughter was small and in grade school, when the summer came I was beside myself. As much as I loved her, I needed my alone time. I love to cook, getting new kitchen gadgets, reading and enjoying Amy’s weekly visits (I look forward to them all week) I don’t think I am bored as much as I am sad about not being desired by someone. That was the strongest bond between myself and the narc. For the first time in years, I felt desired. Then to find out it was all a lie. That really hurt. Most of my 23 year marriage I did not feel desired.

      1. C★ says:

        @robin…i see… so do you need to feel “desired” to feel validated? i use to’ but have moved beyond that… just trying to understand…thx..

        1. robins359 says:

          No, I don’t, it just makes life more interesting I think. Maybe I’m substituting the word desired for loved?

  5. Shelly says:

    Good Morning HG! Quick question if you would? I’m beginning to move on with my life, feeling happy and moving forward, even thinking about dating. I’m about 8 months no contact, the n I’m dealing with has not stopped since I escaped that day, expcept for a bout a little over a month I heard nothing. But the last 2 weaks he’s been back at hoovering hard, drive bys, messages, threats, one minute mad the next crying he loves and misses me. I’v had no contact with him at all, (pat on my back )Why the month and half of silence and now right back at it and so hard? He was starting to let up a bit, for awhile, now this, wth, he don’t stop, like why…I’m not fueling him in any way. I have however reconnected with some friendships that got broken due to our relationship. He/she must be part of his cotier, or the now primary didn’t work out? Please HG your thoughts on this would be so greatly appreciated!? 😉

  6. narc affair says:

    Theres certain blogs that really do hit it on the nail and this ones been stickied for me. Ill come back to it 👍

  7. laura says:

    Not true for all of us – you may wish to THINK that we cannot escape – but we can. It’s called resilience and hope – and for those strong enough to escape the fog and see it for what it is….we would NEVER go back – even if you BEGGED on bended knees with a million dollars in your pocket – it would NEVER happen. However – it is how you originally snare us….thank goodness there IS hope!

  8. MLA - Clarece says:

    That palpable energy between the two. You connect. We go a level further being able to bond then get punished by you for not being able to understand how we do that. But that fuel we give is as important as oxygen for you to function.

  9. The bond we create with you is so powerful, so deep and so long lasting that it is often the aftermath of the ties that bind that hurts more than the abuse itself. That is how dangerous we are.

    You have such a way with words.

    The only way out is to read your way out, to educate yourself. So strange. I think I could recite some of your posts from memory at this point.

    (EMDR helps too)

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      Cannot tell you how many times I have said, felt and thought: THE ONLY THING THAT HURTS WORSE THAN ABUSE? IS LEAVING ABUSE. Validation comes in mysterious ways. You articulate the inexplicable. Which only “we” (and you/r kind) could “get.” Thankyou.

  10. Lisa says:

    HG what is the inner sanctum of the narcissist that we can not invade ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The very place you have to be kept out of.

      1. Oops says:

        Mine invited me in, but said prepare to be terrified…you’ll leave and never come back.

        1. Lisa says:

          Hi Oops, did he say anymore than that ? Or did you have an understanding of why he thought you would be terrified ?

          1. Oops says:

            Hi Lisa, I have an idea what might be there because some has snuck out while he’s been intoxicated. The things said, which I’ve told my therapist are what led my therapist to tell me he’s most likely a sociopath. Believe me, it’s Hannibal level disturbing.

            I used to think, convince myself, that it was alcohol talking. But I know better now.
            Do I think he’ll act on anything he’s told me he’s like to do? No. He’s more likely to try to convince someone else to.

            That being said, do I want in the inner sanctum? Oh hell no! Not if it’s worse that what I do know or have experienced, which I believe it is.
            I don’t think I want to see the face of pure evil….I want to hold on to the hope of deep down there’s a sliver of goodness.

            I would like to know from HG the difference between the creature and the beast and will be watching for that.

