Ten Spoken Narc Grenades


1. You never….

The precursor to a criticism of how you do not do something for me. It is a twin explosive assault against you because not only do I tell you that you are failing me by not doing something for me I also choose something that you actually do carry out. By suggesting that you no longer do a particular act or say a certain thing, when you actually do so, I intend to leave you speechless with exasperation and confused as to just how I can say such a thing. You will be stunned by such a blatant contradiction and this will result in your emotional response coming to the fore, rather than a reasoned one. All the better fuel for us.

2. You always….

The flipside of the above and likely to be tossed in your direction not long after the above narc grenade. The allegation of “you always” will be followed by some put-down and criticism highlighting a behavioural trait of yours which we deem unsatisfactory. Once again we will actually highlight something that you do not do in order to perplex you. You will defend yourself against this scandalous accusation and once again erupt in an emotional manner.

3. I’m sick of you controlling me.

Thrown at you in order to project our own rampant control of you. This is also used to deflect any criticism of us when you chastise us for our behaviour. Any attempt from you to point out the error of our ways or even to try to help us in some way will be met with this response. We do believe that you are trying to control us, by trying to break our own control of you and we cannot allow this to happen. It is through our control that we gain what we want from you and therefore any threat to this must be met with something that will knock you off balance. Accusing you of the very thing that we are doing will cause such astonishment and consternation that our aim is fulfilled.

4. My ex wouldn’t do this

A narc grenade of triangulation and who better to do it with than your predecessor. By implying that your predecessor has some form of superiority to you, after all the smearing of her name we did when we first ensnared you, not only will you be taken aback by this sudden volte face, you will also be mightily offended at being compared to someone who we hate so viciously. Drawing you down to her apparent level always brings forth a reaction from you.

5. My ex would do it

Another flipside whereby we are seeking to coerce you to do something for us, something which you are evidently reluctant to do. You have reservations and no doubt with good reason, but that does not matter to us. You are our extension and therefore you ought to be complying with our wishes without hesitation or refusal. By triangulating you again with she who went before you we are threatening that you are inferior to her and raising the prospect that you will be soon dispensed with if you do not do what we want.

6. I love you but I don’t like you right now

This carefully crafted narc grenade will shatter you as it appears as a compliment before ripping your heart out as you struggle to comprehend what we have just said.Surely if we love you, then we must also like you? What do we mean by saying this? It creates confusion and will have you trying to persuade us to both love and like you. What we mean when we lob this grenade towards you is “You say you love me but you will not do what I want.”

7. If you loved me….

We know that you are a love devotee. A passionate supporter and believer in the concept of love and we use this as grenade to about compliance. We know that you take pride in your integrity and decency and therefore you have standards to always uphold. By suggesting that your failure to act in the manner we want or that your disagreeing with us is somehow representative of you loving us less, we are challenging what you stand for. This will always force you to react by stating your case, reacting in an emotional fashion and ultimately doing what we want, in order to prove that you do indeed love us.

8. You are over reacting

A favourite to make you react even more. You take matters seriously and there are many things that we shall do which will cause you to respond in a serious and concerned fashion. By using this grenade, we belittle you and cause the issue to be about your reaction rather than what we have actually done.It acts as a brilliant way to deflect discussion and dissection of our behaviour and instead causes you to try to prove that you are not over-reacting, which will invariably actually heighten your response.

9 I can’t deal with this right now

Our grenade that is thrown in order to provide us with an escape route from any crisis or situation that requires us to be either accountable or supportive. We do neither and we want to keep it this way. We will invent some other reason which means that we have to depart or that you have to deal with this situation as we hurl the grenade, leaving you to catch it and deal with the subsequent explosion as we walk away, free from involvement, responsibility and culpability.

10 I don’t remember

The blast from this grenade is used to eradicate the problem that you are facing us with. Whether it is an accusation that we have failed to something or evidence of misbehaviour, this grenade is a failsafe way of enabling us to escape the problem. Often it will be used even when it is blatantly clear that we can remember, making your flabbergasted reaction all the more satisfying. There may be irrefutable evidence that we know and can remember but this never stops us from hurling this grenade at you and making good our escape from your attempt to blame us.

21 thoughts on “Ten Spoken Narc Grenades

  1. K says:

    9 I can’t deal with this right now

    He said the above statement to me so many times. Just reading this makes me want to annihilate him. I want to rip off all his extremities and play football with his head. Fuck him! My piss is boiling!

    1. Diva says:

      Hey K……you are frightening me here……I am not sure that it would be wise for you and Dr HQ to meet up……although I would like you both on my side if I ever got into any trouble……..Diva

      1. K says:

        Hello Diva
        Don’t worry, it is all good. I am using the blog to exorcise my rage demons and I think it is working. Dr HQ isn’t a narcissist, so she is safe. Of course, I would be more than happy to be right next to you if you were in trouble and, rest assured, I wouldn’t run away like a cowardly mid-ranger. K

        1. Diva says:

          Hi K……I was only teasing a little bit!! Rage interests me because I do not go there. I can do a slow crazy simmer but that is about all……mine builds but does not erupt……I then try and address my anger in what I perceive to be more productive ways!!!…..which usually ended, as I intended, in me provoking my narc further. Looking back, it was like a narc version of Tom and Jerry.

