The 20 Rules of the Social Media Narcissist

20 rules


Social media and the internet. When the Romans built those long, straight and effective roads they had no idea what was going to be using those roads in years to come. Similarly, those early pioneers – Tim Berners-Lee, Mark Zuckerberg, Noah Glass, Kevin Systrom et al could not have realised what their various creations might achieve and might still achieve. I daresay none of them realised what fantastic tools they had created for my kind and me. The advance of technology and the various forms of applications and social media have not only contributed to a growth in our numbers, those entitled millennials for example, but our reach has been massively extended beyond the use of the humble telephone. Whereas once my tendrils coiled from my person when I was physically proximate to you, through the use of Lieutenants, elegant hand-crafted letters and those whispered words from landlines and telephone booths, now my tendrils are multiplied a billion times over. They surge across the internet, striking from well-composed e-mails, appearing from the medley of text messages which race to and fro. I surf forums selecting those who are the most appropriate targets and victims and use the vast array of electronic media at my disposal to seduce and ensnare. Messages, photos, videos fly back and forth across the many outlets, across my many devices. In my bolthole the glow from multiple screens would allow you, if I ever admitted you across the threshold, to see my studious gaze and fuel-filled grin as my fingers dart and glide. Opening one application, closing another, composing a message, answering a query, laughing at a comment, reaching out, reeling in, seducing, devaluing, hoovering. Like some grand organist at a technological organ, the screens change and glow, from phone to phone, from PC to laptop, to tablet. The notifications pings and appear, each one the potential for fuel. Yes, the seemingly unstoppable advance of the availability of wireless communication and the many, many methods of connection that are available have been a playground for our kind. We can observe, learn, ply our trade as we cross jurisdictions, mountain ranges and oceans like never before. Once upon a time a bar or a club was a prime hunting ground for some of our kind. Now it invariably begins online and we can broadcast our love-bombs across a massive area, tweaking and adjusting until we refine matters so we can close in on those in a proximate area. The few hundred in a local bar become several million in a city who can then be met face to face and the most potent fuelling begins.

The use of social media and the internet is all pervading throughout your entanglement with our kind We seduce using it, we bombard and charm using it. We harness its formidable power to devalue, to smear, to disseminate the lies about you and then broadcast news of our newest conquest in order to further your misery. Pictures plastered across our timeline. Comments smeared across your own. Others piling into the frenzy of electronic barbs and hooks. The enticing hoover of a late night text message. The blocking, the deleting, the eradicating. The capacity to scour your online profile for information to commence your seduction. The ability to monitor where you are and who you are with as we ready a hoover. The game playing from knowing you can see I have read a message but I won’t respond, leaving you churning, anxious and on the edge of indecision as to whether you ought to try again or remain distant. The carousel of available targets, the endless permutations and possibilities for gathering fuel. Such potential and such excitement. The triangulation across the airwaves, the shuttling of similar messages back and forth to various recipients, a beauty parade where the most effective responders then are chosen for the next stage.

If all of this was taken away I can revert to old school methods. I have that skill set. The junior of our number would be in serious distress, thrashing around and unable to perform effectively as us great sharks cruise easily utilising the older methods to suck up all that fuel to leave the younger of our brethren starving and failing. Not that such an occurrence is likely to happen. No, instead it will only become more and more of a narcissist’s heaven as faster and more intuitive devices are created. How long before the “Find an Empath” application makes its presence known? Watch with glee as the radar sweeps around and notifies me that there are 42 empaths in a one-mile radius. Such sweet delight!

Of course with every new system, every new method of interaction there come rules, obligations, conventions, protocols and procedures. Many are informal, internationally recognised as the dos and don’ts of social media usage. Our kind, naturally, is not isolated from such a development and there is indeed an etiquette (which is just a euphemistic way of saying this is what you really should do) with regard to social media usage involving our kind and your kind. Accordingly, let me introduce you to twenty commandments of social media etiquette as decreed by the Council of Narcissists.

  1. You are never to tag us in any photographs without our prior permission which can be revoked at any time and without reason.


  1. Our relationship status is only updated when we deem it appropriate. Any insistence by you that we reflect your existence will meet with repercussions. Your relationship status? Nobody is interested.


  1. All photographs post discard will show us ecstatically happy and with ourselves draped around your replacement. You should make sure you look and do so regularly.


  1. All adverse comments about you are true and must never be removed, amended or diluted by you.


  1. We have a stock of unlimited likes which we can throw around over other people’s comments and pictures as often as we want and you have to deal with it.


