A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 25
Dear Narc,
I am compelled to write this because I have been recently handed a very thick folder containing all manner of documents and records about you. A couple of residents from our retirement village decided to become super sleuths and did a background check on you. Their little investigation was prompted by the hundreds of inconsistencies and contradictions in your grand delusional career claims. I must say they did a marvellous job of ferreting out all the information in the folder.
They realized from the moment you moved into the village that your behaviour was very weird. Your habit of slyly watching others out of the corner of your hooded reptilian eyes twigged them to the fact that there was definitely something amiss They quickly became aware of your manipulativeness and the dreadful things you were saying about everyone behind their back. Your insincere emotional responses, switching from crocodile tears to joviality and back again within a blink of an eye was not normal behaviour.
The thick dossier that is doing the rounds of the village contains all manner of files they have dredged up on you. Just to name a few of the contents, there are certified copies of your marriage certificates, spouses’ death certificates, your divorce certificate, basic qualification records, old school enrolments, bankruptcy files, photos, a police report, wills, resumes and so forth. Trust me that is just the tip of the iceberg. There are recordings and transcripts of conversations with your estranged children, a sibling, your former husbands’ relatives, doctors, nurses, ministers as well as many ex work colleagues.
There are numerous letters from various regulators, institutions, universities and agencies confirming there are no records whatsoever of your alleged academic prowess and career achievements. Quite an exposé.
Your career was unimpressive and nothing like those silly, far fetched fantasies you prate on about. It is clear from the recordings that your relatives deem you to be untrustworthy , dishonest, and toxic. No doubt you will foolishly deny that the folder exists, claim it is fake or that you didn’t euthanise your husband, so I have enclosed a couple of samples from it as proof.
You have now become somewhat of a laughing stock and you only have yourself to blame. Everyone is saying ‘You need professional help for your mental health issues, and that you have all the signs of senile dementia.‘ There is no sign of the gossip abating. I will not name names and say who created the dossier, and there is no point asking anyone as they are bound to deny it. Of course everyone is polite and pleasant to your face, but rest assured not one resident trusts you or believes anything you say.
I wouldn’t expect you to be smart enough to understand or recognize your unstable mental state. I suggest that you always think before you speak. Hopefully, you might have the cognitive ability and self-awareness to be thoughtful and reflective in what you speak about, as well as whom you speak about. I recommend that whenever you deal with others you just keep a very low profile and refrain from trying to be the centre of attention. Stop monopolising conversations as your opinion isn’t wanted or valid. Also, if something is humorous, try smiling politely instead of emitting that vulgar uncouth laugh interspersed with those loud long pig type of snorts. Speak far less and listen more should be your new motto.
I thought it was only right to apprise you of this lowly opinion that everyone has formed about you. You and only you are responsible for your poor behaviour. Only you are capable of changing the current base perception everyone has of you. Telling the truth from now on would also be a very good move in the right direction. You are probably incapable of speaking the truth but I urge you to at least try.
Yours sincerely,
A fellow resident
25 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 25”
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Thank you SuperXena for your response.
I am chuffed that you think that I succeeded in sounding like a narcissist in my letter. Mission partially accomplished!
In my country we can legally obtain records such as some business records, bankruptcy files, wills, divorce and marriage certificates for a fee. We can also legally obtain free information from State libraries, public records offices and digital newspaper archives. . Some documents and photos came from her estranged children. If I were to send the letter I would only include two photos and either a cropped portion of her divorce certificate or a basic qualification record, to accompany letter as proof. These items were all legally obtained. The folder of information would NOT be sent to her ever, it would just be merely alluded to.
Hopefully, her imagination would then feed her paranoia. She would then be left racking her brains as to all the possibilities of who sent the letter and who the recorded conversations were with. I suspect she would also be furious that some plebeian dared to do a background check on her and her alleged qualifications.
I would only send it if I knew she would never identify me and no one else but her would be harmed in the process. I have to say I don’t know how she will react so my chances of pulling it off are very slim.
Hello Resident,
Your welcome .You really have put a lot of work into it. Amazing. It is good that you have moved within the legal frame. And yes, when I read it I thought for a moment that the letter was written by a narcissist.It smelled “revenge “right away by attacking pillars/ weaknesses.Well done there!
” Hopefully, her imagination would then feed her paranoia. She would then be left racking her brains as to all the possibilities of who sent the letter and who the recorded conversations were with. I suspect she would also be furious that some plebeian dared to do a background check on her and her alleged qualifications.”
Nice toppling here of her paranoia and sense of superiority. Those are two weak spots for most of them.
“I would only send it if I knew she would never identify me and no one else but her would be harmed in the process. I have to say I don’t know how she will react so my chances of pulling it off are very slim.”
I think you are wise thinking this way with caution. Even if you do not send it, just the feeling of writing it and just imagining ( thought fuel? ha,ha) how she would respond it is cathartic!