          I like Dr HQ too…..her comments are always an interesting read and I can often relate to them even though we are not similar in character. I prefer individuals that are direct and to the point, even if it transpires that I may hear something that annoys me…….although it would appear that not everyone appreciates such directness.

          I am of the opinion if you are thinking it, then you may as well say it, although I don’t follow that rule myself……..otherwise I would just take up residency on that naughty step!!!!!

          Good to know you have my back……..hopefully I will never need to call on you…….I would offer my services but I have the feeling that you can handle yourself……but you know where I am just in case. I don’t run either……that’s been one of my downfalls!!!!!…….Diva

      2. jenna says:

        Me too. I like strong women. It makes me feel a little stronger. Oh, and narc angel too on this side. She tells it like it is – blunt and to the point!

        1. Diva says:

          Hi Jenna…..I agree with all that you stated…..however I have to point out that the strongest, toughest person that I have ever met……. was also the quietest and the one that said the least. So never underestimate the quiet ones that sit back, say very little and appear not to be getting involved. (No doubt you will realise that I am not speaking about myself here…..unfortunately!!!!)………Diva

          1. Jenna says:

            Diva, excellent point!

      3. K says:

        Yeah, I need to work on more productive ways to channel my anger and, like you, I prefer direct individuals and the blunt truth doesn’t bother me much at all. Some people liked it wrapped up in sugar and fairy dust sprinkles. It is good to know that you are there in case I need you and that you aint yellow. I liked Tom and Jerry BTW; great cartoon. I am inclined to agree with you regarding the downfalls, sometimes you gotta know when to run. K

  2. June says:

    Well, I just finished buying a gift for my brother’s birthday, as I do every year…though you’d never know it from the way he says I never get him anything for his birthday. If I point out an example, he’ll find some way that it “doesn’t count.” Or say that someone else got him that gift and not me. πŸ™

    Well, anyway, I hope he likes it. πŸ™‚

    1. K says:

      your brother reminds me of my ULN. I hope he likes it, too, for your sake.

  3. Diva says:

    I know these narc grenades……..many of which have been thrown my way……however with a bit of reverse psychology, wit and a cool demeanour, it is possible to diffuse some of them…..you just have to make sure that you remain indifferent to the grenade and if you feel that you can’t diffuse it, then you are best just walking away……..the narc has to change tactics once they realise that the grenade doesn’t have the desired effect or indeed any effect. I quite enjoyed these grenades, once I got wise to them…….I actually miss them more than anything else……I found myself smiling as I read them…….which was always my first tactic when they were said to me, along with the response “nice try Mister, but I have been here before”……..Diva

  4. Sarah says:

    I don’t realize I’m doing it.
    I am trying
    I don’t ignore you.. I mean I do but I don’t.
    You let people put me down when they compliment you. Its not acceptable. But i will never defend you
    I want to make you happy so I’m going to rip you apart not even just little by little I mean monumentally

  5. Mona says:

    I will learn all these phrases and use them in future. Easy to do.

  6. K says:

    Q. A narcissist, an empath and an apath are walking down a flight of stairs. There is a misstep and a fall. Who gets away completely unscathed?

    A. The narcissist, of course.

    We were 15 years old and my girlfriend and I were bombed; my twin was sober. We wanted to get something to eat, so we headed towards the stairway. Order of descension: my twin, me and my girlfriend. As we went down the stairs, my girlfriend missed a step and landed on me like a ton of bricks. I fell forward, face down onto the stairs, and my girlfriend rode on top of me like a sled the whole way down. We landed in heap at the bottom and were LOAO! After we stopped laughing, my girlfriend said, “Where did your brother go? He was right in front of us.” And I said, “I have no idea. He just disappeared…like a ghost.”

    The apath had to go to the hospital for x-rays, she had fractured her finger, I felt fine until I had sobered up and started feeling sore and, of course, the narcissist was completely unscathed.

  7. Karen Barnard Kouri Tynes says:

    My husband — Narcissist– fits each one of these topics… however the one I have trouble dealing the most with is he “doesn’t remember!!” Like the year I had MRSA infection on my spine and was hospitalized 4 times – had 3 surgeries etc. one hospital stay was 9 days… he visited me !! 3 !! Times in total!!! How do you counter this??!! Thanks

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You read so that you understand and once you understand you can plan how you best counter it. I recommend you read Fuel, Fury, Manipulated and the Devil’s Toolkit to begin with.

      1. Karen Barnard Kouri Tynes says:


  8. Yolo says:

    I can see clearly now the narc is gone 😊

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Must be a song in there Yolo…..

  9. Amanda says:

    My ex would always say “I’m tired of you accusing me!” to start fights when in fact I hadn’t accused him of anything. I had merely asked him how his day was.

  10. Jenna says:

    You are controlling my mind.
    You are over-thinking.
    I have many other things to do instead of arguing.
    I don’t remember.

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