What Causes A Hoover – Part One



There are numerous factors which govern whether we will attempt to hoover you post-escape or post-discard. Some of these factors determine the style of the hoover, whether it will be malign or benign and also how often the attempts will be made. There are several considerations which have a material impact on whether a hoover will occur and one of the most significant ones is the sphere of influence and your relationship to it.

Imagine if you will, me. Now I know you do this often as your guilty little secret but we haven’t got time for that at the moment. Here I am sat at home, or in the office, or walking between bars. Let us take an instance of me being in a bar. What is my sphere of influence? To be accurate there are actually several. They vary in applicability and range. The first is the physically proximate sphere, namely those who are within earshot. That is the closest sphere of influence and unsurprisingly the most dangerous for you. It is within this sphere of influence when the full range of charismatic and magnetic charms can be deployed in order to pull you back into my influence. Anybody who I can speak to or listen to, be sat with, or dine with, stand next to or be near is in this sphere of influence.

The second sphere is the eye line sphere. This is the sphere where I can see you or you can see me. We may be across the street, on the other side of a field, up in an office, walking across a plaza, across from you on the piste. If we can see you or you can see us, then you are in this sphere. I may not be able to communicate with you other than to shout or wave but it remains a sphere of influence. Accordingly, this is why when we seek to hoover somebody we may not be able to speak directly with them but we can position ourselves stood across from your house on the other side of the street or waiting across the square from where you leave work.

The third sphere of influence is our reach through our coterie and our lieutenants. Whether these people are our friends (inner or outer circle), colleagues, minions or family, if they operate as our lieutenants or our coterie they form part of a sphere of influence. If you speak to these people (therefore operate in their first sphere) or they see you or you see them (therefore in the second sphere) you are caught within my third sphere of influence. Rest assured that news of your appearance in the spheres of my lieutenants and my coterie will be relayed to me. This may be in person, by telephone, text or e-mail message, but the news will reach me. This also allows me to send information to you by proxy as my coterie and lieutenants tells you about what I am doing, who I am with and so on and so forth.

The fourth sphere of influence is our reach through the telephone. I do not mean by text messages or FB messenger but actually speaking on the telephone. Whilst we may be thousands of miles from you, unseen and not physically proximate at all, the fact you are speaking to us allows us to extend our reach in an effective way through the use of the telephone. Facetime and Skype and similar applications fall within this sphere as well.

Next there is the fifth sphere of influence which manifests through the sending of text messages, e-mails, letters, notes wrapped around bricks thrown through your window, smoke signals etc. There is no actual speaking to one another. There is no third party involved. There is no physical proximity. This is the fifth sphere.

Finally, there is the sixth sphere of influence which is my mind. You may pop up in my mind for no reason whatsoever. It might be I hear a song which reminds me of you or I walk past where you used to live and I reminded of you. In all other respects I have deleted you from my mind post discard or post escape but then something happens, either triggered by something or just a random recall and there you are, in my mind and in my thoughts and therefore you have entered the sixth sphere of influence.

Following your escape or your discard we will operate all five of these spheres in an attempt to hoover you. Once you appear in any or all of these spheres of influence this will encourage us to effect a hoover (bearing in mind other factors as well which I will detail on a separate occasion). Thus if you have been effecting no contact and then I see you on a bus travelling along the high street, you have entered my second sphere of influence. You have come to my attention. You are on my radar. This may cause me to wave at you and get your attention or run along the road to catch up with the bus and board it so I can bring you into my first sphere. I may be minded then to make efforts to contact you in some other fashion, but the fact you have sailed close to me, appeared in my sphere does two things.

One, it alerts me to you. I may have been distracted with other sources of fuel but you entering my sphere of influence makes you game for a hoover.

Two, it awakens the mixture in you, that addictive quality that we imbue in you through our nefarious seduction of you, which then causes various memories to awaken inside of you, thoughts and feelings which make you vulnerable to our overtures once again.

Thus we will then look to hoover you. We are reminded of you and this calls into mind the potent hoover fuel that is on offer. Secondly you are at a heightened risk of the hoover succeeding because of the effects of the mixture that lurks inside of you, placed there by us some time ago when we seduced you.

Sometimes we seek to draw you into our sphere of influence. If we wait around outside where we know you work, we are trying to draw you into our sphere of influence. More often however it is you that enters our sphere of influence, either deliberately or inadvertently.

For example, you may decide you need to return some of our property and you call round to drop it off. You have entered our first sphere of influence through this act and you will be hoovered. Alternatively, it is late at night and we are on your mind (but you are not on ours) and you cannot help but send a text asking us how we are doing. By doing this you have entered our fifth sphere of influence. Any step or act which brings you to our attention, whether in person, on the ‘phone, through others or through technology is you entering our sphere of influence and triggering a likely hoover.

