One More Chance

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What harm could it do to give us one more chance? Like the gambler placing another bet in the hope of winning big, there is everything to gain and not much more to lose really is there? You are down amongst the dead so what could possibly go wrong? Besides, imagine if you did not do so? Imagine that you pass up this opportunity and somebody else takes it? Somebody else benefits from all of your work and they get it right. They do and say the right things so they enjoy the joy of the golden period but this time it lasts forever. It would be like allowing someone ahead of you in the queue and they buy a winning lottery scratchcard from the selection you had your eye on. So near, yet oh so far. Imagine the crushing dejection of knowing that you had it in your grasp but you failed to fllow through and seize the moment. How could you live with yourself thereafter if you failed to act on this glorious chance?

You don’t want to let anybody else gain the advantage do you? Not after everything you have done to steady the ship, to keep things afloat and to steer a sensible course through hazardous waters. You are owed that chance. You are entitled to that magnificent outcome and here it is being offered to you. All you have to do is take hold of it and give us another chance to make things right. Yes, it has failed in the past but did Robert the Bruce give up in his attempts to defeat the English? No he did not, he kept on going didn’t he and I know, I just know that you are made of similar stuff. You have that indefatigable spirit, that is why I hcose you. I knew you would not give up. Too many people let me down, but not you. You aren’t going to do that are you? You have your eyes on the prize. You could not live with yourself if you knew you had given up the chance for us to return to our golden period once again.

I know some people say that past behaviour is the greatest indicator of future behaviour but they are just bitter because they lacked the capacity and the ability to make a change. They wanted to make a difference but they didn’t have the goods. They didn’t have the gumption, the wherewithal, the necessary to do the job. You have. I can tell. I know these things and if you just believe in me this one time then everything will be different. Just one chance. That is all that I am asking for. It isn’t much, not after everything we have been through.

You aren’t going to throw away everything that we have built up are you? I surely do not think that you will do such a thing. You are not like that. You believe in us and you are the one who holds the key to a magical future. Just place the key in the lock, turn it and open the door to me. I will be there waiting. I have all the time in the world. I am not going to go anywhere soon if I know that you are going to continue to believe in me, but if you are going to give up, even though I don’t think you will, well, there are plenty who will take your place. No, I haven’t got anybody lined up, I am not saying that. I am just pointing out that someone as special as me, well, there are people who would be interested, that is all that I am saying. But let’s not talk about them. That is just something which might happen if you make the wrong decision. Not that you will. You are good at making decisions. I know that. You chose to be with me. Oh I know I made it seem like that I came after you but let’s not delude ourselves here, you are the one who made the decision. After all, you are in control of your own destiny aren’t you? I just offered myself to you, you had to make the decision to make that step towards me and you did and do you know why? Because you know. You know that we belong together. You know how we feel about one another. Yes, I know there are difficult times, but that is just what life throws at us but you and I, well, we are better than that aren’t we? I am not trying to influence you because I have ultimate faith in you to do the right thing. You know your own mind. All I am doing is asking yourself whether it is worth throwing away all that we have, all that we can have, just because you will not give me another chance?

I know you are someone who believes in the power of love. I do too. Love is all that we need and what you and I have, well, nobody else really understands it do they? I know what people say about me and you being together, but it is all jealousy. Are you going to let the outrageous comments of others deny you your happiness? I would not think that for a moment you would conceivable allow that to happen. You are your own person. I have always respected that. I gave you what you needed. I know at times I might be a hard task master but I did it for us because it is only when you are truly and sorely tested that you can tell that it is love. Anybody can love like the books and the films. Anybody can be on top of their game when they have no worries and no concerns. A real test of a relationship is when the chips are down, when your backs are against the wall when it is against all odds. It is when somebody else interferes, wants what you have and you have to fight for what you want. You have. I have seen the fire and the determination in your eyes because I know you want me. You want us to be together. We have been tested, repeatedly, but have we not come through it? Have we not come out on the other side and we are better for it? Our love has become stronger because we have been tested and we survived that test. Are you going to let all of that go to waste just because I say some things in the heat of the moment? That is passion for you, you bring it out in me, I cannot help it that you cause these emotions to erupt from me. Would you rather me be a cold and heartless shell? Of course you would not. I am what I am and I am a cauldron which you manage to stir because that is how you and I are. Other people hurl their opinions around, I know they do, I am not stupid, I know what they say, but they do not understand you and me. They do not have what we have and they are misguided at best and jealous at worst.

So, give me another chance. It is easy and we have so, so much to look forward. There is nothing really more you can lose is there by trying again, but if you don’t you will always wonder, “what if?” and it will drive you demented not knowing what might have been if you had trusted your instinct and allowed me back.