      2. Lisa says:

        I would like to know about that place and why we have to be kept out ? Is that something you refuse to disclose ? Or will that be written about in the Creature book?
        Part of me thinks it’s an evil place and part of me thinks it’s actually quite the opposite and it is a weak pathetic place (according to your thinking) and it’s the fear that the victim will see the insecure needy person behind the facade and then the victim has power over the narcissist . I’m not sure which ?
        I did say to my narcissist , your self absorbed to the point of non human, twisted , warped mind, bitter . He relplied he was all of those things plus more . So maybe there is other stuff in there that is really unpleasant and he knows if anyone knew he would be completely isolated from everyone .
        I know your not going to answer this HG, but would you just be prepared to say whether I’m completely wrong about all this or whether I am close to the truth ish ? Is it hiding weak or bad ?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          The book The Creature will answer your questions. One also has to distinguish between the Beast and the Creature.

          1. Lisa says:

            Oh know HG there’s a Beast as well !! More confusing 😱
            Ok, so I think the Beast is the nasty fury
            And the creature is weak and feels less than and that’s the battle of the narcissist , trying to control that inner battle. Is there a post about the beast or a book?
            How long before the creature book is ready please ?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            There are elements of accuracy there Lisa. I cannot state when The Creature book will be ready, but it is moving forward.

  11. Noname says:

    Off and on topic at the same time.

    When I saw that preview picture, my first thought was the “communists”. Lol.

    The unofficial synonym of “communist” word is a “right” – “We (communists) are always right, we do the right things…”.

    My family always hated communists. No wonder why. They killed more than half of my ancestors and expropriated our property.

    Unfortunately, I was born as left-handed and it wasn’t very communistic from my part at all. When my primary school teacher noticed that I write with left hand, it was a big scandal, because the communistic kids have to write with right hand! The principal said to my mother “You have to teach your daughter how to write in correct (“right”) way!”.

    And my Mother of Hell did it with full enthusiasm. It was the great opportunity for her to torture me “legally”! She tied my left arm (and I looked like that girl on the preview picture), then sat next to me and watched how I did (wrote with right hand) my homework. In half of year I accustomed to write with right hand. So, thank to communists and my mother, I write with right hand and eat and do many things with left hand now. Hybrid.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Join the club

      1. foolme1time says:

        Thanks to my first babysitter I’ll join your club to!

      2. RS says:

        HG- Wiere you once left-handed and your mother made you write with your right hand? My daughter is left-handed. They say left-handed people are the most creative and artistic.

        1. HG Tudor says:


      3. Noname says:

        Only if Tom Cruise and Justin Bieber don’t attend the meetings.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hey, why the bad vibes for The Cruiser?

      4. Noname says:

        Because Tom Cruise will bring the whole pack of scientologists with himself, and those guys are not good for digestive system. Lol.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hmm, that can be handled. Cruise is in.

      5. Noname says:

        Cruise is in. Scientologists are out. Deal.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          We have a deal.

      6. narc affair says:

        My son was left handed and we taught him right handed in preschool. He can use both but uses his right and isnt as good with it. We shouldve left him to use his left.

      7. Kimi says:

        HG, Cruise has to be a Narc! Right? What school and class would you place him in? I think Elite?

      8. windstorm2 says:

        My father was forced to use his right hand. He ended up a hybrid. My exhusband stayed left-handed. Now that I think about it. A lot of the narc men I know are, or were in the beginning, left-handed. Wonder if that’s a coincidence or if there are more left-handed narcs? My exhusband has complained all his life about how difficult it is in so many ways to fit into a right-handed world – even such simple things as using a can opener.

        Maybe constantly dealing with a world that’s backwards to you from birth is a factor in why some become narcs? Just a thought.
        HG, have you noticed any correlation with narcissists and being left-handed? Particularly with men narcs?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I haven’t WS2, no.