You of course can influence how many of these spheres of influence operate with regard to you. Stay out of our way and ensure that we do not know where to find you and you will prevent spheres one and two from working. Ensure that you are never mentioned to our friends and that you avoid any contact with those who are our lieutenants and our coterie and you destroy the third sphere. Avoid that temptation to ring us and you destroy the fourth. Ensure you never message us, do not send e-mails or even an application request and the fifth sphere is countered. The only one which you have no influence over is the sixth sphere. You may just pop into our minds from time to time and there is nothing that you can do about that. You should draw some slight comfort however from the fact that post escape and post discard, if you have survived the initial grand hoover then there you will not pop into our minds that often. We will have eradicated you from our mind and be focusing on alternative sources of fuel. There remains a risk of a hoover (that is why we never truly go away) because of this sixth sphere of influence, but the risk is reduced. Liken the spheres to zones which if you stay out of you do not alert us to your presence and do not activate the mixture. Step inside one and you trigger the risk of a hoover for the reasons outlined above. Your aim to ensure that you remain free of post-discard and post-escape hoovers is to know these spheres of influence exist and to stay away from them. Of course we make it harder than you think to do so, but that is a different matter for discussion.

20 thoughts on “What Causes A Hoover – Part One

  1. Cyn says:

    I escaped from my Greater, 4 times in 2017. He’s hoovered every single time. The time between my escape and his hoover has ranged from 2 weeks to 3 months. I’ve gone NC, changed my phone #, blocked him from all my social media, my email and he would still find ways to creep in. Either with false email accounts or false social media accounts. Every time he’s hoovered, its been in the 6th sphere influence. I’ve escaped for the last time and have again gone NC, same as always. I am so petrified after reading this knowing that the 6th sphere is the most difficult to reach, and yet that has always been how his hoover begins.

  2. Medusa says:

    I feel sad … he got hoover me, I’m in the golden period, and he feels so fake, I know what he wants from me ..

    1. Blank says:

      I heard golden periods are fantastic! So.. enjoy!

  3. Patricia says:

    I received a message from a different email and after months of no contact I actually responded, even told him he was a narcissist. As if I have learned nothing here !! I can only hope I was non fueling in my responses. I sorta hate myself right now…

  4. Medusa says:

    Two weeks of intense aspiration … I am alone in the sixth sphere … I escaped when he did not expect it.

    how difficult it is to not answer your messages and calls … it makes me feel infinitely guilty. How can I cope with these attempts to hoover HG?…
    I feel so sad

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There should be no messages and calls getting through Medusa so you would not have the problem of resisting them. Get them blocked.

  5. bw says:

    HG – Does hoovering happen like:

    Narc -to (Narc friend -to- targets family member) to- target?

    Seems like to many steps for a hoover.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Feasibly it could occur that way but it i less likely as too many parts in the chain may lead to it failing.

      1. bw says:

        Perhaps because all other paths are blocked?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Valid observation BW.

  6. Rae Daily says:

    its like a sick feeling that never goes away, I hope and pray he will never come back but he always does!! UGH!!

  7. Restored Heart says:

    While our spheres still cross daily in other areas of life, earlier this year the Greater moved to a new suburb in his current state. There are 3 sections to his new spot. One section has the same name as my daughter so every time he looks out off his balcony there it (she) is. Not to mention all the signage in the area. Too funny…

  8. A Jo says:

    If we have children with you, we will forever be in these spheres. In one way or another, we will have to communicate. What then?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The existence of children will, when they are young, lead to you entering a sphere of influence. This of course does not necessarily mean a hoover will occur because the Hoover Execution Criteria has to be met.
      If you have to communicate with the narcissist re children, see The Wrong No Contact (and comments) and Save The Children.

  9. Gabrielle says:

    HG, a question on where something not mentioned falls into a sphere…
    If the narcissist still follows you on social media and keeps tabs on/sees your posts, pictures, etc as he scrolls through….Does this qualify for as a sphere of influence? Would it be fifth since he is watching Your social media activity or sixth sphere because he may think of you while scrolling through social media? Or is that something different?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is the sixth sphere Gabrielle.

  10. anintrovertedmind says:

    My nhusband told me before he left the country that he is running away and chase the world wherever the money takes him and will not work on the issue/marriage. His ability to access Facebook and Instagram through direct connection or through his friends, does this constituent being in the 3rd or 5th sphere?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Do you mean he looks at your FB directly or through his friend’s profiles? If his friend spoke about your FB profile to him, that is the third sphere. If he just looks at your profile, you are entering his mind and that is the sixth sphere.

  11. Holly Mead says:

    In order to achieve all these “contrasts”, doesn’t a narcissist suffer extreme exhaustion?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not when well fuelled

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.