Ten Ways To Cause A Hoover



In the majority of cases, once you have  have realised what we are, you need to get away and stay away from us. If you have been discarded, the emphasis is on staying away from us. If you have to have some kind of interaction with us (because of children or work) then the aim is one of minimal interaction and the reduction of the provision of fuel as far as possible. I have warned you about the types of hoover we deploy, when they happen and how they happen so that you are able to look to your defences and ensure they cannot be breached. I have identified the forms of hoovers so you know them when they happen and also how to either put yourself beyond the reach of them or how to best repel them. Nevertheless, there are occasions when you want a hoover to happen. To be blunt, the reason for wanting to run the risk of being exposed to our machinations once again and possibly be drawn back into our false reality is often not a sound one. Yet, in the same way when somebody is told not to open a box or go through a door, they cannot help but do it, there will be those who will want to pre-empt a hoover from our kind. If that is the case, then on your head be it, but here are ten ways to bring about a hoover.

  1. Turn Up

The simplest way to ensure we hoover you is to present yourself on a plate before us. We are unlikely to turn down such an opportunity to gather fuel from you when you make it so easy. Of course, you may find that we seek negative fuel from you because we are infatuated with your replacement and therefore we want to punish you for letting us down and we remain dedicated to your replacement. Assuming you are able to find us (which should not prove especially difficult since even when we discard you, we usually do not go to huge lengths to make us impossible to contact) by turning up and seeing us we will hoover you. There is a risk if you turn up at one of our “fortresses” (home or work for instance) we may not admit you, preferring to garner Thought Fuel from your upset at being denied entry, therefore for best results approach us in public places such as a restaurant or a bar.

  1. Provide your contact details

You can do this as part of an apparent round robin which has been sent to all of your contacts.

“Here is my new number. Thanks. A Victim.”

The receipt of this, be it e-mail address, Skype handle or telephone number is a green light to us. You are opening the gate and we will use this information to hoover you.

  1. Message Us for Help

We once rode into your life as a white knight to save you from misery, loneliness and a score of different serpents which sought to hurt you. We don’t offer true support but we do enjoy being in attendance when help is required in order for us to drink in your fuel from your upset and neediness and to appear as the all-conquering hero. If you send a message requesting our help, you are playing to our sense of omnipotence and we will find it hard to resist responding by way of a hoover. The message must be specific about the type of help that is required and be something that we could help you with, if we chose to. Something straight forward which can be done in a flourish (after all we do not like to expend energy and certainly not on actually helping somebody with something arduous). We appear not because we want to help you, but because we want the fuel that will flow from us showing how omnipotent we are, for example by lending you money, tuning your television for you or explaining a letter from the authorities. Play the damsel in distress and we will appear.

  1. Proclaim Your Misery

As the idiom states, “misery loves company” accordingly if you announce that you are unhappy, upset, lonely and miserable and even better if you link it to the fact that you miss us, cannot be without us and similar declarations, we will appear to hoover you.  This is different from the third entry. That is requesting help with something specific, something practical. This relates to your emotional state. There are two reasons why this works. First and foremost, you are providing fuel by being upset about missing us. We want that. Secondly, we regard the world as a hateful place and thus our negative outlook to that means that we want to see other people upset as well. Thus we will flock to you in such a state. Be warned however that there is a significant risk that we will perpetuate your misery in order to draw this fuel further from you.

  1. Post a Picture

Post a picture where we are likely to see it of you and an apparent new love interest. We will not like this. We will feel criticised and with the ignition of fury we will want to lash out at you. You are not allowed to be happy without our permission and approval. We must be the source of what you feel, not somebody else. When we see this picture we see fuel being wasted and we want it for ourselves, thus we will come hoovering. We also delight in the omnipotence felt by running someone else’s relationship.

  1. Involve a Friend

Send a friend to let us know how much you miss us, how  your days are empty without us, how you never stop mentioning us. That alerts us to the fact that there is a tanker of fuel waiting to be sucked dry and this will certainly pique our interest to come and hoover you at the mention of this green light.

  1. Spread a Rumour

Use your supporters to spread a rumour about us. Make it detrimental without straying into the realms of defamation otherwise you won’t be hoovered and instead you will receive a letter from a lawyer instead. Suggest that you got rid of us first even though we discarded you and you did so because our performance in bed was below bar, or that we never changed our underwear, or that we said our mother’s name a lot in our sleep. It is sufficiently petty that it will irk us and we will come looking for you in order to set you straight and to draw some fuel from you by way of recompense for your criticism.

  1. Anniversary Pop-Up

We imagine that you remember that it was so long since we first met you, first kissed you, first took you away for the weekend and so on. Often you do because that is the extent to which we infect you so that you reminisce a lot. If you remind us of a forthcoming anniversary and thus by implication that it remains special to you, there is a good chance that we will use that anniversary to hoover you because we will regard you as more susceptible on that special date and likely to provide more fuel through your heightened emotional state.

  1. The Bootie Call/Text


If you get in touch with a suggestive call or text, then this will attract a hoover from us. Nothing says “game on” than sexual content in a message. The Somatic of our kind see a chance to rekindle those passionate couplings. The Cerebral will relish the chance to exhibit his seduction techniques even if there is no actual consummation. The Elite will see both as entirely appetising. Even the Victim will respond since it is easy to do so and if framed in a way that appeals to his submissive sexual outlook. Dangle such a text in front of us and the hoover will follow.

  1. Unleash a Rant

You know by now that fuel, whether positive or negative is what we need. If you want to provoke a hoover, show off some of that emotion through a rant in a voicemail message to us, a vitriolic e-mail, a series of hate-filled messages or just a hysterical monologue on your Facebook page. We will be attracted by this outpouring of emotion and want more of it, so we will come hoover in hand to draw more of the same.

