The Rules of Ex Club – No. 25


22 thoughts on “The Rules of Ex Club – No. 25

  1. ANM says:

    It isn’t the worst insult, and it is kind of funny, so always let that one run its course

  2. Merripen says:

    Hmmm… yeah. My sergeant narc got out of the ARMY a year and a half before we met. He took the money that he’d saved, bought a big SUV and drove around the country, couch-surfing at the homes of friends, family, ARMY buddies. He said he needed some time and space to decompress from the stressful intelligence work that saw him deployed four times in eight years. When I met him, he was enrolled in a year-long immersion course at a bushcraft school near me. (Apparently, vets with ptsd are greatly helped with exposure to the great outdoors.) Anyway, by the time we met, his money was nearly gone. Perfect timing, ’cause here comes the empath! He actually never ASKED me for money once in the three years and four months we were involved. I’ve thought back on this, and it is quite true. I was so willing to project onto him, that he didn’t HAVE to ask. Ugh. So, let’s see, that’s two years of paying for his monthly cell phone card, clothing (to replace those fucking fatigues), proper winter clothing (so he wouldn’t freeze his ass off that winter of bushcraft school), every single meal we ever ate in a restaurant, every single meal I ever prepared for him by hand, four or five ounces of pot, dozens of bottles of wine and sixpacks of beer, personal toiletry items, four Christmases of presents for him and his closest sister & her kids, three years of birthday gifts, entrance exam fees for university (I encouraged him to apply), application fees for universities, gas for his truck (until he sold it for the money to tide him over those last months before university), a kindle fire to replace his old one (which we broke while having wild sex), a month’s rent for an apartment (to keep him just a bit longer), more clothes to “fit in” at university, textbooks, a custom-designed backpack (yes, he designed it and yes, I’m a fucking idiot), bedding & other dorm-nesting shit, gas and hotel room fees to have the opportunity to visit his sorry-ass, wherever it happened to be hanging its ass-hat that month. Oh my god

    The final and most ironic gift, was a touching image by artist Geninne Zlatkis called “Friends”, which I’d had matted and framed for his upcoming birthday. It is a visual representation of an age-old question. If a bird and a fish fell in love, where would they live? It’s a precious, whimsical image of a bird looking down into the water at a koi who is looking back at her, the waterline a demarcation line between them. The visual energy between them reminds me of the crackle between God’s finger and Adam’s outstretched hand in Michelangelo’s famous fresco. It reminded me of the crackle between us, too, as did the juxtaposed worlds. I inscribed the back the day before he discarded me and sent it anyway, because as an artist, I’m compelled to embrace artistic irony.

    “Though the meandering paths of our lives will sometimes put hill and valley between us, our connection is deep as the ocean, and wide as the sky. One will always find the other at that place in the middle. Always.”

    1. Jenna says:

      U did too much for him. He should have thanked u, not discarded u. But they feel entitled. I am so sorry.

  3. ANM says:

    This is part of the facade. The narcissist conplimenting himself, and trying to appear more successful and giving than he really is. In my experience, this was from the social media groupies of the narcissist, who were obsessed from a distance. I am more on a Super Empath side, so i happen to have dated successful narcissist, not for the money, i simply enjoyed being with them. Some people women would get jealous, love to gossip. The narcissist encourage this any chance they get.

  4. abrokenwing says:

    I miss MLA- Clarece on the blog…☚ī¸

    1. narc affair says:

      Abrokenwing….i was thinking that very same thing about MLA clarece. Hope she comes back soon i miss her posts.

      1. Jenna says:

        Even i was missing her. But did u notice she took her pic down? I hope she’s not gone for good.

      2. Jenna says:

        Just to clarify – i hope she’s not gone frm the blog for good.
        I am starting to get a little worried though. I don’t think she’s had such a long absence b4, at least not while i’ve been here.

      3. abrokenwing says:

        Me too..
        Everyone needs a break once in a while. I just hope she’s well.

    2. Windstorm2 says:

      Me too! Haven’t heard from her since her bday. Hope she’s ok.

  5. Peaceful says:

    Luckily, my Nex never borrowed any money. There were a few instances where he’d be short a tip for a cab ride or something like that, but gave it back promptly. HOWEVER, he was constantly offering to LOAN me $ for a renovation or something large. I never borrowed a dime. I just knew it would tie me to him and it he would hang it over my head forever….

  6. Mrs Linton says:

    One of my exes told his family this, just because I told him if he was going to move in with me he would have to give me rent.

  7. Jenna says:

    Thank god he doesn’t owe me money.

  8. narc affair says:

    Oddly my narc never borrowed a cent from me. I even offered during a rough patch but he never accepted. Not all narcs are the same in this regard.

    1. Mrs Linton says:

      I have had probably only one Narc partner who didn’t owe me money. You are right, it can be confusing when they are not all the same, though one way or the other you are exploited.

    2. Bliss says:

      I wonder if it depends on which school? Greater I knew never seems interested in money (although he must be). Very generous… initially.

    3. Windstorm2 says:


    4. Nicole says:

      @narc affair that is so true. my ex narc had way more money than me so go figure.

  9. thepianist20 says:


    Didn’t know that

  10. Sophie says:

    LOL. Especially, apparently, if that money is part of a legal dissolution of relationship.

  11. Findinglife11 says:

    Lazy regularly gets thrown in there as well…. as i lovingly and purposefully raise my 4 young kids to be responsible and kind and caring humans….

    1. Bliss says:

      Absolutely. Seems to be an easy one they throw in when smearing.

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