A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 31



I sit here with tears falling wondering why?
Why the lies? Why are you twisting the truth?
If I could go back to that moment at your house I would not say what I did, when you whispered in my ear you will regret that, something just changed. For the first tiime I feared you. I needed to know if what you said was true.
I remember the feeling that morning of betrayal, I knew you had seen the comment. How and why didn’t matter, yet it told me you were watching my every moment. I always knew yet never cared,  I loved you and had nothing to hide.
I sit here wondering why this girl whom I have never met or spoken to is telling *****I will sleep with her husband and your telling ****** I spend my money on pills, why?
Why is ****** messaging me telling me she is your girlfriend and you’re moving in together?
Why did you tell them I was abusing you? Why did you tell them I would your children, when all I have ever done was be there for you and them?
Why did you tell your mother she could no longer speak to me?
Why did you tell my employer I was a thief and violent?
Everytime I am turning around something else is happening.
******told me what you told them, I was stalking you and you feared for yours and your children’s life.
I came by once and sent one email, your reply was if I contacted you again you were calling the police.

I loved you, I trusted you.
Right now I don’t even know what to think.
My mind is a mess. I go to places we spent time at just to be with you. I sit on the pier watching the water remembering the last time we were there. I look at the things you gave me, the feather when we were hunting, and the time we found the fawn. I can’t stop the tears, I walk in the woods at night wishing something anything would come and kill the pain, the tears fall. I can’t stop them. Why? Why? My pillow is drenched and stained. I feel like I am drowning in the pain.

I found out today I have something to look forward to, I have to go on yet a part of me always belongs to you….

25 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 31

  1. Twilight says:

    This was written almost 3 years ago

    A letter written now would sound different

    There is one I wrote after the anger subsided

    The something was a child…..she died.

    I forgave him long ago before HG.

    I am on the other side and have been for awhile.

    If I had never met him I would not be where I am now. In many ways he was what was needed, he stripped all that was holding me back. For growth is never an easy thing, sometimes it can be the most painful thing you go through.

    1. K says:

      The child that you lost, was that a miscarriage?

      1. Twilight says:


        Yes it was.

        1. K says:

          Sorry, Twilight. What a heartbreaking and profound loss. I am here for you, if you need me.

          1. Twilight says:


            Thank you

            I am fine thou.

            In many ways it was a blessing in disguise, I would not have been able to keep her a secret from him and I would then have no choice but to have some association with him.
            As painful as it is, things worked out better in the long run.

          2. Jenna says:

            I knew abt ur miscarriage frm an earlier post. I recall u were v young when it happened. I would just like to say that i am v sorry u had to go through that.

  2. K says:

    Several recently buried memories were rekindled after reading your letter; memories that parallel yours. All those lies, twisting the truth, smearing and accusations of abuse are all very familiar to me, as well. Like you, I loved and trusted him, too, and now we are dealing with the aftermath. What a pickle we have found ourselves in. Whatever it is that you have to look forward to, I hope it brings you to a better place. A place where you find some comfort and peace. I am truly sorry for what he put you through; you did not deserve any of it. You will be in my thoughts tonight.

  3. Noname says:

    Sad letter. I guess, you have the answers to your numerous “why’s” now, Twilight. But what is it you have to look forward to? I hope it is something positive and healing.

    Cry, if you feel it is what you need right now.
    Read to get more understanding.
    Gain strength.
    Fight. For yourself. For your freedom.

    Big hug to you, Twilight.

  4. foolme1time says:

    Twilight, this is my favorite letter, only because I see so much of me and what happened to me in every sentence! I’m sorry for your pain! I can actually feel your pain! Dear Twilight I hope you find peace and happiness again! 😘🌻

  5. K says:

    Dear Narc,

    Now that our youngest has graduated from high school, I have filed for divorce. Actually, I’ve been planning this for some time. You see, your never ending vileness, refusal to accept responsibility, and sheer stupidity broke the camel’s back years ago.

    Please be advised that I have preempted your little smear campaigns. (Yes, I have learned from you over the years). In the past, you have used my private nature against me, but no more. I have finally broken my silence and told my family all the dirty little details. I chuckled when one of my sisters said, “OMG, all these years I thought it was you.” You’ll have no luck smearing me with them now that I’m singing like a bird.

