Irresistible

IRRESISTIBLE-2

 

Can you hear me knocking? Open the door and let me in? I know you want to. It is only me. You know me. You know me better than anybody else. Come on, I know you are thinking about me. That is what happens. I am on your mind and in your thoughts. I am whirling around in that messed-up mind of yours. It is messed up. I didn’t do it. I didn’t do anything wrong. I never do. It was a real state before I even appeared. I just took advantage. But look, that is in the past and we don’t need to talk about the past (expect I suppose when it suits me). I know you want to hear my voice again don’t you? You miss hearing me. You miss those long conversations on the telephone that we used to have, two hours or more where there was never a lull. I know you remember them. I know you keep looking at your ‘phone hoping that it will ring and that it will be me. I know you feel a phantom buzz when you have stashed your phone on your person and you keep pulling it from your pocket and checking. You tell your friends that your mother needs to speak to you, just so they won’t groan or roll their eyes at you for wanting it to be me. I know you are itching to call me. Go on, why don’t you? You can speak to me again and it will be just like before, all of the wonderful stuff. I will reinstate it in an instant because look, I have had a lot on, I have been tired, I have been worried and so on and so forth blah blah blah. I will trot anything out because once you see me smiling at you, you won’t be listening any more.

No, you will be thinking back to that kiss as we stood in that park with the sound of the breeze through the autumnal trees. That first kiss after the days of flirting through text and call. That magical, marvellous, mesmeric kiss. The first of a million. One in a million. I know you close your eyes and stand in that park and allow yourself to be taken back to that time a year ago. That day when we both drove there and met beneath the towering trees, the September sunshine still warm and I stood there, my magnetic smile on display as you half-ran towards me and I took you in my arms and then we kissed. Imagine doing that again? Oh you have of course. A thousand times.

Send me a text. You may as well. I will answer you and I will put a kiss on the end, just to tempt you. I know your heart will surge when you see that and all thoughts of staying away from me will begin to evaporate on seeing that. Text me. Just one text. It is easy enough. I know you haven’t deleted my number despite the promises you have made to do so. You just could not bring yourself to do it.

Call me. Ring me up and tell me what a bastard I am. Go on. Unleash that anger. Let it out. How many times have you sobbed to your friends about what I did to you? What a cruel and heartless bastard I am. I do not deserve you do I? No, but I deserve being told what I have done to you. You need to get it off your chest don’t you? You should. Go on, just press that button and I will answer you and you can let rip at me. Hey, even better, why not suggest we meet up and then you can have that show down that you have always envisaged. I know you have thought through all the things you have wanted to say to me but feel that I prevented you from saying when I just disappeared and then ignored your frantic attempts to get in touch with me. Tell me how broken I left you. Tell me how your friends hate me too. Tell me how your brother is going to batter me. Go on, I know that anger is still raging through you and you need to let it out. Surely after everything you have put up with you are entitled to one last hurrah?

Make that call late at night. I know you are lying in the dark thinking about me, hands entwined around the shirt I left which still smells of my scent. You know you ought to throw it away or burn it but you just cannot do it can you? You still want that connection. You still want to be able to inhale my fragrance and somehow relish the agonised joy as your mind is flooded with my memory. It is a lonely place now that bed isn’t it? Why not send me a text and we can exchange some saucy messages? Rekindle that fire again. It will make you feel better. I might even be tempted to come and see you and take you in your bed once again and let you experience the magic that I possess. The sex was brilliant wasn’t it? I know you cannot lie about that. I have heard what you have said to people about how you hate me but the sex was off the charts. Let’s do it again. Why not? It will make you feel so much better. Just text me, ring me, message me. You just have to reach out because I know you are dying to.

You may as well flick through those pictures again and smile with regret and longing as they evoke all those momentous times from when we were happy together. So many pictures, so many smiles. Have a look at my Facebook profile again. I did not block you. I would not do that. I want you to see how I am doing. Those messages are for you by the way. I am sure that the cryptic comments that I have posted with those pictures will have been picked up on by you and considered and reflected on. Those were for you. I wanted you to know how much I am missing you and you need your daily fix of stalking my social media. Yes, there was somebody else and I know you will have seen and been distraught to know that she was now receiving my love, my perfect love. How that must have burned inside of you as you realised that somebody else was now the recipient. I knew you would but don’t worry, she isn’t a patch on you so why don’t you come and see me and we can start it all again. I know you want to.

