Perfect Sense (To Us)

 Image result for lots of question marks

“Why do you spend so much time looking at porn?”

“I don’t.”

“Yes you do.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes you do. I know you do.”

“No you don’t know, you don’t know me at all, that’s part of the problem, if you took some time to know me, you would understand.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh that’s right, pretend you do not know what I am talking about. Absolutely typical. It is any wonder I get so pissed off with you?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“There you go again.”

“What are you on about?”

“Look, repeating it won’t make it any different. You always do this when you are in the wrong.”

“Hang on, me in the wrong? We were talking about you and your massive porn addiction.”

“Only because you are trying to deflect from what is really going on.”

“No I am not.”

“You just did it again.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did. Every time I try and point something out to you, you do this, you will never accept you are at fault. You always try to blame me. It is unfair and quite frankly troubling.”

“Wait, wait, this is all wrong.”

“You’re telling me.”


“At last an apology.”

“No, I wasn’t apologising.”

“No I should have known shouldn’t I? You don’t do apologies do you, you are so holier than thou, always so bloody right. Jesus, I suppose your crap doesn’t stink either does it?”

“There’s no need to be like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like that, crude and vulgar.”

“I was just expressing myself.”

“You don’t have to do it like that.”

“Oh so now I am not allowed to voice an opinion.”

“I didn’t say that. Stop twisting things.”

“Ha, you have some cheek haven’t you, accusing me of twisting things? You do it all the time.”

“When? When have I ever done that?”

“Last week, you tried to make to make out that I was at fault for staying out.”

“Staying out when?”

“Last week.”

“I know, but which day?”

“It was night.”

“Sorry, I mean which night?”

“Blimey, another sorry, mind you, you probably didn’t mean that one either did you?”

“Will you stop doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Twisting things around, making out I am saying things when I am not.”

“But you are.”

“No I am not; you are putting words in my mouth.”

“You did say sorry just then.”

“Yes I know, but it wasn’t an apology….”

“Oh I know that; I have learned better than to expect you to be sorry for the way you treat me.”

“Why are you saying that? Look, please, just stop for a minute, I want to talk to you, have a sensible conversation.”

“Are you saying I cannot have a sensible conversation? Oh that is just charming. I am not the one getting worked up and…”

“Please stop it.”

“Have you heard yourself? You keep cutting across me and now you are telling me when I can and cannot speak.”

“No I am not.”

“Another denial. I swear you forget what you have just said or are you doing it on purpose? Trying to mess with my head are you? That is just sick.”

“Me mess with your head. Jesus Christs! You are the king of the head fuckers!”

“Here she goes, it is all coming out now, she cannot have a normal conversation, oh no, she has to be always right, always high and mighty, she cannot do anything wrong can she?”

“Look, let’s stop this.”

“Well you started it and now when I defend myself you cannot hack it.”

“You are making this about something else.”

“No that’s your tactic.”

“No it is not.”

“It is, you start talking about something and then you turn it into an attack against me.”

“I just wanted to discuss your porn addiction.”

“No you didn’t, you want to wind me up, make me angry and when it doesn’t work you keep on and on at me.”

“No, please, I am just trying to talk to you about something important, I cannot stand it when this happens.”

“When what happens?”


“What are you on about?”

“Oh God, it is so frustrating, why won’t you just shut up for five minutes and listen to me, is that too much to ask?”

“Why on earth should I when you talk to me like that?”

“Sorry, sorry, I am just….look, please,”

“Now you are not making any sense.”

“It is just impossible to talk to you.”

“There you go again, always blaming me when you are the one that cannot even form a sentence properly. I am sick of you treating me like this, telling me when I can and cannot speak, accusing me of things that I haven’t done, it isn’t right or fair.”

“I am not doing those things, please, stop saying I do.”

“But you do, there is something wrong with you, you cannot seem to see it.”

“What do you mean?”

“All this, the endless accusations, the going around in circles and it is not just me that thinks it.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Other people have noticed it.”

“Like who?”

“It wouldn’t be fair to say.”

“You can’t do that. You can’t accuse me of doing something but not tell me who said it.”

“There you go again, telling me what I can and cannot do.”

“Christ you are so infuriating.”

“And now the insults, nothing changes. You always do this.”

“No I don’t.”

“Oh yes you do. You never listen to me, you always try to pin the blame on me, I can list so many times in the past when you have done it.”

“No I haven’t, have I?”

“Not so sure now are you?”

“It is you, you are messing with my head, I cannot think straight when you play these games.”

“I am not playing games, you do. You started this. I was just watching television on my own and you start up with your usual evening attack on me. It is outrageous the way you treat me. You have the audacity to suggest that I am messing with your head, good Lord, your head is already messed up.”

“No it is not.”

“Oh yes it is, you should see somebody. I don’t even think you realise what you are saying half the time.”

“Yes I do; I am sure I do.”

“You see, you are not sure, you perhaps don’t mean to do it, but you do, you keep accusing me of doing the things that you do and it is unfair. There must be something wrong with you. You need to see a doctor before this gets out of hand.”

“I don’t need a doctor.”

“I think it is for the best.”

“Honestly, no I am fine, I just feel like I am wading through treacle at times.”

“I suppose that is what it is like when you have a mental condition.”

“I don’t have one.”

“You know people who have usually think they do not, that is part of the condition as well. I can tell by the look on your face that this is surprising you but it shouldn’t, I have put up with this for months, you are lucky I have not left you.”

“Left me?”

“Yes, you are intolerable at times.”

“Me? But, but….”

“Sssh, don’t make it any worse, we will get you some help.”

“I don’t need any help.”

“It’s okay, we will see a doctor for you, I will explain everything to him. You need some help and then maybe we can get through this.”

“There is nothing wrong with me.”

“That is what they always say.”

