A Stolen Love

a-stolen-love

Our victims have many things in common. Those shared traits are why they are chosen and why they become subjected to our incessant manipulations. The evidence of considerable empathic traits is of course one of the pre-requisites to gaining the attention of the narcissist. Exhibit a tendency to care, an ability to see another person’s point of view and a desire to help and you are issuing a neon-lit “Come and get me” to our kind. Your high-scoring on the empathic scale is naturally of considerable value to us. There is, however, another core principle that you all share which is irresistibly attractive to us. This is your devotion to love. You believe in love, you are advocates of the act of loving, you give love and (although not always) you want to be loved in return. Love is all you need, love conquers all and love is a many splendored thing. Love matters. You see that the world can and will be a better place if more love is exhibited. You love with a depth that is beyond many people. You truly give your all. Your love is perfect, selfless and based on a deep-seated notion that loving someone is the best and most wonderful thing one person can do for another. Such noble and laudable sentiments. Your status as a devotee to love means that you will strive to maintain that love once it has been gained. Love may give the appearance of having departed but you know, you believe, you always believe that it can be found and resurrected. That which has become dulled and blunted will be polished and returned to sharpness. That beautiful golden glow will shine again and you are the person to make it happen. You are the healer and the fixer. That which is broken shall be mended by the application of your burgeoning heart. You are a disciple of love and as such there is nothing you can do but act in accordance with the principles of loving. It is second nature to you. You are so full of love you must find ways of allowing it to manifest in the world and of course the pinnacle of doing so is to find that special someone. You want to find the one so that all of this marvellous love can find its true home. You are compelled to find your soul mate, your life partner and your best friend. Only then can your obligation to provide this amazing love be fulfilled and we thank you for being this way. On a daily basis we give thanks that you delicious and beautiful empathic individuals are committed to the promotion, promulgation and practice of love.

We come with the appearance of being that one special person who you can lay all your love upon. That person who will readily accept all of the love you have to offer and we will return it. Some of you would happily give this love in order to ensure there is an elated recipient and amazingly it would not matter to you whether that love was returned or not. Your sacrificial nature is stunning yet even more welcome. We are of course content to reflect your love in order to bring about yet more from you. We understand the transaction and we are happy to oblige because we are giving you absolutely nothing. We have come to take. We have descended on you ready to strip you of every ounce of love that you can provide. We will slurp it from you, nibble it from your straining frame and gulp it down as we devour your love. We will take it away from you time and time again. Do not be mistaken and think that you are providing this love based on a reality. You are doing so on a false premise. You have been conned into giving this love to us because we make you think we are the very thing you want when in reality we are anything but. We are fraudsters and we have come to take your love. If you knew what we truly were you would not offer your perfect love to us but we want it. We want it so much and we always take it. We make you unknown martyrs to the provision of love. We come without warning even though we appear with an explosion, all of it aimed to distract and misdirect so that we may pilfer your love. Our thieving knows no limits or bounds as we take what does not belong to us and use it for our own warped purposes. We keep on stealing your love until you are left spent and wretched, sat amidst the ruins of the relationship which once seemed impregnable and infinite and now is little more than ash streaked across blunted stone. We gorge on your love, gluttons that feed at the banqueting table as you slowly realise that the sumptuous love we appeared to return to you is in fact empty, a puff of air and without any substance. Yet this realisation comes far too late for by then the damage is done. Not only have we helped ourselves to all of your love we have, invariably ripped away and stolen your capacity for further love. Once you finally extricate yourself from our grip and eventually make sense of what has happened to you, even though it may take some considerable time, how often have your kind uttered the sentence,

“I do not think I will ever love any again, how can I after that?”

Words similar to such a question are regularly uttered by those who have been sucked into our malevolent maelstrom. We are the love thieves. We come and take the love to which we are not entitled but we are not done with that. Oh no. We rip out your heart in order to leave you so bereft that you can never love again. We steal your love. We are the love thieves of your past, your present and your future love.

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25 thoughts on “A Stolen Love”

  1. This was amazing. Your blogs have helped me understand so much more about what has happened to me, but this article really changed my perspective like nothing else I’ve read.

    Thanks HG. I wish you further success with this site.

  2. Love never dies!
    Three narcs during my life, what that illustrates itself? None of them was able to complete that task of stealing future ability to love. The spell and trauma lasts for some time, of course… but never lasts forever! Love comes again – love to normals, to narcs… )) The first one even said he will be the only one whom I will remember in 5, 10, 15 years. Wrong hopes, of course: 18 years now passed from that time, so many loves of different shapes was happened…

    The last one even strengthen the power of love in me. Paradox, but yes.
    He was a heart awakener. I loved all the world and all the people with him… And now it still lasts in some ways, when he have long time gone from my life.
    I can not hate him. He deserves all the loves he has. He works so hard to gain them…

  3. Don’t stop….believennnnnn….hold on to that feelinnnnn….anyways….actually the more I learn about this….the more I realize that love is not impossible….love with a person who cannot love you back is…..and I am greatful that not all men in this world are Narcissist or psychopaths! I do believe I’ve been chasing my father….and still trying to win his love….I’m still chasing him just like I did as a child when he would drive off to work and I would get on my tricycle and peddle as fast as I could behind him….anyways that was deep! I’ll stop now! But my point is I just need to stop chasing and trying to win my fathers love through other pathological men! As he was highly pathological and an abandonor and a liar….and no love! No love!

