The Rules of Ex Club – No. 4


40 thoughts on “The Rules of Ex Club – No. 4

  1. Linda says:

    Hg – If mid rangers paint us all as abusers than how do they justify it when they want to get back together with us? I am confused at how someone’s family could see them fall madly in love with someone and then suddenly hate that person only to replace them at the speed of light and then fall madly in love with a new girl and then suddenly dump the new girl and immediately want the old girl back despite having trashed the old girl for months. If my brother did that I would be so confused.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Easy. We compartmentalise so the fact we pained the individual as an abuser when they were ‘black’ is readily jettisoned when we see them as ‘white’ once again. In terms of outsiders, remember, they will not see everything and also they will only be given certain facts. When the victim is smeared to the family and friends but then we get back with the victim, we will tell other people things such as “She has vowed to get help with her anger problem” or “She has stopped drinking and has become a different person” (of course there was usually no drink problem to begin with). We just produce a different gloss. Further, many people just do not like to get involved in the intricacies of other people’s relationships and if they see everything is alright again, they accept that. Then when the victim is being smeared, the family and friends usually ally with the narcissist because of the ongoing connection so it easy enough to cut the victim adrift too.

  2. SaS says:

    Hg, I appreciate your honesty. I rarely get the truth during this 10 year toxic relationship.
    I would like to have some feedback on this subject please.
    First, there hasn’t been any diagnoses, just my opinion. I myself am going to see a physco therapist next week. I think me and my bf/roommate are both some form of a Narcissist but opposite types. We share the same codependentsy trait, but not on the same days. We are both selfish and self centered. He is worse, but then again he says I’m really self centered. I live through his image and he mirrors my personality. I seem to be the mom and he the child. We both say the words, I love you.. But we don’t. I know I can’t and he won’t admit it. We both have a control problem and we live in a fantasy world where it’s just me and him.
    I don’t know if this is enough information to know what this is we’re doing, but I’m willing to answer questions. I hope this is ok Hg. I’m just confused as we are both stuck in this whirlwind.
    Thank you

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is difficult to provide you with anything accurate of the bare minimum of information. I suspect there are narcissistic traits in play, but that you are not a narcissist.

  3. Kim michaud says:

    Why can’t I open or read the narcissist truths there’s no content in them when I try to read

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Because they are memes

      1. …😊…

  4. ajo says:

    I cannot wait to hear what he said about me to his now IPPS. I plan to talk to her when I get word he’s discarded her or she has escaped. He did tell me in our last few conversations that I “harrassed and manipulated him. That he was under a microscope during our relationship”.
    I’m sure I am painted to be a complete lunatic as to scare her from talking to me since I tried to warn her. Poor thing is in for a world of hurt soon enough. She may even reach out to me once the abuse gets bad or he cheats and she finds out.
    Hysterical. Every woman in his past is a kind, level headed caring woman. And he painted them all to me as if they didn’t care about him, used him, etc. And of course the ex wife abused him. What a joke.Sad part is that once they change the story and paint you black they believe their own lies.

    1. Diana Wyatt says:

      Mine said that I held him hostage and blackmailed him. Hahahahaha

  5. K says:

    My ex MMRN told me to my face that I was abusive and controlling. I was the opposite of controlling, however, I defended myself from his abuse with a lot of profanity. I had every right to defend myself and I feel that reactive abuse is tantamount to victim blaming. His IPSS believed all the lies about the abuse, of course. His IPSS told me it was all my fault and to get over it! Shit, I am getting pissed as I write this!

  6. Nat says:

    Actually I see some positives here. I prefer to be smeared and called an abuser, or a bitch rather than a weak, crying and desperate to be loved –
    which I really was as an empath.

    1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      I see what you are saying. I have the same mentality. I always used to say I would rather be the bad guy…..

    2. Mona says:

      Thank you, Nat, I never looked at it that way.

    3. Natalie says:

      Lol!! I agree!! I hate being seen as a victim, so I’m content with being called an abuser!

  7. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Absolutely, every single ex was always angry and horrible…often bipolar as well πŸ™„

    Poor him…

    Excuse me while I vomit.

  8. Diva says:

    This post is certainly true in relation to the mid range narc I knew.

  9. Rhonda says:

    Not real sure which kind my ex is… he discarded me, but now wants to be friends? What’s he up to HG? He knows I’m in love with him.


