Down

down-you-go

It is only ever a question of time before you go down. If you are one of the lucky ones, you may just reach the anniversary of a year since when I wrapped my tendrils around you and pulled you into my world. For others the marker of a year is but a distant dream as they find themselves cast down from their pedestal after a number of months. I know you all find it so troubling and upsetting that one day you are treated like a queen and the next you are regarded as a peasant but that is the nature of this beast. It has always been the case for as long as I can remember and unless the next one lives up to expectations and delivers as they really ought to, then it will continue to be the case. I really would prefer that it was not the case. I know you think that I am some kind of monster for revelling in causing you such pain. I recognise that you are staggered that anybody could behave in what you regard as such an inhuman fashion by meting out physical, emotional, sexual and financial abuse but as is so often the case you are too caught up in your own feelings to actually understand why we do as we do.

I do not revel in the act of making you cry by calling you all manner of names and shouting at you. I do not take vast pleasure in saying who you can socialise with and marshalling your finances as if they are my own. The vast variety of manipulative machinations which I produce from my devil’s toolkit are not the source of my pleasure. Yes, I will admit that I derive satisfaction from exerting such control and power over you, but it is not a huge amount of satisfaction. Why is that? It is for the simple reason that I am superior to you. I am entitled to take such steps and act in this way. It is a given. Accordingly, by behaving in this manner I am simply doing that which is expected of me and that is my right. Thus I am not able to derive huge amounts of pleasure from it. It is not the act which gives me the pleasure but it is your reaction to it. Your heightened emotional reaction combined with the attention that you give me are the reasons why I must cast you down. I know that you hope that this can be avoided and you believe that there is another way. I know you tried to keep me happy by doing everything you could as best you could in the manner that you thought would meet with approval but you always failed in some way. I know my opinion chops and changes form day to day and from hour to hour. But that is the way that I am and you availed yourself of my brilliance so now you must endure this part of my nature. I see no reason to change. Why should I alter from being who I am just because you cannot cope with it? Give way, yield and allow someone else the opportunity to fill your shoes and address matters. Have you considered that the reason you were cast into the dirt was because you just were not good enough? Oh I know you tried. You told me often enough. By God I tired of hearing you whine and moan about how much you do for me and I have no time for such jealousy. That is what it is. You have been exposed to my brilliance and you wanted it for so long. You enjoyed being admitted to my world with all that such admission entailed but then you failed to show the requisite appreciation and respect. I knew what was behind it. You wanted what I had for yourself but that is impossible. I am used to people wanting to claim what is mine as their own. It is a hazard of being a leader, a pioneer and a person that others look up to. I expect it of the minions that I must interact with, the knee benders, the elbow people and hand-wringers. I can see it in their eyes as they kiss my pinkie ring. They want to be me but they cannot. I am cut from a different and far superior cloth and the best that they can ever hope for is to be included in my court and experience my reflected glory. I expected such petty envy from them but not from you. You were meant to be different but as so often been the case you proved that you were little better than them. Yes, you showed me some service in the provision of the fuel that I require but as ever it was short-lived and that is why I had to cast you down. You brought it on yourself. You signed your own death warrant and that was why you had to go down. Could I have chosen a different method and allowed you to walk away? No, not at all. What you must understand is that you feasted at my table. You gorged on my love, you drank deep of my generosity and you clothed yourself in all the appreciation, desire, passion, attention and dedication that I provided to you. I gave all of this in order to receive from you but you still benefitted from it on a massive scale. Having taken you must pay for it and if you failed to do so in the manner I have decreed then there is no hope for it other than for you to pay with your sanity and your self-esteem. That currency, along with your emotional outpourings became acceptable methods of repaying what I have provided to you. It is not permissible for you to leave with paying. In fact, on your way down, it is not permissible to leave. At all.

25 thoughts on “Down

  1. Steven says:

    HG- Have you written any blogs about how to tell apart mid rangers and greaters? I find it easy to know if someone is a lesser but it’s hard to figure out if someone is mid or greater.

  2. Jennifer says:

    Sincere thanks for this HG. Down makes me wonder if it possible that a Narcissist provokes in others the very behaviours that they despise and suppress: the creature. Does this give them a sense of control over the creature as they repeatedly send it down into the depths with the choice to check in on it at will?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There is certainly force in what you suggest.

