Christmas Is A Time For Giving

christmas-is

 

What do narcissists think about giving? Well, the starting point is that we are a gift to the world and really, should there be any need for us to give anything more? Of course there is; the giving of gifts provides us with yet another opportunity to manipulate people, exert control and ultimately draw fuel. Some people think that narcissists may not want to give gifts because we hate to do things for other people. The latter part of that point is correct, but the simple fact as ever is that the end justifies the means then we will do that and if that means parting with some of our money to purchase a gift and spending some time selecting it, then so be it. You probably will understand however that when it comes to the giving of gifts, it is nothing at all to do with you. As usual, it is all about us.

  1. Gifts of Seduction. During the seduction of a victim, some of our kind revel in the grand gestures of expensive and wonderful gifts. There may be repeated gifts every few days or some large grandiose gift. Occasionally, we may give careful consideration to what will impress you most but it is always linked into how it will benefit us. The purpose of such gifts is to cause you to admire us, thank us and draw closer to us as a consequence of our generosity and our thoughtfulness. Don’t think that we have been that considerate. You will probably receive a similar gift to the last primary source. If worked last time, so we will do it again. Thus the Somatic Narcissist who selects victims who are into material items may well always purchase some Louboutin shoes for each victim. The Cerebral Narcissist will provide a weighty tome for you to read. Not only is this exclusive hardback expensive but he can tell you all about how much he knows about the subject later. We also rely on the fact that even if the gift is not precisely what you wanted, most people are delighted to receive gifts and during the wonderful, elating and mesmerising seduction, the whole of the effects of our seduction make the receipt of the gift all the more gratifying. It gains kudos from being given against a backdrop of compliments, love, amazing sex, days and nights out and so forth. By appearing thoughtful and generous we draw you closer to us.
  2. Creation of debt. We only give you a gift in order to get something we want and the provision of a gift automatically creates a debt in our mind. It might be that we will control you through this gift, it might be that we use it to gain fuel or to mollify you if we think you are on the brink of leaving us and denying us our fuel. No matter how lavish or expensive the gift, there will be a price to pay for it, either now or later.
  3. Creating the favourite. We often use gifts to create a favourite and generate division. For instance, if we have three nephews, who are still young children, we may give one a larger and more expensive gift to one and smaller and less expensive gifts to the other two and it is obvious. Children will react to this with jealousy, petulance and upset which will generate fuel. It does not stop there. The parents of the nephews may well react to this unequal treatment so there is more fuel forthcoming. If we are challenged as to why we have done this you can expect to be told,

“It is my money and I decide how I spend it.”

We are entitled to do as we want and when it comes to giving gifts there is no exception.

This favouritism will continue all the way through so that a golden child will always fare better at Christmas and birthdays than his or her siblings with the attendant problems that arise. We will even do this when we have gone with an unequal division of assets. The Thought Fuel that arises as we sign the will knowing of the in-fighting that will come about in due course is satisfying indeed.

  1. The Rubbish Gift. This is done by design and often unintentionally. Since we lack empathy, we see no need to consider what somebody else what might really want for their birthday. Thus, we provide them with a hideous jumper that is too big or a garish ornament. The look of dejection and disappointment on that person’s face when they receive a book about butterflies produces a good dose of fuel for us. Of course if they do not seem appropriately happy, this allows us to roll out comments such as: –

“But I thought you loved butterflies.”

“I looked everywhere for that gift.”

“You should be grateful you got anything at all.”

We know you don’t like butterflies. We found the gift in the bargain bin at the supermarket and we know you won’t be grateful, we don’t want you to be, so we can provoke you for some more fuel.