          1. windstorm2 says:

            Thanks for answering. It was just a thought. I do believe it has an effect on people though. Living in a right-handed world seems to make lefties more observant and think about situations more. And that’s probably a good thing because statistically they suffer more accidents (having to deal with a backwards world)! I think they’re often better at coming up with innovative ideas and getting around rules, too.

    2. Twilight says:


      To be naturally ambidextrous is one thing, but to be forced. You sent chills down my spine by something my ex said about his little girl being forced to use her right hand. SMH

      1. Noname says:

        The key word is “forced”. The question is how much force and what type of force were used for “correction”?

        Anyway, I see the positive outcome for me personally. It permits me to live in “two worlds” comfortably at the same time. That’s good.

        1. Twilight says:

          Very true on the “correction” and “forced” there are different ways to accomplish the same outcome.

          To live in “two words” , I understand. There are advantages, I have often wondered sense coming here if being ambidextrous either forced or naturally, one can take in information and processes it faster. Like HGs triple tracking,

      2. Noname says:

        Yeah, Twilight, the processing is pretty different and I realize it during my interactions with people.

        Also, it permits me to analyze logically and “feel” illogically many things at the same time and make unusual, but very constructive decisions. And that’s very good.

        1. Twilight says:

          Yes there are many advantages to being able to process things faster, less hesitation when decisions need to be made is another.

          It is a good thing in many ways, IMO you see a bigger picture.

      3. Noname says:

        The price I had paid for that “achievement” is questionable though, but the outcome is good by all means. That and only that does matter.

      4. Yolo says:

        My GS think its cool he likes being different. Unfortunately he broke his wrist playing basketball and had no choice to write with right hand. When it happeed he said i cant go to school because i cant write. Lol, good one. His dad didn’t force him but told him he had to try. I think the cast was on for almost 3 months. Now he thinks its cool to write with both hands.

    3. Oops says:

      No name, I’m both handed using my left mainly to write with. My mother spent years trying to make me do everything left handed, because she said thats what I was, which I couldn’t do (scissors-right only for me).
      I feel like I’ve spent my life going from being controlled from one person to another and rebelling when I finally blow. Endless cycle.
      The more I read HG, the more I’m realizing I may be a magnet to this personality.
      Married 3 times and the end always came when I couldn’t be the perfection they were demanding and I blew.
      Last ex: “I’ll stop complaining to others about you when you’re perfect”.
      Current: ” You need to learn to be a better girlfriend”.
      I’m bound to this one, can’t seem to break it, but I feel like I’m wearing armour now. The cutting remarks don’t cause the pain they used to before I started researching.
      If that makes any sense to anyone?

      1. Noname says:

        Yes, it makes sense, Oops.

        You are surrounded by various “created” selves now. Everyone wanted you to be the person you never been internally. I know how confusing that feels.

        Be yourself, accept yourself with all your imperfections, do what you think is right for you and you’ll find your Peace. Hug.

      2. AH OH says:

        Now that you realize this, why wouldn’t you seek to change for yourself. I am curious and not attacking. Thanks for your answer in advanced if you choose to answer.

        1. Oops says:

          Hi AH OH
          I am seeking to change, and learning from HG. I tried drastic change and felt attacked from all sides. (Ultimatums from everyone). Now I’m doing it my way.
          I’ll give and take, but now I expect the same in return.
          If I feel danger, I’ll remove myself.
          I’m still trying to find who I really am, now that I see I’ve molded myself into whatever everyone else wants…thats going to take time. I want to do it without losing empathy or sympathy or being too selfish and that looks like it could be a fine line.

          I appreciate you asking and in no way take questions as an attack. I have a lot bottled up and it seems to spew out in this forum. If you met me in person, you’d be surprised that I have any misgivings.

          My nephew, an Army Ranger, called me the other night and ended the conversation with “You’re the strongest person we know and we all look up to you.”
          He had no idea the pressure that puts on me because I know what he has to do for a living.

