Ten Tells Of Triangulation




Triangulation is a staple manipulative device in our arsenal. Triangulation is a convenient way to describe an affair, having a bit on the side, flirting, playing away, investing in a new prospect, having a form of distraction, a plaything and so on. The reality is that triangulation offends the principles of why two people are in a relationship and is a method of manipulation which is used to gain fuel, cause confusion and exert control. The principle reason that we engage in it is because we are able to derive two sources of fuel from two different appliances. Sometimes the fuel is doubly positive and others both positive and negative. This is edifying and invigorating. You may be triangulated with a person or an object. There may be triangles operating within triangles. Triangulation provides fuel but also allows us to generate confusion and engage in distraction tactics whereby you and the other person attack one another, failing to realise (or perhaps not wanting to be seen to realise for fear of being regarded as losing out) that is us that has caused the triangulation. Usually you will not be aware that you are being triangulated with the other person. It is easier to keep you and the other person separated and we enjoy our time with them and then our time with you. We draw fuel from you both and neither of you know about the other. We see no problem in behaving like this. We are never accountable; we are entitled to do as we like. We do not distinguish between you because you are just appliances to us and therefore entirely interchangeable. Before we decide to up the ante and reveal your opponent to you, thus heightening your reactions and responses, you may actually be able to ascertain that you are being triangulated as there are certain tells which exist. These are more obvious amongst the Lesser and Mid-Range of our kind as they may lack the higher function to remember things that they have done or said and occasionally slip up, thereby revealing the tell. If you confront us with this tell we will spin some yarn, persuade you that there is nothing in it, this person is a friend, there is a glitch with the ‘phone, somebody else did it, you are imagining things, you are over-reacting and in our time-honoured fashion we will deny and deflect and even go on the attack if need be in order to protect our investment in both you and the other person. If you do see these tells, do not challenge us about them. You are only giving us a chance to draw fuel from you, confuse you and worm our way out of it. If you see these tells you now know what they mean. You are being triangulated.  Here are ten of those tells.

  1. Our mobile ‘phone will have duplicate messages. We send the same message to you and the other person, often within seconds of the first message.
  2. We will buy you a duplicate gift having already given it to you a week or so ago.
  3. We will tell you something that we have already told you before, more or less word for word.
  4. We will make reference to something you said even though you have not said it (it was the other person who said it).
  5. We will make reference to something we apparently did together which you will not remember. (This is because we did it with the other person).
  6. We will call you by someone else’s name.
  7. You may hear us say things under our breath such as “She wouldn’t do this” or “she would agree to do it”.
  8. We will fail to acknowledge you doing something for us thinking it was done by the other person, for instance a surprise gift.
  9. We will remark we don’t want to do something again even though we have never done it with you. (We did it with the other person).
  10. We will ask a question which is out of context. For instance, asking how your dad is recovering when there is nothing wrong with him. (It is of course the other person’s dad who is ill).

24 thoughts on “Ten Tells Of Triangulation

  1. jenna says:

    He sent me a racy video of a supposed friend who is in love w him. In the video, she was wearing thongs and a bra. I was disgusted that he sent me this.

    I contacted who he claimed she is, and she said she is not in love w him and that she has a bf!

    Another point to note: i showed mr. Gas tank the video. He said it’s a professional video, and cannot be one of his friends. He also noted that the girl in the video looked v much like me – same hair color, same hair style, same complexion, similar looks. That was interesting to say the least.

    1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


      Any man who sends you that shit is a peasant. I mean unless you specifically asked for it lmao.

      I’ve asked for it or asked to see things so that makes it different lol. If he is just like ‘here ya goooooo’ its just pathetic and ridiculous.

  2. MyTrueSelf says:

    Triangulation was never covert or clandestine with my ex- it was dragged out, thrust in front of me and wielded like a blunt instrument;

    – His ex was strict vegetarian but ate meat once when invited to dinner. it was lorded it over me how proud he felt of her and show ashamed he was of me for not eating a bigger piece of our host’s cake.
    -When preparing for a business trip to a town where he’d been seeing someone prior to our relationship, ex would find something to fault me for, rage and announce “don’t make me have to have an affair…”, then leave for his trip having installed a Silent Treatment.
    -I’d be triangulated with his job- “I don’t want you around, you’d only get jealous and that’s too distracting for me”.

    – ” I’d give up everything for my job” (i.e. This meant me)

    I was utterly mortified and felt disappointed in myself, even unworthy to be his girlfriend- I suffered from such a LACK OF SELF ESTEEM!! I just didn’t understand what was going at the time. But I do now, more and more so..

    – He’d lovingly recall things we’d done together, except we hadn’t!!

    1. Brian says:

      My lord, That comment about giving up everything for the job. I have had comments like that too, thats like a real devaluation.

