Own

own

I want to own you.

I want to draw you into my world. A world where my rules are the only rules that matter. When I first set eyes on you I make it my business to ascertain your suitability for ownership. You might only be owned in the sense of being a tertiary source which I interact with the once, but in that moment, I own you and I own the fuel that flows from you.

I wish to brand you as my property. My appliance. My plaything. I own you and this means that nobody else does. I have exclusive rights.

I may designate you the role of secondary source, should you make the grade and you become mine, subject to the unwritten contract that governs you and I. You are to be loyal, obedient, compliant and a provider of fuel.

If you are to be my primary source, that coveted position of supplier-in-chief of the most precious and desired fuel then you also must be owned. You must be subjected to my total and hegemonic control. Once I decide that you are the one, I will not stop. Once that light has turned green, once the first tantalising drops of your fuel have begun to be sucked up by me, there is no hope for anything else.

You must be mine. I must own you.

You at first think that I look on you with love-lorn eyes. Indeed I do as I turn my precious orbs into the mirrors which give you what you want to see. Behind their silvery gaze, my machined machinations are forming. I am absorbing how you smile, how your wrinkle your nose, how you play with your hair on the left hand side of your head, never the right. I listen to the way you say ‘scone’ – do you say it so it rhymes with tone or with gone? Every word that will come from your mouth will belong to me. I want to know everything about you. Every facet of your life must now belong to me. When my hand touches you and you feel that jolt of electricity between you and me, that is my connection with you as I begin to download your life.

It is true that I have already screened you, probed your life from a distance, made enquiries and observed before launching my take-over bid. I have done my homework but now I want to dominate, conquer and subsume. I must envelop you in my world for then I can be sure that you will respond as I require. Loyal, reliable and functional.

Steadily I drain your identity from you, consuming it for my own use. This is part of the process of owning you. I know no boundaries, I see no limits, I recognise no restraint. I have decided that you are to belong to me and thus this is what must happen with the steady and incremental accumulation of what you are. I am plugged into you, the ultimate parasite which sucks the life from you. Your money becomes my money, your house becomes my house, your friends become my appliances. There is no real me. There is no substance and thus I must steal what you are in order to give the appearance of substance.

The only way I understand to do this is to own you. Make you part of the fabricated world that I have woven. This dazzling fiction fools so readily and as I part the curtain and beckon you in to my wonder land, you accept and once inside you become mine. The real world is left behind. The real world of rules, standards, procedures and fairness is no longer applicable to you. I own you now and as a consequence you are subject to my capricious nature, the arbitrary application of my diktats and pronouncements. None of it will make any sense to you when you start to realise what it happening but it will be too late by then. Your assimilation into me will be so far gone that you may just well scream and the only voice you will hear will be mine.

My ownership means I tell you who to speak to and who to ignore. My ownership means that dress is wrong and that one is right until it is the other way around. Yesterday is tomorrow which becomes today. You think Josef K endured the Kafkaesque nightmare of nothing making sense? You ain’t seen nothing yet.

I must control everything. My space, time and the environment around you. This is why to you I seem to operate as if I have no concept of time, but that is because I do not operate to Greenwich Mean Time but rather Being Mean Time. I compartmentalise, shifting between worlds which must never connect, where the players and actors inside of them move to my direction. They dance to the tune that my invisible piper plays. I must not leave anything to chance. I do not like chance. It is the ruin of me. I want predictable and eventually you will come to realise that there are few who are as predictable as my kind. We bring excitement, we bring chaos, we bring drama but it is all so predictable. The same manipulations, just variations on a theme. Some of us have more strings to our dark cupid’s bow, but the poisoned arrows we fire all have the same effects. Control and fuel.

It is only by ensuring that we own you that we can be assured and convinced that you will do as we want you to, that you will not be disloyal or a traitor to us. We must plug you in to us and like some giant leech suck the very essence from you, taking your fuel, your confidence, your self-worth, your self-esteem and stripping you of them to ensure there is compliance and obedience.

