The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 3

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We come cloaked in our finery to dazzle and bewitch yet this enthralling and alluring appearance is but an artifice designed to cater to our needs and keep that which the world ought not to see at bay.

Shall I be the charming boyfriend who brings you breakfast in bed or the grizzled tyrant that bellows from the landing demanding to know why the right shirt is not available even though you ironed seven of them yesterday? Perhaps I will be the cheery neighbour who stops and compliments the fellow next door on his new motor vehicle or do I rake a key down the paintwork smiling to myself as I feel the Thought Fuel at his dismay washing over me?  How about being the benevolent boss who is magnanimous in his appraisal of a junior employee or might I be the savage dictator whose fleck infested diatribe reduces the underling to tears? Passionate lover or glacial companion? Entertaining purveyor of anecdotes or bilious issuer of put downs? Such choices.

Yet it is not just a matter of good or bad, there is more to layer on top of that. Do I regale my friends with that story of how I went marlin fishing in Bermuda to impress them even though it was my brother who went and I have taken his tale to be my own? Do I claim the theories of a fellow academic as mine when discussing matters with the undergraduates in my tutorial group? Do I claim to know much about the works of Bach because I have glanced over my girlfriend’s play list of classical music? That snippet of conversation that was overheard discussing the merits of staying at the Cavalieri Hotel in Rome and the ‘views to die for’ becomes my stay there last month. A useful review of Transpotting 2 in the broadsheets is commandeered to become my opinion which receives nods of approval when I recount it over dinner.

Why feel the need to be something that we are not? This varies dependent on the school from which we hail but at its essence remains this indisputable fact; we do not want to be nor can we be, that thing which we spend our time escaping from. Most of our kind do not realise this. They have no comprehension that a construct has been created for the purposes of ensnarement. Ensnarement of victims and the continuing ensnarement of The Creature. They do not know it, believing that their construct IS them and hence should you act in a way that attacks that construct through criticism then the response is intense, volcanic and instant. Those who form the majority of our ranks are unable to make such a distinction, unable to recognise what they have created and what they are imprisoning but believe their own creation to be them. Such is the power of delusion. They have no choice in determining what they will be today. They are governed by the instinctive need to respond as the fuel dictates and thus the rage-filled father who smashes his son’s favourite toy was not chosen but appeared because that was what was required to respond to his son running to his mother and not him. The doting son who faithfully calls his aged mother every Sunday without fail notwithstanding her dismissive treatment of him ordinarily is one compelled to do so in order to maintain his facade of decency and to irritate you when you suggest he ought to put her in her place. The quiet yet charming man who is the complete gentleman on the dates you have together is one which has been constructed out of need and is a programmed behaviour to bring about seduction. Whichever way these of our kind face is as a consequence of need – fuel, the facade, the acquisition of residual benefits – and it matters not if there is a swing from demon to angel in the space of the minute, but that is what must occur.

Furthermore, the repeated regurgitation of lies to furnish the construct for the purposes of  attraction is an instinctive response. The lie is believed because the Lesser or Mid-Ranger perceives his construct as what he or she is and thus the knee-jerk boasts, the blatant exaggerations and the out and out lies about achievements, status, job, number of lovers and the number of times one has seen U2 in concert are viewed as truth. Challenge them at your peril. The Lessers and Mid-Ranger have no choice in terms of how they furnish their construct and how they respond to the appliances around them.

The Greater of our kind exert choice but it is always within the confines of the overriding objective, namely, all is as the fuel wills it to be. Thus, the decision to berate a shop assistant is one of choice but is governed by the need for fuel. The decision not to answer your telephone calls is one of choice but again is subjected to the requirements of fuel. We Greaters have more substance than our lower-ranked brethren, we have the achievements, the abilities, the successes but it is never enough. One must be better, more popular, more attractive, more muscular, more accomplished, more, more, more. Thus that which is already there was deemed not to be good enough. So there must be the embellishments, the exaggerations, the add-ons. Pilfer here, acquire there, purloin this and steal that in order to make that cloak the finest ever created. You might suggest we ought to be content with the considerable abilities that we already possess but that is viewed from your perspective. From ours, there is always another higher mountain to conquer and it must be conquered because if we do not stop driving forward then we risk perishing.

I wield tremendous power. I can be anything I want and do whatever I please. Yet, as Lord Acton sagely stated,

“Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

I have absolute power but it has been corrupted because it is always subject to another force, that of the need for fuel.

I appear as the dictator with seemingly unrestrained power and influence as I choose to be whatever I want to be.

Yet I have come to realise that I am the puppet government put in place by fuel.