  1. The Residual Fuel. Flowing from the rubbish gift is the expectation that when we next call around the hideous statue of what is meant to be two dolphins in the foam but looks more like a frothing Quasimodo, should be pride of place on your mantelpiece. Alternatively, you should be wearing that migraine inducing jumper. If you are not, you can expect us to play the victim and make you feel guilty for not showcasing our generous gift.
  2. The Wrong Gift. The cousin of the rubbish gift. This gift may be a good gift but it is the wrong one. You may already have one of these items already and a second is of no use. It might be that you asked for a handbag in black and we have bought you one in brown, even though it is the same make. The shoe size might be two sizes out either way, the ring too small, the lingerie too small. We do this because you see the wrapped item and recognise it to be the item you have asked for and your excitement mounts, only then to be dashed by this narrow miss. Yes, you may be able to exchange it, but we will have lost the receipt and such like and we will still make a song and dance if you point out that it is the wrong gift or if you fail to look suitably happy. You can expect comments such as: –

“You have one already. Well, a spare shoe horn is always handy.”

“It is too tight? Not my fault you have put weight on is it?”

“You told me size 7, yes you did. Stop trying to blame me for your mistake.”

“So what if it I a different colour, you should appreciate I bought you something.”

  1. Forgetting a gift. It always provides us with fuel when you expect a gift and none is forthcoming. We derive amusement from seeing you waiting all day, expecting a delivery to the door, or hunting around the house thinking that we have hidden your gift. When evening comes and no gift has been forthcoming your annoyance, upset or dismay provides us with further fuel. We will of course apply selective amnesia or deflection to the situation.

“I thought the anniversary was next week?”

“It’s only Valentine’s day, you shouldn’t expect a gift.”

“You are too old to receive birthday presents now.”

“Is it your birthday? I thought it was on the 21st?”

  1. My gift. You are expecting a gift and there is something expensive sat on the dining table. It is not given to you but sits there all day until you eventually ask if it is for you only to be told it is not and it is for me. Cue crestfallen look and more fuel.
  2. The Respite and Hoover Gift. Part of the seduction family. If we want to bring you back into the Formal Relationship following discard or escape, or if we want to reinstate the golden period, we will supply you with gifts again and endeavour to make them thoughtful so that you provide us with positive fuel and we draw you back to us.
  3. Future Faking. Gifts are not immune from us always promising to buy you something amazing for that forthcoming birthday. This keeps you bound to us, you keep giving us positive fuel from your enthusiastic responses to our promises, but we fail to deliver. We draw fuel and then promise to get it for you for Christmas instead. You know what is going to happen don’t you?
  4. Charity Gifts. If we make some donation to charity whether it cash or equipment, or even items we no longer need for them to sell at a charity store, you can be sure we will let as many people know as possible of our generosity. This gains fuel and maintains our façade.
  5. Outdoing Others. If there is a christening, a baby shower or a wedding we will often go big with our gift giving. If you have a wedding list, we will go off list in order to be different even though that crystal orange juice squeezer is not exactly needed. This form of gift giving is nothing to do with you. The gifts are likely to be lavish and expensive but it is all about showing off and gaining fuel and admiration as opposed to buying someone what they actually want. Of course, any complaint or lack of appreciation will be met with us playing the victim.
  6. Recycling. You end up being given a gift which clearly was a gift to us which we did not want. In some examples we may have even left the gift tag on showing that it was for added reaction. We considered those lavender bath bombs we received to be a total insult so next door can now have them as a house warming gift. Even beyond this, we may even give you as a gift something you gave to us. Not only does this show us to cheapskates it also shows we do not think much of your gift. Fuel abounds.
  7. Proximate Fuel. We gain proximate fuel from witnessing the reaction of our victims to our manipulative gift giving. As you know, we like to cause a scene and what better way that doing so in person, at a party or an event.
  8. Thought Fuel. Gift giving allows a double whammy. We have the chance to gain proximate fuel when we hand the gift over and you unwrap it and we also contemplate your reaction when we are not there. Either siblings fighting over the gift, people expressing their hurt at a tasteless gift, a rubbish one or the wrong one, so we even gain fuel after the event.
  9. The Early Declaration. If we are being grandiose in our gift-giving you can expect to know about your gift on Facebook or similar platforms when we post pictures of it and tell the world what we have got you for your birthday. No surprises for you, but plenty of admiring fuel for us.
  10. What the Last One Got. We buy you a gift and we can see you are not happy with it, underwhelmed or even upset. Of course there will be no sympathy or consideration shown by us. All we will do is remark about what we have got you is bigger, better and more expensive than what the last primary source got and you ought to be grateful. This also works in reverse when we let slip that we did not get you something as good as what the last primary source received because you didn’t get a good birthday present for us (even though you will have done – the reality is no bar to our manipulations).
  11. The Last One Didn’t Appreciate My Gifts. If we sense that you are unhappy with our gift, we gain fuel, but we will also emotionally blackmail you into being please with it by telling you how mean the previous primary source was in that no matter what we bought him he never appreciated the gifts. Suddenly, you are gushing over the tickets to a local amateur dramatic performance of Macbeth, even though you hate plays.
  12. But Look What I Gave You! This is done for future manipulation. If you fail to do something in the future, fail to submit and do what we want, we will hark back (and do so repeatedly) to that marvellous, rare and expensive gift we once got you. As I mentioned above, you always end up paying for the gift in some way.
  13. The Target. The gift we have given you and one which you like and cherish is used in the future as a device to manipulate you and draw fuel form you. We threaten to break the gift or we do break it. We hide it or take it from you. After all, what is ours remains ours and what is yours is still ours anyway since we are entitled and do not recognize boundaries.

