Thats when the hoovering starts either within the relationship during a shelving/devaluing or after disengagement when the narc sees you getting on with your life they will hoover to see if they still matter and have an effect. Within the relationship its a brief golden moment to prove to themselves they still have control or after disengagement to prove they can still have you. If theyre rejected they either slither away and smear or they try harder to prove to their ego they can turn it around and still have an effect. If theyre successful they lose interest and drop you like a hot potato. They cant handle seeing people move on without them.
This makes me think of a comment made a few weeks ago, by Mona, I think. That her mother had said she didn’t think her grown daughter would be able to live without her after she had died. This is one of those things that make you laugh at first at it’s ridiculousness, but then just leaves you feeling sad.
I wish I could be in my narc’s head that he realizes that he’s never, ever getting me back. But I guess that because he’s a narc, that will never happen, because he’ll always think he can change my mind.
I’m never ever going back either Anna , I read everything I can , I learn as much as I can . It’s been 7 months now not a day goes by I don’t think of him I know it was not real I know what he is . But it still doesn’t stop my mind thinking what could of been even knowing it could never be , I often get the feeling to run back although I never would . He has long moved on 4 weeks after me getting engaged to another. Just lately the incredible heartache has washed over me again I truly am broken hearted . My mind plays terrible tricks on me , but I’ll keep moving forward as I know what’s behind me can and never will change ….. pure evil
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Bel
I know what you mean. I’ve been there. It does get better in time. Took me about 2 years.
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Oh, but I will. After 26 years I’m going to thrive without your abuse and control.
Yes……because you can’t survive without us……..Diva
We all move on.
I hate to think he can move on so quickly to someone else, or to someone else’s fuel after me. 😞
Thats when the hoovering starts either within the relationship during a shelving/devaluing or after disengagement when the narc sees you getting on with your life they will hoover to see if they still matter and have an effect. Within the relationship its a brief golden moment to prove to themselves they still have control or after disengagement to prove they can still have you. If theyre rejected they either slither away and smear or they try harder to prove to their ego they can turn it around and still have an effect. If theyre successful they lose interest and drop you like a hot potato. They cant handle seeing people move on without them.
This makes me think of a comment made a few weeks ago, by Mona, I think. That her mother had said she didn’t think her grown daughter would be able to live without her after she had died. This is one of those things that make you laugh at first at it’s ridiculousness, but then just leaves you feeling sad.
I can’t really
I wish I could be in my narc’s head that he realizes that he’s never, ever getting me back. But I guess that because he’s a narc, that will never happen, because he’ll always think he can change my mind.
I’m never ever going back either Anna , I read everything I can , I learn as much as I can . It’s been 7 months now not a day goes by I don’t think of him I know it was not real I know what he is . But it still doesn’t stop my mind thinking what could of been even knowing it could never be , I often get the feeling to run back although I never would . He has long moved on 4 weeks after me getting engaged to another. Just lately the incredible heartache has washed over me again I truly am broken hearted . My mind plays terrible tricks on me , but I’ll keep moving forward as I know what’s behind me can and never will change ….. pure evil
Bel
I know what you mean. I’ve been there. It does get better in time. Took me about 2 years.
Oh, but I will. After 26 years I’m going to thrive without your abuse and control.
I hope, with all my heart, that is true!
But who can survive WITH you?
Well that can apply to both parties, narcissist and non- narc alike.