Whore

 

Tell me, what is it like to be such a whore? How does it feel? Are you proud of yourself? Are you pleased with what you have become? Are your parents proud of what their son or daughter has done with their life, to become this thing that prostitutes itself so regularly and with no sense of shame? If only they knew eh? If only they knew the lengths, you go to in order to get what you want. It must be a shallow existence don’t you think? Knowing that nobody truly likes you, that all of the love, affection, friendship, kindness and gratitude has to be bought and paid for. What an empty life that must be? I know you are very good at it. I will give you that. You are a professional when it comes to performing this role. I must admit that I sometimes watch with a strange kind of, well, I suppose it is respect isn’t it? Yes, respect for the way that you work your role. You know what to say don’t you? Those words come easy to you but they should because you have used them often enough on other people. You are a serial offender if the truth be told and that is why the epitaph of whore is so fitting. You know just what to say to get what you want. You know when to say it, what to say and how to say it, just like a hooker parading her wares in a window in Amsterdam. You have worked out your best side, your most beguiling stance and you have them come flocking, every time. I am impressed by it; I have to say. You make it seem so real. You fooled me, there was no doubt about it. You have used your experience and you are experienced, to heighten the sensation so it is better than anything else. It is probably better than the real thing. I know you are just going through the motions but I am wise to you, I would be a fool if I was not, but there are countless of them out there who will fall for it time and time again. You won’t be going out of business, not at all. You will have a steady stream of those willing to have sugar poured in their ear, hear those honey-coated words tumble from those oh so inviting lips. And the promises, oh the promises. So difficult to resist, so inviting, so exciting. They clamour for your attention in the end. I find it odd in a way because you are selling yourself but you don’t actually have to sell yourself do you? They come to you. They flock in their droves, lured by your siren call and you always deliver. You always give them exactly what they want. You did that with me. You knew what I wanted and you provided it for me, in spades. It was sensational and you got me hooked so I didn’t want it from anyone else. That is pretty powerful.

I wish I knew how it felt though. How does it feel to live like this? How does it feel knowing that everything is a show, a performance and it isn’t real? What is it like being so shallow? Do you even care? Perhaps you don’t, after all you are getting what you want aren’t you? Well we both are actually so we should both be delighted with it, but why is it that I am not? Why is it that I feel used? I thought I was the one who was in control, I thought I was the one who was calling the shots and yet I always seem to surrender that control to you. I thought I was the one who got to play the tune and you danced to it but then it doesn’t always work that way does it? I wish I could work out why that was. You make me feel like you at times, or at least you make me feel how I imagine you feel, cheap, used, dirty, a whore.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. This is all you know isn’t it? This is how you have had to adapt, how you have to ensure you survive by getting people to do what you want, to make them like you, to make them adore you and love you. I wonder how long you will carry on like this? Is this the way it is always going to be? Is this what you are consigned to do for the rest of your life, seeking a way through the vagaries of your existence by always doing what the other person wants. You need to please don’t you? That’s how you survive. You exist only through the permission and desires of the others. You may think you wield the power, you may think that pleasure, absolute please, joy, ecstasy and delight are within your gift but you are beholden to provide those things because if you do not then you are nothing. You are nothing. Nothing without me. Nothing at all. I made you who you are, you need me although you will tell me that I need you. Perhaps we need one another? I don’t like to think that is the case because I have to be the one that makes the decisions, pulls the strings and gets what I want. I dictate and you react. That’s the way it is isn’t it?

So, you carry on doing what you do best. Carry on imagining that people really do love you, that people really do like you and that they want to be with you because you are so wonderful and delightful. It is your performance that they want and you had better not forget that. You had better remember that you are beholden to their desires. You dance to the tune and he who pays the piper plays the tune. Everybody pays though don’t they? The payment is what it is all about and you always make sure you get paid. You are never short-changed, ripped off or discounted. You won’t do anything without extracting your payment and you make sure you get full value for your endeavours don’t’ you? Nothing for free. Everybody pays. Nothing because you want to do it or feel you should. It is all about the payment. That is all you want, the payment for yourself.

Whore.

I hate you.