Come and see me. Help me. You are the only one who truly knows me. You know more about me than anybody else. The others, huh, they meant nothing to me. They were aberrations but you, you are the real deal. I love you still. I always have. Just come and see me and I will prove it to you. I will make the changes you want me to do and I know you believe in me. You see the good in me don’t you, you are the one who can let it out and help me. Please help me. I just need to be fixed and you are the one with the tools to do it. There is only you. Please don’t let me down. I need you. I will change. I will be better. I promise. Just come and see me and give me the chance to show you. That is only fair isn’t it? You are a fair person, I know you are, that is why I love you so much.

Come on, just get in touch with me and all this pain can go away. There is no need for it. You just need to press those buttons, dial that number or best of all just turn up. Imagine how romantic it will be. You turning up unexpectedly (but not really) in the rain and I sweep you into my arms again and everything will be good and golden and great once again. Do it. Do it. Give me the dressing down. Come to bed with me. Kiss me again. Tell me how you feel. Offer me forgiveness. Let me know what has happened to you. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Do it. Do it. Get in touch. Reach out. Stop the pain. End the hurt. Bring back the joy. Resurrect us. Ignite the passion. Let love reign. Do it. You can do it. I believe in you. End this agony. Let it go. Berate me. Love me. Chastise me. Fuck me. Hate me. Contact me. Contact me. Contact me.

I can hear my ‘phone ringing.

57 thoughts on “Irresistible

  1. Lori says:

    Would you please explain further how you can say that narcissists aren’t sexually addicted, HG? At least both Sandra and I are baffled by your statement as are perhaps others.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Certainly. They are addicted to the fuel that is obtained through using sex as the method of gaining that fuel. They do not realise is as they do not know they are narcissists and that they need fuel. Sex is a major method of gaining fuel (see my book Sex and the Narcissist) and certain narcissists use it excessively and thus would be perceived as sex addicts to uninformed observers. Moreover, being described as a sex addict would appeal to a narcissist (and thus they may well seek treatment for it) because

      a. They would not otherwise seek any treatment for their narcissism;
      b. It does not sound bad or ‘weak’ such as being an alcoholic or a junkie;
      c. Sex addict has that alpha quality about it – “I am addicted to sex, I can fuck brilliantly, I can fuck for ages, I secure lots of different partners” which of course naturally appeals to a narcissist.

      The individual is a narcissist and is addicted to fuel. Sex is how the fuel is obtained so it appears that they are addicted to the sex.

      1. Narc Angel says:

        Excellent to have confirmed. I never believed it was an actual addiction- just an excuse.

      2. Sandra says:

        Risky sexual behavior and the lure of successfully ‘getting away with it’ makes them feel special, smart and entitled to do it again so it manifests as an addiction.

      3. Tappan Zee says:

        c. Sex addict has that alpha quality about it – “I am addicted to sex, I can fuck brilliantly, I can fuck for ages, I secure lots of different partners” which of course naturally appeals to a narcissist.

        ^laughing and crying ;p

  2. Sandra says:

    There is no such thing as a sex addict. Wow. Simple, succinctly stated premise that helped me see the forest for the trees. I’ve been reading and weaponizing for a while but this one has me picking my jaw up off the floor.

  3. Every time I read this article I feel tempted to break no contact.

    Except this time when I read it. The narcissist sounds so desperate. Sounds like he is begging for fuel.

    Makes me feel powerful like I am the one in control.

    Logic wins today! Tomorrow who knows.

    1. Kelly says:

      I’m new to this site… I’ve been in a 4 year roller coaster ride with someone I believe is N. Do all N want you to know if they have another woman when broken up? Mine has had a couple that I know off but claims there is only me. He actually hides it, lies and denies anyone else. I’m asking because I wonder if he is sex addict rather than a N. I’m on no contact now and I have blocked him on my phone. He tells our friends I’m crazy and he’s done but messages me begging me back. He’s still emailing me begging me to talk. So far, I’ve ignored him…

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Hello Kelly, not always. Some of our kind engage in Relationship Bulletins about the new IPPS but others will not because they do not want the former IPPS or a shelved IPSS interfering in the new golden period. There is no such thing as a sex addict.