Best wishes
Sent from my iPad
Dear Resident
A thick dossier with certified info, files, resumes and photos that reveal inconsistencies, lies and contradictions smacks of revenge and I like it!
…this letter is surprisingly different from the others.
It is clearly written to a retired woman having ( recently?) moved to a retirement village. The letter seems to be part of a meticulously planned revenge /smear campaign that clearly is targeting and toppling several pillars of the narcissist’s facade providing the respective files,recordings,testimonies etc. Very risky indeed.
The question is if the letter is written by someone ” on the other side of the fence”( meaning not from the empath side or by a person with high narcissistic traits) because of the way is written ( the words used, the underlying threatens, the lack of emotions) .
It made me curious about what sort of entanglement these two persons had , how the fuel matrix was, how long was the entanglement, what “school” of narcissist we are talking about..etc..
Very interesting and audacious letter …
Astute observations SX and the first to pick up on this (or at least the first to articulate it). The answers will be provided in due course.
Thank you HG. This letter caught my attention in particular since there are many indicators that tilt to position the person who writes it into one direction. Difficult to know exactly since there is no more information provided but it is obviously a long term and meticulous planned revenge/smear campaign . The person that planned all this was assessing, investigating, gathering information etc. Waiting for the right momento to…..strike: go for the kill.
It will be very interesting to know the answers.
Super Xena my interaction with this Narc was as a secondary source. I did not experience the horrendous close destruction as that of many other letter writers.
I was close friends with her 2nd husband and his family. I was very puzzled by her behaviour that I had observed over 20 years. Namely her isolation, triangulation and lies. Her behaviour was not simply that of an elderly eccentric. The grand claims were the biggest tell. For years I just couldn’t figure her out.
I first stumbled on HG’s website some years ago and it was somewhat of an eyeopener. I also read several of his books. I gather she is somewhat very similar to HG’s MatriNarc. (HG speaking of MatriNarc it is high time you got a wriggle on and finished writing your book about her.) This woman is a cerebral narc and I suspect an upper mid ranger. She uses the pity play and often comes across as the long suffering but noble forgiving Mahatma Ghandi. The mask does slip at times. She may be a lower greater however she has no idea how to express empathy. It took quite some time for me to wrap my brain around the underlying rationale for her behaviour namely that of fuel and power.
The residents in our village are aged from 57 to 93 and all live in independent units. I consider myself as a normal with empathetic traits. However, like everyone I do have some Narc traits. I have a great sense of justice and age has certainly emboldened me. In this case I have no sympathy for her whatsoever considering the intentional path of destruction she has wrought in so many others lives.
It would never have occurred to me to send her a letter. I prefer to avoid her at all times. HG’s invitation for his readers to write a letter was rather challenging. For most writhers it is a cathartic exercise with the knowledge that the letter would never be sent. I knew from my reading HG’s articles on his site that to write about her harm and destruction would only fuel her. It would also provide her with information on how to further hurt his family and friends as well as her estranged family. So that was out of the question.
I took an entirely different tack and based this letter on HG’s strategies from his book Revenge (There you go HG a plug for your book). I found it very difficult to take the emotion out, so it took a lot of rewriting. It is designed as you correctly stated to topple down the pillars of her façade. I mirrored her condescension and arrogance as well as some of her linguistic tendencies. I additionally paraphrased some of HG’s writings. It is deliberately written to increase her paranoia, undermine her and ignite her fury. (Yes I know that comes across as very Narc behaviour but rest assured I am not a Narc) Ninety five per cent of what she has told us is lies. The folder of information was originally created to just verify the truth.
Would I ever send it? There is always the huge risk that it will backfire and she will increase her smear campaigns against his family, me or her own children or something far worse. Alternatively she may incorrectly target some hapless resident as the author and viciously smear them. I doubt that she would show the letter to others but who knows. She has a tendency to blindside us all. We will have to patiently await HG’s verdict on whether it should be sent or not.
I had almost the same story at work, Resident.
We had a new guy, who was moved from another country to ours and started to work with us. Our first meeting and I immediately knew who he was. But it wasn’t a problem.
The problem was that he used our professional language and “slang”, but it was obvious for me that he didn’t understand the “matter” at all and I decided to do a background check.
The results I got were impressive – his personality, diplomas and credentials were fake. His real identity and “previous” life suggested that he was a professional con artist.
Both my husband and my boss had a private “talk” with him and after that he left our work. We didn’t inform the police about him, but we put him in our “officially-unofficial black list”. No one (among our institutions) would hire him anymore.
I think, you shouldn’t send your letter to that woman, Resident. No one of you would get nothing good from it. Moreover, everything could become more complicated. Just ignore her. My best wishes to you.
Why did you not go to the police because he had committed fraud? Embarrassment at the fact he was hired in the first place?