  3. Diva says:

    “If you are one of the lucky ones, you may just reach the anniversary of a year…..”

    Yes I would have classed myself as lucky if mine only lasted a year……unfortunately I was one of the unlucky ones, as mine lasted many years before I woke up to the harsh reality……I wasted too much time. Although after finding this blog it didn’t take me long to suss out the midrange and dispatch him. My new mission in life is to stay “Narc Free.”……..

    “I am cut from a different and far superior cloth”…….I have no doubt now that one particular narc I was involved with viewed himself in this manner. Frankly….I would be happier covered in rags than have this mentality or be with anyone that does.

    “In fact, on your way down, it is not permissible to leave”………. some of us don’t ask permission to do anything…….. Diva

  4. Anne says:

    Most of the relationships you refer to seem to be relatively short-term. What about those of us who were married to narcissists for decades? When I finally woke up and realized what I was dealing with my family didn’t believe me because I always told them what a great husband I had. They didn’t see the abuse and can’t believe that such a great guy could be capable of it.
    Is there a certain type of narc that is more likely to have long-term relationships?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes.

      1. Pinkfire says:

        Which type of Narcissist would be more prone to long-term relationships, could you please tell us, HG? Thank you.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          All our relationships are long-term ; you belong to us until death.

  5. abrokenwing says:

    No wonder I started malfunctioning…

  6. Sillyolperson says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    Just checking there isn’t a technical glitch or your just extremely busy ?
    Missing all the wonderful comments!
    Thanking you kindly

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No glitch. I have been away (well I still am, but previously I was not in a position to moderate).

  7. Kim michaud says:

    I made it thirteen months before my first discard but I was devalued seriously around nine or ten months

  8. gabbanzobean says:

    How long does a typical “golden period” usually last with you before the nastiness begins?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Depends on the type of narcissist and the nature of the dynamic between narcissist and victim.

  9. Noname says:

    I remember my grandmother taught me “When you start to interact with a person, show your worst qualities to her/him. If she/he doesn’t run away yelling “Help!”, you can show your best qualities then”. It works. Lol.

    What if you send this text to your prospective IPPS’s, huh, Tudor? 😉

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Do you mean what your grandmother said? Yes, I would use that, applying it to the victim not to me.

      1. Noname says:

        Lol, no, Tudor. I meant to send your text “Down” to your prospective IPPS’s and see what happen next!

        I’m sorry for misunderstanding, I see that “this” means “as written above” in the context of my comment. My bad. Lol.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you for clarifying. I think I will pass on that suggestion, no need to meddle with a winning formula.

    2. Sniglet says:

      Hey Noname, I lured a guy I really liked at work with my best qualities and decided to change tactic and show him my bad side as a test. He became confused and told me I’m too intimidating and that was the end of us. Tactic didn’t work. Anyway after my online research I discovered that he was a complete leftist/liberal millenial via photos of him and his friends at protests demanding socialism. He turned me off in an instant! Disappointing because on our date he asked me to join him on a trip to Africa, he offered to help me with my motorcycle and he was handsome too. NEXT…

      1. Noname says:

        You are right, Sniglet. Next!

        Wait for a bravier man to visit Africa with. Lol.

  10. angela says:

    lol……..pathetic….just a foolish think like this

  11. Laura says:

    Breaks my heart – the path is to seek and destroy is it ? To what end : you have never answered my question HG …. The victory is a short win , but what is the goal in the long run …

    What is the ultimate goal of the Narc …..

    It matters not that I sleep alone , that I have cried every night for nearly 2 years : often no one is even present to see the slow death night after night and the suffocating breath in the morning darkness …

    So what is the purpose –

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Fuel.

  12. Kim Winters says:

    H.G.
    I very recently discovered your blog site. It is an interesting read. I have a question that , as much as I have read, has not been answered.
    I would like to know if a person grows within his/her narcissism ? And could this be related to their IQ ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Do you mean does the narcissist shift schools over time? The answer is no. There will be honing of techniques and improvement of machinations amongst some schools but that is as far as it will go with the Lesser or Mid Range.

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