  1. If messenger says I was active five minutes ago, it is lying.


  1. I can block, ban, unblock, revoke bans as and when required. You must facilitate access to all your social media at all times without condition or exclusion.


  1. My tweets are slices of intellectual brilliance. Nobody reads yours (unless they praise me).


  1. All electronic communications used by me never existed. You imagined them.


  1. My 1500 friends of the opposite sex are exactly that. Why else are they described as friends?


  1. All postings by you are subject to scrutiny and questioning as in, “Whose hand is that in the background?” and

“I see two glasses on the table. Who else was there?”


  1. Just because it shows I have read your message is not determinative proof that I have done so.



  1. It shows my message to you has been read. You have ten seconds to reply.


  1. You are duty bound post discard or escape to accept follower and friend requests from utter strangers with unusual profile pictures.


  1. Notifications do not appear on my lock screen to save battery power. Honest.


  1. All my postings must be liked and commented, re-tweeted etc. by you within one hour of their creation. All comments must reflect my brilliance and incisive insights on the topic du jour.


  1. The fact my device automatically logs in at a location is not evidence I have been before. It merely shows how welcome I am.


  1. You are not permitted to demonstrate favour to other posts, tweets, pictures etc. over mine.


  1. I filter everything that might appear on my timeline. Popularity requires such a step. No, I have not got anything to hide.


  1. If my response is a non-sequitur when we are messaging this does not mean I am messaging someone else at the same time. It means you are not keeping up with me.

41 thoughts on “The 20 Rules of the Social Media Narcissist

  1. ajo says:

    okay, I’m so confused.

    He took his profiles down a year ago when I was about to pack my stuff because I found out he was still instagram friends with an old affair and he had assured me he had NO CONTACT with anyone of his past. Plus social media had caused some issues early on. I didn’t ask him to take them down. Then he seemed to get off on telling everyone he was “above” being on social media. It ended up serving him well as the new IPPS was seduced and he was telling her I was out of the picture for months. If he had social media, she’d be able to tell that wasn’t the case.
    A month ago I see his profile pop up under “suggested friends”. He’d obviously been snooping my profile an the algorhythms suggested him. He didn’t resurrect his old one. It was a new one. He had no friends except his boss which I wonder if she finally required he get one because that is how they communicate for finding subs for classes. I checked and he isn’t friends with his girlfriend, sister, mom best friend…nobody.
    Today, I checked because I am oh so curious if he will come back full force to social media. He used to love the attention from the pictures of his kids and whatnot and did a “monthly update” on the family. Nothing. Actually, he took the one profile pic down that was of him and his kids and now it’s just a blue box.
    I figured he would get back on full fledge soon. He seems to have a 6 month boredom cycle with women and it’s been 6 months now. He bought himself a new car (my favorite kind). Drove past me about a month ago and crooked his neck staring, his IPPS got a new job so he isn’t getting his “fling” attention at work. I figure fuel is low.
    Is it possible for a narc to actually stay off social media for extended period of time? Why is he back and the fact that he hasn’t “blocked me” means he’s using it to stalk, right? Should I block him? Part of me is apprehensive because since it’s a new account that lacks mutual friends, he’ll think I looked for him and that I actually give a shit enough to block him. He can look at my profile all he wants. He can’t see much and what he can is me happy, looking great and having fun. How do I best WIN?
    Thanks HG!!!

    1. ajo says:

      Oh gosh, sorry!! My other comments awaiting moderation didn’t show up so I thought they didn’t post. Now I see them! Sorry for the double posting. Feel free to delete the last one and post the other two or vice versa, HG.

  2. Ajo says:

    I know my other comment is still awaiting moderation.. but update. It seems he is just using his account for his side job for updates from his boss perhaps. He only has one mutual friend with me which is his boss. No other friends are listed and I have checked his new IPPS and he isn’t friends with her (it looks like she hasn’t been on Facebook for months or a year even.
    Now this week, I checked and he took down his profile picture which was he and his kids. Now it’s a blue screen. But he kept his correct name. My mind is just boggled wondering what the hell he is doing!!?? He doesn’t have Anything else listed. It’s like an empty profile. And how he can still manage to go without the attention he used to get from social media likes? All I can think is maybe he is paranoid now and wants no one to have a view into his life and not feel pressure by the IPPS to put up pictures of her.