27 thoughts on “Ten Ways To Cause A Hoover

  1. Nicole says:

    HG – how would an ex narc know if you post a new pic with an ex if you block them? do they keep spying on exs that block them? My ex is a mid ranger and I don’t want to cause a hoover by posting a pic even though I have my ex blocked. do you think he still somehow looks at my page?

    1. HG Tudor says:


  2. Merripen says:

    Hold the line, soldier, because this is war.

    Maintain No Contact. And if you are forced to interact with them, emote NOTHING. Not in your face, not in your words. Nothing.

    Channel a robot if you have to, my empath friends.

  3. Merripen says:

    Nope. Not going to budge. I’ll keep right on hurting just as I am, because it can’t hurt any more than it does now, except by further exposure to him.

    It is difficult to show this kind of restraint, when our emotions are so very strong and we have so much we’d like to say to them. But if the end goal is to be free of them, then Don’t Feed The Bears. It also reminds me of that scene from Harry Potter, when they were caught in the Devil’s Vine. The only way they could escape it and pass through, was to become passive and still. Then it would let them go.

  4. Hannah says:

    The damn hoover. After a while, they become so obvious and expected, yet, I fall for them anyway. Whatever – my problem. However, if there is another woman involved and I am being re-idealized (this one has been quite a doozy, proclamations of love and all, which is not like him unless he really wants to be back in the formal relationship.) does that mean that she is being devalued or am I just being pulled back in for triangulation?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It depends on your relevant roles. If she is the IPPS and you are being seduced again, she will be in devaluation.

  5. Scout says:

    Don’t drink and dial.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Wise words.

  6. OCEAN says:

    hi HG
    been pretty compliant in my no contact … couple of slip ups but what appliance doesnt falter …
    N has txtd couple times random but nice…
    havnt seen N for couple of months …
    3 days ago N txt ask if later that night i want to go to his…
    i replied txt me later …now that night got txts bout his day and this led him to initiate more intimate txts bout what he would do if i was
    with him including a pic of himself….i didnt go over.. N did continue to be nice and asked if i wasnt busy next day would i see him… next day i txt N apologised was busy and wouldnt be able to see him…maybe another time ..N replied no probs….i wasnt going to go and see him i am learning to much off you HG self respect is my big one at moment
    and pretty sure IPPS still in golden period ..? what is the intention of his hoover if thats what this was?
    always love the hoover topic your insight as usual very informative and i thankyou for your ongoing dedication helping us in this …

  7. gabbanzobean says:

    Hahahaha #9 for sure. My cerebral is a dirty sexual monster and was never was able to resist a naughty text message. Bonus points if mentioning the prospect of a blow job. Yeah I know sex is all about fuel for your kind but mine was a huge sexual monster despite.

  8. Diva says:

    This is the first article I have read that thankfully does not interest me……..although if I am honest there was a time when I would have welcomed this knowledge and may well have acted upon it. I am now a world away from that phase…….mainly thanks to this blog……..Diva

    1. HG Tudor says:

      An indicator of your progress, Diva.

      1. Diva says:

        Yes I agree completely…….and my progress and success is all down to you and this blog, without any doubt whatsoever. Surely I am allowed off that step now…….how many compliments does one narc need in a day???……..Although I have just read another post and even though my head tells me not to respond, somehow my fingers don’t seem to have quite got the message…… Diva

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are edging closer to being removed from the naughty step, but where will you be sent next?!

          1. Diva says:

            Do I get a choice?????……A B or C?????…….I am sure I could find the best out of a bad lot……….Diva

  9. K says:

    I was hoovered again in the 5th sphere (text) by a Narc ” friend” today. Narcissists really are junkies. On Friday I got a “drive by” parental Hoover, I live in the hood so a little gangsta flair adds to the Narc drama.

  10. RS says:

    #9: The time before the LAST time we got back together, I sent him a text. He had me blocked months before so I thought I was still blocked. I sent this text just to blow off steam, not really expecting it to go through. . . it said “I haven’t had sex in 9 months!” . . . it went through. Immediately he came back with “there must be cobwebs up there!”. And so it began again for a couple of months. I might just do this again. I didn’t know what he was yet when I did it that time so I was upset when he gave me the silent treatment again. Now I’ll just expect it and get some sex! 😈

  11. Jenna says:

    I’m assumimg that’s a ‘hoover’ vacuum im the pic.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am not sure of the brand.

      1. Jenna says:

        What a cute answer.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ad the truth as well Jenna.

          1. Jenna says:

            Of course it is the truth. Would u lie to us? Er… not here at least! So happy u r back!

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Not here. Jolly good.

  12. Lisa says:

    This triggers so many instances where I elicited the Hoover — both positive and negative and outcomes. I needed home hen there was a mouse in my apartment. I would send top less photos. I would send a link to a song. Or post a song on my Spindcloud account that he knew was meant for him. I once photoshopped a pic of his new supply that he sent to me, and replaced her face with a clown’s. I would typically get responses. But often times, I wouldn’t. When I called crying that my apartment bldg had caught fire and was uninhabitable he showed no empathy and quickly brushed me off the phone. When I would write , call and beg my please would go unanswered many times. I imagine the times I tried when there was no response Was because he was infatuated with another supply.

  13. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    I’ll have to pass on this one.

    My ex can go torture someone else now.

  14. Kim michaud says:

    I’m truly curious when a narc hoovers on his own accord and the victim responds favourably is he or she thinking inside what an idiot that person is for accepting them back

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