      2. Blank says:

        Hi Kelly, very good for you, keep ignoring him! It’s the best thing you can do! I’ve been there. My Nex just wanted to hurt me, kept adding women to his SM-friends and I’m sure some of them he just picked because of their good looks, but he wouldn’t even know who they were. Narcs are all about hurting you. Lying, gaslighting, cheating, hurting. That’s it. Nothing else. All the good things only exist in your fantasy. Really, I’ve been there. Never cried so many tears as during the 3 years with my last narc. No contact is hard, you miss him, you want him back, you almost die of longing and wanting to hold him and whatever.., but if you stick to it you are going to be so happy (again). With narcs it’s always the hurt that comes back, over and over and over again.
        Kelly, ignore him, for the rest of your life, make sure he can’t contact you anymore and don’t look what he is up to on Social Media. Cry for a while and move on. It’s hard but you can do it. I did it and I love the clearness in my head and the serenity inside of me. Good luck Kelly!

  4. Tonyanika says:

    HG Tudor, I’m an Introvert. I rarely like being around a lot of people, and I crave my quiet time alone. Being around crowds of people makes me stressed and anxious. Id prefer to meet up with a friend or a handful of close friends for dinner rather than an amusement park full of extroverted strangers. Its not that I don’t like people, I’m just not interested in dealing with people more than a few minutes at a time. The exception would be my boyfriend. He’s the exception to the rule. Is being an Introvert a target for an Narcissist? By the way, I don’t suffer fools gladly.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Being an introvert per se does not make you a target, your empathic, class and special traits do. The fact that you generally prefer your own company however would mean that you have given us a head start on the desire to monopolise your time and isolate you from others.

      1. Tonyanika says:

        Interesting. I know how to act empathetic, but I don’t make it a habit due to my experience from being hurt over and over in my childhood and past relationships. Would that disqualify me as a target??? Or could that qualify me as a Mid-Range Narcissist? I find that the more I learn about Narcissism I feel like I could start acting like one without even trying. No, I have not been evaluated by a Doctor, I would just like to get your feedback. I look forward to your reply Mr. HG TUDOR.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It wouldn’t disqualify you because your special traits would be high and thus of attraction. Plus with the right manipulation, the fuel would flow.

    2. Tappan Zee says:

      . Its not that I don’t like people, I’m just not interested in dealing with people more than a few minutes at a time .

      ^ it could be too that you’re highly sensitive . and people affect you greatly so you remove your self. that is me 100%. i could not be a narc if i tried (its attractive yes) bc how much i care.. so i isolate my self. you may be void of that idk. the whole infj deal. caring hurts. and i don’t always (in fact rarely?!) show empathy. but i feel torn up inside. i am going to ask HG… for me. good and scary question.

  5. Tonyanika says:

    HG Tudor, I just bought your book called the Sitting Target How and Why The Narcissist Chooses You. Its a great book. I’m only 30 pages into it and its hard to put down. Thank you for your talented writing. You have a nice manly voice. When I listen to you talk during interviews, your voice is almost mesmerizing. Is that your real voice? I would like to see a picture of you HG Tudor. Will you be showing one soon or will you remain unseen for your protection?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you for your kind comments. Yes, it is my real voice. My identity must remain protected at present.

      1. Tonyanika says:

        Good afternoon HG Tudor. Thank you for replying back to me. I will continue to read and familiarize myself of your kind. Psychology is very interesting to me in general. That is what makes finding your wonderful blog, books, and interviews so damn awesome to me! You are an awesome man HG Tudor! I have learned so much from you since I found you on Youtube a month ago. I cant get enough of your interviews and your Q and A’s on Youtube. Your Doctor was right about your writing skills. You are off the charts amazing. God Bless you for all of your hard work that you share with the world about Narcissism. I will continue to have questions for you as I read your books and articles. Stay sweet HG!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you Tonyanika, much appreciated.

          1. Lori says:

            Did I see Tonyanika call Mr Tudor “sweet?” Really? How do you feel about being called sweet, HG? I’m sorry I had to chuckle to myself to hear a narcissist / sociopath called ‘sweet’. I’m a fan and I certainly appreciate you HG and like to learn from you as well as question you if something seems out of place … but ‘sweet’…. hmmm… ok, carry on… I’ve taken hold of myself ~

          2. HG Tudor says:

            It is a droplet of fuel and it is well-intentioned. I am not sweet however, far from it.