Let’s do it. Let’s create our wonderful world again. Just you and me.

Just say yes.

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41 thoughts on “One More Chance”

  1. kimmichaud,

    You are not an idiot. If you haven’t yet, do a private consultation with HG. You won’t regret it. His insight is as close to 100% as it gets.

    1. Just me I plan to book a consultation soon broke now cuz of back to school and daughters birthday hg has never been wrong on the things he said on his YouTube replys or his live chat replys he said he would hoover me when I though he wouldn’t he understood what was going on when I got smeared to my new boyfriend that I don’t have anymore I have no doubt hes the world’s leading authority on narcissism

      1. Kim
        Tell your partner too take the Islamic marriage certificate to his embassy and have it stamped authentic. If he rages he’s most likely is a narc and for sure not serious about you or your wellbeing. If you want to push it tell him you will take it, but don’t bother following through with it. It’s taken me a couple of years learning about narcissism and I have learned more on this blog and I’m still working on controlling my emotions when around him. I now can sit with my narc husband (soon to be ex) and see his games. I’m not 100% not effected by them but the small stuff doesn’t bother me. I do get upset when he has plotted and I don’t know the out come which has a lot to do with this divorce. What I can’t see highly upsets me and I am working on that.
        Patience for you and that moment will come and you will not care to waste your thoughts on that guy. Good thing your not married in the courts. That ceremony certificate can be terminated easily. Keep reading this blog.

      1. Hi Lara, could you not borrow the money for one consultation? This is what I did. I found HG to be very honest, forthright and professional and I’m sure his Consultation will be of benefit to you and anyone else looking for a way forward through the minefield of NPD.

      2. Lara, I was broke this past summer too, but I put off paying a bill. Speaking to HG personally is priceless. If you can borrow the $, I suggest going for it. You will receive the best direction possible.
        Good luck,
        Peaceful

      3. Peaceful & Scout

        Im sorry that anyone should have to make the choices that you have had to to get the help you need. Thankfully HGs consults are most reasonable. If one can manage even to do the email consult, as youve found, they are assured to get the information they need and personalized to their situation. Invaluable in moving forward. Im glad that you have done so and hope things are improving for you both now.

        NA

      4. HG’s consults are so awesome that I considered “making up a reason” to have another one, but I am doing pretty good right now. Knock-on-wood. His consults are invaluable and I highly recommend them.

      5. NarcAngel, indeed, HG’s consults are priceless. He helped me immeasurably with my narc situation. Life is improving quite a bit. This weekend I invested a little money and a lot of elbow grease into rearranging my living room and eliminating some ever presence. I love the changes I’ve made. Little by little this year I’m going to make changes. I see that by my one year anniversary of going NC, there will be remarkable changes 🙂

        OH!!!!! I just realized!!! Today is my 4 month anniversary of going NC, and finding HG and you fine folks 🙂 Hooray for me 🙂
        Peaceful

      6. Congratulations Peaceful…..I know how difficult that is to actually achieve…..it is heartening to hear of some of the readers success stories and achievements, as all too often most of us are barely treading water in the narc quagmire, with little to celebrate……Keep it up and keep us posted of your future success and milestones…….Diva

      7. Peaceful
        I am so thrilled to read that you are doing better and HG’s consults truly are excellent! Get rid of that ever presence and take care of yourself, and I am so happy that you made your way here, as well. This place, and the people here, has been the best part of my recovery. Cheers to going NC and your anniversary!

      8. Thank you K! Did you see Dr. Phil today? I’m noticing that he’s actually using the term “narcissistic” a lot more lately. He’s not one to use labels, but it’s been popping up. I’m going to email the show again.

        I hope you are well too 🙂

      9. You are so very welcome, Peaceful!
        No, I have not seen the show where he mentioned “narcissistic”, however, like you, I will e-mail the show today, as well. I just wrote into the Massachusetts Department of Public Health about pathological narcissism being a hidden epidemic and I am still waiting for a response from my local high school. And I am doing very well, thank you! I will keep you and NarcAngel updated.

  2. I swear I think it is a kind of game for him, how many times could he lure me back to him before I finally give up?- there must be notches caved into wood somewhere tallying his Hoover Scores. My score, about 5 notches.
    This game can be made more thrilling by causing a greater level of devastating hurt and pain to the victim each time and then seeing if they will still come back to you. Achieve bonus points points if you can get them to say they love you.
    The Game has no rules. Use any means possible as long as they come back. …lie, future fake, use empty charm, pity play. Anything Goes…..

    – High Five!! One more notch!!!

