Love Me, Hate Me, Never Ignore Me

LOVE ME, HATE ME,BUT NEVER IGNORE ME

I want your love. I want your hate. I want your joy. I want your tears. I want every single emotional ounce that you possess and I want it directed at me. It is easy to understand why anybody would want to be loved because isn’t that what everybody only ever wants to have? To love and be loved. Of course it is. I only ever wanted to be loved and no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried it was denied to me. Push yourself harder, go further, work harder and you can have it. I was promised that gain repeatedly and I complied. I strove and I toiled and I grafted. I studied, I obeyed, I trained, I ran and I ran fast, I jumped and I jumped higher than anyone else. I tackled, I shot, I pushed, I swam, I wrote, I complied, I answered, I read and I read. I did everything that was ever demanded of me. Does that sound familiar to you? Of course it is. You know what it is like to give your all and it still not be enough. You know what it feels like to keep trying until you feel like you have nothing left to give anymore. Why do you think that we are so effective in extracting that sensation from you? It is because my kind has been schooled in such a technique for so long that it becomes second nature.

Of course I was praised. I was encouraged. I was supported. I was pushed. I was told and instructed and ordered. The plaudits came but there was always the caveat.

“That is an excellent result, next time try for one hundred per cent.”

“Brilliant time but I know you can do it faster. You just need to try harder.”

“It is good but not as good as you can do. You are better than that.”

“Not bad but you will let me down if you do not get to the top of the class.”

Still, although it was conditional praise it was still praise nonetheless and this combined with my endeavours meant that I was never ignored. The achievements accumulated, the prizes were gathered and the accolades were acquired. Upwards, always upwards. Accordingly, your praise and admiration means so much to me. It was always the standard by which I was judged and so it is the same now. I crave the adulation and the passion, that is why I work so hard to cause you to give it to me. I want it, I want to be seen, I want to be recognised and that means I must receive your emotion sodden attention. It does not matter if you are shouting at me or beggin me to stop, so long as it id directed towards me. This is why everything I do is calculated to provide a reaction.

When I am seducing you, you must never ignore me. I have too much invested in your acquisition to lose you to someone of something else. My bombardment of you with messages and attention is to draw you to me, but it is also to ensure that you do not venture somewhere else and I am denied your attention. This is why I will text you and if there is not a prompt response I will text you again, then again, then call you and then turn up at your house. I need to know you are responding to my seduction. I need to control you. There is too much at stake to allow you to ignore me.

Once devaluation begins then I need once more the emotionally charged attention that comes from you weeping, shouting and screaming. It never troubles me in the same way that it troubles you to be shouted at. I require it and all it does is make me feel powerful because I know that I can prompt these responses from you by virtue of my manipulations. I know by saying nothing that you will beg and plead with me to explain what is wrong, hang around me, eyes wide in confusion as you beseech me to tell you what you have done wrong.

I am not fussy about the emotions which you pour my way. Good or bad I will take them all. The bad do admittedly make me feel more powerful but the sweet potency of favourable responses and eyes glowing with admiration are most welcome too. That is one of the reasons I alternate back and forth, making you happy and joyful towards me and then full or woe and anger. The contrast reinforces my omnipotence because I am the puppetmaster. One moment I can make you laugh and then with a flick of the switch I have you in tears. That is power. That is control and this is what emphasises my greatness. Yes, I know you consider such behaviour wrong. I am well aware of that and do not be fooled by any pretence to the contrary. I am fully aware that such behaviour is considered, bad, wrong and evil, according to your values but you ought to know that this game is not being played according to your rules. It is played with mine and I always have to win.

Should you be treacherous and be the bad person that I always suspected you to be and ignore me, then I will provoke you all the more in order to gain my reaction. Few of you realise that this is the aim, at least, not until much later. You are unable to understand this sudden escalation, this switching because of the confusion that you are mired in. I am grateful that this is the case for when you ignore me I begin to crumble. The edifice that I have built up begins to crack, splinter and fracture and I must escape your betrayal and seek out the emotions of others in order to compensate for your seditious behaviour. If I cannot bring your love or hate to the fore, I cannot remain to be ignored, for that is my death sentence and I am not allowing you to sign that warrant. I must be loved for I am worthy of the most perfect love, I must be hated because my works are that of the devil and attract your furious ire. Always look my way, always give me your emotions and never turn your back on me. Do that and all will be well. At least, for me, but then, isn’t this all about me anyway?

14 thoughts on “Love Me, Hate Me, Never Ignore Me

  1. Carol M says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this info. I feel so much better now. I need no revenge, now I know just escaping was enough!

  2. DebbieWolf says:

    HG

    Works of the devil eh?
    Who is he then?

    The adversary of God.

    You do not believe in God.

    Do you?

    There is not one without the other.
    Further to that: Note:

    The Devil’s biggest trick is to pretend he doesn’t exist. If you are of the devil he would pissed off with you for revealing his name.
    Ouch.

    Additionally…. I am sorry you had a rough time in your past. Very much so. Inexcusable things happened. Nevertheless there is no excuse for you wreaking havoc now, repeating and perpetuating the cycle of abuse upon decent people when you are completely aware and doing it maliciously for it’s own sake. 🏴

    Of course this is something you already know otherwise you wouldn’t be advising us of this fact on this blog …

    …would you?

    The success of your reach… the revealing of the darkness and its machinations serves to diminish the power of ‘evil’…. or just badness..
    (call it whatever you like; what’s in a name eh afterall that!)