  4. Fantastic insight into the thinking of a narcissist.
    I feel like i’m falling in love with this website.
    Only, this time dear HG Tudor you do reciprocate.
    I feed on your information.

  5. “We rip out your heart in order to leave you so bereft that you can never love again”
    ………………………….. :'(

    “If you knew what we truly were you would not offer your perfect love to us”
    I am not so sure about that

    1. I agree.. you even remark, HG, on.oir tendency to stick w you even after you have demonstrated your dark nature… we choose love bc we want to give you our love.. it doesn’t stop just bc you treat us horribly.. many of.us still love our narcs for the rest of our lives.. in spite of seeing the truth – bc you.might say we deny the the truth.. but that’s not always true.

      I.often see the need to be loved.. and that hope pardon that desire to give you what you need… it doesnt have to be stolen.. you push us away…

      Why do you insist it is so dangerous to your existence to let in someone who loves you? Is it that bc you cannot be selfless that you cannot accept that i just want the best for you?

    2. “what we truly were”… this is how I see it:
      I see a sweet, innocent, sensitive child.
      The child is wounded and builds walls and uses masks.
      The childs pain will decrease by hurting others. This can be extremely mean and wicked.
      But underneath all this remains the sweet and innocent child.
      This child comes to the surface once in a while.
      I am an HSP, I have seen and felt genuine sweetness. I’ve seen it in their eyes, in their face and in their behaviour. That’s what makes me love them I guess.They are not evil only.

      1. I used to believe that too Blank, but now I think that the child is lost forever. It was too young to build a proper identity and it hasn’t had time enough to gain a conscience and empathy.

        I think that there is truly nothing left inside of them. So sad.

      2. I can not agree with you Iris, but I can only speak for myself and my experiences. I see it when narcs are at ease, no other people around (so they don’t feel they have to perform and put on their mask), doing something that makes them feel in their element and when they do not notice you are watching. It’s very rare, but those are the moments that I can see the genuine person behind the mask and it always softens me.

      3. I love your words, Blank. And love the way your sensitivity gives you this kind of view.

      4. I thought I saw the genuine sweetness as well. After reading the patterns of their behavior, fuel matrix, and so on I realize those moments are there based on what moves they’re playing at the moment. They really aren’t like us.

        Those tender happy moments have an angle. There isn’t much depth to those moments and over time you see it. I hate even saying that. I try to see the good in everyone and in each situation. It’s just that there’s a difference between a genuinely kind person and someone who knows when to play nice.

      5. I’m reading Masterson book, how he successfully healed narcissists and borderlines – what he calls “the emerging self”. It comes through creativity… The healthy self can be formed this way.
        Perhaps you observe that healthy moments)) moments when his real self takes the front place.

        I felt through your comments here with you, and my mood became so sweet, sentimental and comfortable now… 😊 You
        multiply love in this world, Blank, thank you for that.

      6. Sophia, I wish I could explain what I mean. But I can’t. First of all because it has to do with HS (which I do not like to go into) and also because I lack the right English words to explain myself properly. I’d like to stick with what I said, although I certainly agree with you that there’s a difference between a genuinely kind person and someone who knows when to play nice and that narcs think, feel and act differently than empaths or ‘normals’.

      7. Antifragile, thanks for your kind comments. Please skip the last sentence though, I will not take credit for that. I am interested in the book you mention and will look for it. I am very much interested in science and biology also and today I read that narcissism maybe isn’t the cause of childhood wounding alone (empaths have this wounding too), but merely the cause of how their brain is wired. They just lack a huge part of the grey matter that is responsible for empathy.
        We are our brain.

      8. Blank,

        I am almost sure I know what you mean. Those moments where you’d swear there wasn’t a wall and they feel at ease. Very short lived snippets of time we crave. Glimpses. I found myself missing those often.

  6. Truth. I wrote paragraphs, and deleted. I care, see others’ point of view, and want to help, but no longer believe in love. Or I’ve just put up walls… I’ve cried more and longer over this post than I have in 20 years. Afraid I can’t accept the REAL love that might actually be in my life now. I don’t trust it. “Love Thieves”, indeed… You are so right in that most counselors and therapists have no real understanding about NPD and how this affects us, long term. C-PTSD. Talk soon HG…. after the holidays most likely.

  7. Closure Denied: Cardinal Law died in Rome. Victims of the church sex abuse scandal stated that they have no closure. The Vatican is loaded with narcs and I think Cardinal Law should have been jailed.

  8. HG:
    “We rip out your heart in order to leave you so bereft that you can never love again. We steal your love. We are the love thieves of your past, your present and your future love.”

    Nope, I’m sure narcs love to think that, but most empaths are strong and they will love again: their children, their pets, their family and after a while also their new partner.

    I’m always amazed to see how resilient the human brain is and that is why I find narcissism such a cop out. They can’t deal with reality.

  9. “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars” Kahlil Gibran.

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