          1. AH OH says:

            You are a shining Star to some and this should not be pressure to be this, it is natural and they must see it.
            Keep fighting for your own salvation. This forum is the best support out there.

            I recommend to enlist in private consults with HG. It is worth it and if it is beyond your means for the live consult, there are the email consults. It will change your life for the better. I promise this. If not I will give you your money back and HG knows I mean this. If you already have and you are still here than we both know what I am saying is true.

            Good luck in your journey and although I am considered veneer by some, I mean every word I am saying now.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you Ah Oh.

          3. AH OH says:

            So veneer HG, so very veneer. I do know how you bring issues to surface and I hope she does seek your consults. Nothing to gain here personally.

          4. Oops says:

            I will have to, today was and is a very dark day…soon, or I’ll be lost. I spoke to one of his exes today after seeing todays texts, thank God she answered my call….omg. The only way for no contact is to leave everything or lose myself. That’s a hard road to hoe, I have to give up or….what is there?

          5. AH OH says:

            Book a consult NOW. What is your sanity worth? It is priceless. Please Oops, I know every one on here agrees with me. If you do not have the money, do the email consult. Do it right now.

          6. Fool me 1 time says:

            AH OH is so correct on this one!! A consult with HG is what you need! I have never been to a place as dark as I was when I first found HG! Please for your own health and sanity write down your four questions and consult with him! It will be the best thing you could do for yourself and the people that love you! Take that first step and then baby steps after that you will get through this! The people here have their disagreements at times but when you get a group of women together that will always happen. Especially if there is only one Rooster!🐔! We will all support you! They are all truly wonderful!!😊

          7. AH OH says:

            Fool Me, Girl I will have your back from now on. I am glad you stepped up to give her comfort and support. I hope she can do the hour consult. So much more can be done with the one on one.

          8. Ajo says:

            Do you have a sense of justice? For example when you hear the stories of your readers or even let’s say a story from an IPPS or IPSS in your life whom was victimized by an obvious narc, do you want to kick their ass or give them a piece of your mind? Do you get pleasure/fuel from this if so?
            I notice the ex narc boyfriend and husband loathed the narcs who were in my life who did me wrong. I also noticed them feel the same towards other innocent good people whom they saw get hurt or taken advantage of.
            It is strange to witness, because they carry on the same behaviors they loathe in others. But, I guess that is classic mid-range ignorance of who they are.

          9. HG Tudor says:

            I understand what is regarded as right or wrong from your perspective and if it serves my purposes to administer ‘justice; through your world view, then I shall do so. For example, some time ago a friend of mine named Andrew (NISS) and I were in a bar. A tertiary source took exception to Andrew apparently looking at the tertiary source’s girlfriend and also some remarks Andrew apparently made about some women. Andrew is a decent person but physically quite small and not one for confrontation. He was being bullied by the intoxicated tertiary source. I could have left him to it, but saw that I would stand to gain fuel from three sources (at least) Andrew, Bully and Bully’s GF, plus bystanders if matters got naughty. I chose to step in an fixed Bully with ‘The Stare’ and in a low voice invited him to ‘discuss’ the matter with me outside. He shrank back, apologised, his GF apologised on his behalf and Andrew was most grateful. Three streams of fuel and façade maintained. Some would suggest justice was served by standing up for my friend. Perhaps. I did it because it would cause a benefit to me (fuel and residual benefit) not because I was concerned with the justice of the situation. I have my own brand of justice from my perspective (which differs from your perspective) but this also is applied in pursuit of The Prime Aims.

          10. MLA - Clarece says:

            I get it but it’s still pretty cool when you use your powers for good and not evil!

          11. robins359 says:

            Yes! I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall to see that.

    4. narc affair says:

      The bieber ughhhhh america can keep him lol

      1. AH OH says:

        He was a misguided kid and I do hope he is heading in the correct direction for himself. I do like his latest collection of music. Interesting lyrics of self confessions and being lost and loneliness.