I want to own so that I know I will win. I want to own you so I can exist.

I want to own you so that everything you do is as consequence of my decisions and my actions which ensure you provide me with my lifeblood whenever I demand it. You are on call and on demand, my primary source of salvation, the reason for my existence and I dare not allow the slightest chink of autonomy for fear of losing that control.

I want to own you to underline my superiority. I want to own you to remind myself that I am powerful. I want to own you so that it is repeatedly highlighted that I am the controller.

I want to own you to stop being the slave that I am.

26 thoughts on “Own

  1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Some people want to be owned.

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      Dr Q
      I can understand that about some people wanting to be owned. It’s hard and scary being reponsonsible for your own life.

  2. Nan says:

    I remember having the fantasy of my N to whispering that phrase “I own you” when I imagined what our first physical encounter would be like. I gather now that as the child of Ns, I was so conditioned to be in their bondage, to be their slave, an extension of their selves. It felt familiar and comforted my distorted wiring. How sad that some of us seek subjugation and have to be taught to want freedom.

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      Nan— …gather now that as the child of Ns, I was so conditioned to be in their bondage, to be their slave, an extension of their selves. It felt familiar and comforted my distorted wiring. How sad that some of us seek subjugation and have to be taught to want freedom.

      ^totally that

  3. Yolo says:

    “You think Josef K endured the Kafkaesque nightmare of nothing making sense? You ain’t seen nothing yet.”

    When someone shows you who they are and tells you the truth…believe them. You ain’t lying 😊

  4. Oh my goodness, this is sooooooo relevant right now – amazing article and as always I continue to apply your work HG.

    I went on holiday recently with a platonic friend who I have known for around five years. We would see each other at varying intervals, sometimes frequently and sometimes less so. Mostly for short periods of a couple of hours or so.

    She is from Eastern Europe and so her personality is quite different from what I was used to. Very direct and to the point. I quite liked this though, it always felt as though she was very honest. There were one or two red flags, but not many, she certainly wasn’t charismatic and did not have any friends. I was her only friend in the UK which she freely admitted to and she only had one other friend back home. This made me feel sorry for her.

    But during our time away together I quickly realised why. Before we went, she was trying to insist on paying for everything, the holiday days out, food drinks etc etc. I am so glad I declined this very kind offer. It was very unusual as I earn considerably more anyway. I now realise if I had let her, she would have had complete control over me.

    It was awful, she would tell me what time to eat, drink, shower etc etc. she needed constant reassurance that she was ‘pretty’, barely managed conversation (which is normal for her). What was a few days felt like a few months. It was awful and my description does not do any justice to the reality of the situation. She wanted to control my every move.

    But there is only so much I can take of this. The final straw came when some guys chatted to us in a bar. We had been there 10 minutes, she ordered me to drink up and leave. It was the first time all week I had felt relaxed and was so glad of the conversation.

    We left but then I would not speak to her, she asked if I was ‘mad’ with her. I’d been completely compliant with all her wants and needs until this point, so she was completely clueless that our friendship was over. She told me, that she was not apologising for her behaviour as I was the one in the wrong. I told her neither was I.

    We were visiting her country of origin, she had all the plane tickets etc etc we were due to go home two days later.

    We did not speak and I went out for the rest of the night on my own – had an amazing time. Went back to the hotel, she was out too and returned shortly after me. We did not speak and in the morning she showered quietly and did not wake me. She left and went on a trip we had booked and paid for.

    I did not hang around.I knew from your work exactly what she was HG. I’ve only ever met one other N like this though. Who is so overt in their behaviours. I took this opportunity to ‘fuck off’ ! Booked a plane ticket home, packed my bags. My heart was pounding as I’d delayed it a little. I was literally waiting for my taxi when she returned. I was slightly round a corner so she did not see me.