Listen to ‘The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 3’

11 thoughts on “The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 3

  1. Ann says:

    “I have absolute power but it has been corrupted because it is always subject to another force, that of the need for fuel.
    …Yet I have come to realise that I am the puppet government put in place by fuel.”

    I would like to elaborate on this statement. The power subjected to another force is not absolute. The absolute power does not depend on other sources, hence it is absolute. Your power seems to depend on “fuel” aka “appliances” which you turn on and off as you please. Yet, this logic is flawed. If we are your power source, then who turns whom on and off? The roles of a power source and appliances are confusing and need clarification.

    After learning about the narcissism carefully, I figured your whole life must be fully subjected to us – to how we want (or do not want – positive or negative doesn’t matter as long as it is all about us) you to be. Your whole life you learn to imitate and master imitation skills to perfection instead of enjoying the real thing of simply “being yourself.” Is it a good time to take your real power back and cut off the fuel dependence?

  2. Catherine says:

    And I wonder about something else to do with awareness HG. You’ve probably been asked this before, but I’m just struggling with my own need for awareness I guess.

    You define yourself as a narcissistic sociopath. To my understanding, and I might be wrong and the terminology might differ since in my country we still use the term psychopath more than that of sociopath, these are separate personality disorders, although quite similar, belonging to the group of antisocial disorders. It’s common that sociopaths are in fact narcissists as well, but there are narcissists who are not sociopaths.

    I readily admit I don’t know much about this, but I always thought sociopaths are more aware of what they are? That their pure ruthlessness stems from some kind of actual understanding of what they are and of what they are not. Or am I completely wrong?

    So my question is what are the differences of the two disorders? What do you bring to the narcissistic table through being a sociopath? Is your awareness being a Greater something to do with the sociopathic side to you?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Catherine, there does seem to be some confusion regarding the use of sociopath and psychopath and sometimes they are used interchangeably.Indeed, I have the good doctors suggesting sociopath and my private doctor confirming psychopath. You are correct that sociopaths/psychopaths are narcissists but not all narcissists are sociopaths/psychopaths. The higher functioning psychopath does know what they are, a lower functioning one would not. The more appropriate way is to refer to anti-social personality disorder and I am working on further material which ‘meshes’ this with the schools of narcissism.

      1. Catherine says:

        Thank you so much for your answer HG. I’m looking forward to your further material regarding this topic; I find it fascinating.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are most welcome.

  3. Catherine says:

    I find this article to be profoundly sad. All schools of narcissists are in a way prisoners of their own construct I suppose. It’s just a question of awareness and the greater the awareness the greater the inherent fear of the empty void. To be aware is always accompanied with more power but also more awareness of how easily you can slip from your self proclaimed throne. So it’s a rat race I guess. A constant battle against your very own nature.

    The Lesser and the Mid Ranger have at least no choice but to act out of instinct and theirs will never be the opportunity to understand the big picture of what’s going on. Like living in an upside down world where they are the good individuals on a constant quest to defend themselves against the rest of the bad, bad world, amongst whom all of us who come in contact with them will eventually count. Their despicable behaviour in searching for fuel by way of manipulative techniques is always justified in the light of their twisted perception of the world. That’s how I experienced my narcissist anyway. There’s no hope for redemption here I guess.

    But the Greater is another matter altogether. You have this gift/curse of having achieved awareness of what you are and what you do. You know you are the wicked person and you do know that you hurt people badly and sometimes irreparably. And still it’s in your nature to keep on doing it.

    But you have a choice. Awareness is a luxury that comes with a choice. And choice is a heady cocktail indeed; more powerful and life changing than anything. The Creature might be the annihilation of what you know as you, but it seems to me that if you stay what you are you will always be that prisoner behind bars pacing in a defined space, bound to your lifelong hunt for fuel, needing other people to determine your worth; the alternative could be freedom.

  4. NP says:

    Well, what a way to understand the disorder: the Narc is neither omniscient nor omnipotent, but under the control of something else.

  5. Ugotit says:

    And this is why I have empathy for u

  6. HG,

    “Yet I have come to realise that I am the puppet government put in place by fuel.”

    I appreciate the directness of your statement.
    Did this realization change anything for you, in the way you feel or think about being a narcissist?

    It must be a huge load of cognitive dissonance to be a narc.Even though you operate more logically than an empath.

  7. BurntKrispyKeen says:

    Well said, but I particularly enjoyed the picture you chose. It is one of the most telling images you’ve posted.

    But the concept made me a bit envious. Wish I could do that… only I’d have faces of supermodels hanging over my nightstand. I can’t think of a better way to get ready each morning!

  8. Windstorm2 says:

    “Self-knowledge is the beginning of wisdom, which is the ending of fear.” – Krishnamurti

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