“No, there isn’t anything wrong with me.”

“Look, there is, there is no point denying it.”

“No it is you, not me.”

“Oh here we go again, I thought we were getting somewhere. I thought you might be seeing some sense at last. I am not sitting around listening to you blaming me for your shortcomings. I am going out for a few hours, use the time to sort yourself out. I will be back when I am back.”

“What on earth just happened? That was nonsense.”

“Made perfect sense to me. Bye.”


18 thoughts on “Perfect Sense (To Us)”

  1. Hey K… loved ur emojis. 😊… so appropriate for my situation and no doubt urs and many of us here on this blog..thank uuuu 😘🤗😇

  2. Oh gosh.. this type of circular conversation was soooooo familiar. .I could never get a straight answer from this 3 timing womanizing mid ranger ever. The contradictions and contrary behavior did my head in. His word salads would make me so furious that i literally would scream at him to answer my simple questions..i have never screamed at anyone in my life previously!! Of course little did I know that I was giving him negative fuel with each encounter and he would start a fight from nothing to provoke me.
    One time he began a conversation with, “U r a f#$ken bitch”.. did you think you would get away with it?” …I said “huh.. what r u talking about” .. to which he replied, “don’t bs me.. u know what u did u bitch”. It made me cringe to think he could “greet” someone he was supposed to love this way first thing in the morning, and secondly accuse me out of thin air over nothing I had even done.. i was terrified…
    Other times, to answer my simple questions he would blow it into some huge drama and deflection and would say things such as “i did not”, ” u are a f#$”king liar”, “i’m not going to waste my time and energy on you, simple”, “no comment” (his fave) , “not answering idiot like you”, “im not going to react because you are retarded” , “u have nothing better in life” , “do u think I care” , f..k off mate” (his other fave)…
    No wonder i am scarred for life. ..grrrr

    1. Sorry, Tiddlywink! He was a horrible, nasty jerk. I wanted to scream after reading your comment, too. We need a scream emoji for this site.

      1. Thank u K.. yes his narc qualities and red flags certainly became clearer during devaluation .. but at the time i thought had some borderline personality disorder…but it kept me terrified because he could change from nice enough in one sentence to “u bitch” in the next.. i just wouldnt know which mood of his i would be dealing with on a daily basis. The last couple of months though were the worst.. i just had to get out of there for my own sanity…. and yes we need scream emojis for sure!!

      2. Tiddlywink
        Here is an emoji rebus: I can 👀 why ur Narc wanted to make you 😱 & 😩. It was 💔 to read what that 💩+head did to U. He was 🔥 & ❄️ So he could get ⛽️ From u. I am so 😀 u aren’t with that 🤡 anymore!!!

  3. This post was one of the more interesting ones I needed to read. This was the way our conversations went all the time about every subject that came up. My ex N was a Gemini and I’m a Virgo so we are both extremely verbal. He’s got 2 (or more) personalities due to his sign anyway and then add narcissism to that – OMFG … and as a Virgo I always have to have the last word… Lord knows, that relationship taught me how to grow out of that bad trait as it was useless. We argued endlessly like this… and then turn around 15 minutes later and be in bed having wild crazy hot monkey sex. What a truly mind fucking relationship ~

  4. Here’s a short piece of the conversation between me and the narc that “was” in my life –

    Me : “Why did u want to be friends with me again? Why did you delete me from your friends list again?”

    Narc : “I thought it would be nice to apologize, so I apologized”

    Me : “Then why are you doing this to me?!”

    Narc : “Please stop messaging me. Take care”

    Me : “Okay, I’ll stop messaging for now, take care”

    Me : *blocks the narc*

    Narc : *reactivates his other Facebook account*

    Me : *chilled out* *headbanging*

  5. Oh this sounds all to familiar though my Narcopath would have accused me of cheating somewhere in there!

    1. Cantevergoback.. same here.. mine would accuse me of f..king someone if i didnt pick up his call after 1 ring!! Was ridiculously trying to control my every move.. glad to be out of that nightmare!!

  6. Ahhh yes.. this. Lol I used to want to hit my head against a brick wall, just to feel something else other than complete INSANITY! But now reading this and looking at it from the outside, it’s actually laughable:)

    1. I literally hit my head against a wall three separate times during my three year old marriage with my narc husband. He discarded me a month back during one of these fights and the way he did it was very cruel. He has gone no contact with me either to punish me or as a result of the final discard. Little does he know that I’m at peace right now knowing that I’m not insane.

      I am five months pregnant and all my belongings are at his place, I cannot care less because I am thankful to have my sanity intact. I’m at my narcissist parents’ house and I have finally realized that these people have no souls. This realization has set me free. I no longer expect anything from any of them.

      1. Sam
        Good that you have such a positive attitude. Hold onto it! Possessions can be replaced. Keep focused on your healing and what’s best for your baby. ❤️

      2. Sam, it sounds like you are on the right path and doing what’s best for yourself and baby:) Belongings can be replaced, but your sanity and your baby’s well being are priceless.You are very brave and strong to be doing what u know is best , it can’t be an easy time for you.

  7. Boy, oh boy! 95% of our conversations went exactly like that. I would be exhausted from the confusion and sayin, “what the hell?” LOL.

  8. I feel sad that reading this made me laugh. So many people get sucked in to trying to have a serious conversation with their narc like this and it’s really crazy-making.

    In my exhusband’s family whenever one of these conversations came up, the standard reply was “What does that have to do with the price of eggs in China?” That was like code for, “I’m on to you and what you’re trying to do.” Sometimes the narcs said it and sometimes we said it to them, but it always meant the same – no useful answers would be forthcoming, so give it up and move on.

    1. lol Windstorm2

      That has been my usual response, unless I have been caught in a very defensive mood and I get pulled in.

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