Gifts and the act of giving provide us with so many opportunities to draw fuel both positive and negative from people, bind people to us, control them and manipulate them.

What is your experience of the narcissist and gifts?

62 thoughts on “Christmas Is A Time For Giving

  1. K says:

    The narcissist does not want to resurrect a relationship with you; he only wants to resurrect a relationship with your fuel.

  2. Brenda,

    No stupid questions. Indeed, the answer give you confirmation to what you already knew. I can understand you asking. Emotional thinking vs Logical thinking. Takes practice, and asking the question here gives logic a back up. 😉

    Perse

  3. Brenda says:

    My ex-narc has tried to hoover me twice now in the past week.

    Attempt 1- “Can I please make up all the lying I did (still wont admit to the cheating) to you by taking to you to Disney World (he knows this is my favorite place) for 2 nights for Christmas ?? Please let me know so I can book soon.

    I ignored and then got

    Attempt 2-“Please contact me. Its an emergency and I have been in the hospital. I fell into a bonfire but I’m ok now but seriously depressed. I also have a Christmas gift I bought for you and I really want to give it to you so it doesn’t go to waste”

    Not once when we were dating did he buy me a gift. Do you think the Disney World trip would even HAPPEN if I said yes? He is unemployed and as far as I know broke. He said before we broke up that he would ask his parents for a trip to Disney World for us for his Christmas present (pretty pathetic since hes 29) so maybe thats how he’d fund it? Or would he just pretend he booked it to string me along and then make and excuse that it got cancelled by accident or some bullshit.

    And as for the 2nd attempt, do you think that he actually even got me a gift??? Or is this just probably an attempt to receive contact from me. I have been NC with him for 10 days now, I broke up with him 3 weeks ago.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      He may have purchased you a gift, he may not have, ultimately it is irrelevant because as you have identified it is all about establishing further contact.

      1. Brenda says:

        One more question for you Mr. Tudor. My narc ex has frequent hospital trips, literally 3 alone in the past 4 weeks. Uses these to hoover me and my roommate (his ex-best friend) … I have him blocked completely but he sends my roommate ER selfies, pictures of injuries (black eye-got jumped, random burns- fell into bonfire, etc) … we believe these are not really emergencies at all desperate attempts to get our sympathy. We also found out he has not been employed for years, although he told us he owned his own company and would pretend to work on his computer every day. Really, his dad was his financial supply giving him an allowance for years. He is 29. He has since been financially cut off from father because we exposed him to him. Does he sound more like a Lesser Narcissist or a Mid-Range? He is covert for sure.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Based on this information alone he is likely to be a Middle Lesser Victim Narcissist or a Lower Mid Range Victim Narcissist. More information through consultation would enable me to provide an accurate assessment.

