The Eight Exploitations of Empathy


You are an empathic individual. This is why we chose you. This is why we want people like you because you have certain traits which appeal considerably to us. You have traits which are ripe to be exploited by us and only someone like you can provide such an opportunity to our kind. You have certain traits which we need to exploit for our own purposes; these are eight of them

1. Trust

You cannot operate without trust. You trust us with your heart from the very outset. You readily give it to us and allow us to place our hands around it. You trust us to keep it safe and protect, unaware that our nefarious hands covet the provision of your heart. Your trust is absolute and unconditional and this enables us to exploit it repeatedly by doing as we please,acting behind your back and breaching your trust over and over again. Your reaction when you learn of our breach of this sacred trait is enormous and fuel-filled and the driver behind our need to take and shatter your trust. The concept of trust is so inviting that even though we will fracture it, we will endeavour to repair it and win it back just so we can breach it again.

2. Honesty

Your openness and honesty results in your signing your own fate by furnishing us with so much information about yourself. From your hopes and desires through to your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. You are content to detail it all to us as you live by a code of honesty, always wanting to tell the truth and for the truth to be provided to you. We know you operate by this trait and we will feign to be an honest person at the outset, free with our expressions of how we truly feel about you. How more honest can we be than to tell you that you are the person we have waited our whole lives for? Yet, honesty is for you and never for us because we operate in the shadows of dishonesty. Your honesty may be a strength in your eyes but to us it is a weakness as you have opened yourself up before us, exposing yourself to us, showing your neck to us as our forked tongue slides across our sharpest teeth.

3. Decency

You must always do the right thing. To do anything else is anathema to you and we know that this attribute of yours leaves you susceptible to our many machinations. You are polite and well-mannered. This means that you will accord with our initial overtures and listen attentively to whatever we say. You accept graciously our gifts, not realising that they are bribes to ensure you become chained to us. You always answer our calls, reply to our messages and open your door when we appear, not matter how often or how unannounced. This requirement to be civil and decent allows us to frequent you to such a degree that our charm is in and around you so often that you have no chance other than to succumb to it. You will not turn away, you will not slam the door in our faces but instead give us the toehold and time of day to weave our malign magic over you and seduce you.

4. Equality

You expect to be treated as you treat others and when the devaluation eventually commences and you find that such concepts as consideration, reciprocity and equality of treatment are missing, your alarmed and emotional response is the engine for the fuel we need. You operate by the maxim of do unto others as you would have them do unto you and thus you treat us with love, affection and kindness. Its absence by return causes you considerable consternation and upset, which enables us to draw the fuel from you in significant amounts.

5. Fidelity

To be faithful and receive fidelity in return is of significant importance to you. Your own dedication to the ideal of faithfulness means that we have little concern that you will have your head turned by others, no matter how badly we treat you. You will not transgress this ideal, even though you may suspect or even know of our own flagrant disregard for the concept of fidelity, you will remain true to it. It pains you, it hurts you but as a person of principle you will abide by it. You do not do this through any notion of pride or to seek some kind of accolade, but you do it because it is part of you. A constituent part of your moral fibre and full in the knowledge of this sterling attribute of yours, we shall do as we please with little concern that you will treat us in the same way.

6. Tenacity

You do not give up. You exhibit an indefatigable spirit which invades every element of who you are. You will not give up on the idea of you and me. You will do whatever it takes to please me, to win back my golden grace which you once delighted in. You will hang in there determined to ensure we get back on track. You will not walk away because to do so would be to admit failure and this is not something that you can countenance. No matter how bad the abuse, no matter how terrible your treatment, you will cling on as a consequence of this trait. We are well aware of this and welcome such a tenacious approach, for it provides with a guarantee of your attention and support.

7. Healing

You desire to heal and to fix is perhaps one of your most notable traits. The desire to nourish the good in people and bring it to the fore. You believe that everybody is capable of becoming better, including yourself which is why you are so selfless and giving. You strive to find the ways of making a situation better for somebody, you want to make the sad person become happy, the worried person calm and to ease the concerns of all you come across. Most of all you want to fix us because you believe we can be fixed. We will not disavow you of such a notion, not at all, it serves our purposes to keep you thinking that you can make a difference.

8. Loving

Your love is immense. Unconditional, vast and seemingly unending. Like the largest reservoir, your love is that which we must ensnare and once achieved we drink from it with an unending thirst. You are devoted to the idea of love and we will exploit this repeatedly. We exert control over you by suggesting to you that you must not love us if you will not do that what we want. We test your love for us by placing immense demands upon you knowing that you will always rise to the challenge. Your love for us is such that it is sweeter than that which might be obtain from others but it also remains intact for far, far longer. It endures the torrid devaluation and the heartless abandonment so that we know we can count on being able to come back once again and take hold of your love yet again for our own unsavoury and malicious purposes.