  3. gabbanzobean says:

    My apologies. I feel ya though! Every time I see an arm chair I flash back to that conversation. I avoided my dining room for awhile because of the arm chairs at the ends of the table. 😕

  4. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Haha I have never ever done this but on like one occasion in my early 20s I was dating this asshole narc and I was hanging out with my first psychopath behind back and I remember being slightly intoxicated with friends… not paying close attention…. and texting the wrong one…because they both have the same name 😂😂😂😂

    1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      I easily covered it up but omg that was an oh shit moment…

    2. HG Tudor says:

      School girl error.

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I had a sloppy moment because i just didn’t care and had no concern about getting caught …

        I could have had three boyfriends hebwould have never known

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I later decided to put the side pieces in my phone as a 1800 number lmao

        Or like… restricted or something


  5. gabbanzobean says:

    My narc once told me that he had the best memory of when he was intimate with me. I asked him to share, and he said “you were sitting me down in an armchair and giving me the most epic blowjob”….

    And yes I did do that but it wasn’t in an armchair! I wonder who he confused me with. This was before I came here and learned what he is. Now I will spend the rest of my days over thinking that and wondering if he actually slipped up and confused me with someone else, or if it was said deliberately.

    1. Vashti says:

      Said deliberately.. Why would that even be the most intimate thing???

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        Vashti….you make a good point. A sad and hurtful truth but an accurate one.

    2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


      Oy; some reason your armchair comment just triggered a memory….

      I wanna burn it out of my brain…


      Damn complex ptsd

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        Harley Q.
        My apologies. I feel ya though! Every time I see an arm chair I flash back to that conversation. I avoided my dining room for awhile because of the arm chairs at the ends of the table. 😕
        P.S. edited my comment to add that every time I see your screen name and makes me think of my narc and his superhero fixations so I guess that makes us even. I keep reminding myself that we are here to heal. Right? Right? Oy indeed!

    3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      He can kiss those epic blowjobs goodbye now lmao.

      Sucks for him….

      1. HG Tudor says:

        I see what you did there.

  6. 12345 says:

    This happened to me soooo many times this last time around. It destroyed me. Rather, I allowed him to destroy me. I desperately wanted to believe his excuses but it was so blatant.

    The worst was when I texted him after a doctors appt and said “I got my biopsy back” and he immediately texted back “I want to lick you”. He meant to text her not me. It knocked the wind out of me. But I took a deeper breath and stayed. I did immeasurable damage to myself and I wish I could get that time back. All I can do now is seize the power, as HG so often say, and forge ahead.

    1. Mona says:

      it is incredibly hard, what he did to you and therefore do not be so hard to yourself. You were in a terrible situation and he abused it to hurt you. You needed support and he denied it. It tells a lot about him, not about you. Do not allow this kind of person to judge about you, to influence you, to destroy your values and your self esteem. He is a cold, psychopathic person, you are not. I know that you know all of that. But …. he has only so much power as you allow him to have over you. You know him now. It is his bad character and it has nothing really nothing to do with you. You only trusted the wrong person. You did not know that.
      I really hope that you can feel this some day. Do not blame yourself for your trust.

    2. narc affair says:

      Hi 12345…i feel awful you experienced thst 🙁 im glad your biopsy was ok. With a narc it couldve been a mistake but also intentional to throw you off and devalue. My narc has done intentional things and made it look like a mistake to create insecurity. You needed support and instead got kicked in the gut. Its disgusting what narcs can do. Did you confront him on it? If it was deliberate he wouldve wanted you to.

      1. 12345 says:

        After he texted that I responded “how is I want to lick you related to me getting my biopsy?” He called immediately for damage control. Said even though it was a serious topic he just couldn’t help responding that he wanted to live me🙄🙄🙄🙄 It’s a shame he’s no good at that.

        He immediately instigated a mini-golden period to assure me of his undying love and loyalty. I knew. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed to have that reality thrown in my face. But I stayed…I’m no quitter!!

  7. narc affair says:

    Also when youre being praised and complimented continuosly in front of others theres a very good chance youre in a triangulation and being used 👌

  8. Lisa says:

    HG, there may have been cheating I don’t know and it’s certainly not something he would even hint at (quite the opposite) he is not a cheat , this doesn’t fit the facade of the tortured soul or him being a nice guy. I was however triangulated with many other things, constant threats that he wanted to move overseas and as you told me his friends (male) his football , his inflexible routine , pretty much choosing many things and people over me . (Not women that I was made aware of) The obvious answer would be he preferred all those things to spending time with me . Apart from that when it isn’t actually cheating but it is things , objects even , ( I don’t mean victim objects) what is the actual purpose of this ? Is it to test the FP, is it for the FP to show upset ? WTF is it for ?

  9. Vashti says:

    You have to have MANY… different lovers to have give off tale tell sign like this…

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