57 thoughts on “Whore

  1. Ronhi says:

    Absolutely love the falling away of your words, as I couldn’t read quick enough …completely describes my ex’s pitiful life and world….lol,…

    Ronhi

  2. LisaB says:

    It is uncanny, truly, how much these words are exactly what I heard so many times I am still shaken from reading them, as though I am experiencing a flashback. Oh my god. When this tirade of his started, I was simply struck dumb each time. I was in such shock (although I don’t know why, I had heard it time and again) that I was unable to even speak. I didn’t move or respond, I just took it. After a while, I began to believe him. After all, he said he loved me. So surely he must be right about what I am. Right? I lived that way, punishing myself and accepting his hate, for years. Finally, enough. Since the poison has been working itself out of me for the last 9 months, I have reached the blessed point at which I finally recognize myself again. Over the last two weeks, I have found myself laughing sincerely, really feeling it. Not the fake laugh I had for years. I have my life again. I am not, nor have I ever been, a whore. That was one of his ways of keeping me under his control; no one would ever want a WHORE like me. Wrong! Thanks, HG, for reminding me of where I was and how far I’ve come.

  3. My ex treated me like a whore. He would say things to his friends like give me twenty dollars and you can sleep with my girlfriend. And then get mad when his friends would say ok. I remember thinking screw you. I will sneak out the window later and sleep with him for free. Teach you a lesson.

    1. Jenna says:

      I❤️hgt, that’s so sad! And then he actually gets angry at them if they agree? He’s the one who asked!! I’m so sorry. I like ur name. I think u r new here. So welcome!💐

      1. Jenna
        Thank you.

    2. Melinda says:

      LOL Thanks for the laugh.

      1. My pleasure.

  4. SaS says:

    Reality is tougher than that of my fantasy world.
    And you just spelled it out..WHORE!
    This is the Word that Echoed in my head as a young child nightly. Alone with the man who would call me a Whore for not responding to his call for me. A little girl in a nightmare that she never woke up from. As she grows into a woman she chooses her mates carefully. Not all men could see who she was, just the werewolf’s in sheep’s clothing. They Loved to sweep her off her feet, she was young and very beautiful. How could they resist a fine time with Ms young and innocent. I seen each young man as an object of love. Funny how they never stayed around long enough for me to remember there name’s.
    They were part of my past and there still here in this grown body with a sick little girl inside who cries daily for someone to love her. But she doesn’t even know what that means. She is a slave, she is a Whore..

  5. narc affair says:

    Still waiting for the spanked article 😄🤗 no rush 😉

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Narc Affair
      Haha. I would be interested in Spanked also.

    2. HG Tudor's #1 fan says:

      Huh? What spanked article?!! This sounds interesting!

      1. narc affair says:

        The one HG said he’d write this week in conjunction to the article who’s the daddy 😄🤗 a girl can hope 😉

    3. RS says:

      I think there’s a line! 😄

    4. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

      I am excited about the article “Spanked” I can hardly contain myself. I am sure it is going to be mind blowing like many articles, HG writes and puts on display for his blog.

  6. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    HG,

    The whore has a response for you…lol

    Since I have mercy on your ears… mute the sound and watch the video with the lyrics lol!

    https://youtu.be/GurkREc-q4I

    I’m the girl you’ve been thinking about
    The one thing you can’t live without
    I’m the girl you’ve been waiting for
    I’ll have you down on your knees
    I’ll have you begging for more
    You probably thought I wouldn’t get this far
    You thought I’d end up in the back of a car
    You probably thought that I’d never escape
    I’d be a rat in a cage, I’d be a slave to this place
    You don’t know how hard I fought to survive
    Waking up alone when I was left to die
    You don’t know about this life I’ve led
    All these roads I’ve walked
    All these tears I’ve bled

    So how can this be?
    You’re praying to me
    As I look in your eyes
    I know just what that means
    I can be, I can be your everything

    I can be your whore
    I am the dirt you created
    I am your sinner
    And your whore
    But let me tell you something baby
    You love me for everything you hate me for

    I’m the one that you need and fear
    Now that you’re hooked, it’s all becoming clear
    That all your judgments that you placed on me
    Was a reflection of discovery
    So maybe next time when you cast your stones
    From the shadows of the dark unknown
    You will crawl up from your hiding place
    Take a look in the mirror
    See the truth in your face

    So how can this be?
    You’re praying to me
    As I look in your eyes
    I know just what that means
    I can be, I can be your everything…

    1. Somebody's Falling says:

      Love that song and tickled to see it posted. 🙂 I can’t get enough of her latest album. It’s obvious in the lyrics someone has known their share of dealing with the N kind.

      1. RS says:

        Wow! I want to know how you posted that video because there are times I want to send something here but don’t know how.

        He made me feel like a whore – nasty, sexy, dirty. . . I guess I wanted to feel that way after 23 years of being married and squeaky-clean (well, most of the time anyway 😈)

  7. Karolina says:

    Interesting analysis of yourself.