          3. robins359 says:

            Tell ME!! LOL

      2. kimmichaud1 says:

        I am sure when he is seducing a new target or in the golden period he is sweeter than honey if my narcs golden period was so amazing I can only imagine that his would be off the charts

  6. fattypetters says:

    Haven’t heard from my narc in 8 months untill today ! (Rolls eyes) hate to tell you this guys but don’t ever think they will leave you alone. I actually cannot believe the audacity of this man , I genuinely thought he’d moved on as I literally haven’t heard a peep from him. Yes I entertained his bullshit when he contacted me however the woman he was with a year ago no longer exists. As she is all clued up on his facade ! His games, lies , tricks , all thanks to HG x

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome and your honesty in admitting this assists in reinforcing the reality of what I explain.

    2. Caroline says:

      fp,
      Ugh…and thanks for keeping it real (and I hear you as well, HG). I’m not confident I’ll never get a Hoover (more like wishful thinking). My greatest fear is that he’ll come back with a major sob story/guilt trip, which is my weak spot, so I’m trying to work that out in my head.

  7. Caroline says:

    Well, it’ll never be me calling… and am pulling for everyone on this blog to GOSO as well. With more knowledge, that “irresistible” quality of theirs turns more repulsive.

    For anyone wanting to go No Contact – or wavering on No Contact – I highly recommend reading HG’s “Black Flags: 50 Warning Signs of Abuse.”

    It will make you feel very, very queasy (a good thing) and scared straight outta there! Really, it’s so worth it to absorb that info.

    **30 days NC, and I hope I never hear from him again**

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      YAY CAROLINE! 💃✅💜

      1. Caroline says:

        Aw, thanks so much, Tappan Zee! Positive reinforcement is awesome!

    2. Derpy says:

      I’m in that same boat, Caroline. Working every day towards my freedom and sanity. Good luck to you!

      1. Caroline says:

        You too, Derpy!:-)

  8. Jojo says:

    Oh no you can’t ….

  9. Lisa says:

    Na, I dont think so……..

  10. kimmichaud1 says:

    Never

  11. Lori says:

    And you feel none of this in return, HG…. none at all for any of the ‘loved’ ones in your past? Have you felt any of these things you described… at all?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No.

  12. Willow says:

    😞 This is everything I long to hear. But I want it be true. In tears. How could I be so weak.

    1. Caroline says:

      Willow,
      You’re under the influence, girl — as in feeling addicted — which is what they do. You’re feeling weak because someone has abused you. You need time to process it and get some strength going, which is normal. I think you may feel empowered to get your righteous indignation up! (“Black Flags: 50 Signs of Abuse” may help… it may make it harder for you to be feeling that intense longing).

      It’s commentors like you that make me so pissed off (at the narcissist’s control, not you) that I’m determined that my first NC will succeed (not that doing it perfectly the first time is what matters, but I’m motivated to not have one more teeny-tiny exposure/I’m stubborn). I know my NC success doesn’t directly help anyone on here… but I want you to know that it matters to me that you’re suffering at the hands of a narcissist – and I’m at least knocking one of them off their abusive game play! I’m sorry they’ve been hurt in childhood… but it’s NOT okay to then go hurt others. Big NO to that.

      You don’t deserve this, Willow… keep trying to fight it, one day at a time, in what ways work for you.

      1. Willow says:

        Caroline, thank you so very much for your kindness and support. I have a feeling you are going to kill it with NC and set an example for all of us! I’m proud of you. Please keep us posted! And thank you again for caring. I want desperately to get as strong as you are. I hope I get there before the hoover comes.

        1. Caroline says:

          Aw, you’re so sweet, Willow. It’s nice of you to turn my stubborn gene into “strength.” That sounds so much more impressive, thanks! 🙂 But I’ll probably post something in another month or so saying, “Oh my gawd, he has cancer! I should at least send a brief message of condolence, right?” Then you can tell me, “Caroline, snap out of it with your guilt complex! What are the odds he suddenly has cancer? Get a grip, girl!” 😉 So I’m vulnerable in the guilt area, and he knows it – you would think because I know he knows this, it would not be effective… but it still can be, which shows it takes time to work through this, and we all have our weak spots!