  3. Sammy says:

    Hg- I blocked my mid range ex on facebook and have been NC for about 5 months. Based on what you know about midrangers do you think he still somehow looks at my page? We don’t have any mutual friends in real life or online.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Assuming he has a new IPPS I would say he will not bother to look.

  4. Cc says:


  5. Carla says:

    Why would a narcissist who relies on social media shut their accounts down?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is either the appearance of shutting them down (others you don’t know about may operate) or if it is a shut down it is to ensure you stay away from knowing what he or she is doing.

      1. Carla says:

        Makes total sense, thank you.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome.

  6. K says:

    “Find an Empath” application, that made me laugh. Of course, we would have to counter that with our own app, “Dodge a Narc”. It would be like a game of cat and mouse.

    1. Yolo says:

      Hahaha, 10 pop up questions. If you answer yes to 3 questions run. Don’t worry about the other 7 on due time. Red flashing lights emitting from our phones. 😂😂😂

      1. K says:

        Excellent Yolo! Run as fast as you can! Ha ha ha…

  7. Gwen says:

    HG would it wound a mid ranger more for me to not open/read a text from him or to open it so he sees I have read it and then still not respond?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not to open it. He will likely gain Thought Fuel if he believes you to have read it.

  8. MyTrueSelf says:

    Social media and mobile devices were an extensively used tool of manipulation for my ex.
    I’m not on social media (there are still a couple of us:-) My Ex was on every social media platform there is and his status would have to be checked and updated regularly.
    We had a major dispute when I told him his phone was binging at night and keeping me awake.
    The devices would be used as a physical barrier-the iPad/ laptop propped up between us at meals. He could go for hours and days and on into the nights, with his head down locked to the screen. He’d flick his hand at me if I tried to speak to him as I received the Silent Treatment.
    His previous partner had peeked over his shoulder and caught him cheating via a txt msg.
    Now he has a screen privacy foil on his phone.
    We’d be in town and I would find myself constantly stoping and having to wait while he taped in a msg.
    I mentioned that I didn’t like being second fiddle to this phone- he made sure to do it all the more.
    ‘Phone etiquette’? There was none. I’d be left mid conversation while he went off to talk. No apologie. No explanation.

  9. angela says:

    i like read this blog..not only to know about N.
    i like to see how lucky i was toescape from the N.
    thank you

  10. angela says:


  11. Ajo says:

    Perfect timing. I got on fb today and guess who was listed under my “suggested friends”!!?? Those algorithms…he’s been snooping my page because we don’t have any mutual friends. He’s been off social media for a year (after I kept catching him doing shady stuff he took them down). He took pride in it and acted like he was too good for social media. Well, now…
    I smell trouble in paradise. I predicted he’d get back on when things weren’t going well with his new IPPS. Not having social media served him well while seducing her because that way she wouldn’t know we were still together.
    HG, you’re freaking brilliant. I feel like I can read the narcs next moves now and interpret what’s happening because of your posts.
    Tell me if I am on the right track here…he just bought a new vehicle (my favorite kind), drove past me last week, now he’s back on Facebook. My theory is that fuel levels are low from the IPPS. She’s got a good job now and no longer works with him. He is either bored or she is wising up, so he is out on the prowl for fuel.
    Am I on the right track? I think you’ve taught me well.. 😉
    Oh, and do I block him on fb? His account is brand new. If I block him he’ll think I actually care and found him somehow. I’d rather give off the vibe that I don’t give a sh**.

  12. gabbanzobean says:

    My narc got rid of his “what’s app” so he says. Seems weird. Regular SMS texting doesn’t show messages being read. Wouldn’t he want to keep people on their toes knowing that he has read their messages while ignoring them? Or is it better to remain hidden? 🤔

  13. Me says:

    Don’t exist?…screenshots baby..screenshots..touché

    1. HG Tudor says:

      See ‘The Narcissist’s Twin Lines of Defence’ for how such evidence would be dealt with.

  14. Me says:

    Guess what????..anyone can do what you do..duh..nothing are old and will die soon and get your fuel from the flames that will be licking your soul for all eternity..cry out then and see if I want to put fuel on that fire..I will be happy to oblige to see you suffer in eternal pain

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am neither old nor will I die soon. I won’t be suffering either. Always important to assist with misconceptions.

      1. Cc says:

        I hope you are at least 50.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It’s the hope that kills you.

