I Second That Emotion

i-second-that

 

The emotional spectrum afforded to my kind is limited. The bulk of the positive emotions that you experience have either been stripped away or moulded into one all-pervasive sensation and that is of power. Whereas you might experience joy, elation, happiness and delight, we feel power. That surging sensation which courses through us as a consequence of the receipt of fuel, be it positive or negative. Secure a promotion? I feel powerful. My football team wins? I feel powerful. I seduce a new victim? I feel powerful. I experience amusement, indeed, I have an excellent sense of humour but if I make you laugh through my sense of humour I feel a sense of power once again.

I do not feel sadness. I have, for the sake of gathering fuel, sat through numerous films which are described as tear-jerkers and entertained myself as I have alternated between watching the film and the reaction of the person, invariably an intimate partner, as their expression alters to one of compassion, sympathy and then the tears to begin to flow. I have watched the same film yet I feel nothing. I recognise that the scenes played out by the relevant actors are ones which would be labelled as moving, sad and upsetting, but I feel nothing. When I shift my gaze to the sobbing intimate partner besides me, I begin to feel something. I feel contempt for the weakness exhibited by becoming upset. Not only the fact that these tears flow at all but because they have been generated by acting. How readily people fall prey to what is acting, but I am thankful for that, because if they did not, my existence would be far more difficult. I experience a degree of amusement, because someone is moved by something which is not even real. At least when the tears fall because a pet has been run over in the street, or because a relative has exhaled their last breath on this earth, there is a genuine event which causes grief. Yet, it is always in others. You could flash a montage of images, snippets of footage which encapsulate what people would regard as tear-inducing responses, be they grief or joy and I would remain unmoved. It means nothing to me. The capacity to feel sadness, grief, woe and misery have been removed. I knew them once. I can vaguely remember, or at least I think I can remember, being sad. I do not know what the feeling is but I recall the image from the depths of my memory.

I do not know guilt. Remorse is a stranger to me. I feel no regret nor penitence. Compassion has never been available to me. As for empathy, I do not feel that either. I am, because of my heightened abilities and intelligence, able to understand how people must feel. I have spent many years watching and observing the way that people react to certain situations. I understand when happiness is expressed, I know when regret should be exhibited, I recognise when sadness should make an appearance but I do not feel any of them. If I see you in pain, I know I should demonstrate a concerned expression for you and ask how you are. That is the accepted societal expectation. During my seduction of you, I will indeed adopt that mask of concern and compassion in order to con you into thinking that I am a caring and warm person. I can don the mask which places my facial expression in the correct places. I am able to adopt the appropriate tone of voice and place my hands on you in the gentle manner which is associated with expressing concern for somebody yet despite all these learned expressions, words and gestures I feel no concern for you. I do not feel sorry for you, I do not share your pain, I am not worried about you. I know however that if I am to bind you to me and to extract fuel from you, through your expression of thanks and your gratitude for my apparent care of you, I am obligated to place the mask of compassion on. Of course, as such time as your devaluation commences, I see no need for the pretence and indeed my lack of compassion provides its own reward as your pain is increased by my dismissive attitude, refusal to help and contemptuous sneer.

The Lesser of our kind often do not even know what mask should be adopted and during the seduction stage rather than clumsily grope for an appropriate mask, they will prefer to vacate themselves from the situation, conjuring up some excuse as to why they cannot stay and help. The Mid-Range and the Greater of our kind understand that certain responses are preferred by you and therefore the masks will be brought forth and worn, but only in order to achieve what we want. If the situation dictates that our interests are better served without donning a mask, then that is what will happen.

People often make the mistake of assuming that we are totally devoid of emotion. That is wrong. Yes, there are many emotions, as I have explained above, which we do not possess, but we are not empty of all emotion. I know only too well the emotions of hate, malice, frustration, annoyance, irritation, shame, envy, fury and jealousy. Why am I afforded these emotions and not others? In my discussions with the good doctors and my own consideration of these matters it is evident that in my evolution to what I am, it is necessary for me to have these emotions because they are the catalyst for causing me to behave in the way that I do so I will drive forward, that I will be brilliant, charming and seductive, that I will be outrageous, grandiose, belligerent and destructive, because ultimately all of those things must exist in order to compel me to gather the precious fuel.

If I did not become jealous of those in my social circle praising a friend, I would not feel compelled to draw the spotlight of attention on to me by upstaging that person, telling a glorious anecdote or causing a scene. If I was not jealous I would not take those steps and thus I would be denied fuel.

