The issue of our kind impregnating a victim is yet another tool that exists within our manipulative toolkit to enable us to achieve our aims. I daresay some of you may find it abhorrent and reprehensible that such an act as conception and the bringing forth of new life should also fall within our repertoire of machinations. Others of you will not be surprised, long-used to the notion that nothing is off limits to us. Everything is in play. As ever,the issue of impregnation and the forthcoming birth is very much something that is relevant to our kind and as ever, I provide you with the truth of how it is regarded by our kind, no matter how unpalatable it may be.

There are several ways in which the act of conception, pregnancy and the issue of children are used to further our dark agendas.

  1. The Promise

The promise to give you children at the early stage of the relationship is always done with a view to ensuring that you succumb to our seduction. See how committed we are to you? We want to have children with you. You. Nobody else. What other commitment underlines and reinforces the strength of our desire to you? The joining of two people in love and creating new life together is the epitome of commitment. How your eyes fill with joyous tears and that look of spreading delight crosses your face when you realise that this wonderful, brilliant and magnificent person wants to have children with you. Whether it is impregnating you or us bearing your child, this promise is readily wheeled out in order to clinch the deal. What you should also have regard to that expressing a desire to make you pregnant/become pregnant by you is actually all about reinforcing our dominance over you. From the male narcissistic perspective, the act of having you take our seed deep inside of you, subjugated to our desire to create new life underlines our power. You are not only allowing us to enter your most private of places but you are allowing us to deposit our very essence there as well. To us this is the ultimate act of conquest. We have vanquished all resistance and there, deep in your sacred and intimate place we have placed ourselves. From the female perspective, the act of becoming pregnant by you underlines how we have subsumed you into us. We have engulfed you and drawn that which defines you into our very deepest of places. We have similarly conquered you.

Not only is this promise made early in the seduction, it will be made irrespective of existing children we may have and that you may have. In our minds they are all just tests demonstrating our fertility for this most supreme of acts, the union of you and I. If we are considerably younger than you and you are female, aware of the ticking of the biological clock this promise of wanting to impregnate you will be used as a golden carrot to dangle in front of you. You are on the cusp of being barren, sterile years may well beckon and here we are, youthful, virile, fertile ready to not only give you our perfect love but to offer that perfect love by way of impregnating you. It is a powerful and irresistible promise which many find exhilarating and captivating. Add to this mix any existing issues in terms of trying to conceive or give birth and this vulnerability will be exploited even further. We want to give you what you want, only because it will give us what we want.

This promise will be launched at you from early on and will initially seem like a loving and romantic comment to make, but it is one that is borne out of the need to dominate and conquer and is a promise that will be made good for the second reason.

  1. Binding

There is no better way to bind you to us than the issue of children. The creation of children means that you are far less likely (and indeed in many cases unable) to escape us. You want the perfect image of a family and with someone who has arrived with such a glorious love for you, who better than us to have children with? We know that because as an empathic person you will dedicate yourself to their upbringing and therefore allow us reduce our own involvement save when it suits us. As you know, when you need support we are invariably found to be lacking. We choose having children as a means of tying you tight to us, ensuring you will provide plenty of fuel for us and have a huge obstacle in your way when it comes to trying to escape us. We have no desire to have children with you because of anything to do with you. We are using you as an incubator. We are like the insect which arrives and lays its eggs in another host causing them to do all the hard work. Once those eggs hatch you will be consumed, cast aside, just as that insect would with the empty husk of the carrier whose role has been completed. You are an appliance that supplies fuel. You are an appliance which is there to carry our offspring leaving us free to cultivate other fuel sources. You will receive little or no help from us, or be doted on, dependent on whether the pregnancy remains in the golden period. Whichever it is we expect you to bring forth our issue without complication or problem because these children are required for the third and fourth reasons.

  1. Pawns

What better device to use as a means of triangulation than one’s own children? These pawns are used in the ongoing competition with you.

“I love you more than mummy, you know that don’t you?”

“I’m your favourite aren’t I?”

“Let’s not tell daddy about this.”

“Mummy doesn’t really love you, but I do.”

Such utterances are issued in order to ensure that the children understand who is their master and commander. They will be used to provide us with fuel as they find themselves to our manipulations also but more than anything else they are a necessary and brilliant device that is used to triangulate with you.

“I will let you but daddy won’t.”

“Isn’t Mummy grumpy today?”

“Here, take this money but don’t tell your mother.”

“Aren’t you happy you look just like me?”