    I know she would have enjoyed her day out and especially thinking of me at the hotel fretting. Which I wasn’t.

    The whole experience was worth it, each time something like this happens. I feel like I have seized more and more power.

    Thank you again HG – You are an N, but a bloody wonderful one though 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Alexis, thanks for sharing your experience.

  5. Super Empath says:

    Mother of God, if I didn’t know better, I would swear you are my husband!!!

    Spot on duplicate of what I have been dealing with. Genius really at how eerily similar to my own MRN.

    P.S. I started packing yesterday and just stopped a while ago — I needed a break and some much-needed rest. But first I wanted to learn and absorb, ergo why I’m here. At any rate, when I’m finished, I’ll have the ‘pre-arranged,’ movers come by and empty every last thing that is mine (which is d@mn near 95%), yea I’ll leave his cloths, an office desk, a waste basket and his dumb living room set (that was his before I moved in), and a few other small items that were either his prior and/or I just don’t desire.

    When, and if, he decides to return home, the place will echo as it will be as hollow as his own heart. Now I get to laugh……ha ha ha ha, as I gleefully imagine his rage. Will he pull out the rest of his own hair? It will drive him crazy, where is she, where the hell is she? How did I lose control? Oh no he’ll never get the satisfaction to know. He might get to see me, in court that is……………………………….

    1. Mercy says:

      This is the best escape I’ve heard yet! Good luck Super Empath. I admire you…man don’t you wish you could be a fly on the wall when he comes back? Thats some super empath payback fuel right there.

  6. Anm says:

    HG, my Upper Mid range ex, did not like how our custody and child support hearings went, amongst other things. He has always been involved in multiple projects and was a work-a-holic. Suddenly, he is NEVER at work, and always in sweat/gym clothes, instead of his usual professional attire. WTF is this about? Is this the lack of moving on? I have multiple new projects I am starting in near future, and he suddenly has nothing going on for himself. Is this part of their post escape/discard obsession? I find it odd.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Maybe he has been sacked?

  7. Sniglet says:

    Not sure if this applies to narcissists only. Empaths think this way too. I somewhat think this way and I am the greatest empath you will ever meet.

  8. Overthinker says:

    Lol end made me laugh

  9. Joanie Powell says:

    Im intrested in this home how or whom.do I contact

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Me. See the menu bar at the top of the blog.

  10. Windstorm2 says:

    Really like the last line.

  11. Living peacefully ever after says:

    God.. what a life…

    I’m out since a few days (after going back at least 10 times) and I know this time it’s for good. Feel so relieved, as if a heavy load is gone and I can breath again. I’m going to leave this site too, because that would keep me from moving on.

    “If not for love, I would be drowning
    I’ve seen it work both ways
    But I am up riding high amongst the waves
    Where I can feel like I
    Have a soul that has been saved
    Where I can feel like I’ve
    put away my early grave
    I gotta say it now
    Better loud than too late”

    Thanks H.G. and good luck!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  12. Salome says:

    《I want to own you to stop being the slave that I am.》

    SLAVE?
    Of the Créature?
    The beast, the only one thing you keep in your void?

    To own me will not realy help…
    But we can beat together the Creature!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      To fuel.

      1. Salome says:

        Did you try to move with the times?
        Solar or Wind Energy?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Emotion.

  13. Ltningstrike says:

    He isn’t all that powerful. I am under no contact and he has no way of contacting me. Nor am I under 5 spheres of influence. I took back the power I gave to him so willingly. He has lost control of this toaster.

  14. Findinglife11 says:

    So good tudor. So good. 😉

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  15. abrokenwing says:

    ‘Don’t tell me what to do
    And don’t tell me what to say
    Please, when I go out with you
    Don’t put me on display

    You don’t own me
    Don’t try to change me in any way
    You don’t own me
    Don’t tie me down ’cause I’d never stay…’

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