If I was not envious of my neighbour’s new sports car, I would not be driven to throw battery acid over it during the night and then watch from the window his horrified reaction on seeing the damage the next day. Again, I would gain no fuel.

If I felt no hatred towards you for failing me, I would feel no need to keep doling out the various prejudicial and abusive manipulations. Thus you would not be hurt, upset or frightened and I would gain no fuel.

If I felt no malice towards the world and its treatment of me, I would not be compelled to seduce people to provide me with that shield from the world and its outrageous injustices.

It is these negative emotions, the Dark Motivators, which cause me to always be driving forward. The absence of The Hindrances – remorse, guilt, empathy, regret etc. – means that I am not stopped or slowed in my ever onward march. I am not distracted from the sole and necessary task of gathering fuel.

This approach does not mean that my life is less fuel. I am still able to appreciate much that is beautiful, engaging, fascinating and scintillating in this world. I can appreciate the grandeur of centuries old architecture. I can appreciate the magnificence of a musical composition. I can appreciate the athletic prowess of a sprinter to win a gold medal at the Olympics. I can appreciate the taste of excellent cuisine. I can do this because of my higher function above others of my kind who have little or no interest in such spectacular elements of the world. Whereas you will enjoy the piece of music in that moment, I am using the experience of that piece of music to further my aims.

  1. I may tell you how brilliant a song is because I know that you will be pleased with me for telling you this and thus you will smile, appreciate me and give me fuel;
  2. I may use the experience of having heard the philharmonic orchestra play Scheherazade in order to boast about it to other people and draw fuel from their admiring and/or jealous responses;
  3. I may use the experience of knowing all of Depeche Mode’s music to be appealing to a target because she likes that music too, or just to demonstrate that I have a detailed interest in a particular band so that I am of greater interest to her;
  4. I may use the experience of having heard a particular song in concert to trump your tale about having heard a different one played in order to assert my superiority over you and draw a reaction from you and others.

You experience certain emotions when engaging in certain experiences. I experience a sense of power in that moment or if I do not, I store the experience to use it feel powerful when it is allied with something else, usually an appliance.

My kind mimic emotions because we are unable to feel so many of them. Thus we will second the emotions that we have seen you exhibit and make it seem as if we feel them. I know many of your emotions; I do not feel them. We second your emotions because we are reliant on your emotions to exist. It is something of a paradox that we have never cultivated certain emotions and/or we have been stripped of them in order to make us lean, effective and efficient, yet we also must receive those emotions from you in order to sustain us. We do not want to see your joy directed towards us for something we have said and done because we will then feel joy, but rather for the power that is unleashed as a consequence of your joy providing us with positive fuel. I am filled with hatred, jealousy, envy, fury and malice but that does not mean there is no room to accept your hatred towards me, indeed I welcome it. As a consequence of my manipulation of you, I want you to stand there screaming your hatred at me until your voice is hoarse and your eyes stand out from your face. The fuel I gain from such an intense expression of negative emotion is immense. Once again I appropriate your emotion and use it for my own purposes. Whether I take it in order to allow me to mimic and copy it, to make me appear more acceptable to other people or whether I seize your emotion as fuel in order to power me and allow my existence to continue, I will always find a use for your emotional output. I put to good use your emotions. I am the ultimate recycler.

21 thoughts on “I Second That Emotion

  1. Gabrielle says:

    Perhaps I am overthinking this, but he always gives me the same “excuse” for his silent treatments after the fact. He says he goes silent because he feels guilt, shame, and depression. And I know you have said that these are all excuses. He may feel shame but never guilt. Does your kind ever feel depressed? In keeping up with his facade and because he does not know what he is, would he essentially feel wounded in that manner from feeling shame whatever it was related to, and then effect the silence? Do you know what I mean? Also, if they feel wounded because of one person at that time, does that “wounding” extend other people in their lives in terms of the silent treatment? Or is it only toward a particular person at a particular moment? I hope this makes sense.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They do. I do not, but there are those of our kind who will be depressed. This may be a co-morbid condition or as a consequence of a fuel crises.
      The silent treatment would usually be applied against the person who has wounded the narcissist.

  2. Windstorm2 says:

    HG, over the years I’ve found that a lot of narcissists just think everyone is faking these emotions that they can not feel themselves. That that’s just part of society- that everyone just pretends to care, but is really lying all the time. Would it be correct to suppose that these narcs would probably be midrangers?

    Sometimes I wonder if all of you – greaters included – don’t sometimes have doubts in the back of your minds that we do care so deeply. I mean, in a way it just doesn’t make sense from a narc point of view. And after all, we could always be lying, even to ourselves. We humans do have an almost infinite capacity to lie to ourselves.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes they would be Mid Rangers. There is always that lack of trust.