    Every little helps..
    So thank you for showing us inside Pandora’s Box.
    All the easier to snap the lid shut.
    Go us!

    We are empaths. If at first we don’t succeed we try try again as the Old corny phrase goes…

    You rely on this part of our character to exploit us and now we must rely on that part of our character ourselves…and we do…and more….as we snap the lids shut and get stronger, brighter and more successful….and the happy twist? In greater numbers!

    So….no problem.
    Happy to spread the word and lower the numbers of prey.

    Grrrr.

  3. Noname says:

    Been there in my own childhood. Conditions. Never good enough. Do more. Do impossible. Do.

    And then I accepted myself and stopped to care about external opinion. I stopped to be a product of someone’s approval or disapproval. I like myself as I am. Imperfect, not ideal, making mistakes, but it is me. Real me.

  4. Diva says:

    I find that my life is far simpler when people ignore me……and their life probably is too!!!!!!…….Diva

  5. Katphena says:

    Hg are thier any articles on a restraining order and the narc still stalking the victim or trying to destroy them by encarceration by the narc also getting granted a order I believe mine has been stalking me close to my house but also has been trying with the police to get me arrested by saying I’m breaking a restraining order funny I have no intention of returning ever or contacting him but I feel he is grasping anyway he can maybe he hasn’t found a great supply like I was after I desovered what he was and went nc with a order so he is furious and wounded!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes, search for “Showing Restraint”.

  6. Suzie says:

    I am so happy to be alone! I am strong enough to not need a man anymore. That is an important point. If you go shopping and you are starving you will grab whatever is available. When you are not hungry you can be more discerning about what is really good for you. As a former codependent I have recovered enough to know what is good and is not good for me. I am no longer a “sucker” for flattery of any type. I know who I am.
    Several years ago I did welcome help for a bad situation that I was in. That is when I got sucked into a bad relationship. I dropped him within the first couple of weeks, but then he talked me into giving him another chance offering me financial assistance( which I needed at the time). I gave him another chance. He was good for quite awhile until he started the games again. I left once again. He left me alone for awhile until we ran into eachother again and began talking. He offered to just be an occasional friend. No strings attached. He said he would take anything just to keep friends. I fell for it. After several months he was bad again. That time I told him I was finished for good. But, unfortunately everywhere I went I ended up running into him. He wasn’t always following me. Sometimes he was there first. It was unbelievable. it seemed the town was not big enough for the two of us. There were times that his car was broken down and he needed a lift or I had a flat tie and he offered to help. On and on it went for another 4 years! Finally, he really pulled a stunt that I could no longer overlook. I knew I was finished. I told him so. He apologized and I told him I wanted to be left alone or I would have to take legal action. That was months ago and I never saw or heard from him again!

    1. DebbieWolf says:

      Suzie

      Thank you for sharing this.
      I see similarities ito myself in the different ways you kept running into him…very much so.
      I’ve even had some contact this morning after I haven’t had any for a couple of weeks and on it goes..
      I haven’t breached anything though.
      I just wanted to say I found your post and comment really helpful as so much of it resonated with me.
      Best wishes to you going forward.

      1. DebbieWolf says:

        Suzie

        Just to add…even down to the flat tyre part. All of it nearly the same… even after the first few weeks when I tried to call it off after his complete rudeness of turning up for a date 2 hours late when he was just sat shooting the Breeze with his friends it turned out…

        I did call it off and the Games began!!!
        4 years it was…
        I am being hoovered still after 14 months but its lessening inbetween times…2 weeks ago..then this morning.

        I’m on my own now too..so glad to be me again.

        I know I’ve already said it but thank you again because it is very validating when someone else has been through some of ust about the exact same scenarios near as dammit..
        Peaceful days to you.
        🛡

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Suzie and Debbie Wolf

      Do you think that the running into each other was always accidental? In hindsight can you be sure it was not he that caused the flat tire and then was miraculously available to help you? Just curious.

  7. robins359 says:

    The beginning had me in tears. Thank you for writing this, HG. It makes understanding it all, so much clearer.

    This part: “when you ignore me I begin to crumble. The edifice that I have built up begins to crack, splinter and fracture and I must escape your betrayal and seek out the emotions of others in order to compensate for your seditious behaviour.”

    I hope that my telling Michael that we had “outgrown each other” made him “crumble” a little bit. He deserves it. He told me stories of how his mother could never say she was proud of him. Always just inches away, but not quite. I understand now how he turned out the way he did. . . he still needs to be punished a bit.

  8. It sure is all about you or your kind.

    They really can’t stand being ignored.

    There I was sitting on the couch with him sitting next to me. Me on my computer working, focused on solving a problem. And my cell phone is going nuts. Text after text. It’s him. He keeps looking at me. He knows I am in the middle of something important.

    Each text sent individually below.
    “I love you
    Hi
    Love you
    Your pretty
    Looking at I
    U
    Need attention
    Hi
    What are you doing
    Where are you
    You getting my texts.”

    Finally I look over.

    Then he says, show me your p*ssy.
    I say no. I’m working.
    He says, thought you didn’t like saying no.
    I say, I don’t.
    He says show me your tits.

    I think to myself next time he says show me your p*ssy. I am going to send him a picture of himself.

    Negative fuel all day long from me.

    1. robins359 says:

      That last part. . . wasn’t expecting that!! I can’t stop laughing!!!

  9. kimmichaud1 says:

    Would it be safe to say you want to be ignored by somebody you have discarded?

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