A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 26

To My Ex on His Wedding Day…
    I remember the night we met so well. You completely charmed me and told my friend you were in love with me. We spent an entire evening dancing and talking, but then lost each other in a bar at the end of the evening. Who knew I would run into you a month later and that you were so close the entire time. Funny, you didn’t have the job you claimed to have that night. Oh well, I’m sure you were just embarrassed.  I had so much fun flirting with you and having deep psychological talks on the phone.
My condo overlooked the back of your workplace and we could glance at each-other occasionally when we were both in view. During a brief separation, due to your telling me you had a girlfriend the day before my vacation, you called out my name from below just like Marlon Brando called “Stella” in “A Streetcar Named Desire.”  It was very romantic. I bet you don’t even know the play, since you are so much younger than me as you like to remind me.
When you and that girlfriend broke up three months later, I thought we were meant to be.  We couldn’t get enough of each other.  We enjoyed listening to music and would share ear buds from an iPod and would sit smiling at each other on the porch. I suppose Timberland’s “Apologize” should have been foreshadowing our relationship… but since you confirmed that Alicia Keys, “No One” was our song, there was no need to worry.  “No one can get in the way of what I feel for you”  is what you sang to me.
   When I became pregnant, you said it was a miracle since you were told that you were infertile during your year in the Marine Corp. We decided even though neither of us planned on having children, this must fate. I believed your story since I had not gotten pregnant in the year we had been together previously. You encouraged me to marry you as soon as possible. I was elated that I had a man who loved me so much and agreed to marry. I even bought the rings!
Our wedding day was beautiful even though it was pulled off in two weeks. I felt like a deer in headlights, but very happy. Your Mother never forgave us for not inviting her nor for my not asking her about you before it happened. It became quickly apparent that things were a little different about you, but I dealt with them the best I could-for better or for worse. Your Mother told me that she wasn’t sure what you were capable of.  You explained that the two of you had a very strained relationship, so I dismissed her comments of course.  We lost the baby shortly after the marriage, but we had each other.  You reminded me that you didn’t really want children and told me you were too selfish to have a child anyway, joking…naturally.
    We had many good times and enjoyed lots of activities over those next several years. I was able to save you from yourself so many times as you know. You had a lot of stress. You moved up quickly in your career and we were able to buy a beautiful home. That is when things became really bad.
I started having health issues which cut back the hours I could put into my business. You told me not to worry, that I could count on you. But then you invited strangers into the house in the middle of the night, there were nights you didn’t come home, then you asked me when you could put me in a retirement home and then your scuba diving in the pond in the back yard with the alligator while intoxicated put you into rehab. There was the pulling a gun out on my family when they were visiting and scaring them off never to visit again.  The talking in your sleep, the scaring me out of the house at night, the dating sites, the dolls, the drugs, the alcohol, the bedwetting, the lies, the hospital visits, the threats, the guns and the police. The holding me down on the floor with your hand over my mouth while you stared at me smiling. The scaring me off on Christmas Eve only to come home to finding you in our marital bed with another woman. Too many things had happened- we needed a break you said. You didn’t trust me anymore.  Therapy never worked, since you would only discuss the blinds on their windows or would ask them to fix me! Ah… the memories!
    Now you are marrying one of the women you had an affair with…one of six you told me about after we separated. This one you managed to pull away from her husband, you must be so proud. When you told me about the current girlfriend’s pregnancy (not to be confused with the other woman that reached out to me on Facebook whom you said was crazy when she claimed to be pregnant) you told me I could take you back!  I said no.
Then later you asked if I wanted to be the baby’s Aunt and got mad when I told you that was ridiculous.  You told me that you didn’t want to marry this girl, because you didn’t want to end up paying her alimony and child support, due to the future women. I am sure it will be different this time, since you’ve decided to live together and have a baby before marriage- before our divorce for that matter! It must be hard keeping up the facade this long. Telling people I cheated on you must have gotten you sympathy. Telling your parents you will always regret what you did to me must make your relationship with them better.
Moving out of state and starting a new life has probably helped. The fact that you have been promoted to a management position so quickly proves you don’t need me as much as you claimed. The fact that you cross over a state line for your job every day, must really be helpful in keeping your lies and affairs in order.  Wife number two may never know what you are capable of or what you truly are. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t dream of telling her. You may have that pleasure when that perfect time arrives. I suppose you have a “plan” for her too.  It must be fun for you to know her parents hate you and you have fooled her friends.  Considering one is a cop and another a therapist, that is quite an accomplishment.  Remember when you told me that we would still have been together if I hadn’t miscarried? I am sure that your child will help you two stay together- forever!
   Seeing you two in court together a few weeks ago was all I needed to know that you have moved her into the role of your caretaker.  I am glad she was there to understand all of the money you owe me, since I know she will be  responsible for your finances as I had been in the past.  I remember that first time you were having an affair with her at work years ago and you introduced her to me. She then floated off after you and you convinced me that I was imagining that she was after you.  Then your boss separated you two when you were written up for fraternization.  Fate must have brought the two of you back together.
She looks very different from the last time I saw her.  I suppose having a baby and a toddler as a baby-daddy would wear on a person. At least you know how exhausting you can be since you suggested I needed a break.  Remember I always told you that I am a reflection of you… we always had a special way to relate to each other. Just remember to pay my alimony and we will be fine.  I am so glad you suggested you’d pay me alimony for life when we separated.  I realize now that you thought we were getting back together. We just needed the separation and then in time we could get back together you said…   you should have worn a condom! I hope you were smart enough to get a prenup this time…you know, just in case. This past two and a half years of court issues have been tiresome for us both I am sure.  You don’t have to take me to court  just to see me… my picture is on Facebook. Just look at it with one of your fake accounts!
   So, unless you leave her standing at the altar, I believe you will be married again very soon. That bond that you hold so dear. I wish your marriage all of the karma it is due, as I can see that you two deserve each other more than anyone I know. I am sure she will never leave you as you feared I would, since she believes you two are “meant to be.”  Just be sure to ask her the same question you asked me….“Do you promise to stay with me no matter what?” I bet she will understand that question better than I did, since she is a liar and cheat as well!  “No matter what” ….  sorry I couldn’t keep that promise. As you said to me… I tried.
    If I were to send you a gift, it would be diapers…oh, not for the baby-for you!  You know, for that little “condition” you have?  Poor girl having to change her baby’s diapers and her husbands… lol   Oh don’t worry,  I won’t be sending a gift- it’s the thought that counts.