  8. NarcAngel says:

    Mirror mirror on the wall……

    Love this writing style HG. Makes you stop and think.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you NA.

  9. narc affair says:

    This describes a narcissist and a codependant. Both prostitite themselves out to get what they want. The narcissist with their facade and the codependant with their denial of the truth to hang onto the narcissist. The narcissist never fully knows who they are and becomes whatever it is their source wants them to be to get what they want from them. The codependant gives up their values, beliefs, family, friends…. Both pay a price. A codependant will put up with abuse in exchange for what they feel they cant live without regardless who it may hurt. The narcissist will hurt whoever because their needs are the most important and it makes them feel powerful. Both prostitute who they are to get their payment.
    When i think of a narcissist i wonder why they feel they cant get fuel from people being themselves and a good person. Its bc they dont like who they are and probably dont even know or remember who they were as a child. Theyre so removed from themselves their true self that they cant rely on that person to form relationships. That person is lost to the many facades over the years. We give up so much when we are in a toxic dynamic. We give up who we are for a feel good fix or high.

    1. HG Tudor's #1 fan says:

      Narcaffair,

      “Its bc they dont like who they are and probably dont even know or remember who they were as a child. Theyre so removed from themselves their true self that they cant rely on that person to form relationships.”

      😔😔😔😔😔

  10. Diva says:

    To me, initially, much of this article could be from the viewpoint of an empath that has been discarded by a narc and has become painfully aware of what he or she has been intertwined with. On saying that, as the empath usually have their own issues ongoing, they too also sell themselves, (albeit for different reasons) so much of what is stated here could also be applicable to the empath from the viewpoint of a narc. This article corroborates what I previously stated and believe, that the empath and the narc maybe have more in common, than what divides them. Reading this is like we are two halves of one whole…….what the other one gives the other one needs and vice versa, but for different reasons. This article highlights to me that we the empath and the narc can see a part of ourselves in each other. One main difference, in my opinion is this……..we may both sell ourselves extremely well..….however the empaths actually have something tangible to sell…….the narc only has smoke and mirrors…..and cracked ones at that. It is only a matter of time before the novelty of having smoke blown up your arse wears off and you remember that a cracked mirror brings you nothing but bad luck. Great article. Diva

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  11. K says:

    My ex MMRN would often say, “I am a whore for money.” And, “I am an attention whore.”

    I love the last 4 words to this post.

  12. Noname says:

    We all are “whores” in one or another way. Life is as it is. No need to be depressed by this fact.

    1. ANK says:

      True. We give them what they want, fuel and they pay us with the golden period in compliments, future faking, until they are sated or bored and seek new tricks with new appliances.

      1. Noname says:

        Er… I’m afraid, I was misunderstood, although your own version is valid and makes sense, ANK.

        I meant that we all do what we don’t want to do from time to time for sake of “payment”.

  13. ANK says:

    Yes he is a man whore and yes I hate him.

  14. jenna says:

    I’m a little confused. R u talking abt an actual prostitute or just a flirty person? Because i admit i am a flirt, but i don’t sleep around. I’ve slept w 4 pple in my life, and we were v much in love. (Well, w ex narc i thought he loved me). Ex1 i’m not in contact w but he still wishes me happy bday every yr via email, but i do not reply. I am still in periodic platonic text contact w ex2. I cannot just end and go no contact w him becoz i felt bad when he said ‘you can’t stop me frm loving u.’ We wanted to get married but we could not due to external circumstances. W ex3 (narc) – well u all know abt that!
    I don’t believe in serial relationships or one night stands. I’ve been to a bar only once, in my early twenties, becoz one of the university socials was being held there. I never went again. I did not like seeing my male friends drunk, lose control and dance on their knees in front of me. Yuck! I myself have never had a sip of alcohol.
    I like intelligence in a man and one who keeps his composure ie. doesn’t get drunk. I like a man w high career goals and aspirations, and one who keeps his body healthy and in shape.
    But yes, i am a flirt w select few (very few) other guys. It’s a borderline trait. It’s harmless flirting really. I think i like the attention they give me in return. I don’t sleep with them tho. Am i a whore?! 😧

    1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      Jenna,

      You’re not a whore. If flirting counts thn I’m a super whore lmao.

      1. jenna says:

        Lol doc! And thx for the confirmation!

        1. robins359 says:

          Add me to the group. . . I have always been a flirt!