    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hi Rhonda, I do not doubt he knows you still love the idea of him. In terms of what he is up to, I can certainly assist you with that and the best way to address such a personal situation is through the auspices of a consultation.

  10. Daddy Empath says:

    Love the series!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thanks Daddy. (Not something I got to say very often).

      1. ha ha!

      2. Daddy Empath says:

        Love the reply made my day!

        1. HG Tudor says:


  11. Lisa says:

    This is interesting because he has a few exes that were whores most actually but they were also psychos (that’s where time and time again ) I see him half lesser and half mid range . There was also an alcoholic ex and would you believe a narcissist ex . He doesn’t have much luck with women. Poor thing no wonder he’s such a victim. I wonder what I am , I don’t really drink and the whore thing isn’t going to work . Psycopath probably isn’t going to be believed either . That means I could be a narcissist 😱

    1. Yolo says:

      Cheater, gold digger, or you never supported or believe in him. Their level of B.S is crazy. I greatful that I am at the point that I can laugh at most of it. Not that it was funny but having the knowledge that is was all manufactured.

  12. jenna says:

    My ex is a mid-ranger. He’s gonna say i abused him?! 😰😨😱😱😱

    1. Mona says:

      Jenna, I think so. Mine did it. He did it even in front of others. They do everything to keep their facade. It is easy. The things they have done to you – they tell others that you have done them towards them. Most of them do not use fantasy lies to smear you – they use their own behaviour. Therefore – if you hear some special and strange lies about you – you know clearly what he has done to you. They tell about their own deeds this way. They confess their own deeds. .

      1. Carmela DonVito says:

        I agree Mona. My ex narc slandered me on social media. In his eyes, I abused and used him. I forced him to live in his truck or in the park. Working minimally, 30 hrs wk. Just scraping by to get is own financial needs met. He never made any contributions to our household. Just expected everyone to take care of him. And if he went without, it really didn’t bother him. And I mean living at a poverty level. It really made no difference to him. All he ‘accused’ me of was what he had been guilty of during the time we were together. I see from afar, even today in his life, nothing has changed. I made the correct move to get away.

      2. jenna says:

        He said ‘she had it planned all along.’ I think that may be an instance of him confessing his own deedsπŸ˜–

    2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      Mine says that and I’m pretty sure he tells people I am an angry drunk which is hilarious because anyone and everyone knows I am so collected and just happy when I have any kind of alcohol.

      I can imagine and know what he says about me because he isn’t very difficult to figure out….

      It’s all poor me poor me and these complete delusional statements some which are purely delusional and others he def has to know he’s lying….

  13. Insatiable Learner says:

    Could you please kindly elaborate on this one, HG? What sort of abuse is alleged? Thank you!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Whatever suits the Mid Ranger’s need – often you will be described as controlling, verbally abusive, the giver of silent treatments, how nothing was ever good enough no matter what the MR did – classic projection.

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Ding ding ding lol

        Oh and of course… she deprives me of sex…

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Poor him…

        Maybe if he could even pretend to be nice or have a damn dare I say it… conversation…and stop being a sexually abusive asshole maybe just maybe he would get laid.

      3. Insatiable Learner says:

        Thank you, HG! This is exactly what I heard my narc say about his wife. Every time I start questioning whether he is indeed a narc, I read another article of yours and it confirms he is. Why am I struggling with this?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Because your emotional thinking is trying to con you for its own purposes. That is it in a nutshell. This has a number of consequences which causes your to struggle which I can assist you with.

      4. Insatiable Learner says:

        Thank you, HG! Yes, emotional thinking and cool logic are at war. Once the payment for a private consultation is made, how soon are you generally available to schedule it?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am pretty flexible so can fit people in fairly soon.

  14. narc affair says:

    Yes and sometime midrangers do hook up with other narcissists. Its always the exs fault.

  15. RS says:

    He used to always say that his wife yelled at the girls all day ( they had two teenage daughters) screeching at them from the bottom of the stairs. Then she would look at him with a look of “let’s have sex”, and he would say “NO, you have been yelling at the girls all day long, I’m not going to have sex with you!” In reality, it was probably him doing all the yelling. At the time, I told him that maybe the reason she yelled so much was because he didn’t give her any sex. I don’t think he liked that much. πŸ˜„

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