    2. Narc Angel says:

      Brenda

      Come on now Brenda, you know the answer to both those questions. Even if it were true (and Im sure its not), are you really willing to sell yourself to go to the supposed “happiest place on Earth” with an abuser only to have it ruined by a follow-up excursion to Hell and chased by more abuse and self-hatred?

      You are worth more and better than that. Dont sell yourself for a pair of Mouse ears.

      1. Brenda says:

        Narc Angel,
        I am strictly No Contact with my ex narc. I didn’t even respond to his invite to Disney World… he is blocked, and sent those hoover attempts to my I didnt even realize he had. He is now blocked on there too. I was just curious about whether those things were possible to even be real or just attempts to lure me in and then give excuses when he couldnt produce them. I realize it was kind of a stupid question now

        1. Narc Angel says:

          Brenda
          It appeared to me that you were considering it but denying it to yourself. You are very early on in your separation from him and were not full contact if you were hoovered twice in the past week. If you were firm in your resolve the second hoover should not have got through nevermind the first. This tells me you were still open to hearing from him. I hope that you are TRULY no contact now (social media blocked and no peeking as well). Be honest with yourself-he only misses abusing you for his own needs. As HG said- his reasons or intent are irrelevant. Good luck.

        2. K says:

          Brenda
          When you break up (disengage) and start to learn about NPD, you have lots of questions and cognitive dissonance to deal with and it can be very confusing. I am very happy you are maintaining no contact. Unemployed, broke and asking his parents to fund a trip to Disney World is definitely pathetic.

  4. Narc Angel says:

    Houdini

    You did the right thing not wearing it, selling it, and going no contact. Well done. But how fun it would have been to hand it back to him and then wait til he spoke and say: Youre right, its defective-it cant shut you the fuck up either.

    Just my empath thought fuel kicking in.

    1. K says:

      That was hysterical, Narc Angel. I am enjoying a cup of tea and laughing right now.

  5. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

    My father gave me a necklace having his then girlfriend’s first name on it (I imagine he argued with her and she returned his gift)…just imagine; I was 14-15 yo, starving for his “love”/attention…I had it on my neck for months, only thinking that it was from him and nothing else mattered to me. Years after, he bragged to my mother that he bought for his woman and her daughter (not his!) beautiful gold earings (as presents). Of course we received nothing, but it was “our fault” as my mother had money to buy those kind of earings. So: if you have yourself money to buy a specific gift, it’s not considered a good gift by a narc, as he’s not receiving enough fuel out of that gesture, you won’t watch him as a “god on Earth” for it. I heard that same statement from my first boyfriend: “I gave her earings for her birthday-he was cheating on me with her- because you already had enough earings”, the only one my father met and told me “he is not acceptable because I saw his father and mother: she only breathes when allowed, I don’t want this for my daughter!” I think he recognized “his kind”…Best advice he gave me as a father!

  6. Houdini says:

    Mine bought me a promise ring for Xmas and three days later told me he bought it to “shut me the fuck up”. He complained that it didn’t work. Lol. He was right. I sold it. Never wore it once. Now I’ve given him the gift of no contact.
    Question HG – Do you feel gratitude? If so, what are you grateful for? Have you done an article/blog on this? This is a “how to spot a narcissist” question for me. Thank you for your help.
    Merry Christmas! 🎁

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is entitlement Houdini, borne out of expectation.

  7. littlebit says:

    My first Christmas with ex husband Narc he did this whole big production of the 12 gifts of Christmas, giving me a present each day as I was too special to only have 1 day of gifts. (Vom!) I was utterly charmed by this, even if the quality of gifts got more and more questionable. Then he “ran out of ideas” on the 7th day and the concept was dropped!