                                                         Enjoy my silence, your first ex-wife

16 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 26

  1. K says:

    Dear Ex-Wife

    “You moved up quickly in your career and we were able to buy a beautiful home. That is when things became really bad.”

    There is a moment when it all goes south, like a light switch, and thus begins that unstoppable Hellish descent that we call devaluation. I remember my moment and I remember those circles well and, together, we share this commonality. Your experience was appalling and I am sorry you went through it. Once you are in the light you begin to heal and even though the ascent can be long and arduous, there is an end to all that pain, eventually. It looks like you have found the light and I am happy that you are here.

    My MMRN does not have a “condition” like your ex, but I did sign him up for a delivery of adult diapers. I got the idea from Revenge.

  2. JC says:

    Thank you all… I am glad to be done with all of that. I am stronger for it and I will never again put up with anything like this for “love!” Thanks to HG, I understand it much better. The ex lied and said he had been in war and had me studying PTSD. Then I took classes through NAMI, when I thought he had BPD. He called his bedwetting a “condition.” Now I realize this was all done for his entertainment basically. I know his Mother kept wondering when I was going to be done with him. His poor Father keeps praying he will change. Yes, I do wonder if he is keeping me on a string with the alimony. It does keep the new supply angry, so it is a bit of triangulation as well. I am sure he doesn’t like my having his money when he could be using it for hotel rooms or gifts for new supply, but too bad. He used me for so much money and wasted 9 years of my life with his abuse. I will take what I can get. It is too bad we can’t call them out on this, but we look crazy for putting up with so much. I actually ran into the woman I caught in my bed on Xmas a couple weeks ago. She found out more about him than I realized which made me feel better. She knows it’s him and not me. I think she feels terrible about what happened and now knows my version of that evening. She told me her daughters Father is a sociopath. I told her to read HGs books, so she doesn’t get caught up with another one. I think talking with her and writing here has been so helpful for closure. It helps us to know we are not alone and people will eventually know the truth about them. It is sad so many people have to learn the hard way. At least we have a place to come to learn and voice our thoughts. HG’s court videos actually helped me in the court room with him eventually as well… Thank you HG for posting my letter and thank you for your teachings.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  3. Connie says:

