The Rules of Ex Club – No. 3


29 thoughts on “The Rules of Ex Club – No. 3

  1. K says:

    I just read: 14 Try to Understand Us. And I really am getting it!

    Part of my comment to Dr. Q PsyD is below.

    It is almost like they don’t exist so they have no image to present, so they take yours instead. It is eerie.

    You wrote: “the person you see most of does not really exist…but rather a myriad of individuals pieced together in a haphazard and often contradictory fashion.”

    Hot diggety dog! Now, that I am not “dope sick” any more I can really focus on everything I have learned here and make sense of it all!

  2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Because I was mirroring his “image”

  3. K says:

    That was hilarious Bliss!!! Thank you!

  4. sarabella says:

    I have a question about one of his ex’s. Its one no one ever could really answer once before. So he dated someone, 30 years ago. He is a narc who is going back and targeting old romantic interests. He reestablishes a relationship and she visits him. This was 7 years ago. He posted pictures of he and her. He told me when we started talking that there was some woman he was involved with that were it not for money, geography and finances, he would be with. I figured out the hard way, that it was her. Since then, she has been involved with about 4 other men. 2 she traveled with to foreign countries and posted alot of photos of her and them. She goes back and forth, making them public, then hiding them. They are FB friends. He used to post, you know I love you more than ever (but who hasn’t he said that to?)

    Thing what I never understood was WHY would he like those albums and photos? I mean this is someone he would have supposedly ended up with, had a life with He had a choice to finally be with her. She wanted to visit a year ago and all he said was “soon, soon”. So she was most definitely a primary and yet, he didn’t seem to care that much that he saw her again. They are but an hours flight away and she clearly has alot of money as her trips are to very exotic places.

    I did this to myself and need to just ge through the hurt. He posted a picture yesterday of what he looked like 30 years ago. The person I remembered. My heart went flip flop and the hurt deep has risen. Someone posts, I remember that cute face, when you used to date “XYZ” who is the name of the woman I mention above. The old, deep hurt returned. He replied, “Right, huh?” is all he said. Picture is super cute and sweet to me but those are old feelings and he is not that person anymore. And I am trying to not react out of my anger and hurt and anonymously call him out.

    But how was he able to outwardly like her dating other men, posting pictures of her and them and how was she able to even do that? Does real love not exist for either of the two of them?

    If you were in this position, back burnered someone who was a primary, how would you react if she went on to other men? And still wanted to see you? Its fuel to him as he has the power to click his fingers and I think she would visit again, but is he pretending to not be bothered by her and those men? Or does he truly not feel a thing about it? He raged about his ex ‘fucking someone’ who told him not to come around anymore, yet there this other woman is, someone he might have married and he doesn’t seem to care about her publicising her new relationships?

    I guess, true love means nothing to narcs so that she is someone he would be with if not for barriers seems a lie as some of those barriers were surmountable.

    How can you not care about what a primary goes and does? Or was she despite what he said, demoted to secondary and it was all fake as well?

  5. Bliss says:

    Saw this and couldn’t resist posting. It’s like some sort of “Lesser Exorcism”,
    removing lessers. If only! If anyone sees anything like that for removing mid range or greater, please let me know.

  6. K says:

    This made me laugh because my ULN ex told everyone I was a whore and his narcissistic uncle (LLN) went to the local bar and told my neighbor I was a whore. This neighbor works as a bartender there and told me all about it. It gets even better, this neighbor (the bartender) is the father of my ex MMRN’s current IPPS. Being called a whore (slut, cock/dick tease, tramp, or cunt) is a cakewalk for me.

    1. K says:

      Amendment: I left out the word “cheating”. Cheating whore are the exact words my ex ULN used.

      What can I say; I am a Dirty Empath.

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        K, he had it coming lol

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        Uh oh…. it’s dedication hour!!!!

        One I’m sure you can clearly see we both relate to… πŸ˜˜πŸ˜‰

      3. K says:

        Dr. Q PsyD.

        He most definitely had it coming. Oh yeah, we can relate to this one alright. Part of the reason I cheated was revenge and I don’t regret it one bit! Here’s one for you, too!

      4. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        I freakin love ittttttt!

        Omg this is so humiliating lol but once upon a time nickelback wasn’t such an embarrassing band to say you listened to lol – we are talking about early 2000s

        This was one of the songs I had with my first psychopath …. Now tell me that’s not telling

      5. K says:

        Dr. Q PsyD.
        I still like nickelback! These words were excellent and VERY telling:

        I like your pants around your feet
        And I like the dirt that’s on your knees
        And I like the way you still say please
        While you’re looking up at me
        You’re like my favorite damn disease

        Such a naughty empath you are! Mirroring makes psychopaths irresistible. It is spooky, eerie and breathtaking to witness.

