Sins of the Empath : Truth Seeker

SINS OF THE EMPATH

Truth seeker. The pursuit of the truth. A noble ideal indeed is it not? It sounds as if you ought to be armed with your sword of justice and your shield of purity as you make your way through the badlands in order to find the truth. In fact, this is what you, as an empathic individual is unwittingly doing when you become engaged with our kind.

You are all truth seekers. The empath, the co-dependent and especially the super empath. You want the truth and you will apply your indefatigable spirit to acquiring it without understanding the toll that this misguided folly will have on you as whole. The need to be told the truth, to find it and to know it is a core empathic trait and as you would expect, it leads you into the trap of being ensnared by our kind and is heavily exploited.

Being a truth seeker is a further sin of the empath. Those who are empathic tell the truth, but that is because of that other empathic sin, honesty. The empath must always establish the truth of a situation, the truth at the heart of an individual and in so doing the allows them to reconcile their own truths.

The empath must know the truth. He or she must not only need to understand why somebody is as they are, but they have to be satisfied that this is the truth of the matter. This desire for the truth makes an empath extremely vulnerable to us since we trade in lies, deal in deceit and all our currency is counterfeit.

Take, for instance, at the outset of the narcissistic dynamic, when we begin our seduction of the empath. He or she wishes to know that this wonderful person is true in their intentions and whilst the empath might be pleased that others talk about how enamoured the narcissist is about them, or how the narcissist seems utterly smitten, the empath must establish the truth form the narcissist him or herself. This of course opens the empath up to the charm, magnetism and allure of the scintillating narcissist as we are only too happy to tell you what you want to hear, to show you what you want to see and to do what you would have us do.

Oblivious to who you are dealing with (until otherwise educated) the empath will, through his or trusting nature and propensity to deal honestly with others, accept what the narcissist says and does. That amounts to the truth. The narcissist is skilled through his mirroring to reflect back at you your own truths and thus as you seek the truth, you are shown it. What you do not realise is that you are looking at your own truth, but since it is your truth and not ours, it is so utterly convincing. The adoration that you exhibit towards us is mirrored and reflect back at you. You wish to seek the truth of that adoration and what do you see? An adoration that is on the same par as your own – how can that then not appear to be the truth. In seeking the truth but looking for it from one who lies so effectively and defrauds with ease, all you find is your own truth, but you fail to recognise it as such and thus you feel you have found the truth and you are convinced that what you see is genuine love, is genuine passion and is genuine adoration.

You might liken it to a person who carries with him or her one half of a precious gem and seeks the other half. This person encounters a mirror, but does not know that it is a mirror and thinks that they see the other half stood before them since it looks so convincing, yet try to touch or grasp or find any depth or substance to this supposed other half and it will not be there. This is what eventually happens when devaluation occurs as you see the reflection and it dawns on you that all you are looking at is what you already had, being made to appear like something more.

Thus in wanting to find the truth and being shown your truth and not ours, you are utterly convinced as to the legitimacy of our love, passion and desire for you. Your truth seeking has made you vulnerable to our deceitful manipulations from the very beginning.

Yet, the matter worsens. Your pursuit of the truth leaves you vulnerable to perhaps one of the most confusing and bewildering aspects of the narcissistic dynamic, the need to establish the truth during devaluation. Once the array of machinations are wheeled out against you, the gas lighting commences, the lies, the insults, the intimidation and so much more is used against you, your quest for the truth has you stuck in the quagmire of our manipulations for a considerable time.

Firstly, you do not accept that this monster which now prevents you from getting a good night’s sleep, erupts at the slightest criticism, becomes demanding over apparently nothing, is the person who you fell in love with or who loves you. This is not the truth that stands before you. The truth must surely have been the person who first seduced you. You know that to be the case because you sought the truth then during the seduction, you saw it and you established it. It is that magical, wonderful, adoring person who seems to have vanished and in its stead you now see some grotesque version of the person you love. That is not the truth that shouts at you and belittles you, that is not the truth that turns each time you want to go out with your friends into a battle and that is not the truth that turns its back on you every night in bed. You want to find the true us, the one you saw and established during seduction and that need, that desire and that pursuit of this truth means you remain in situ, not escaping and allowing our abuses to rain down on you again and again.