Your parenting of these children will be questioned. What you once did so well, will become the subject of scrutiny and criticism. Any perceived failure on the part of the advancement of these children – in education, popularity, sport and social competence – will be laid at your door. You have failed them. This heartless and savage criticism, attacking your competency as a parent is a fantastic method of causing you to spill fuel. All the while to the outside world we will appear the doting dad, the marvellous mother, the perfect parent. Little does the façade reveal of the tyrannical reign that emerges behind that closed door. The tears and sobbing never cross the threshold.

  1. Legacy

We wish to live forever. Someone as brilliant as ourselves deserves this and children provide the ideal conduit for securing that legacy. Our magnificence lives on through the accomplishments and achievements of children.

“He gets his brains from me.”

“Yes I was a champion sprinter as well.”

“He has inherited my artistic side.”

“I always knew he would follow me into the profession.”

“It is in the good genes I gave her; I always knew she would be a brilliant swimmer.”

The child never achieves anything. We caused those achievements. The credit will always be hoovered up by us. Sucking the admiration and fuel from onlookers as we grasp the glory and seize it for ourselves. We never give credit to anybody else and we make no adjustment to this selfishness with our children. They are just a further extension of ourselves. We attached you to us as an extension but we actually created these extensions, that is how powerful we consider ourselves to be.

We believe that children are the future. Our future.

48 thoughts on “Impregnate

  1. Vera says:

    Oh, HG, he used the exact word, “impregnate”, it is now freaking me out. Not “get you pregnant”, “have children with you”… At the time, because I wanted him so much, the technicality of the expression “right now all I think about is to impregnate you” had something attractive to it. Well, he did. “Impregnate” me. And the first thing he said when he found out was “Wow, the lads are still swimming!” with a grin of delight. He was 50 and his clock was ticking. That didn’t stop him from putting me through hell with his lies and triangulations. After three months we found out there was something wrong with the foetus. His first reaction was to blame God for playing tricks on him. Cold and remote he let me deal with this on my own. At 16 weeks I decided for medical termination after a lot of research. I was devastated, but now I think it was a narrow escape. My friends feel the same. I remember he would tell me when I confronted him with his lies and betrayals that I was the only woman he ever wanted children with! Broken as I was I would hang on to this. At least, in spite of all these women in his life, he wanted to have children with ME! Looking back, after ten months, I cannot believe I lowered myself to that level. But yes, this is what confusion does to you. And an underlying condition which is called empathy. Best wishes everyone.

  2. Kitkat says:

    I’m still learning who I was entangled with for four years. It’s uncanny the similar traits…this site is a trove. My ex very early on would say he wanted to “put a baby in me” or “let’s make a baby” during our sexual encounters even though I didn’t want more children. It was a turn on for him to say this. I really didn’t think much more of it (it didn’t do it for me), but with all other traits combined now it’s a little unnerving.

  3. Becky says:

    Ugh. That must be where my aversion to having children has come from as the fear of being bound to someone, the wrong someone, is a real fear of mine.

    1. K says:

      Don’t ever forget that fear; I have a 7-year-old with my MMRN and it makes “no contact” extremely difficult, and he is manipulating her by buying her all the toys she wants. It is a bit annoying and is only going to get worse.

  4. Kirsten says:

    HD, I read your blog regularly. No books to date. Digesting in small doses works. This article…# 1-4 is like snapshots of my life in a 10 year relationship/marriage with a narcissist and two young children. Thank you for your insight and sharing. I have a clear understanding of my ex. and “red flags” to see in new relationships with people. I am now finding peace within myself. I think many people that have a long term narcissist partner have lesser level relationships with other narcissists. It and took years for me to identify and handle these toxic connections.

  5. Noname says:

    My thoughts continue to wander on “Abusive Parents and their Children” subject…

    Having my own childhood experience with abuse, I often wonder, what if I had the Normal family, what person I would be now? Sronger? Weaker?

    My son is growing up in zero abuse climate and when he witnesses the abuse at school, he doesn’t know how to react and how to deal with it. Moreover, it hurts him internally…

    I started to tell him stories about “dark side” of the life. Of course, I don’t tell him that many of those stories are from my own childhood. They are always “someone else’s stories”. He loves me very much and I don’t want to hurt him.

    Anyway, he listens to them attentively and after that we often discuss them. He always asks a lot of questions. I try to teach him how to recognize the abuse, how to cope with it, how to protect the “internal world” from it. Yes, it has the positive effect, he gains the understanding and awareness.


