The Errors of the Ignorant – No. 6

YOU NEED TOBROADENYOUR SEXUALHORIZONS.GET THAT SPARKBACK.

At the outset, the sex was off the charts. You would not describe yourself as promiscuous but neither have you lived as a nun. You have had numerous, if not extensive sexual partners and you know what works for you and you know what does not and it certainly worked with us. Now, of course not all of our kind are sexual Olympians, dedicated sexperts who are well-versed in the art of orgasmic sexual congress. You can discount the Victim Narcissist from such attainment straight away. Cerebrals, well they will talk a good game and will perform reasonably well, but as soon as there is no need to maintain, then they will not, but it would not be described as earth-shattering. Not all Somatics and Elites are necessarily going to make the world move, but most do and if you have been ensnared by one of these cadres then sex was sensational.

Then it wasn’t.

There is no interest shown in having sex with you or if there is, it is perfunctory and all about our needs and yours are just ignored, which is most bewildering after the triple A performances you once received.

Sex just isn’t the same. Not at all. It has gone off the boil and then frozen. The bedroom is an icy wilderness but oddly we are now ensconced in our bolthole until late at night. Some snooping reveals an extensive porn browsing history taking in all manner of different sexual tastes. You hear us make comments about other women or men (dependent on orientation) and people who appear on television or films are given an appraisal in terms of sexual appeal and what we would like to do with them. The libido appears alive and well. Just not with you.

You raise this turn of events with a confidante and explain how once it was all nosebleed inducing orgasms, hijinks from the chandeliers and extensive couplings through the night. You then details how you are lucky if you get a kiss. You offer that there appears to be no loss of interest in sex per se from us, our browser history confirms this, but there is clearly a loss of interest in engaging in sexual congress with you. Whoever it is you have turned to nods in understanding and pronounces that the way to get things back on track is for you to broaden your sexual horizons and this will put the spark back in to the relationship.

No it will not.

When sex is removed from the equation it is not the consequence of familiarity with the same body and the same techniques deployed that might affect the sexual activity of a healthy couple. It is not the fact that one or both parties is tired, stressed, worried the children will walk in, not feeling as attractive because they have gained weight/not had chance to shower/needs to engage in some pubic topiary etc. The sex has not dwindled through this common reasons which are symptomatic of a long-lasting relationship. No, the sex has been removed because it is not a manifestation of affection or love from us, but it is a weapon.

Giving you great sex is a weapon.

Removing that great sex is a weapon.

It is done to gain fuel and to control you.

Accordingly, your devaluation has occurred because your fuel is stale/not frequent enough/not copious enough and thus sex is withdrawn to provoke a reaction from you so you give us negative fuel.

If you try harder to engage with us sexually, if you suggest different activities be it role-playing, watching porn together, using different techniques, dressing up, introducing some kinks and so forth as part of this attempt to broaden your sexual horizons and thus introduce the spark into the relationship again this is what will happen.

  1. You signal to us that our withdrawal of sexual interest has really begun to have an impact. All we will then do is decide to maintain it. So no matter how much new and desirable lingerie you wear, no matter if you have chosen to wear your ankles behind your ears rather than the Chanel, no matter how hard you try to be seductive and alluring it will be thrown in your face for the purposes of extending your devaluation and your provision of negative fuel.
  2. You will also open yourself up to the exploitation of your now more liberal attitude. We will not accept what you have suggested but instead push it further with a view to finding some kind of sexual activity which we know you do not want to engage in but your desperation to please and to try will mean that you will go along with it. Dependent on your threshold, this might mean a threesome, group sex, water sports, rough sex, humiliation games, sex in public places, sex on camera to be broadcast across the internet and much more besides. Your reluctant agreement to engage in this will be seized on and you will be subjected to a range of unpleasant sexual behaviours which we will revel in forcing you into for the purposes of drawing negative fuel from you all done with the comment “You said you wanted to try something new.”
  3. We will see this as a green light to open up further fuel lines by getting your approval to allow other people into our sexual activities, forcing you to sleep with other people as we watch, or allowing us to plough a furrow elsewhere and then tell you about it. This will all be done to enable us to gain fuel from these Intimate Partner Secondary Sources and/or Intimate Partner Tertiary Sources and to draw further negative fuel from you because of your reaction to this. You will go along with it but because of your empathic traits which cater to decency, honesty and fidelity, your reaction will vary from quiet dismay to out and out horror at what we have been doing and what we expect you to do.

