Twenty Fuelling Admissions




There are many things that my kind like you to say. We want to hear your praise, your affection, your love and your adoration. We want to hear your anger, your frustration, your upset and your vitriol. You hear words. We hear emotions which fuel us and cause the powering flames to burn fiercer and higher. When you become ensnared by one of our kind, we make you a victim of our range of machinations. As part of this entrapment we aim to have you provide us with fuel and this is done by causing you to say certain things to us. We are obsessed with the concept of our status, our superiority and our power. We must always ensure that you are inferior to us, that we are in control and that you are obedient. If we ever feel that this imbalance is slipping, then we will fight to maintain it. We are the conqueror you are the conquered. In keeping with this need for control and domination, we want you to not only be the victim but ensure that you act as one and portray your status of victimhood at all times in your dealings with us, save when we decide to the contrary. The latter being usually for public appearances and the maintenance of the façade. We want and need to hear you reinstate your designated role. Of course this does not mean that you will declare that you are a victim, using those very words, because when we have you in our grasp you do not realise that you are indeed a victim. Instead we need to hear it through you stating certain phrases which amount to admissions that you are a victim. Understand that when you make these remarks you are fuelling us and also reinforcing the imbalance that exists between you and us.

  1. I am sorry.
  2. I just didn’t think.
  3. I don’t know what I am supposed to do.
  4. I can’t understand what you want.
  5. I can’t take this anymore.
  6. I will do anything for you.
  7. I just want this to work.
  8. I’m not giving up on us.
  9. I deserve better than this.
  10. Why are you doing this?
  11. Please stop.
  12. Please talk to me.
  13. Am I not good enough for you?
  14. Why is it only me that is treated like this?
  15. I just want to be happy.
  16. Tell me what you want from me.
  17. I didn’t realise.
  18. I always put you first.
  19. I want to make you happy.
  20. What’s happened to us?

23 thoughts on “Twenty Fuelling Admissions

  1. Jenna says:

    I said 7 of these to him. He said 11 of these to me.

    I said:
    I’m sorry, why r u doing this?, pls stop, i felt i am not good enuf for u (*only upon him asking what i felt*), why do u acknowledge her (*niss*) and not me? (variation to #14), i don’t do this for anyone else (variation to #18), i want u to be happy.

    He said:
    I’m sorry, i just can’t help it (variation to #2), i don’t know what u want frm me, i can’t take this anymore, why r u doing this, pls stop, pls talk to me, i just want to be happy, tell me what u want frm me, i didn’t realize, i want to make u happy.

  2. Connie says:

    Mine demanded an apology, and if I gave in (even though I had done nothing wrong), he said he would not accept it. Total mindf@ck in the beginning.

  3. HKGirl says:

    I am no longer at all nice to my ex. His childish games have ended my patience. I have blocked him from everything but email as I STILL don’t have signed divorce papers.

    When he emails, if there is a valid question, I answer. If not, I ignore. Ignoring always scores me a nasty follow up. To which I might reply “go F Yourself”

    Today’s stupid email was “so I take it you no longer wish to be notified if my plane arrived safely.” What he was REALLY asking was did I want to be removed as his emergency contact on his frequent flyer account (we share miles on it per the property settlement).

    Before HG, I’d have explained that being his ems contact did not notify me that his flight arrived safely, only if it didn’t.

    As if he didn’t know this.

    He only wanted me to go look & see that he had a flight to a potential employer. As if I give a shit.

    So I told him nothing. And later sent “okay, I will leave it, for you.”

    And I replied “good. The thought of getting that call leaves me giddy with excitement”

    I’ll spare you the words I got back in reply.


    But I don’t offer 1-20 any longer. So why does he still bother??

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Because the Hoover execution criteria are being met because he sees there remains an opportunity for fuel.

  4. Nina says:

    Yes!! #1 – 5 and #10 – 11, and mostly #12, but to no avail. Silent treatments became longer with no explanation, no reason that I could figure out.

    Thank you for the list, HG. Your blog and books are most enlightening.

  5. Scarlet says:

    HG, would you be able to write on the blog about a lesser a mid and a greater from the narcissists point of view ? I know you are one and that’s what your doing , but what I mean is for the ones that don’t know what they are , the ones that think they are feeling heart break or feeling criticisms. In simple terms that the thick ones could relate to and think That’s how it feels or is to me ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have already done so.

  6. Missy says:

    I said almost all of them . Probably he hear them all the time from different women. How stupid I was 😔. I’m thinking he probably doesn’t miss me or more my fuel cos we all do and say same things or I’m wrong HG?

    1. K says:

      If you have a chance read the link below

      19. You ruminate on whether we miss you at all.
      We don’t miss you at all. We might miss your fuel at some point.

      1. Missy says:

        Thank you K . Horrible to read tho

        1. K says:

          My pleasure, Missy

          And I agree with you; it is horrible. The article explains how they view us from their perspective and that logic has helped me move on quicker.

  7. Windstorm2 says:

    I try hard never to say these things, but you’re right. It’s in our nature to want to say them.

  8. Overthinker says:

    Is this part of being a narcissistist or just a quirk he had always asking me what his kisses feel and taste like what my love for him felt like and tasted like wanting me to describe in excruciating detail how him loving me made me feel etc etc I never had a man ask me these questions it was exhausting

    1. HG Tudor says:

      This is extracting fuel.

    2. Overthinker says:

      Gotcha that’s what I thought but had no idea at the time kinda makes me feel bad that he had to beg for fuel but makes sense now that I wasn’t a good fuel provider it’s not in my nature to use flowery language or verbalize my innermost thoughts poor thing I stank at fueling him lol

  9. 12345 says:

    That’s a cute dress!

  10. Gabrielle says:

    #12. Always #12.

    #1 , #6 and #19 tying at 2nd place.

    I cannot recall who said in on another post….it was either K, Narc Affair or Narc Angel….referred to me as a pump full of delicious fuel and said if they were a narc they’d tap it? Yeah that’s definitely me. SIGH.

    1. K says:

      Oh yeah, you are full of succulent and delicious fuel and If I were a narc I would tap that. Hell, I would tap myself. But I am working on being a NoFuC.

      1. Gabrielle says:

        Just don’t tap it only to say later that you feel guilty for tapping it and that you’re finally going to do the right thing. 🙄😉 Sorry I couldn’t resist a lame Narc quote of fake guilt mockery.


        1. K says:

          Ha ha ha, mockery isn’t lame; it can be a great teacher. Narcissists love to use the pity play. Control, push/pull, fuel.

  11. Insatiable Learner says:

    HG, does it matter what school a particular narcissist is when it comes to the effect/ message of these statements? Would a mid ranger hear them the same way as you, a Greater? I did say the following ones: “I am sorry. I did not think. I will do anything for you.”

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They are all fuel to us.

      1. Insatiable Learner says:

        Thank you, HG! The problem is even if I am now aware of what these statements mean, I can’t control myself and refrain from saying them. This is just who I am.

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