Secondly, you experience the downside of our pathological lies during the devaluation. You were lied to, naturally, during the seduction, but that does not matter. You thought it to be the truth and you established it as so and besides, those lies felt good didn’t they? Yet know, the lies wound and hurt, they scar and mark, as we tell you lies about what we have been doing, where we have been and who with. You are no fool, or so you think, for you have followed us, had others report to you and you know the truth of what has been happening. Now you must establish that truth with us. You must seek the truth from our lips without you realising that we will never do such a thing since to do so would be to cede control to you. You have not yet grasped who you are dealing with and thus you remain unaware that we use lies to achieve so much of our aims. Those lies are used to make you dizzy, make you cry, make you exhausted and we keep on going and will not concede to the truth.

How many times have you heard yourself say:-

“Just tell me the truth, that is all I want you to do.”

“Please, stop lying, just tell the truth.”

“If you would only tell the truth.”

“I want the truth.”

“Give me the truth. Please I am begging you.”

Are those phrases and those of a similar kind echoing about your mind now?

Your desire to get to the truth, to hold the truth in front of us and get us to acknowledge it means you become drawn into the circular arguments, the endless arguments, the denial, the switching and the deflections which leave you shattered, mystified and spent. Why can he not see the truth when I do? The Toxic Logic of course, but you are not privy to such information at that time and so you gird your loins, climb back on your steed and ride out once again in the pursuit of the truth. It is no surprise that you then gallop into the swamp and become bogged down by lies, untruths and mendacity.

Thirdly, during devaluation it is often the case that you will turn to others to seek confirmation that the truth you once witnessed is indeed the truth and you can find it once again. You seek the truth from our coterie, our minions and our lieutenants. You go to them and need to ascertain that we are surely a decent person, who is loving and caring are we not? You walk straight into the facade and its false truth. You hear the answers which you want to hear, we are lauded for our generosity, we are praised for our kindness, we are complimented on our good humour, easy charm and reliability. There it is, you have sought the truth once again and you have found it, yet you fail to recognise it as the false truth and the false hope which it engenders. Instead of trying to escape from this devaluation, you remain in place, taking comfort from that the facade has told you and redoubling your efforts to find the truth with us. Thus, you remain and exhaust yourself tilting against the windmill that is us when you think you are slaying the dragon.

Accordingly, your empathic trait of being a truth seeker makes you vulnerable to our seduction and extremely vulnerable to the effects of our mind games, manipulations and habitual lying. Were this where it ends, but your quest for the truth has a further blow to administer to you.

The empathic sin of being a truth seeker heightens your susceptibility to the post escape and post discard hoovers. When we open those shutters and allow the bright, shining light of the golden period to fall upon your face you instantly see that the truth has returned, that false truth which you were shown what feels like such a long time ago. Yet, all is not lost, the truth has returned, it is in your grasp and all you need to do seek it out and embrace it is to return to our fold. By seeking our the truth once again you fall prey to our hoovers and our control over you is increased again.

The desire to seek the truth is noble indeed but seeking it from one who scorns the truth and takes refuge amongst deceit, lies and fraudulent intent can only result in this character trait of yours gaining the epitaph of being a sin of the empath.

