The False Exaggeration of the Victim



We would struggle without those twin helpers of exaggeration and embellishment as we make our mediocre achievements impressive and our decent accomplishments spectacular. Good for all occasions, a healthy and liberal sprinkling of exaggeration makes us far more appealing and alluring. Embellishing what I have done ensures I look far better than you and means that I remain the superior individual. Like salt and pepper at meal times, exaggeration and embellishment are never far from our kind. We make everything bigger, better, bolder, brighter and more brilliant. We love to magnify and multiply in order to convey just how great we are, yet, generous souls that our kind are it would not be fair if we did not allow you an opportunity to be seen to exaggerate and embellish, to make a mountain out of a mole hill and blow things out of proportion. Of course, when we provide this opportunity to you, it has none of the self-aggrandizing effects of our behaviour for ourselves but it used as an opportunity to make you see hysterical, unreliable and someone who is trying to pin the blame on us unfairly. We use exaggeration to inflate what we are but also as a means of attacking you. Here are twenty examples of using exaggeration and embellishment to undermine you.

  1. You are hypersensitive
  2. You are over-thinking what has happened
  3. You read too much into what I say
  4. You are paranoid
  5. You are seeing things which are not there
  6. You are making that up
  7. You have to be melodramatic don’t you?
  8. You aren’t that ill really.
  9. You are over-reacting.
  10. You are making a fuss over nothing.
  11. You have lost your sense of perspective.
  12. You take things too far at times
  13. You are going over the top with this now
  14. You press the panic button too soon
  15. You are making something out of nothing
  16. You are responding in a disproportionate manner
  17. You are getting over excited about this
  18. You are losing your sense of proportion
  19. You are putting two and two together and making eight
  20. You are jumping to conclusions


When you hear these comments being made by us, you should become aware that we are using such a comment to deflect what you are saying by trying to trivialise it by suggesting you are exaggerating its effect or importance. The use of phrases such as these are stock tells by us that you have landed a blow against us and we need to reduce its impact promptly. The easiest way to do this is to not only diminish the import of what you have said but then to make you question your own behaviour by making the conversation about you, rather than us. This will also provoke you by frustrating you. You are being denied the opportunity to advance your agenda and this will increase your emotional response. This not only gives us fuel, it also means that you lose sight of your point as you are derailed by conducting the discussion in a logical fashion as you are pushed by us into the territory of emotion. Once emotion has taken hold of your thinking we are far abler to exploit this to our advantage. Recognise these comments and understand their significance when you are engaging with our kind so you are able to withdraw from or neutralise their effect.

8 thoughts on “The False Exaggeration of the Victim

  1. K says:

    Second line of defence, Distract and deflect:” When you hear these comments being made by us, you should become aware that we are using such a comment to deflect what you are saying”.

    We have landed a blow against you, so you activate the second line of defence by turning the comment around and making it about us (deflect), we are provoked and provide challenge fuel, thus, you assert superiority and maintain control. All to protect your false reality, keep the construct from crumbling and the creature imprisoned so you maintain unabated fuel flow and it is all instinct (for the most part).

  2. Overthinker says:

    I always got stop being dramatic when I was being completely calm and rational albeit telling him to stop abusing me

  3. Super Empath says:

    Except #8 and #19, I’ve heard them all.

  4. Nuit Étoilée says:

    But, HG, everything you do IS spectacular 😉

    In my brief entanglement, I heard almost every single one of these!! And almost verbatim.

    Another I heard “you’re playing on words”

    It seems to me w my mid-range lion, almost every conversation had something like this.. yet once he told me “we really get on well” – this was the exact opposite of what I felt…

    I told him the three feelings I associated with him were frustration, fear, and anger.. didn’t realize this was music to his ears…

  5. 12345 says:

    I didn’t get any of these words specifically. I frequently got “oh, 12345…what am I going to do with you” or “oh dear, 12345”. He would smile like he was babysitting a four year old who was attempting to have an adult conversation. Makes sense since he’s 18 years older than me, I guess.

    I knew the minute he said the words that everything coming out of my mouth was dismissed or at least diminished.

    Writing this I just realized that he said my name after a sentence whether it was good or bad. I wonder if that was intentional. It was definitely a hook. I missed hearing him say my name.

    In the south (at least in the town where I grew up) we almost never say someone’s name either because we don’t remember it or because we’re so conditioned to use terms of endearment “hey, babe”, “how you doin, darlin!”, “how’s your momma, sweetie?”, “hi, sweetheart”, “hey, sugar”, “love you, babe”, “love you more, babe!”, “bless your heart!”, “hey, girl!”, “we’ll sure be prayin for you”, “say hi to your momma for me, angel!”, “that’s my girl”.

    So gross, but I’m guilty of saying “babe” constantly. That word is like breathing for me. But he always used my name. My whole name.

  6. H. says:

    Every time I tried to have a rationale conversation about our problems, it always ended by him declaring to me; “you always have to be right”.

    In fact those were the last words he said to me. I haven’t talked to him since.

  7. Thriving Soul says:

    HG, thank you for this article. Will my LGN secure a next supply before disangaging with me or will he kick me to the curb sooner? It’s seems, he can’t make a decision on what he wants, he says he is done one day, the next day everything is hunky dory?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Assuming you are the IPPS he will prefer to have a new IPPS ready before disengaging, however if you do something which merits disengagement sooner (see the article 5 Reasons Why We Disengage) then this will happen and if he is an LGN as you suggest he will be able to manage with his fuel matrix on supplementary appliances without an IPPS for a period of time.

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