          1. RS says:

            Truer words were never spoken! You’re kind always give us just enough hope to make us want to hang on …. then it gets yanked out from under our feet like a rug.😜

  15. Tiddlywink says:

    Hi HG.. this was such a well written piece and made me laugh especially the “find an empath” app.. haha so funny. Well done !!
    One thing regarding #7 block unblock etc.. mine did that constantly and in fact i was never allowed to be an ‘official’ fb friend .. only talked on messenger..which he has of course blocked now.. but he blocked me from messaging his 2 gfs and his family too. I know he has 2 active fb accounts with 2 different women in relationships with him.. unbeknownst to either of them as he keeps them separate. Do you have 2 or more fb accounts with different women in relationships with you at one time? Also do you have access to their passwords for their own fb accounts so you can monitor who they interact with and also block one woman against another so as they remain unaware of what you are doing?

    1. Tiddlywink says:

      HG.. do you have more than 1 fb account, so that you can compartmentalise your current women.. and also have u been so controlling of your IPPS and/or IPSS or others, that you have had or currently do have access to all their own passwords on their own fb and social media accounts, so that you can block other people on their accounts and also check up on who they talk to etc?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        I have a few FB accounts which are used purely for the purposes of information gathering and diversion. I have gained access to the social media accounts of IPPSs in the past, yes.

    2. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you. I have used FB in this manner in the past, I do not use it as much currently.

  16. Nik says:

    Too funny HG. Black humour at its finest.

  17. robins359 says:

    Notifications do not appear on my lock screen to save battery power. Honest.
    Ahahahaha!!! OMG! That made me laugh so hard because he used to say that to me. He would never let us be “friends” on FB because he said “you would always be following me around and knowing where I am”. At the end, when he told me “go look on FB. .. you will be amazed”, he had finally invited me to be a friend. I told him I couldn’t do that. My friend’s would never let me hear the end of it if they knew I was talking to him again. I’m sure that shot him down. . . poor baby! LOL

    1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      Pshhh notifications should never be on anyone’s lock screen that is just crazy lmao

      1. RS says:

        Pshhh notifications should never be on anyone’s lock screen that is just crazy lmao
        I know, right?! Once, in the beginning of our entanglement, I sent him a naked picture of me (we were doing that then. . . pig!) and he sent a text saying “OMG!!!! I was upstairs and Heather – his youngest daughter – picked up my phone and saw your picture!!!!” I was horrified. I kept apologizing over and over. That was on a Friday and I didn’t hear from him the rest of the weekend. When he showed up at where I work the following Tuesday he told me he had to delete my phone number and e-mail to prove to Heather that he wouldn’t do that again, that was why he didn’t contact me all weekend. Geez, what a liar. I said “then it’s time to stop” to which he replied “I think it’s for the best”. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I should have let him go then and there but he came back many more times. Now I know that he would never have left his phone out of his sight and certainly not let it show notifications on the screen, being the perv that he is.

  18. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    And make certain posts public…for certain people to see what you want them to see even though you aren’t technically friends on fb lmao…

    Ohhhh we play the same games 😀

    1. Ajo says:

      Dr. Harleen, you’re my favorite! You’re lost make me laugh. Not laughing at you, but at how you have a way of making them look like the crying babies they are. And how you screw with them is hilarious!!! Better than watching a reality tv show. Lol

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        I heart you tooooo!!! I’m glad I at least amuse you hahahahah. Truth is I don’t mess with them unless they mess with me. I have friends that are sociopaths and psychopaths… we have a mutually parasitic relationship and we entertain each other ….

        It’s only the ones that try to dupe me or hurt me that have to be messed with and then left.

        I’m a lover not a fighter lol.

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        These doucherockets never quite see the advantages that I have over them and lemme tell you … I have quite a few lol.

        1. My mind, personality, and temperament
        2. My personal experience with their kind from a young age.
        3. My parents are psychologists – I grew up around psychology.
        4. I am a psychologist – my education, my training, and my field experience
        5. My extremely high levels of empathy
        6. My energy levels and the fact that I’m nocturnal. I am relentless lol.
        7. I have friends that are cluster b personalities
        8. I have a lot of friends who are in the mental health and medical professions so I can bounce things off them

        1. HG Tudor says:

          9. Your trumpet blowing!

  19. Kim michaud says:

    This is actually funny because it’s so true it’s also funny that my ex Marc has three a counts a real one a fake one and a third one he created to hoover me but the fake one is so amusing because it actually says on it that he works at the drama center of London LMao the whole account is completely falsified this is the one I’m blocked from he uses it to look for woman drama center lol how ironic

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