Exposed – Five Further Tips To Flush Out The Narcissist

EXPOSED - 5 FURTHERWAYS TO FLUSH OUT THE NARCISSIST

 

Here are five further opportunities to flush out whether the person you are interacting with is potentially one of our kind.

  1. Ask which parent we liked the best

The Lesser will launch into an uncontrolled tirade about the one he hates because that is the one that has made his life a misery since childhood. He despises that person and will relish the opportunity to share his vitriol with you.

The Mid-Range will not opt for fury but rather will speak in melancholic terms for the purposes drawing some kind of sympathy about how he misses a particular parent (one will be preferred over the other and this will be the one who he wanted to love him but did not) and he will describe how he does so much for this parent but is underappreciated. He will not actually choose one parent over the other but instead he will use the question as an opportunity to convey his woes.

The Greater will tell you that his parents died in a car crash, or left the country, or that he was abandoned as child purely for the purposes of gathering fuel from you and making him appear to be a troubled soul, whilst every time you look in the other direction he will be smirking. When you eventually meet his parents he will use your bewilderment at their appearance to make a joke and display how he loves his parents immensely. This is all show. He actually wishes they were dead.

The Normal will not pick one over the other usually, but if he does, this will be done after emphasising the good points of both parents so that one only just shades it.

  1. Ask what our favourite toy was during childhood

The Lesser will recount a tale about how his favourite toy was broken by a parent, a sibling or stolen by a supposed friend. The rant he will engage in will seem like this toy was hugely expensive and that the event happened yesterday.

The Mid-Range will most likely point to a board game and remark about how he won every game that he ever played and may even admit to cheating at the game. He will answer this question quickly, as if it is something that is often at the forefront of his mind.

The Greater will dismiss having played with toys and will explain how he was too busy studying, playing sport or chasing girls. Indeed, there is every chance that he will explain he was doing all three. He does not want too many reminders of childhood because the memories remain painful and all too clear, not that he will admit that to you. He will instead ask you about your favourite toy.

The Normal will smile and identify something which will be straight-forward and simple but he will speak about it with fond enthusiasm.

  1. Ask when did we last cry

The Lesser will relate it to some personal slight that he has suffered. It will not be because he was upset about someone else, but rather that he was upset for himself. He will not be able to provide a precise time.

The Mid-Range will profess it was as a consequence of a sad film or on seeing some campaign to help blind gay whales find their parents. He wants you to think he cares and is compassionate so will align his supposed crying with such an event. The reality is he cried when he thought his last supply was leaving because he felt bad for himself and he knew that turning on the water works is a sure fire way of stopping the departure and garnering sympathy.

The Greater will say that he does not cry. He will be proud of that fact and not wish to mask it. He will then ask you what makes you cry and make a careful note of what your answers are.

The Normal will explain it was when his grandmother passed away, when his dog died or when Bambi’s mother was killed by the hunter in the film. It may also be when his team last won the championship or when he was re-united with a long lost friend.

  1. Apply a gentle criticism to us

The Lesser will reject the assertion and argue that you are wrong. He will initially keep a lid on his ignited fury because this has been done during the seduction but if you press the point he will erupt.

The Mid-Range will fall silent as he tries to prevent the criticism from igniting his fury. He cannot respond because he is exerting his control to keep his ignited fury under control. Once he feels it abating he will either change topic pretending that he never heard it or he will depart from your company for a few minutes as he regains his composure. Say hello to your first, short silent treatment.

The Greater will smile and laugh. The smile will be false and the laugh hollow. He has plenty of control during this seduction to prevent his ignited fury from manifesting. Expect however a back-handed compliment later in the interaction and he has filed away your comment which will be revisited on you during devaluation.

“Remember when you said you did not like this tie? I certainly do. Well, Louise loves this tie and thinks it suits me. Who is Louise? Wouldn’t you like to know?”

The Normal will smile and laugh it off, asking you “Do you think so, why do you say that?” interested to know why you have said what you have said. He may reject it but will do so pleasantly or he may take the comment on board with good grace.

  1. Observe our interactions with a minion

The Lesser will go out of his way to be haughty and demonstrate that he is the boss in order to try to impress you.

The Mid-Range will be charming and pleasant in order to draw fuel from both you and the minion. His obsequiousness will be noticeable and he will spend more time than he ought to deal with the minion.

The Greater will be flirtatious and point out that “They love me in here because of how much I spend, I always get a great table and great service.” It will be all about how great he is and how the minion is there to serve him.

The Normal will be polite and have minimal interaction with the minion because he will be concentrating on you.

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17 Comments

  1. I haven’t a clue which narc mine was, all I know is that he had what I call a secret family, I never met them, sadly he’s just really fucked up in the head. I do know that whatever I did was never good enough, silent treatment was horrendous, like a spoilt child who didn’t get what I wanted. When I starts standing up to him the silent treatment was his way of dealing with it, and he would usually break the silent treatment by apologising in bed and then wanting sex

  2. I pity the next man I meet…………by the time I am through with him he is going to think I work for the SIS or MI6. I have a feeling that the first relationship that you have post narc is not likely to be successful…….after a split with a narc we are carrying more baggage than British Airways…….that’s how I feel in any case……..Diva

  3. HG,
    Me and my ex and his sister were talking about kids in my first grade school classroom. My ex said I shouldn’t feel bad for kids who cry when they get in trouble and then his sister said, “I used to feel the same way, but now that I am a mother I have changed my views on kids crying….” My ex lashed out saying, “Cut the crap, Taylor! Your heart doesn’t bleed anymore than mine for those kids just because you’re a mother.” The tone was really nasty and it was shocking because he is usually “a nice guy” in public. Is that narcissistic for him to say that? I just can’t imagine ever snapping like that at anyone let alone a family member.