    It constantly amazes me that these evil warped monsters walk around fooling people into believing they are normal successful humans. Doctors, lawyers etc, when the majority are in positions of power to compensate for the fact that they have no real self esteem so they bolster it with titles that provide opportunities to gain undeserved respect. They can use their brain to achieve bc they don’t have to waste their time with normal emotions like love, empathy, kindness or respect. They lie, cheat and steal other people’s time, hearts, security and self respect. Majority of these nasty narcissists are alcoholics,drug addicts and sexual deviants who live in three realities high, hung over or angry bc their actions have legally forced them into sobriety. So why are so many people quick to rush to their defence, the poor guy he’s so hard done by his wife doesn’t understand him, his kids hate him, his gf left him, he got a girl his mistress you know the one half his age pregnant, he got into a sexual relationship with a patient, or another alcoholic or junkie at his addiction group, his college is investigating him, one of the woman he dumped is spreading nasty lies about him. If everyone seems out to get him, there is probably a reason why. The drama surrounding them never ends it’s not bad luck it’s a cleverly designed web to keep people from discovering who and what they really are. Yet it constantly amazes me that people try to stand by these lying monsters giving them empathetic fuel, and providing them with opportunities to perpetuate even more havoc in people’s lives. When in reality they should be in prison bc their actions are criminal,intentional, well planned out and executed. They are psychopaths who coerce and manipulate people into accepting lies as truths for their own person gain and agenda. Psychopaths don’t deserve sympathy and understanding they deserve to be outed, identified for what they are….useless soulless pieces of garbage who are nothing more then human vampires trying to steal other people’s souls,
    Lives and emotions because no matter how much a narcissist achieves socially or economically in life they cannot buy themselves a soul, heart, love, compassion or class.

    1. Tappan Zee says:


      PS: and then your scuba diving in the pond in the back yard with the alligator while intoxicated put you into rehab.

      Later Gator. Dying.

  4. kimmichaud1 says:


  5. Bibi says:

    This was highly entertaining to read. Especially the parts about the dolls and bedwetting?

    What the…?

    1. JC says:

      Thank you… I called the silicone body parts he had for masterbation purposes, “dolls.” There was allot of bedwetting throughout my relationship with him! I guessed this was from all the alcohol. The last time we were “together,” he did this and I grabbed his penis and twisted it as if I could cut off the flow like a hose, lol I yelled at him, “your peeing.” He smirked at me and said, “I know!” I believe the new supply is having this problem too… she called him, “blushes.” She thinks he is embarrassed! lol

  6. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    This was insanely entertaining. I love this one.

  7. E says:


  8. Lisa says:

    Thumbs up to this one. Great visuals. Made me smile…

  9. I am truly sorry for what happened to you. I know that giddy teenager feeling the narcissist creates when they are just ‘hanging’, the flattery and speedy intimacy. It all feels so easy and then it heartbreaking to watch it on repeat with other women just to realise that nobody means anything to the narcissist.

    It is devastating to read the impact of one person’s behaviour on so many lives and hearts that is carried out for what – a few drops of fake self esteem. The impacts of the behaviour are lifelong and irreparable.

    I really do hope this blog spreads awareness so that nobody suffers any more.

    I recall now in the supermarket my mother would get me to wave at strange women when I was little. They always had bewildered, shocked expressions on their faces. I wondered how many lives she ruined?
    How many marriages she broke up, and how much money she stole to pay my private school fees? Must have been a lot, because she took it all out on me with horrific, terrorist rages. If she was hurt in a large amount in her childhood, I believe the hurt she went on to cause in revenge is immeasurable, both to me and probably hundreds of others. I wish all narcissists were gone. They bring nothing of value. I like this blog for the purpose that it solves a problem, but if the narc was never there, would there be one?

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      African Violet— i “liked” what you shared. but painfully so. thankyou for saying all that. i believe your terrorism. it wasn’t your fault. and any “profit” gained that was spent on “you” (to look good for them) is also not your fault. so many layers of guilt and shame. that do not belong. ugg.

  10. narc affair says:

    Wow i loved the ending about changing the diapers lol 😂
    Youve been thru a lot and im sorry to hear about your losing the baby. I know how painful that can be.
    Reading everything thats transpired one thing sticks out and thats how strong you are now. None of us wants to go thru narcissistic abuse or feel the pain of it but there is a positive side and thats the knowledge of experience and becoming stronger individuals. Youve acquired both as a result.
    Another observation is you realise the narcissist was no prize. These other women are being duped the same way you were. Knowing this extinguishes jealousy and that sense of loss. Youve got so much to gain now by no longer being with him…your freedom from abuse! Congrats and heres to a happier life without him! 👍

  11. Love that signature!

    I’m sorry about your court issues.
    I would hazard a guess that he agreed to alimony for life, cause whether you got back together or did not get back together, he could still use it to hoover you?


  12. Mercy says:

    Wow, I love this! It’s horrible what he did to you but so well written.

    I love your sarcastic attitude toward him. I always get my jabs in with my narc while talking so sweetly. Catches him off guard every time.

    You sound like you have endured the worst and are stronger for it…Thanks for sharing.

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