  8. Bubbles🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,

    I don’t believe narcissists know the true meaning of “giving” !

    However, you’re articles are definite eye openers and contain fabulous learning skills and brilliant advice.

    Thankyou for continuing to empower us. You’re the man!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are correct in all your three sentences.

      1. Bibi says:

        With one grammar exception. Hence why HG wrote out, ‘You are.’

        Note to all: Please don’t butcher my English language. Apostrophes are magic. Please use them properly.

        And yes, it is every bit as mine as those from the UK.

  9. Laura says:

    Elderly female narc bought a high end set of golf clubs for her 2nd husband who was an avid golfer. According to Narc the golf set was hidden in the secure garage. A week before Christmas she claimed they had been stolen. Narc’s story was that someone must have seen the golf set when the garage door was briefly open, and came back later to steal them. She filed a police report. Of course the normal reaction of being incensed and anxious from  the audacity of someone stealing from her was totally absent from the Narc. A family member found out years  later on  that narc actually sold the clubs on to someone else, got extra spending money from the husband in lieu of the theft and got the insurance payout as well. She  was quite flushed with money.  Spoilt his Christmas as he had to sort out the insurance claim.  It also added to her image for being such a thoughtful and expensive gift giver. Narc  was also smart enough not to pull the same swindle again.

    The same elderly narc would deliberately isolate the husband from certain relatives at Christmas. She never hosted Christmas but she   would  pointedly ask the Christmas dinner host  if husband’s   relative  xyz or abc  would be attending.   If these relatives  were attending,  narc would declare that she couldn’t  come because of the dreadful way they had  treated her, and how uncomfortable they always made  her feel whenever they were present.
      One year one  of her husband’s daughter in laws, who I shall call Sharon,  was spending an extensive time in  hospital doing physical rehabilitation from a nasty horse riding accident. Unbeknownst to Sharon, narc was working behind the scenes while she was in hospital  interfering,  manipulating, laying down the law  and seeking to control all of Sharon’s family.
    The medical and physio staff gave Sharon permission to be allowed out of hospital for Christmas Day to visit her family. Sharon just wanted to spend Christmas with her relatives which meant an 7 hour round day trip interstate and started making plans. The female Narc suddenly decided she would  host Christmas at her place for the first time ever. Narc kept trying to deter Sharon and her family from doing the long Christmas day trip. Narc kept coming up with all sorts of lame reasons on how it would not be good for Sharon’s  health and the hospital staff would not want to go. Narc also tried to manipulate and dissuade all of Sharon’s family on agreeing to the road trip.
    Sharon stuck to her guns and  was adamant about attending her family Christmas function interstate.
    Prior to Christmas, narc gave Sharon her Christmas  gift saying it was for the Christmas day trip. It was a pack of  paper toilet seat covers to be used on public toilet seats. It would have cost all of $2 from the local supermarket. Given the type and extent  of Sharon’s  hand injuries with plaster and splints, hygienic toilet seat covers were the least of Sharon’s worries. The packet was promptly binned.
    In the months  following Christmas, the  Narc  frequently sought to tell Sharon how useful she thought the gift was for the road trip.
    No doubt it was a revenge/rubbish gift for Sharon for declining the Narc’s Christmas  invitation, or for getting so much attention due the accident.  Sharon of course avoided the topic of the toilet seat covers and kept telling Narc she had the best time that Christmas. No doubt it was because it was narc free!!
    Insights please HG. What would this Narc’s  reasons be for her to  suddenly insist on hosting Christmas?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Fuel, control, facade management.