11 thoughts on “The Eight Exploitations of Empathy

  1. Sad empath says:

    It sucks to be repeatedly punished and exploited for being a decent human being.

    1. Sharon Marinucci says:

      SAD EMPATH Yes Very Sad. ,I Know Never Having Any One Saying That They Loved Me. Having All This Emotion And No One Cares , So I Used Run Up To People And Beg To Take Me Home With Them I Promised To Be Very Obedient. &Love. Them Forever (Poor Baby).PARENTS Teach Their Children To Look For Love In All The Wrong Places 😢😭😥😜!!!

  2. Noname says:

    I remember when I read this (and Sins of the Empath series) article earlier, I was thinking “Absolutely accurate”. But. It was written in such tone, that to have a honesty, decency, trust, fidelity, etc. is an INAPROPRIATE and SHAMEFUL thing!

    That’s not good, Tudor. All of those empathic traits are very constructive and pro-life things. They build and mantain life, they permit to establish relationships, they form families and help to rise the children… You, personally, wouldn’t be born without existing of those traits and we wouldn’t read your blog and books now!

    “I hate being an empath”, said Me in her previous comment… That’s not good. Not good.

    1. Noname says:

      By the way, do you know what I would wanted to see as a final result of your honorable job? The army of EMPOWERED empaths, PROUDLY shining with their best empathic qualities!

    2. DB says:

      I get where Me is coming from. ‘I hate being an empath’. Until my recent, brief but devastating encounter with a narcissist I viewed my empathic qualities as beneficial. Now I’m not so sure. It’s like operating with a set of rules/restrictions that make you vulnerable/weak. I always considered myself to be a good judge of character. Being empathic meant I could see what motivates others and wasn’t easily taken in. I was completely blind when it came to the narc though. This only added to the confusion when it all inevitably went very wrong.

      1. Noname says:

        You, DB and Me, and many others girls here are the empaths. It is a CORE of the personality.

        Saying “I hate being empath”, means I hate MYSELF for being MYSELF. It is a self-rejection on very deep core level and it is a personal catastrophy. It affects the whole life. It is a personal hell.

        Yes, the Narcs exploit our traits, but we don’t have to hate themselves for that. We have to have a knowledge about narc’s personality and dynamic, a knoweledge about how to protect themselves and to live our life in the best possible way, to give our best qualities to those who know how to value and appreciate them.

    3. Luna says:

      Perhaps Noname would hear this differently if s/he listened to the audio version, which in my opinion, comes across as non-judgmental.

      1. Noname says:

        Wow, really? Thank you for the tip, Luna!

        It is always better to communicate in person. You can see the “whole” person then. I will listen to the audio version when I’m ready. I can read and write in English more or less normally, but I don’t speak and don’t “hear” the english speech yet. Lol.

        I’ll find the English teacher for conversation training, but not now, because I don’t have any time to take the regular classes. But, finally, I’ll fight down this interesting, but hellish language. Lol.

  3. Me says:

    Awesome article! It’s scary how accurate this is. I have to face the facts that I was just being used. I’ve never seen such selfishness no what you do for time. I hate being an empath.

    1. SuperXena says:

      Hello Me!
      I think you are feeling like that now because of the traumatic experience you have been going through and because of the painful comprehension of what you have been going through.

      I do not much about you or your story but your empathic traits are an asset!

      That is exactly the reason why the abusers/ narcissists do whatever is needed to acquire those traits through you as theirs: because they know they are very precious and they are deprived of them.

      This lack of empathetic traits is as well the reason why they are incapable of experiencing other feelings i.ex. real love or happiness. Since they have never experienced these feelings, they have not felt how rewarding these feelings can be..but they know they are precious..

      You are not doomed to be abused because you are an empath. You just have to protect your precious empathic traits from learning and acquiring knowledge . Knowledge is the best protection. Although the process to get that awareness and knowledge might be painful at the beginning..Just keep on learning and understanding what you went through..It will be less painful with time
      Best wishes

  4. Tappan Zee says:

    Yes. That is it. And that list makes me love me. More. Rather than join the ranks of exploiters. I could not have made that list. But it is who I am. I appreciate your study of our kind. I cannot see us like you do. Certainly not myself. It pains me to read be yourself. Or to have counsel implore be yourself. I do not know who I am. Of late I have been turning much pain inward. Exploiting myself so to speak. IT IS ALL I KNOW. Walking out of the fog. Thank you for showing the light. Yes. I get how crazy it sounds. The “evil” one leading us to light. Not out of mercy or empathy or even compassion. Just matter of fact information. Maybe that is why I can hear it. See it. Feel it. You have no end game (with me perse) and there i is no agenda. You speak the first truths I have ever heard. The master of deceit. I thank the God you don’t believe in for you. It’s really beyond comprehension. This ongoing, painful, yet gorgeous redemption.

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