    The level of understanding and awareness remains pretty low, because it is the “imaginery”, not “real” experience.

    One time, when I was a child, I climbed the cherry tree to get some cherries and sat on very thin branch. Of course, I fell down from that tree and got a lot of bruises. It was the “real” experience and I’ll never forget about it, because I gained it through PAIN.

    But my son has the “imaginery” experience about it. He knows how dangerous the thin branches are intellectually, but he doesn’t have the “real” knowledge about it. His knoweledge is “painless” and that means his memory about it is short. Once, he could forget my words and “fall down”. And it is the weakness…

    It is the brutal truth of Life. We learn more effectively from PAIN, than from WISE, but PAINLESS WORDS.

    How to rise the strong children without a pain? Rhetorical question…

    Many of us had abuse in our childhood. Did the abuse make you stronger or weaker person? How? What was/were the crucial moment/s?

    I think it would be very good question for Poll or your new article, Tudor… I absolutely don’t mind, if you won’t publish my post here and will use that idea. I don’t care about WHO proposes the ideas. I care about ideas by themselves. Thank you.

  6. Restored Heart says:

    There are also those of the brethren, with of course no sense of responsibility, whom never acknowledge, contact or contribute to the raising of their child/children or do so minimally or haphazardly, even when the pregnancy was unexpected. They even flee interstate. Not that I am complaining. I am grateful to have one less narcissist to deal with. Though the emotional impact on the child/children is ongoing. Atleast after the Greater & this blog, we now understand the behaviour & have learnt it’s not personal. It’s a tough lesson for a kid though.

    1. MCA says:

      If you are referring to a male narcissist who “abandons” the child he created, wouldn’t that be a blessing in disguise as long as financial obligations were met? Seems it would be toxic for the mother and the child if he remained involved.

      1. K says:

        It is absolutely a blessing in disguise.

  7. MyTrueSelf says:

    Oh Boy! This is a biggie.
    Deliberately trying to make me pregnant- me having to take emergency contraception. Doing it again.
    Saying having a child with me would be amazing, “it would change everything”.
    Then saying he would hate to have children, it would distract from what we have, he’d feel neglected.
    Trying to impregnate me PM then discard at breakfast.
    As much as I loved him, was utterly blind, didn’t want to believe what was happening, I would have had a child with him. At the same time I knew he should never be a father. A person like that should not be responsible for a child. I would have had to take my child and run.
    (After a year of n/c just got an email inviting me to come over for dinner.)

  8. MP says:

    Ex narc asked the first time we met in person if I could still have children because he loves kids so much. Fast forward to post-escape/discard, and he tells me he got a “whore” he met online (while using a fake name) pregnant and blocked her so she couldn’t find him…who knows if it’s true…

  9. thepianist20 says:

    I’ve now come to the realization that my own narc parents are more dangerous than the narc I had in my life,,


  10. NP says:

    Yeah…got away from two of your kind that promised a child…like I want to have a baby with you.

    Well, it seems I had some sense in me even though I had not learnt exactly what I was dealing with…lol…

    Managed to get away from them unpregnant…yay!

  11. Noname says:

    Yeah, it is really awful situation. The innocent kids don’t have to resolve the parent/parents problems. They don’t have to be the hostages of situation. But.. sh*t happens, alas.

    And the biggest problem is not what the kids see in the narcissistic family (abuse), but what they DON’T SEE there – Love, Kindness, Respect, Trust, Understanding, Tolerance. They see the bad things and don’t know that there are the good things also.

    The abuser-parent couldn’t show the good things to kids a priori, and the abused-parent couldn’t show them to them because he/she is too overwhelmed by current situation. He/she has to deal with his/her own pain, to regulate family and personal conflicts, to accomodate him/herself to abuser-parent’s behavior. He/she doesn’t have either time or strength to show those good things to the kid.

    That’s why the narcissistic families are so “successful” in rising the new narcissists. No matter what you show to your kid, matter what you DON’T show to him/her. In my own childhood, I had the most empathic and loving woman alive – my grandmother. She and only she showed the good things to me. She was my sun in that black world. If I hadn’t her in my life, I definitely would be a Narcissist now and my life would be very different.

    1. K says:

      That last sentence makes you think how close you were to “possibly” becoming a narcissist! It is mind-boggling to even think about it.

      1. Noname says:

        Yes, K, I was very close to it. Very. It was the never-to-be-forgotten experience and I’m glad I had it. I gained the priceless knowledge and understanding from it. I found myself. That’s good. Very very good.