That is what I thought when I read your letter, the Resident; an empath, showing no emotion, mirroring the narc and threatening her. I liked it!
Why, of course it was a great embarassment for my boss, because it was him who had hired that guy.
We decided to keep everything in secret, but make sure that the guy’s “career” won’t continue. Plus, his “deals” wasn’t so malignant. Plus, that guy had a son (he lived with his mother) and, strangely for a Narc, but he really cared about him and supported both of them financially.
My boss and my husband, of course (!), wanted to tear him apart and it took some effort from my part to persuade them not to do it. No need to be so cruel to people. Not in this case.
Thanks for expanding.
Hello Resident,
First of all thank you very much for your extensive answer and for sharing it with me/us here, providing us with insightful information which I believe is one of the purposes of this exercise of writing the letters. I find your letter very interesting and awakening many thoughts :
1. I recognised that your letter was inspired by HG’s book Revenge. I read that book many times. What I found surprising was that it really sounded as a narcissist writing it. So you really succeeded in “mirroring” a narcissist’s language.
2. I think you have the Core Principle( not reacting if implementing Revenge against her) in place. As you stated you were a secondary source so you do not have any emotional connection to her nor sympathy. ( as narcissistic as it sounds, in this case it is a must in order to succeed)
3. Your Ultimate Aim ( motive of implementing the revenge campaign) is very clear:”It is deliberately written to increase her paranoia, undermine her and ignite her fury”
4. You have made an incredible research( for a long time) to detect her narcissist pillars.That is amazing.
5.The risks. This is the point I am a little bit concerned of: The risks of implementing a revenge campaign without being prepared. As you stated there is a huge risk of this backfiring to you or to the other residents or members of the family. I do not know which country you are living at( and I do not need to know) but the extensive files and testimonies hopefully were gathered through a legal way so she cannot use this against you i.ex. a law suit. This is absolutely not my field of expertise but it would be worth checking this with a professional expert in these legal matters.
I personally would not go into such a campaign before knowing every single tiny risk of her backfiring to you and preparing all the angles to protect you and the ones you care for.
One last question: do you think is worth doing it considering the risks?
Yes! I know that look – the reptilian eyes. I hate it when my narc looks at me that way- that evil look! He also has a forked tongue – literally! HG, is that a common trait of narcissists – a forked tongue? I am asking because I believe my granddaughter has the same type of tongue.
It is not literal common trait, far more figurative.
Interesting slant. 🐸
This brings back memories bc i worked for 7 yrs in a seniors lodge. Many of the residents i felt close to and considered family. Looking back now i can see which ones couldve been narcissists. Back then in my early 20s i was very naive to the fact their were personality disorders and just thought them to be strong personalities. I now know this to be more of a personality disorder. The lodge also resided in the town i lived in at the time. Many of the residents were related to staff members and that created a whole other degree of drama. Coming from a big city and moving to a small town i felt very much out of place but soon fit in. The lodge had an interesting work environment bc it was more like a home and the people in it like relatives. I do miss it and hope to visit in the future. I know a couple people who still work there. Many of the beloved residents have passed on but will always be in memory.
What surprised me about the seniors was the fact many still resorted to childlike behaviour in their gossip and alienation of other residents. There were a few that would brag about their accomplishments in life but i chalked it up to them feeling proud of themselves and reminiscing about their past. When you get to your later years you miss the ‘old days’ and reliving them is all you have. It brings you comfort and enjoyment. That being said im sure there were a select few that fabricated much of their lives to get attention from the other residents. I witnessed a lot working there and smearing was evident as well. I played scrabble once a wk with a german lady who the residents alienated bc she was an athiest. She had gone thru the war and was deeply affected by what she experienced. If you didnt come out sunday for church service that was very much frowned upon and youd face smearing behind your back…not very christian. This german lady was a strong lady in that she didnt let the isolation affect her but it was difficult to watch as theyd snub her during mealtimes. Ive learned a lesson from working there and thats that the years dont improve you unless you do the work to change. Many of these residents died the way theyd always been( in some cases worse) and age hadnt improved their character.
It sounds from your letter this lady has lived a huge lie and is portraying the typical narc mask which im sure will be in her casket when she leaves this world.
I absolutely love this I was a resident manager LPN for many years at a rest home not a retirement community and yes elderly people can and do gossip and hav e very full emotional lives with various personalities showing in full force there was just as much drama as a soap opera going on i Iove this letter because the author is bright witty and sharp and proof of why I love older people so much this was so enjoyable to read
Excellent and objective job, Resident!
Crikey! Well written if only it were to be sent….
The look of horror on the recipients face would be priceless!!
I like this letter
Now that’s cooperation.
A great letter!!
Shit is getting real in the senior living facility… and I applaud you for it. <3
Outstanding!