      1. Laura says:

        Thanks

  10. S says:

    HG question- because I still see my narc because of children (short burts and not often) I wondered, I’m not planning on getting him anything for the first time ever but I am worried he will take that out on the kids when he sees them for Christmas and realizes since I won’t be there he can’t punish me for it but will he punish the kids for my neglect of him? My question I guess would be should I get him something even small so my kids can have a chance of enjoying their afternoon with him on Christmas? Or will that matter? ( he’s a greater as you know )

    Thanks!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is a potential risk that he will seek to draw fuel from them if you wound him and he has no way of drawing fuel from you. You may therefore wish to purchase him something purely for the purposes of trying to protect your children, although it is not guaranteed to work.

  11. K says:

    I dubbed 2014 the year of the Three Christmas Cunts, after my MMRN’s mother, niece and sister. I mailed his sister’s gifts back to her and her narc husband with a nasty note telling them I didn’t want them and It caused a BIG todo. Oops! Too fucking bad. They were all a bunch a fat-fucking-smelly-twats anyway and I hated them. That is when I started to really suppress my empath traits for my lesser narc traits.

    1. Sniglet says:

      You have balls, K. Did they contact you after that with a lovely Christmas carol?

      1. K says:

        Sniglet
        For three days I got baleful glares and cold fury and my MMRN asked why I returned the gifts. HIs sister and I were having a gift war from the year before. I told my MMRN that it was his job to take care of his sister and BIL regarding the gift situation and he didn’t, so I took matters into my own hands and mailed them back to her and her husband. Everybody was so mad, It was fucking awesome.

        Gift war 2013: I told his nasty sister to stop buying me gifts and she kept buying them.

  12. Just Me says:

    I almost bought a present for him this year. Had it in my hands and was headed for the check out…. telling myself it would be from the kids. My “hell no” did kick in, but my default settings scare me.

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      Just Me— My “hell no” did kick in, but my default settings scare me.

      ^ wish “hell no” was default. my innate ones scare me too. perhaps with time and practice it reverses/

  13. Catherine says:

    He lavished me with expensive gifts our first year together and intermittently from time to time onwards (although not necessarily gifts that suited me in size or taste; like he’d buy anything as long as it was expensive enough). Then he started to forget buying me a gift for Christmas or my birthday, but I really didn’t care. I’d rather receive and give gifts to celebrate each other whenever that felt right; not on any given day. I got LOTS of disgusting candy for my birthday last time.

    I’d like like tickets to the local amateur dramatic performance of Macbeth!

  14. DebbieWolf says:

    ‘hideous statue of what is meant to be two dolphins in the foam but looks more like a frothing Quasimodo,’
    😁😂😄😅
    This completely cracked me up!

    1. Peaceful says:

      DebbieWolf, thank you so much. There is life after narcissistic abuse. Reading how their kind mirror our love, and we’re falling in love with ourselves hit home for me. I feel like Dorothy.. clicking her heals together. There’s no place like Home. The love I’ve been searching for all my life was always right here the entire time. What a journey it’s been. I’m finally free from my childhood abusers and the abusers I allowed to continue that abuse. Every day, and every encounter is an adventure now. I look forward to growing, learning, and developing into joy, love and limitless possibilities. I’ve learned so much here from reading HG and everyone’s comments. This Blog should calculate as college credits.
      I wish you peace as well, always.
      Peaceful.

      1. DebbieWolf says:

        Thankyou Peaceful 🌹

  15. Peaceful says:

    Ugh…. Christmas with a narcissist…. the worst event of the year… Our first Christmas together was heaven… so many wonderful gifts! Diamond earrings, wine aerator, large amount gift cards, big cash! and lots of thoughtful items… I remember I gave him a beautiful Tissot watch among other things… the 2nd Christmas… also wonderful… the 3rd Christmas was CANCELLED! Just days before. He accused me of blowing the Conductor and the entire Orchestra of a Nutcracker run I was playing with the State Ballet Co. OMG! I was DEVASTATED! For the following 2 years it was very tenuous to ensure this didn’t happen again.

    This is my first narc free Christmas in 6 years, and wowee, it sure feels good!