13 thoughts on “Sins of the Empath : Truth Seeker

  1. EraseVP says:

    When we are finally and completely honest with ourselves and we talk to ourselves in a manner that’s congruent with our higher self ,(subconscious mind), we will see ourselves as somebody who doesnt have time for inconsistencies. We wont give them higher standing because we know who we really are. We will know all our little insecurities were put there by mistake. And because we will know who we are fully we will trust our own instincts and posess the fortitude and strength of character to stop excusing lies from others. You won’t allow anyone to question your reality nor will you let anyone replace your reality with bullshit.
    I have to admit that narcisists, are the champions of omission, redirecting, dressing up BS. etc.
    Mine told me several times “I get you have your truth , but I need to tell you mine” , then proceeded to say a bunch of contradictory things that had me trying to crack his jigsaw puzzle words for days. It’s like “Where’s Waldo ” except Waldo is a tiny nugget of meaning in a ocean of distracting language.
    If you’re wondering, my “truth”was a email stating actual events, things he said in a email, provable and how they hurt my trust In him.
    Ironic no?
    Don’t ask someone who lies all the time to be honest about why they were lying. If they are good at it you’ll hear what you think you want to hear but feel very uneasy about what was said. You can’t dress up an executioner in a clown outfit and say “clown!” if he’s still holding his Ax, your lying to yourself and its painful trying to forgive yourself for the harm.

    Thanks for letting me share, it felt good.

    One other thing I think is weird. My experience with a antisocial PD man was that he was pretty honest mostly, even if it was rageful and scary. He was fearless, and this made him weirdly honest. But the super sweet super wonderful stable narcissist, wow lies on lies. Wondered if anyone else has any inside to that ?

  2. Bibi
    Do you think that a non-empath i.e. ‘normal’ could ever be as deeply hurt by a narcissistic relationship?
    Would a non-empath be so eager to read your blog for answers?
    HG Tudor
    No and no.

    I resent this truth.
    Why can’t I ever be just normal??!!!!

    1. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

      Perse

      Because we are not born that way.

      My husband is a “normal” and very cerebral man (he has the ability and wish to learn more emotions, in order to have a normal relationship); for years, he couldn’t understand my emotions, in part “thanks” to his narc mother and in part due to his “construction”. I suspect that’s why he didn’t turn to narcissism: he gets bored from nonsense and drama, he only wants peace and trust. I think “normals” are the only “happy people”. I’ve learnt from him what means being happy in “your own skin”. We, empaths have to fight ourselves in order to refrain our emotional responses (still, we can improve with time, experience and learning to do so), this weakens our capacity of doing high achieving jobs (neurosurgeon) and impedes a quicker response -plane pilot (when a child, I found myself knowing first the answers in the classroom many times, still…I wasn’t able to articulate them if not conditioned to do so by the teacher) while narcissists are too afraid to confront their emotions, so choose to quiet them for good (sometimes), they also fear not being lovable for who they really are (which is false, but we can’t force someone into understanding, if and when they are not ready to do it), but they are quick thinkers because they educated themselves all their lives into doing so (they are very ambitious/highly motivated because of “the façade”).
      I think narcissists put the “normality”/rationality mask over super empathic traits they were born with, as a mean of adapting to reality (perceived by them as cold and cruel, “thanks” to some parents), but they can’t hide the frustration resulted, turning it towards the “lucky ones” ( those managing to keep their pure soul/innocence). Envy is one of narcs feelings, isn’t it… HG? As much as you “feed from empaths”, the power to become good (whole) again comes only from yourselves.

      HG, we get addicted to you AND the other way round (if all empaths would disappear one day, your kind…) while “normals” are happy to have a family, a job, to be healthy, not wealthy. Rationally speaking…they win! They live balanced lives. Their nervous sistem, sleep and digestion are perfect.

      My ex narc told me I have so many positive traits (physically and mentally), still I am not “adapted” to reality, he meant…I’m not a narc (not using those traits to achieve control upon others and money). No, I’m not, mind and soul’s peace has no price. I was given the only power a person deserves by birth…worldwide: freedom (to choose), keeping in mind that we are free to choose, but we are not free from our choice’s consequences.

    2. Narc Angel says:

      Perse

      Because normal has no spice. Normal is oatmeal and white rice. It will sustain you but fails to satisfy or leave a lasting impression. Dont aspire to normal. Continue to be spicy and attract other flavours-just dont allow their addition to overpower your recipe.

  3. Bibi says:

    Do you think that a non-empath i.e. ‘normal’ could ever be as deeply hurt by a narcissistic relationship? I mean in the psychological wounding sense.