      1. Tappan Zee says:

        HG/WS2— thx to narc abuse my trust is plummeted. i question ALL and look for motive. so. not. me. i hope it wanes. on one hand naïveté didn’t serve me well. but yuk this feels awful too. the whole untrust to the point of paranoid deal. i DO trust that it is situational and a RESULT of this. but my head and heart are scrambled eggs. i take all kinds of online tests to see what is “wrong” with me and what mental disorder i have. they tend to turn back to: situational. i do NOT underestimate the power of narcissistic abuse and its effects. it did not make me “crazy.” It sure feels like it though. this blog is validating. thankyou.

        1. Windstorm2 says:

          Tappan Zee
          Right now you are still very wounded from the abuse you’ve had from your narc. If you are away from him and you stay here reading and learning, you will keep healing.

          I know what you mean about not liking to have to be skeptical and not trust people. I’m that way too. But as you heal and learn, it will become like a sixth sense. You will automatically size people up without really thinking about it. You won’t stay skeptical and untrusting of everyone, but when you meet a narc or other untrustworthy person, this sixth sense will alert you. When you focus in on them they will stand out to you, almost like if they all had purple eyes. You can also learn how to be prickly to them when you recognize them so they leave you alone and find you uninteresting.

          I know how bleak it seems right now, but if you stay away from narcs and keep learning you will heal and become stronger than you were before this last narc. You can develop an inner strength and learn to use your narc knowledge as a type of armor as you go thru your life. Focus on healing yourself and learning and things will continue to get better and better. ❤️

  3. Gabrielle says:

    Hi again HG….I had a 2nd question on this: Shame. Isn’t that similar to guilt? I thought your kind did not feel guilt. And I thought of the “shame” was part of the tortured soul “pity play”. How can you feel shame? Could you elaborate a little bit more on the shame feeling?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No it isn’t. Please see “Your Fault” for more on this matter.

  4. Tasch says:

    Correction* can’t be as clear

  5. Tasch says:

    I’m just wondering why can’t the memories of sadness you once remembered be as clear as your other memories? Does it cause mental anguish if you were to feel this emotion?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do not know.

  6. 12345 says:

    Are you out of town? You’re absent.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am.

  7. Sniglet says:

    HG, I really enjoy your sense of humor. A character strength and linked to wisdom. From your comments/replies on here I would describe it smooth, sophisticated and subtle.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Sniglet, I would not disagree with that description.

      1. Holly says:

        Nice shot of fuel Sniglet.

    2. Sniglet says:

      Hello Holly, Happy Halloween. Indeed, fuel richly deserved.

  8. Gabrielle says:

    HG,
    Does it take more energy than usual to pretend and mimic? It sounds exhausting, do you know what I mean? Would a midranger rather disappear with a silent treatment instead of donning a mask or mimicking emotions if such energy was too much for him?

    Whenever I’m hurt or upset by his behavior and I tell him about 98% of the time I get a silent treatment. The other 2% is a vitriolic text message of how I “need therapy”. I’m also wondering if this is why he has periods of time when he hates the phone. Being the “religious nice guy” is a huge part of his facade.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It does. A silent treatment would arise as a response to being wounded or wanting to punish, whereas mimicking is invariably done as part of the seduction and the facade.

  9. Overthinker says:

    This is truly frightening and horrifying it’s like u r a robot not a human I don’t know how this happened but it’s horrifying such people exist not because I’m scared of you harming me but because I never knew a class of semi humans existed

  10. Cal says:

    I started reading this blog because I was worried I was a narcissist. This post has proved that I am not, thank you. I am just depressed.

    Every depressed person becomes a narcissist, the self-loathing builds and all the person can think about is themselves, how awful they are, and how much they wish someone would love them.

    Some will go to lengths to “fake it” as a non-depressed person. This may look exactly like narcissism, but it’s different because they do cry at movies, and do feel empathy for others. They may isolate themselves and spiral into thinking only about them self. But it’s because they’re ruminating about what they did wrong, not wanting to see others because of their fear that they will just bring others down with them.

    Whenever the opportunity arises to see and listen to another occurs they latch on immediately. It seems like sucking “fuel” but it’s really just desperation and clawing at the side of the well to escape how unbearable their life is.

    This isn’t narcissism, this is seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and doing anything, even putting on a false persona and manipulating others, to try to get there. And once there, they’re surprised how much love they have for others and rarely think about themselves anymore.

    But to be fair: everyone should stay away from depressed people as relationship material as much as a narc. They will drain you in the same way unless they get help.

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