    2. Windstorm2 says:

      My grandmother was the shining empathic light in my life too. I didn’t get to know her till I was 15, but thank God I was able to have a relationship with her then!

  12. Karma says:

    Oh yes! Talked about it all the time during the golden period! I didnt want to have a child with him… I have one and he several with several women. My gut feeling told me that it was not a good idea. I’d have ended up like the other crazy “moms” fighting him in court!
    I on the other hand have a fab relationship with the father of my kid… since he is a normal person.

  13. IJ says:

    Every time N brags about his kids, it’s always about their awards or accomplishments that he claims they say they owe to HIS examples (good values; always helping others… ) or charm (son,”get’s the princess” from the play… like father like son!” Gag… He actually SEEMS to be a good Dad… on social media at least. I sincerely hope they don’t need therapy later, but….

  14. IJ says:

    I remember like it was yesterday. He showed up at my parent’s back door, knowing I would be home and downstairs. Came in, we had AMAZING sex, as usual. Then he laid down next to me and… talked. That was a new one, other than asking with a grin, “How was that?” Told me the IPPS was pregnant and he needed money for the abortion. It was like ice water in my gut. I’m still surprised, but I actually did not offer it. I’d always helped him financially before. I’m amazed and SO grateful I never got pregnant! What NERVE! He and I were 18; she was 16. Poor girl.

    DHQP – I’m with ya on that – not for me.

    HG – Do Narc’s use birth control/condoms when they are married and with IPSS or shelf IPSS or DLS??

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They may do, but it is more in the breach than the observance of such a rule.

  15. Indy says:

    Creepy picture vibe here. Looks like a snap from someone that doesn’t know their pic is being taken. Spylike, in the dark.

    Creepy concept that makes sense from the narcissist perspective. Poor child in the womb. Future abuse victim and pawn.

    1. Jenna says:

      “Poor child in the womb. Future abuse victim and pawn.”


  16. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    I recognize some people might be offended by my attitude toward being a mother… we all have a right to our feelings and that is how I feel.

    It’s just not for me.

    Power to you moms out there – I don’t know how you do it.

    1. K says:

      Dr. Q PsyD
      No offense taken. You are smart! Narcs are shitty fathers!

    2. Sandra says:

      Not offended in the least and completely respect your point of view.
      You have a realistic and mature attitude that most parents lack for something as serious as responsible childrearing.

      I’ll even join you in offending people and say that abortion is less offensive than 2 lives ruined by emotional abuse.

      1. K says:

        I completely concur, Sandra.

    3. Diva says:

      Hi Dr HQ…….I used to feel exactly the same as you about getting pregnant…….I never wanted kids either…….I had said it since I was a child and I meant it……..I don’t know why but the whole process horrified me and the thoughts of giving birth was beyond traumatic……just letting you know I can relate……although that is not how my story ended after meeting a narc…….every dark cloud has a silver lining!!!!…….Diva

  17. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    I remember I had a pregnancy scare like two years ago and my ex who was all not about having kids wanted to keep it if I was actually pregnant and said that he thought it would make us “grow up” and some other shit along those lines…

    First of all… I don’t want a child. If I for some batshit reason change my mind I will be getting a surrogate.

    Second…I would be getting bigger and bigger and crankier and needier and i knew there was no way in hell he would be supportive. Oh it would also give him a great opportunity to cheat on me while i get unhappy … sorry MISERABLE with the fact that my body would be looking less than ideal…fuck that…never

    Third… I would be linked to him for life…

    Fourth… the baby would have his genes ::cringe::

    Fifth… that whole let’s have a baby to keep us together and make us grow up shit is so immature and just…. stupid.

    Um… no thanks…

  18. Mel says:

    Good article…HG does this apply to dirty little secrets and intimate secondary sources?

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. foolme1time says:

        Guess I wasn’t considered a secondary or dirty little secret?! He talked about me being pregnant with his child from the second month we were together. Should of seen the flags!

      2. DoForLuv says:

        Hi HG I have a question about this . So when the victim goes from NISs to canidate IPSS to girlfriend is impregnated in early stage /miscarriage . After exposure of the “ex” IPSS or maybe triangulation the new” IPPS “(not sure if him still living with his Mother make this possible)escapes gets hoovered back in devalued abandoned , after repeatedly questioning the narcissist dis-engagement . After 2 months shelved 5 months later in relationship again but won’t spend much time together 6/9 days inbetween . But LMRN still tries to impregnate the “ victim “ (unsafe sex don’t want to pull out). End formal relationship again dis-engagement . 3 weeks later shelved Spend one night together and again tries to impregnate “ victim “ remains white . The LMRN spends almost all of his time with friends . Why would a LMRN who still lives with his Mother (NIPs) do this ? And him still living home makes every victim a secondary source right ?