Offering to broaden your sexual horizons with our kind is to open yourself up to further abuse through the maintenance of the sexual famine and/or the imposition of unpleasant and unsavoury sexual activities as a consequence of our need for fuel and also the maintenance of control over you. Sex, owing to its relationship to love and intimacy for many people of an empathic nature, means it is  weapon ripe for exploitation by us. Where you receive the erroneous advice of the ignorant it will only result in further abuse and hurt for you.

To understand in detail the attitude of the narcissist to sex, Sex and the Narcissist is a fascinating insight into the sexual dynamic between narcissist and victim.

UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sex-Narcissist-H-G-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01B8NKS4A

US http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01B8NKS4A

CAN http://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B01B8NKS4A

AUS  http://www.amazon.com.au/gp/product/B01B8NKS4A

 

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11 thoughts on “The Errors of the Ignorant – No. 6”

  1. I’m much more aware of narcissists these days, but I don’t want to become paranoid, so I would like to verify something with you, if you don’t mind HG.

    A man wrote on a forum that his girlfriend came by his house to break off their relationship and it wasn’t the first time she did that. He said it happened all the time, because they had a push-pull relationship.

    When she was putting her coat on and was heading for the door to go home he grabbed her by her ponytail and made her give him a blowjob. She complied. He saw nothing wrong with that and said that she liked to be led by him.

    I saw some big red flags though and I suspect he is a narcissist, because he had no respect whatsoever for the fact that she came by to break up with him for the X-th time (and there must be a good reason too for her to break it off again and again) and he basically forced her to do a (at that moment) degrading sexual act for him.

    What do you think? Could this be a narcissist or is he just a jerk?

  2. So one would have to do all those sexual things to keep the narcissist? And if you don’t you are out? The last couple of times we were intimate. He was kinda careful with me like he wanted to be rough. But he couldn’t cause he kinda didn’t want to hurt me

  3. Totally agree it doeant matter what you do if the narcissist has you in devaluation it wont sway their sexual interest towards you again until they decide they want you that way.
    Ive learned thru my marriage and thru my narcissist that worthwhile sex is sex that is given by both people freely. If you have to amp up the sexual appeal then its not sex you want to have. You shouldnt have to persuade someone to desire you sexually. I did that for years in my marriage and gave up. The chemistry wasnt there and there was no use trying to make something work that wasnt working.
    My narc and i have clicked from day one sexually. Hes very in tune with what i like and i am with his likes. Weve always made it a priority to be intimate regularly except this past year where shelving has occured on and off. It was very perplexing and still is to some degree when it happens but ive learned to go with the flow and i never push sex if i feel im in the shelf stage bc id rather not have sex than have sex i had to coerce. That being said ive withdrew parts of our intimacy we originally shared as a result of being shelved in the past. I dont go that extra mile bc he hasnt this past year. Hes still an incredible lover when were in our intimate moments but the fact i know hes shelved me in the past has put a damper on the extent of my pleasing him sexually. Its worked the reverse on me.
    I definitely wont go out of my way to please someone if they are devaluing me and that goes for nonsexual situations as well.

  4. The topiary comment was funny he refused to have sex with me one time because I had one tenth of a millimeter of regrowth stupid bastard.my question is will a narc actually refuse sex with a women he’s still attracted to just to get negative fuel from her

  5. I have written to the Mass. Dept. of Public Health, Harvard Dept. of Public health, as well as, Dr. John Gunderson at McClean Hospital, Belmont, Massachusetts. Dr. Gunderson liked what I wrote and he is forwarding my e-mail to a team that is being formed to deal with unawareness and stigma surrounding NPD in the hopes that they will meet with me to form a mutually beneficial collaborative.

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