    HG, today, thanks to you, I’m celebrating 6 months NC. I got out and stayed out with your help. 6 months ago today I first read Why Does He Blow Hot and Cold
    https://narcsite.com/?s=why+does+he+blow+hot+and+cold

    I’ve read every article you’ve written since. And went back into your archives! Through our consultation you helped me develop a plan to successfully get my things back from the Florida home, I’ve read many of your books including: Revenge, Fuel, Sitting Target, Exorcism, Outnumbered, Danger, Black Hole and Escape. All incredibly enlightening and life altering. Discovering the truth behind the mind fuckery and abuse was so painful at first. But now I’m educated and empowered.

    Through your teachings I’ve learned how to handle my narc ex husband with much more ease and much less angst. I can spot the narcs at my work like 1,2,3. I’ve eliminated my narc friends.

    I recommend your Blog, Videos and books to everyone I encounter who is need of enlightenment. I realize you are who you are, but to me you are absolutely wonderful! Thank you so much for all your writings and sharing what you do to get us away from the abuse. I am living an authentic life for the first time in my life thanks to you. Facing my initial wounding from my childhood narcs that made me a perfect candidate for my past narcs to continue that abuse was extremely hard and painful. Facing that head on and having lifted that veil was the best thing that ever happened to me. Going forward is a great, fun and empowered adventure.

    HG, I wish you peace. For you have given me the knowledge and power to find mine. I will be forever grateful.
    Peaceful.

    1. DebbieWolf says:

      Peaceful

      I really like your comment.
      A great accolade and testimony.
      It shows how there is ‘life after love’!
      Thanks for sharing that.
      So pleased for you.
      May you keep peace of mind and heart now, at Christmastime and beyond.😇
      DebbieWolf.

    2. K says:

      Peaceful
      Your comment was awesome and made me smile. I am so happy for you!

      1. Peaceful says:

        Thank you K. It’s very kind of you to say. You and all the followers here are contributors to my enlightenment and development. So… thank you! A year ago, I would never imagine I’d be where I am today.
        Peaceful.

    3. Tappan Zee says:

      YAY PEACEFUL— the details are not the same but the plot twist is. i get it and second your emotion. happy to hear your progress. and that the shit show curtain closed.

      1. Peaceful says:

        Thank you so much Tappan Zee! Indeed, the curtain came down 🙂
        It still blows my mind how all our stories are basically the same…
        Cheers to you!

    4. Narc Angel says:

      Peaceful

      Well done. Enjoy your Christmas.

      1. Peaceful says:

        Thank you Narc Angel! Wishing you a wonderful, narc Free Christmas as well.

    5. Blank says:

      So happy for you Peaceful. Have a wonderful Christmas!

      1. Peaceful says:

        Thank you Blank. A very wonderful Christmas to you as well!

      2. Blank says:

        Thanks Peaceful x

  16. Maddox says:

    He would go out to get us coffee, lovely gesture right? Except, mine would always be loaded with sugar despite his awareness of how much I dislike the taste. On the most notable occasion, my gift disappeared suddenly before he left to spend the weekend with his “family” and he insisted that someone must have broken into our house and taken it, without touching any of the valuable things around it.
    It’s been almost exactly a year since I caught him red handed being his sociopathic self and precipitated my discard as well as the incredible bullshit that flowed along with it. My holiday season was a complete write off last year.
    However, THIS year my life has honestly never looked better. Meanwhile, James began a sharp downward trajectory right around the time he left, and is currently sitting in prison waiting on what will likely be a lengthy sentence. That gift is priceless!!

    1. K says:

      Prison, now that is an epic gift.