      6. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        Let’s take this up a notch….lol

        Let’s get even crazier…

        What if I told you I was the one mirroring him when we were kids…. but i didnt realize that what’s I was doing lol

      7. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        So then who was he mirroring ?

        And why can’t I see anyone anymore when I look at him? Lol

      8. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I was mirroring his image

        I liked the idea of him

        When Jenny every lived up to the idea

        There’s nothing left….

      9. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        *he never lived up to his image

      10. K says:

        Dr. Q PsyD

        Children (and adults) can mirror subconsciously to communicate better, when you were a kid, maybe, subconsciously, you were playing a game of hide-and-seek to see who is who. Will the real psychopath please stand up. I hope you remained seated, Dr. PsyD.

        It is almost like they don’t exist so they have no image to present, so they take yours instead. It is eerie.

      11. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        I stayed seated lmao. I hate to disappoint people but I am not a psychopath I’m like the polar opposite; however I recognize when I get mad like really mad narcissistic and antisocial traits come out but then again you have to remember I am ADHD and ODD. I don’t have any callous and unemotional traits.

        With that first psychopath – this was all during those critical years of like hardcore identity development so I think that had a lot to do with how I became who I am today. I actually took a piece of him into my own identity.

        This guy lead me on (I was 14 and like innocent) and made me believe he liked me then proceeded to play with my feelings for fun to shut me down. I couldnt understand or believe a person would do that so I became very angry. I made a point I would get him to want me so bad and I would leave a mark on that mind of his. In the process I would listen to music he liked figured out what made him tick , what movies he liked etc… kinda like how HG does research on those women lol.

        It was complicated clearly but it all played a huge part in the experiences I had and decisions I made in the future…

        Warped I know. Lol

      12. K says:

        Dr. Q psyD.

        Hell, If you stood up, there is a good chance I’ld probably be standing up right next to you, because I understand how anger brings out those narc/psycho traits and it can make you question yourself and your behavior.

        Were your parents narcissistic? And can you ever “fix” ODD or ADHD? Or do you have to manage them?

        I think you look at things from a different perspective. Your childhood experiences didn’t warp you; they made you into the outlier that you are. Better to be vibrant like a bowl of Fruit Loops than a bowl of mushy Cream of Wheat, I say!

      13. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        There are plenty of people who meet the criteria for ADHD when they are in elementary school but won’t later because they aren’t jumping about the room. Ultimately ADHD can manifest in different ways as you get older and for some it may manifest the same way lol. For example, my hyperactivity is more internal….I have an inner restlessness. I also shake my leg all the time. It calms me down but it drives people c r a z y! I have bursts of hyperactivity and have these inattentive lethargic spells. Despite what some people say you do not grow out of ADHD – the symptoms manifest a bit differently and/or you adapt to your environment or try and choose an occupation that fits your needs.

        ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder – so people who have ADHD are ultimately neurodevelopmentally delayed in some areas areas of the brain…

        As a teenager I struggled in certain areas of attention and what we call executive functioning (I will explain more in a little) – as I’ve gotten older I have noticed that I have significantly improved in these areas – especially because I am medicated and use cognitive strategies and organizational strategies to navigate life. There has been absolutely no improvement in my ability to sustain my attention and be distractible. My hyperactivity is internal with random bursts that come out externally here and there. These burts often come out as ODD behavior – like …. I like harmlessly annoying someone when I’m in that mood….

        As for ODD some grow out of it and some do not. Adults can have ODD – most people don’t realize that…it manifests in different ways though.

        I hate being told what to do.

        I hate being spoken to in any way that could be perceived as condescending.

        I hate being micromanaged.

        I have very low frustration tolerance.

        I can control myself and that I why I function in everyday life so well even though I wanna explode sometimes lmao

      14. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I WAS (past tense lol) like a combination of….




        I would say way More the second one….with a sprinkle ofnthe first lol

        The second one always reminded me of an old borderline bestfriend

  7. Christine says:

    Even if we don’t cheat?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Correct. Since when did the reality get in the way of what we want Christine?

      1. Tappan Zee says:

        REALITY? Wtf don’t confuse.

  8. Yolo says:

    A cheating whore and more. The best part is every one is a suspect. Friend, foe , dad, brother, and your best friend.

    His sick perception if I inquired with waiter for the location of restroom. Without asking him to direct me. I was going to meet the waiter for sex after all I’d been flirtatious and eyeing him all night. Idiot..

  9. ANM says:

    My younger sister is married to a Lesser. I called her to talk for 10 min about something important. He was drunk and yelling in the background that he could not start his TV show until she got off the phone and joined him. She is so pretty, driven and could have anyone. I don’t know why anyone would want to be with a Lesser. They leach onto their Empaths.

  10. Geminimom says:

    Omg! I can’t wait to know what the midranger and greaters say.

  11. SaraB23 says:


  12. narc affair says:

    Usually projection on the lessers part. They project what theyve done or are doing.

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