The Rules of Ex Club – No. 18

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10 thoughts on “The Rules of Ex Club – No. 18”

  1. Is it possible to traumatise someone so badly they are spiritually dead forever? How can you tell if it happened to you, and you have patched it with another fake character?

    1. Violet, I think you can never tell. I believe in scars and lessons learned and today I might feel so hurt and be convinced that I will never love again, but maybe next year I’ll meet with someone who will turn my world around again. I was completely dead inside for years, living with my nex husband (even stood on the railway track to end my life) when I got to know my next narc (of course not knowing he was one). He made me feel so alive again. I was happy, thrilled, lost a lot of weight, felt a sexual being again.. all that. So I think you will feel spritually dead untill someone or something comes along that will change it. But you maybe could actively search for a way out of it yourself, if your mind will allow you to do so. Happiness comes not from intimate relationships only, there are friends, there is music, art, science, classes you can take, etc.

      “you have patched it with another fake character?”

      You mean you have put on a mask yourself?
      I did put on a mask when I was depressed. You can not deal with the real world if you are depressed. I had to drag myself through the days, but I was running a bed & breakfast for years, which made me have to put on fake smiles on my face.
      But I think you must know yourself Violet, if you took on a fake character?
      At times I still feel very hurt because of all the abuse (and also because of the missing), but I think the real trauma (in my mind) left the minute I fully understood the why and how of narcissistic abuse.

      1. You did a great job explaining that Blank. I’m so sorry you were pushed to that brink at the RR tracks. You do a lot of good here too sharing your experience! Merry Christmas!

      2. I’m so sorry to read about your experiences and how you thought you would end your life at that railway track Blank. As Clarece says, you do a lot of good here and I do hope you’ll find a healthy love soon. You deserve it.

        In the beginning after my breakup friends told me to just leave him behind and get out there to find new love as a means of getting over him. I couldn’t understand that then. I need to heal, to let go of the loss and I’ve never before felt this kind of pain. But in the end they’re right; falling in love again will give us some hope. I’m not anywhere near wanting to move on right now; I feel I have nothing to give to a new man in my life; I’m completely empty and sometimes so afraid that I gave away the best of me to someone who transformed all of those intense feelings of mine into mistrust and ugliness. But I will try to date again. Maybe someone, like you said, will come along and change all that for us. God, I hate the holidays! Right now each and every hour is painful.

      3. Thanks for your kind words Catherine. I also sometimes think I need a new guy to get over him. But I would compare everyone with him (which is not fair because he was a lot younger). It’s too early, it will take much more time. I also think lately, whether I am capable of receiving love at all. I can love like crazy myself, but maybe I am not good at receiving love and therefore attract narcs.
        I think we feel very much alike at this point in our life Chaterine and I can feel your pain and struggle. I wish for you a new love. A real love this time and I hope it will come to you soon. Take care XX

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