      1. Maddox says:

        Indeed! Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy…

  17. S N I G L E T says:

    My gifts are tailored to each person’s needs and wants. It takes time and effort to search and find what I perceive it to be the appropriate gift. And it makes me feel good when I see their smile of appreciation, but I want nothing in return. I don’t give gifts to create an obligation. Infact I don’t want a gift at all. I often tell people not to buy me gifts because secretly I know they are most of the time useless to me and they are simply wasting their money. Like everybody I have my own preferences in what would be a good gift and nobody knows me well enough to select one I will truly cherish (except my close family and even they sometimes hit and miss). Looking back I have given gifts to my exes that were too extravagant and never received the same in return. It didn’t matter at the time because I was in love. Over time each ex became complacent and stopped putting in the effort in creating special moments, being caring and considerate while I kept going at the same level or higher. They were comfortable while to me they turned into my ball and chain. I know better and only a very select few receive special attention from me these days. I will not spend any more money, time and effort on incompetent lazy men – 2 were MRNs. The trick not one of them realised was that for each good effort they made (gift or no gift) they would receive double or triple in return from me as a reward in various ways. Complacency does not pay off with me, and eventually they lost out. The🔚.

    1. K says:

      S N I G L E T
      I read your comment on “ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FUEL”, as well as, the one here and I think I want to crash your holiday festivities. They sound fabulous.

      1. Sniglet says:

        K – the more the merrier. We would have much fun.

        1. K says:

          Sniglet
          “walks in the snow, a horse ride in the snow or a snow fight. A kiss under the mistletoe.” God damn! I want that.

          P.S. My MMRN’s sister & BIL never contacted me directly and she ended up moving to Canada for new supply (she ensnared online) not too long after xmas. Sorry Narc Angel, you have my deepest sympathy. She is ghastly.

          1. Narc Angel says:

            K

            Perhaps we are closer than you know. My BiL brought an American here. She was ghastly and didnt last long and we shipped her back. She may be baaaaack and shopping for your gift presently.

          2. K says:

            Narc Angel
            God I hope not! Last I heard, she was applying for citizenship. I pity the man, as well as, you and all Canadians.

    2. Tappan Zee says:

      S N I G L E T — i like the new all caps nicely spaced you. and your posts are precious:)

      1. Sniglet says:

        Haha thanks Tappan Zee. I enjoy reading your insightful posts too. Keep on posting. You add to the spice of this site! 🙂

  18. Isabella says:

    A massage envy gift card for Christmas and for my birthday nothing.

  19. BekaM says:

    My ex was never a good gift giver. I’m not materialistic, so I never minded. What I really wanted was his love, attention, and time. One time, I got a huge crush on Clay Aiken, from American Idol, and my ex bought me his CD, which made me so happy and gave him so much fuel as well as placing my attention and appreciation back onto him. My least good gift was a cheap tin heart pendant that had MOM in it, the kind a small child would give you, for Mother’s day.

  20. Bibi says:

    I seem to be seeing flecks of what appears to be snow materializing within the photo of this article.

    I don’t have any narcissist gift stories, just grandma gift stories. Grandma wasn’t a narcissist. But, it’s still funny.

    When I was 17 I read Anna Karenina for the first time. I was in an advanced literature course and we covered Ibsen, Kafka, Wilde. The year before that, at 16, I’d read The Grapes of Wrath in 2 days.

    You see, I was hot shit. Then, grandma, who through the grapevine learned I enjoyed reading, sent me a series of books called The Babysitter’s Club. A series meant for dim-witted 12 year olds.

    I was SO insulted! My mom reassured me that she just didn’t know better. She meant well, but while hilarious now, at the time I felt like I’d might as well have been given a lobster bib.

    I like butterflies. I’d welcome a book on that.

    1. K says:

      Bibi
      The Babysitter’s Club. A series meant for dim-witted 12 year olds.
      That made me laugh! Thank you so much for that. What a riot.

    2. RJ says:

      Good to know you see the snow too. At first I thought “I’m seeing stars, am I gonna pass out or something?” It was showing up in the article sections as well. My wife reads like that too.I think she could have read the babysitter’s club at five. Her grandmother used to make her recite verses to company at that age.

  21. Dee says:

    My experience with gifts from my ex Narc was I never got any gifts for any reason. Not even a birthday card

  22. Georgia Blanchard says:

    In four years I have not received one gift.

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