The Narcissistic Truths – No. 208

never-underestimateour-capacityto-hoover

12 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 208

  1. narc affair says:

    Honestly i think the hoovers that can have any power are the ones attached to someone we never wanted to leave. If youve left and have no feelings or hope for that person then no amount of hoovers will dissuade you. My exnarc continues to send emails. The only slightest interest is curiousity how hes doing but romantically i have zero interest in him. Even if i broke up with my present narc id still have zero interest in him. Its dead now and his hoovers carry no threat to me at all.
    Despite my curiousity i wont read or reply bc it does neither one of us a favor. Im one less reason for him to avoid facing his reality.

    1. sarabella says:

      It is very true. I don’t want him to hoover because even though I am done, there is a corner of my heart that could be damaged further by him because it never healed. So I don’t want to go there anymore. But at the same time, I want to know if I cross his mind and a hoover is a lame demonstration that I do even if it means nothing and always did mean nothing. But he caused too much damage and hurt me and my life too hard, so I don’t really want it. But it’s always that tiny unhealed and disbelieving corner of one’s heart that puts someone at risk of a hoover who hasn’t lost all interest as you have.

      1. narc affair says:

        Hi sarabella…if youre wanting him to hoover for any reason then its a dangerous hoover. I know with my ex no hoover would ever sway me. Hes lost all his power where im concerned.

  2. Chingona says:

    I shall remember this 😉

  3. thepianist20 says:

    Hey HG,

    I have a question, Two actually,,

    Is it underestimating by believing that the narc won’t come back after blocking him/her in social media?

    And also, is it underestimating that my narc won’t Hoover me even after he reactivates his other account on Facebook?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Yes.

      2. Yes.

      1. thepianist20 says:

        Thank you for your response HG!

  4. Leolita says:

    I was in a «manipulationship» with a narc for 5,5 years. Just got out of it in august, and have gone no contact, with one big breach on SMS during his hoovering. I did the mistanke of telling him what he is. He did not seem to mind, just kept asking desperately to meet me in person. He also wrote: «you would have noticed way sooner if that was the case. I do not think you really mean that you think Im a psychopath. We were such good friends. Come on. After all, I had hoped we could be friends, at least?» AS if nothing bad ever happened (!?!?) He also wrote that he was so «Sorry that it went too far» and that he «really love you». I told him on each manipulation and refused to address any of them in any other way- I did it without emotion (which is very unlike me, I have been a fountain of fuel for almost 6 years) My last words to him were «if you love me, just admit everything to the police, pay up and never contact me again». It has been quiet since that (one month ago). Think he’ll bother me again?

    Trying to figure out which school (and cadre) he belonged to, since I am dealing with him in court in regard to his psysical, emotional and psychological abuse.

    After 6 months of love bombing and spenning almost every night together, he suddenly told me that he did not want to be in a relationship, I was only a «friend with benefits», that was the deal, (still I think I was his IPPS for 5 years). he manager when it came to sex. And, he promised to be honest if he met somebody else. He used to say «you are so in love with me, you want to marry me and have my babies, I can see it in your eyes». This was done AS a «joke», but it was very confusing, since I had agreed to be a friend.
    it took almost 6 months before he said that we were not a couple and that he did not believe in relationship, it will only lead to infidelity on either part and I would only get hurt. I did not understand what he meant, until recently. It was very frustrating to accept what he predicted, since I am both loyal and faithful and had no intention of hurting anybody.

    He is addicted to smoking pot, have no formal education, been rarely employed, (gets fired but always blames the boss for beeing a jerk) has errupted in fury for instance in a bank 2 years ago, and broke a door (and received a letter from the bank banning him from ever entering the bank again). He has also been put in cuffs outside a bar for refusing to accept that he was too drunk to get in. They notified the police. He also once attacked me in public outside a bar, and were held down by four other guys, who just happen to witness this. Recently he hit me in front of his Lieutenant, (think it was because I did NOT react / give him fuel; He tried to make me jealous and I refused to react on it the way I usually did).

    He is not very good looking, but more sexy. He is not very intelligent but hides that behind «Fun facts» from documentary movies and lines that he steals from other people. (He is really good in imitating people and also animal sounds) His mask is shy, funny, witty, often with a sexual hint. He used a lot of scilent treantments, both present and absent. also sulked and complained, «do not feel so good, have stomach ache» more than anyone I have ever known, and used this as an excuse for everything, including treating me like shit. He raged, errupted very easily, screamed a lot- often threatened to hit me or actually hit me, but more often he attacked me, covered my mouth and nose so I could not breathe, or just attacked me and threw me on the floor, kicked me. seemed to have absolutely no anger management. He has a few friends, most from childhood. Plays bass, not very good but thinks he is a rock star. I know that the worst he can hear is that he is a looser. He told me that once (on drugs) that he actually thinks he is a looser).
    He seems to have some insight AS to what he is.

    I wonder if you can help me in regard to which school he is. I would guess a lesser victim, but I am not sure, since I suspect he has some insight as to what he is. I also Wonder if I could be a Supernova.

    Thank you so much for this blog and for the extremely valuable information you provide regarding narcissism, saved my life.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Leolita, thank you for your kind comments. With regard to establishing the position concerning an individual this is done through consultation for reasons I have explained in the past.

  5. K says:

    No kidding, I thought he was all done with me but he is hoovering more often than I thought he would. I need to focus on: Flawed Reason to Extract Emotion (F.R.E.E.).

  6. RJ says:

    I DON’T. Listen to or read Lyrics to Metallica. Until It Sleeps. Ahhh soothing.

  7. I’ve made that mistake

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