    Just as I once had a misunderstanding of narcissism, I also had a misunderstanding of empaths. I thought they were the touchy-feely rose-petal types who dance around trees and never have a mean thought in their heads.

    The ‘sins’ you describe, i.e. expecting truth and honesty seem like obvious requirements to be a human. And yet, that there are some out there who don’t see it this way feels foreign to me.

    Would a non-empath be so eager to read your blog for answers?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No and no.

      1. Bibi says:

        I like your brevity.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is the soul of wit.

  4. Nina says:

    Wow!! I will never learn. As painful as it is, I keep going back for more.

  5. Chingona says:

    Lol it’s as if the esteemed HG can see into my very soul. The truth seeker is bothered by the discrepancies, but self-deceptive enough to ignore them. Of course later the focused memories lay bare our degree of purposeful denial. The truth seeker doesn’t become healthy if we don’t acknowledge our folly. We don’t become healthy until we accept the painful consequences, try to atone for the sins we committed while in the narc’s thrall, and forgive ourselves. The truth of me is that, no matter how emotionally battered i allowed myself to be, i will not be truly be controlled. as they have dropped hints and warnings, i have always said that i can and will walk away from anything and not look back. which i have done again. my latest beloved knows we’ve had the last hoover. i’ve met his newest supply, she wanted me to see, i won’t participate in the triangulation.
    i’m rambling

  6. Bekah B says:

    “The narcissist is skilled through his mirroring to reflect back at you your own truths and thus as you seek the truth, you are shown it. What you do not realise is that you are looking at your own truth, but since it is your truth and not his, it is so utterly convincing. The adoration that you exhibit towards him is mirrored and reflected back at you. You wish to seek the truth of that adoration and what do you see? An adoration that is on the same par as your own – how can that then not appear to be the truth? In seeking the truth, but looking for it from one who lies so effectively and defrauds with ease, all you find is your own truth, but you fail to recognise it as such and thus you feel you have found the truth and you are convinced that what you see is genuine love, is genuine passion, and is genuine adoration.”

    I love this section of the article. However, it is so distant to me, because my golden period ended years ago. The most recent times in the last couple of years spent with my mid-ranger have been battles, at best, trying to get him to reconcile his behavior. And because every time I tried to get him to open up and “talk”, or mentioned to him that his tactics were killing the desire in me to be with him, he was wounded and sought revenge against me. So, imagine being in the following position: exhibiting the adoration, but moderately, and yet, still not receiving it in return, whatsoever at all. As an empath, you wish to seek the truth of the adoration, but what you find is that it is of your own accord because the narcissist is no longer mirroring back to you what you display. The empath accepts the narcissist’s actions as truth and applies them accordingly, decreasing their willingness to go on. However, the narcissist isn’t unaware of this and after a silent treatment or two (three, four, five, etc), they initiate the hoover in hopes to regain their initial fuel. And the cycle habitually repeats itself. That’s what life was like with me and my mid-ranger the last couple of years. I was VERY insightful and although I didn’t know (yet) of the term “narcissist”, I knew something was amiss. Therefore, I withdrew all I used to give out and he noticed. Instead, I started to bring to the light what he was doing, and he disappeared for a while, but always came back, sprinkling reminders of our golden period from years before. It didn’t work anymore, though. He learned me and my ways and reflected back to me what I initially displayed, but I no longer accepted it as the truth, just because he had the ability to mirror it. My truth-seeking mission was to find why he was the way he was. That is why I am here today.

  7. Mona says:

    Sorry HG, but I must disagree. It was very important for me to see the truth behind all of that. Of course – you are right, it extended the suffering.
    If I did not find the truth behind it – I would not have changed and I changed a lot. My change does not please everyone- but that is ok for me. Sometimes I do the same mistakes as I did before. But I do know much more what I want and what I do not want. I know myself much better. And I appreciate myself much more than ever.

    No, the whole bitter truth is what heals in the end. And about this point we are of one opinion.

  8. rEd says:

    Spot-on.

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