      2. Tappan Zee says:

        Product of Canada. But we will keep him. I don’t make friends over my like of him haha. But I do and have since day one. Well day one of his exposure going viral. Nice word for it. Hashtag illness in and of itself. #belieber

  12. Diva says:

    The bond will always be there because you feel as if you have met and lost your soul mate……however the feelings do fade with time but have not gone away for me…….time sorts out most things……you just have to be patient. How long it takes depends on the success of the escape or discard……and mainly how strong you are in not giving in to the no contact. My own circumstances and the subsequent choices I have made make it far easier for me to implement no contact……however I am aware of my own attraction to narcs and their attraction to me – it is akin to an alcoholic looking at a bottle of vodka – but I don’t know who is the vodka and who is the alcoholic……either way…….you know how that one ends…… are off the wagon. I live like a hermit!!!!

    1. RS says:

      I am aware of my own attraction to narcs and their attraction to me – it is akin to an alcoholic looking at a bottle of vodka – but I don’t know who is the vodka and who is the alcoholic……either way…….you know how that one ends…… are off the wagon. I live like a hermit!!!!

      Diva, that part is me also! I go to work, the grocery store and home. (And have a drink to forget how dull and hermit-like my life is)!! The narc was the the best and worst part of my life for 3 1/2 years.

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        All I can say is… I relate.

      2. Diva says:

        Hi RS …..we seem to have a lot in common!!!! After reading this blog I actually feel as if I could drop the hermit mode and venture out a bit……..obviously I would be wearing my narc goggles, I would not be making eye contact with anyone, I would be biting on my bottom lip to ensure I didn’t smile and I would be wearing my F-OFF face, which I have been practising.To be honest even with all that said, I still suspect that it will be to no avail…….it’s the having to speak that is the problem and for some bizarre reason both men and women strike up conversations with me. The external I can change and adapt…….the internal aspect is not as easy. Lovely photos of you and your daughter…….you look extremely close…….I hope to have that in common one day too!!!! Diva

      3. C★ says:

        Many of us become introverted, recluse hermits, RS… I am a member of that club also… I have to keep myself safe somehow!

        1. robins359 says:

          Safe. . . yes. Makes for a very dull life I’m afraid. Before him I was outgoing and trusted everyone.

  13. RS says:

    Not so much anymore. I miss kissing and sex but not him! I can barely remember what he looks like unless I really think about him, which I try not to do.

  14. Sandra says:

    Golden Period. Everpresence. The Mixture. Trigger Width. Pervasiveness…it all guts me.

    I never entertained the notion of infidelity until I met The Narc.

    I had peace in a non-Narc marriage and called it boredom.
    Narc gave me a clandestine, drama-laden affair and I called it passion.

    I stay NC because I realized my massive error and escaped before lives were ruined (thus far lol). No matter how much The Ties That Bind torture me I will accept my penance and count myself well-schooled.

    Gratitude is what I’m left with, oddly.

    Cheers, Tudor.

  15. Klm says:

    Hi everyone…its been awhile since I’ve commented. Been doing a lot of self reflection…still trying to make sense of it all I guess even after all this time. I have to admit I’ve been in contact with my ex..nothing dramatic just texts here and there. After an 8 month silent treatment he is so quick to respond now…it really is hard to wrap ones head around that. Anyway…I know i act based on emotion and narcs react based on need for fuel. I haven’t read fuel hg but in a nutshell can you describe what exactly fuel is? Is it a need for attention, to be admired, to feel wanted, accepted and or needed? Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

  16. Karma says:

    Very powerful and right on target!!!! Thank you HG!
    You are making things so clear… but it still hurts … will always hurt.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you and you are welcome.

    2. ajo says:

      It won’t always hurt. It lessens. And eventually they repulse you.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

Horns and Halos

Next article

I Will Tell You A Secret