        I hope you could help me to understand this . If not thank you already for all the information .

        Much Love

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I can assist although I have a number of questions to aid clarification and therefore you would be best served by arranging a consultation to address this matter.

  19. Paula Sarno says:

    Hello HG ! Here I am again with my curiosity and today you write about something I am very interested in about my ex , one of the only doubts I still have .
    Having been the only child of a narcissist mother I know perfectly well that I was an object in her life , mostly a way to inheritance ( my father had two boys from his first marriage ) . But go to mi ex , he had his only biological child in his third marriage at age 42 ” the love , the purpose , the meening of his life and so on ” ( at time of devaluation I was so confused I hate the child , poor boy , it was the father to be hated , he used his son to triangulate )
    The thing I don’ t understand is why he has his only descendant with another narcissist, I suspect , in the beginning , for her looks ,
    taller than him , blue eyes like his , good for sports , same nationality , but the being narcissist and less educated and prepared intellectually than him I don’ t undestand the point . She is not an empatic mother , she is not good for studies . He wants and demands from the boy everything he was and so much more !!!
    Last question , being both parents narcissists , the odds for the boy to be one
    are higher , aren’t they ?
    Thank you so much

  20. Ali says:

    Yup. Hind sight. If he gets you pregnant tell him you arent and runnnnnn

    1. Jenna says:

      Ali, i thought u unsubscribed a few wks ago? Glad to see u posting.

      1. Ali says:

        I was following about 100 threads. I let some of them drop.. been busy RL dealing with a narc neighbor who dug her claws in and won’t let if I hadn’t had enough toxicity from the ex…

        I don’t suppose HG makes house calls? grin

        1. Jenna says:

          Ali, good luck w the narc neighbor. U r dealing w two narcs. I am so sorry.
          I am pleased u came back to be with us. Welcome back.

      2. Ali says:

        thank you Jenna. I’m no longer dealing with the narc ex. I’ve got full on no contact thanks to the fact our child is now 18 and I let 3rd parties deal with child support until said child is 21. Just his aftermath. Rebuilding my life, healing, and trying to insure no other narcs get in. – I’ve had increasing issues with that neighbor but it looks like a simple note may have stopped all the behaviors in her tracks… “Am I really that important in your head?” I’m left wondering if it really can be that simple…

        1. Windstorm2 says:

          Ha, ha!! Way to use narc phycology!

        2. Jenna says:

          Ali, good for u. U seem to have “seized the power.” Continued healing for u and for all of us here.

  21. K says:

    Binding worked really well. When he got me pregnant (his idea), I wanted to stay together, make it work and be a family, so I tolerated years of his abuse. If I could go back in time, I would never have told him about the pregnancy because I would have been better off without him. (Sad)

  22. Kim Michaud says:

    oh yes he definitely told me multiple times during the Golden period how much he wanted to get me pregnant I had forgotten all about this I just assumed he said it because I have a child and he doesn’t and also because he seemed to love kids so much history nieces and nephews and friends kids I remember being really sad I never conceived but I guess it was a blessing in disguise

    1. Kim Michaud says:

      I mean his nieces and nephews not history

  23. Gareth Pfeffer says:

    Hi HG, I had a child with my girlfriend who now after being discarded for a second time I’m really beginning to understand who she really is. I believe there was a lot of cheating going on based on plenty of disappearing acts repeatedly over the 5 years we were together. I thought she had a drinking problem which she does but I’m now beginning to understand that it was way more complicated than just that. My question is that I’m having doudts about whether I’m even the father at this point but find it hard to think that even she would take things to that extreme. By the way when ever I’m discarded she will not let me see him. last time for over 4 months this time almost 4 months. Then used him as bait to get me to come back of course I didn’t realise at the time. Is this something a narcissist female could possibly do. It’s causing huge amounts of stress and doudts. Your writing has been a great help in seeing things clearer although rather painful at the same time

    Thank you

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome Gareth,

  24. Sniglet says:

    Great article. The parent, with some narcissistic traits, can also promise inheritance to a daughter or son as long as one of them bring home a grandchild, or else…

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