  4. Thank you, HG.
    I will take a long list with me in the future.

    And my exnarc answered everything like a greater, except that he talked about his parents in a normal way even though he idealized his (I suspect narc) mother and regarded his father as a little too weak or too nice. No chance to speak about his early childhood.
    His parents live in two different apartments in the same house, or duplex.

    Btw HG my exnarc wanted us to surprise visit his parents on one of the first days that I spent with him, while we were on a short trip through the country. I was tired and refused. He held that against me years later, as if that had been the reason why we weren’t together anymore. Why?? would he have wanted the visit with such urgency? I never met his family.

  5. Which one will cry with “joy” and make a huge deal of it? I pointed out to one that they way he treated someone he did not know was admirable (and out of character for him, though I did not say this) and he relished his tears so greatly that he refused to wipe them away, saying that he was happy he was crying.

  6. Ex-mid. He said he likes both parents. But he has a heart emoji next to his mom’s name on his phone. He always tries to gain her approval, until this day.

  7. Help blind gay whales find their parents – too funny!!
    In 5 years he cried once when he failed the boards. He will never admit he failed or that he cried, but he cried like a baby while curled up in the fetal position. He faked a few tears when a close relative died.
    Great article HG. Thank you!

  8. I wish I had known about these questions back in the beginning. Armed with the knowledge of these, I would have loved to had even asked these during one of our many repeat Golden Periods. I can imagine him, as a mostly Mid-range with his splash of Greater, reacting just how you described, and even recall the reactions he displayed to similar scenarios when they came up.At least I know what to ask the next time if and when I get up the nerve to give someone else a try someday. Thank you for this!

  9. I’ve always thought of mine as a lesser bc of her temper but she’s got a lot of woe is me in the anger like everyone has been so horrible for no reason. She’s great at everything she does and that’s not that much of an exaggeration. She loves to be loved and would never be rude to minions (she for real has adult women friends who refer to themselves as her minions) they adore her and she eats it up. She’s not a greater bc she’s not a full on sadistic psychopath. She’s somatic but not vapid. I think of somatics in general like muscle head, body builders lol but she’s not that at all. She’s so down to earth at home and then makes this chameleon like change when she’s working. So much so that people we know casually never recognize her if she’s come straight from work. It’s weird. I’ve never seen anything like it. Don’t tell her though bc she’s loves to know she’s special lol

  10. Ah yes. #5. Mid ranger at dinner. Still fresh in my mind the way he treated the waitress when he took me to dinner. He was laughing, joking, and totally flirting it up with her. Being so charming. I want to clear the service was terrible because the restaurant was so busy and shortstaffed. He didn’t complain though he continue to flirt and pour on the charm. He wanted to have dessert, I told him I was full. He said he would order dessert to-go for himself. Then he proceeded to ask the waitress with her favorite dessert was ordered what she suggested. At the time I thought he was just being polite.

    It really is frightening that most people don’t have a clue what they’re dealing with. Thinking back now when I explained his overly for tacious this with me in the beginning to a friend, a friend just said “oh him, yeah he’s a bit of a flirt. That’s just his personality it’s harmless.”

    Yeah harmless indeed. 🙄😕

      1. Pinkfire,
        Yes! Total man-whore! He has had 30+ sexual partners and I am sure that number was exaggerated, I bet it is higher than 30. He fucks everyone. His rationale is. 1. He did not lose his virginity until he was in his 20’s therefore now he has this overwhelming urge to get sex whenever he can. (despite having a wife) And 2. He expresses his affection in a grand manner and having sex is how he expresses that “affection”. If he could I am sure he would fuck every girl he meets that he is attracted too. I always figured that would be anything that walks but one time when I asked him if he’d fuck anyone he just replied “well I need to have sexual chemistry with them….I have met some people who I do not have that chemistry with but if they do then….” Well yeah. Man-whore.

      2. I also wanted to add that for awhile I dubbed him a sex addict and not a Narc. I thought a Narc was an egotistical inflated person. (and he projected the image of a total opposite from that with horrible self esteem). Once I came here it all made sense. I still wonder if he is also a sex addict too.

  11. The Greater will tell you that his parents died in a car crash, or left the country, or that he was abandoned as child purely for the purposes of gathering fuel from you and making him appear to be a troubled soul, whilst every time you look in the other direction he will be smirking. When you eventually meet his parents he will use your bewilderment at their appearance to make a joke and display how he loves his parents immensely. This is all show. He actually wishes they were dead.

    This is hilarious, I can’t stop laughing! You are too funny, HG! I love the way you write.

  12. The last narcissist I was with didn’t choose either parent, but he did hint that his father wasn’t very nice. He spoke about his brother’s heroin overdose death and his other brother had been in jail. I suspected he was a mid-ranger, also, he would pause a lot and I read about these “pauses” in The Greater Narcissist, so I am fairly certain he is a narcissist, plus I was discarded. Very accurate article!

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