    Of course you will, as you have always done, smear me with your family. Just know that I did feel the need to set the record straight for them. Recently, I spilled all of the beans to your cousin (the one who loves spreading gossip). All of my words can be supported with facts verses your lies. You should have seen her eyes widen once she finally heard the truth. And don’t even think about trying to smear me with our kids. They know full well what a POS you are.

    As we come to the end of our chapter and I take back my life, it is liberating to see that I no tears left for you. I feel like an eagle soaring above the clouds with the thought of you out of my life. It is empowering to let the bitterness go; at this point it’s all water under the bridge. Just be gone.

    P.S. Thanks much for signing all those legal documents.

  6. analise13 says:

    Wonderfully emotionally honest letter, Twilight.
    Yes, you must move forward and away from him.
    Living in the pain of loss, hurts you, not him.

    HG, perfect image to match her words.

  7. Salome says:

    But non you know “Whay?”, dear Twilight…

    1. Salome says:

      “noW” not “non”

  8. narc affair says:

    I can feel your pain in this letter twilight. Everpresence and memories of his smearing would be so very painful. Everyone has their own way of healing and visiting places youve been together may be yours. Theres no right or wrong only different journeys. Smearing is so wrong and hurts on so many levels. Betrayal, embarressment, ruined reputations, isolation. Smearing is the ultimate betrayal and one of the most hurtful tools a narc will use. Im sorry you experienced this but now you can move on and be much more at peace and happier ❤

  9. Kim michaud says:

    Great job twilight

  10. Kim michaud says:

    How they kill us the pain and confusion making us love them then turning on us and pulling the rug out from under our feet brought a few tears to my eyes they’re rolling down my cheeks now especially when you say I have to go on without you when a part of you will always belong to him this is exactly how I feel great letter

  11. Diva says:

    “I found out today I have something to look forward to”………….I do not know what you mean by this statement but I know this much…….you will only ever have something to look forward to when you free yourself from the narc……..it’s a tough road Twilight, but you are on the right one…….Diva

  12. Mona says:

    Twilight, yes, it is so hard to understand. It is so bitter, so unfair, so destructive. It is part of their dark emotional thinking. The paranoia, the blame shifting, the accuses, the punishment of any little failure, sometimes they really believe what they say.

    They do not look at the relationship with love, trust, thankfulness, responsibility or accountability, they are driven by their need for fuel, attention, their own advantages and their dark feelings. The other part of relationship is always a monster in their eyes, that has to be under control all the time. If they have had enough of their fetish, they have to destroy the other one. There is no rationality and no conscience at all.

    The “Why” is easily explained. They have a cluster B disorder ( a lack of important human traits and an overdosis of others) and you did not know it. That is the only fact, which could help you.

    I know I am brutal at the moment, I wish I could tell you something better. But there is no hope that he will change and give you what you deserve: love and appreciation.

  13. I am horrified at what this monster did to you, and I wish I could comfort you.
    Trust dies a painful death. If only that severed the connection.

  14. SuperXena says:

    Very emotional letter Twilight. I can literally feel the pain you went through just by reading it ….

    1. SuperXena says:

      …adding : and as a good empath..always in search for answers…

  15. Antifragile says:

    Yep, it feels like there have been happen an exchange of some parts of souls, and it will last forever now…

  16. jenna says:


    That was such a sad letter😔

    Why do we feel this way?
    Even i feel this way: “… a part of me always belongs to you…. ”

    These damn narcs! Who do they think they are? They mess w our hearts.

    But i still love him and i always will. I can’t just ‘unlove’ someone becoz i found out his love was not real.

    I can stop being w him. My actions can change. But my heart is stubborn. It does not want to change. He will be in my heart until the day i die. I know that. I can feel it.😢

  17. Sniglet says:

    Aww Twilight, don’t cry any more. He was just an illusion. Start to imagine your life without him. Visualize your freedom and enjoy life.The world is full of many wonderful gorgeous intelligent men who if only given the chance would treat you very well unlike that silly conceited useless narcissist. You are going to make it!

  18. Cathrine says:

    I really feel for you. The not understanding why. Educating myself on the topic of narcissism helps of course, but then, there, in the dead silence of the night, the pain is still there, powerful and not abating.

    Be strong! You deserve so much better than this!

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