  3. kimmichaud,

    “… if I knew for sure it would change everything”

    No, it wouldn’t. I am looking out the window and it is cloudy. If the weatherman told me it was sunny, it would not change what I see out my window. I just made tea and it is too hot to sip. I don’t need a thermometer to tell me it will burn my tongue. Trust your senses, the truth is in your own experiences. The question is not does he love me, but does he love me in the way I deserve?

    1. You are right and the answer is no he doesn’t love me or treat me the way I deserve don’t think he loves me a bit but I would still like to know if he’s really a narc with 100 percent certainty I’m an incurable idiot

      1. You are not an idiot I feel that way a lot of the time too, he probably is… but even if he’s not you have to tell yourself that you deserve better. He is counting on you to be confused so that you will take him back. I recently made the mistake of breaking no contact but his further responses only served to show me why I stopped responding in the first place. It’s all a very clever mind f&$k, intellectually I know all of this but my broken heart just hasn’t accepted it yet. Stay strong!! You are worthy of genuine love here’s another quote for you & me and all of us who have these feelings— “the person who broke you can’t be the one to fix you, and you cannot fix yourself if you are holding on to them”

  4. I gave my Narc nurmerious chances, I swore that the next time he did it again that was it ,5 months narc free, no contact apart from his numerous attempts to get into phones, iPad, computer even got my bank account details, this one is a hard case, 15 years married 20 years together

  5. No, I do know. My flame doesn’t burn for you anymore. My flame needs oxygen to burn and you can’t keep the flame alive.
    However, I do hope you will find a way to keep someone else’s fire burning.

  6. I always fight the urge to give him one more chance it’s disgraceful I already gave him one chance and would even consider giving him a second the facts have been laid out but I always wonder if I’m wrong and he’s not really a narcissist that’s the one thing that makes me consider going back to him if he’s a narc there’s no reason to it means for a fact he doesn’t love me but what if he’s not a narc just a confused inexperienced person with bad communication skills then that would mean there’s a chance I guess I haven’t been burned enough he’s said horrible things smeared me and discarded me twice plus countless silent treatments and still I’m not convinced he’s a narc I wish I had 00 percent confirmation he’s a narc that’s my problem if I knew for sure it would change everything

    1. I go through the same…”what if he’s not a narc and I’ve been wrong all along?”

      No, they def are narcs and we need to move on!

    2. Kimmi

      Doesnt matter about the label or diagnosis. The only confirmation you need is that he treats you like shit, and if hes doing that this early, whats yet to come is worse. Why would you want a confused inexperienced person with bad communication skills? Do you want a partner or a project? This is the downfall of the Empath-suffering from hope and trying to fix the broken instead of embracing the joy of healthy and whole. Instead, maybe ask yourself why you feel the need to force your will on someone to change them rather than accept that they have shown you they are not for you. Just a thought.

      1. You are absolutely correct about every thing u said it’s moronic to wabr a relationship like that it’s been two years the first year was great though and technically I’m married to him nor legally but Islamicaly by an imam not legally recognized in this country as it was a religious ceremony only

  7. HG, I think you deserve a ribbon, or something, for the sheer volume of idioms you packed into this post. I tried to count them, but kept giggling.

  8. Since he isn’t likely to have developed moral capacity overnight, I think I’ll pass. He can be someone else’s malignant parasite. They are quite welcome to him.

  9. Sorry MMRN, but HG forbids it.

    I finished Exorcism and the chapter titled: Adopt Realism made me feel MUCH better. The boulder will reach the crest; I keep forgetting that I am very emotional-duh! You are right; I just need to be patient.

  10. The best advice I got from my Grandpatrinarc was “Kill “what ifs””. After that my life became much easier. What’s done is done. Dot.

    My grandmother taught me “If something is wrong today, it won’t be right tomorrow”. So, I don’t give the second chances to anyone. I forgive people, but they never will be the part of my “internal life” anymore. Not a single chance.

    Also, my grandparents taught me to watch what people do, not say – “Be deaf, but don’t be blind”. Priceless advice.

      1. You are welcome, Narc affair. You can take (not borrow!) everything you like for yourself. I’m not greedy. Lol.

        I’m glad if something I share here would help to make someone’s life much easier and more comfortable. It isn’t just sad place, but it is the healing place also. So, here we go. Lol.

    1. Or as my dad says “your feet point forward because you are meant to go in that direction, don’t go back ever”

  11. My narc and I broke up a couple days ago. He wanted another chance and made all sorts of promises.His grand gesture was coming 2000 miles to drag me back into his hell. Not one Promise was fulfilled and guessing by the drop off of communication, he has secured new supply. He went from rage to pretending I don’t exist unless he wants to know my whereabouts. Unfortunately, I had moved in with him again.. Now in ruins. He asks me to leave constantly knowing I have no place to go, no family to help. No friends and no job. I’m so annihilated

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