          You will get stronger, Willow. You will! Just keep on trying, and don’t beat yourself up when you go backward a few steps. Be proud you are doing your best at the moment. It sounds like you ruminating over him is the toughest for you… one of HG’s books has a good strategy (can’t remember which one, as I’ve taken the “HG crash course”). It’s this: When a thought of the narcissist hits you, change what you are doing… so, for instance, if you’re watching TV, get up and go wash the dishes – or go outside to tend to your plants, or whatever. Over time, doing that simple distraction-type method (to break up the thought) really can help reduce the number of thoughts of him. It builds on itself. Oh, and new hobbies can keep your mind busy and give you a new thought focus too, plus some fun. 🙂

      2. NarcAngel says:

        Caroline

        It is incorrect to say that your NC success doesnt directly help anyone on here. You have to do it for yourself (and your children if you have any) but it inspires many to see that it can be achieved. Even when breached (as many are not successful the first time), it is possible. Reinstate it immediately like youre a bride whose dress doesnt fit a month before the wedding lol.

        1. Caroline says:

          Lol! Thank you so much, little heaven-sent Narc Angel! You’re so thoughtful. I love your comments on here. You’re so insightful.

        2. Caroline says:

          EARTH TO WILLOW! (< I say that with much affection, but just in case you have second thoughts): What do you think the odds are that if you leave your terrific, stable life and go over there that he will dump you within three months – and in a very cruel way that leaves you feeling humiliated and depressed?

          GOSO

      3. Willow says:

        Well, the hoover came. He is living/working temporarily (2 years–1 year left) in England while I am in the US. The hoover was, “if you will sell your house, leave your job and your daughters (ages 19 in college and 17, a senior in high school) and come be with me, we will travel the world together and all my lovers here–who are just sex–will be removed immediately. Just say the word and I will order the plane tickets” (first class, no less). My gosh, I want to! How is that even possible? I have an excellent career that I’ve worked very hard for, I am devoted to my daughters, very very close to my parents who would do anything for me, and while my life may not be the most exciting, I am blessed in so many ways. I will not go; I cannot go. But my God, how I want to.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Willow

          Good thing you cannot and will not. He is only interested in proving his power over you in having you do so. Soon after you would present yourself he would become uninterested. Stay with a sure thing (your family). No need to move house,job, and country-theres a narc on every corner if one is hell bent on destruction.

  13. Romi says:

    HG

    What is the difference between lesser Narc and bipolar person. My father has serious anger issues, but he does some strange things which irritates me the most. Like he knows I am scared of being alone at night, he intentionally locks my room. I know he’s not normal. I just want to know how to make a difference between these two.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      An individual who is someone who is solely bipolar would have empathy. A Lesser does not. There are others but that is the key difference to look for.

  14. Also,
    What is is about the phrase “You know you….”?
    Why does that work so well!!?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Because you are a truth seeker and therefore you like to know, but this phrase suggests you ought to but you do not. Thus you are criticised and it offends your innate nature to be a truth seeker.

  15. Patricia J says:

    When 🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🛫🛫🛫🛫🛫🛫🛬🛬🛬🛬

  16. Just tears.
    (To the narc)
    So glad you are not here to see them. I wouldn’t want to give you the pleasure.
    Never again.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not pleasure, the fuel.

      1. Lori says:

        I thought fuel was pleasure, HG ??

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Your pleasure equals our fuel.

      2. Lori says:

        Are you trying to spin my words HG…. and take them out of context? Reread where it started. … Persephoneascending1 was talking about her tears being pleasurable fuel for you. Those tears for her would be from her pain. My initial question to you was basically (restated now for better clarity for you) “aren’t her painful tears fuel equating to pleasure for you?” Your response to me was that our pleasure gives you fuel. I already understand that, but it wasn’t answered in the correct context… Just being cheeky perhaps, HG?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello Lori, no spin, probably a consequence of trying to answer when the material is spread out across several comments which are then chronologically interwoven with hundreds of others which I have read, so thank you for pulling it together. Tears of pain amount to negative fuel. Tears of joy amount to positive fuel. They are not pleasure. They are fuel.

  17. Shannon says:

    All my narc did when I texted him was be his usual satanic self.

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