      2. K says:

        Hilarious, Dr QPsyD. And Jenna you are the opposite of a whore.

    2. ANK says:

      They are the whores and they seek payment in fuel.

    3. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

      Me!

      1. Hg tudor's #1 fan says:

        And u are adding an exclamation mark, meaning u r enthusiastic abt it?

        Let’s amp up the drama here. In this article, i will call myself hg tudor’s #1 fan, which is different frm ur name. Did u figure out why? I didn’t think u would. I didn’t omit the apostrophe in ‘tudor’s, as it would be a grammatical error. It is required to indicate possession.

      2. Hg tudor's #1 fan says:

        I am jenna btw.

      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        “Me!”

        I’m genuinely confused right now.

      4. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

        HG, you are a phenomenal writer.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you.

  15. Yolo says:

    Why do we turn to whores when we are not engaging with them ? I know it’s only from their sick perspective. When I go over all the men I have been with I can’t recall but maybe 1 or 2 norms. I was dating a lesser victim psychonarc, he came with very high recommendations 😊Now, I realize his family was probably trying to get rid of him. I knew his aunt she’s was very nice. She was so excited and started talking about marriage after only a few weeks of dating. He had just relocated from the Midwest to work at a automotive manufacture in my state. Several were closing down in the Midwest.

    Wow, I have to fast forward the thoughts are overwhelming. His smear campaign was by far the worst. He would always threaten if you stop talking to me ” I would let everyone know how much of a white you are”. After, over a year of stalking and craziness protection orders his family finally convinced him to move back to the Midwest. It didn’t end there oh no. He still called everyday sometimes 10 to 30 times in the evenings. He would make threats that he would fly back to kill him and I. Then, he would call back and apologize. This went on for months, his work hours were like 6 am to 2 pm we were on different time zones. The calls began around 12 pm my time. I decided I was not going to take any more of his calls. I had enough, that idiot called my work number not my direct line, but our main line. He left a messages stating that I was a whore and I did this and that in bed and went as far to say whoever get this message tell that whore I will pay her. He left at least 5 messages.

    😢😢 My front desk person called me and and “asked are you okay”? “I am going to forward some messages I think you should hear”.

    I called at least 3 police and sheriff’s station in his town and finally found a lady sheriff that offered to help. She was a blessing, she went straight to his job and I didn’t hear from him for about a month. There were benign Hoover’s and Hoover’s by proxy that lasted for at least a year or so. Ugh..i get chills just thinking about how I attract these crazy people.

    1. K says:

      It is never a good sign when people want to rush you into a marriage, Yolo! And what an ass he was for leaving those messages at work. “Tell that whore I will pay her!?” SMH.

    2. Melinda says:

      My ex threatened to tell everyone I’m a whore . . . I’m not . . . But I told him, please tell all the men you know . . . I like to be wined and dined first . . . I can use the male companionship, someone else to shower all my love upon! He didnt . . .

  16. RS says:

    Yes, tell me how it feels, whore!!!

  17. MLA - Clarece says:

    It goes along with securing a “win” over someone else at all costs.

  18. centauride12 says:

    Excellent article HG, it perfectly expresses the duality of your kind, the way you project your characteristics on to your victim…gaslighting until they believe what you say.

    The sad thing is that if only they were able to use the insight afforded in these words upon themselves they would be able to use it to heal.

    As an enlightened empath I would take a step back wanting to hold up a mirror to the narc and reflect their projection back at them.

    This article reminds me so much why I refer to my ex narc as a conundrum!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you centauride12, good to see you again.

  19. Aurora says:

    HG,

    And again if I could appeal to your insightful abilities…
    Please clarify the payment?
    I was truly unclear.

    Im drawn to speculate but will wait for your answer.

    PS…perhaps to include:

    ***[In the narcissist’s perception] Everybody pays. Nothing because you want to do it or feel you should. (Or maybe [empath] you don’t know how…)***

  20. SaraB23 says:

    Ooow that was good 👍

  21. Salome says:

    Are you OK, HG?
    You are talking to yourself…

    Sorry! Maybe not?
    Maybe you are talking to the realy Dirty Empath?

    P.S. I would like to send it to my abuser.
    But I will not- it could be to dengerous.

    1. Salome says:

      Actually I was wrong.
      Now I can hear it clearly, who is insulting you:
      The Creature.

      1. Salome says:

        HG, you are MASTER OF CONFUSION

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is but one of my many titles Salome.

  22. windstorm2 says:

    Very astute summation.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  23. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    One of my favorites!

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