There comes a time when this must happen to everybody who has been ensnared by us. There is no hope for anything different. In the way that the world keeps on turning and the planets waltz around the sun, we will always cast you to one side. Of the many cruelties which we exact against you, this ranks as one of the worst. You might think that it is a blessing that the daily machinations and manipulations have ended but you will not see it that way when you are discarded. Indeed, you may not ever realise it.
You are given no warning that you are about to be dis-engagement from, although if you know to look for them, there are actually signs that point to what is about to happen. Invariably you are unable to see them because you cannot see or think clearly for the maelstrom that continues to rage around you. There are times when the dis-engagement takes place that it is almost as if we have vanished into thin air. Yesterday we met you for lunch as normal and today you have no idea where we are. You have telephoned but our number is no longer in service. You call our work but you are told that we are unavailable as our assigned gatekeeper keeps you at bay. You wait around trying to catch a glimpse of us in order to speak with us and find out what is going on. You see hide nor hair of us and rather than be angry you are worried and concerned both for us and our relationship, or at least what was once our relationship. This form of the dis-engagement is swift and brutal. Here yesterday and gone today. We put in place a ring of steel which we will not allow you to penetrate. When this form of dis-engagement has been effected you are actually receiving a double whammy of dis-engagement and an absent silent treatment. This is designed to reinforce like a hammer blow that you are no longer of any use to us. We do not want to see you, we do not want to hear from you and we do not want to read your e-mails, messages and texts. At least not yet. This form of dis-engagement arises because we have already replaced you. We have found a new primary source of fuel and he or she is a thousand times better than you. We have brought down the shutters, raised the drawbridge and built our castle walls thick and high as we now sit in the throne room with our new, wonderful and perfect primary source by our side. You have been struck from the record, deleted and erased. We do not want you distracting us from this most precious person that we have found.
The truth is that the memory of us being linked to you irritates and infuriates us. We thought that you were the one who would supply us with positive fuel always. Despite the other failures that had gone before you, you showed such promise and we gave you everything in order to seduce you. Now you are placed on the appliance pile and broken, of no current use to us. You let us down and we bristle at the thought that we even considered you might be of use to us. Your failure and the fact we chose you means that we feel criticised and the ignition of our fury results in a cold fury that creates this icy hinterland that we place between you and us. We want nothing more to do with you. Until we decide of course it is time to hoover you. This sudden and unexplained cessation of the relationship is only temporary. We will look to reinstate it at some point in order to extract hoover fuel from you, but you do not know this. All you know is that we were once there and no we are no longer and it hurts. Your soul has been wrenched from within you. It does not matter how badly we hurt you, you still wanted that golden period and our sudden departure has denied that from ever happening again, or at least that is what you are led to believe. Your pain is absolute, combined with the confusion and bewilderment.
Another way in which we cast you to one side is akin to being repeatedly dunked in a barrel of icy water. Each time your dunking lasts a little longer and you fear you cannot hold your breath any longer and this time this is it, you are on your way out, only for us to haul you out and that sweet and precious air fills your lungs, if only for an instance before you are thrust back into the water. During that interlude, as the water cleared from your eyes and you gulped great lungfuls of air you saw someone else stood by our side, watching you with a look of curiosity on their face. This is your replacement but we have not yet decided that they are to replace you as we are giving you the chance to prove yourself and provide some further fuel before we push you away and leave you spluttering and gasping on the ground beside the barrel. We never finish you off. That would be pointless. We always need to come back, not that you will realise that as you lie panting and shaking on the ground, cold and soaked, watching as we stroll away, our arm around the new prospect. This steady and controlled dis-engagement takes place as we lose interest in you but we have no desire to make our departure sudden and swift. We want to hedge our bets as we firm up our arrangements with your replacement, fine-tuning that seduction as we continue to extract fuel from you through this dunking. We push and pull, toying with your emotions. This is not part of the devaluation even though we exhibit a similar behaviour during that time when we denigrate you and then grant respite. No, this is different. When this is undertaken in an accelerated fashion then you know that it is a form of dis-engagement. We may give you a week of hell and then several weeks of the golden period before hell again. That is the push and pull of devaluation. When this technique is applied as discard it is disorientating as one day is fine and the next is not and then fine again. You feel like you are being figuratively bludgeoned and as you try and get your bearings you stagger across the boxing ring away from us only to meet another opponent who continues the beating and then sends you on your way to the next one.
These are just two forms of the way we will discard you. Why do we do it? As ever it is all about fuel. With the first it is because we have new and brilliant fuel and no longer wish to be reminded about your faltering and weak fuel. In the second we have not yet confirmed that the new source is as potent as we require and in the meanwhile we decide to continue to extract further fuel from you as your severance from us takes place in typical salami-slicing fashion. In every entanglement with our kind you will eventually be discarded. You won’t see it coming but it is always in the post, coming along the highway, wending its way towards you.
Don’t be too concerned though. No dis-engagement is for ever. We always come back for more.
18 thoughts on “Offload”
I have finally after 3 years….blocked his number! But I know he can still email…..but yeah….I just cannot imagine the scenario written in this article…the first one….wow…yeah Im pretty sure he verbally warned me more than once. I believe he warned me three times verbally. Told me his percentage of love for me was falling every time I broke up with him after he acted weird or said some thing crazy. Also told me that while he could see that I had a lot to offer in the relationship, he also had a lot to offer. So I better get with it and stop being so difficult. Stuff like that he would say.
Ah yes, they always warn us. Unfortunately it’s usually during the lovebombing stage, and optimistic as ever, we fail to heed the warnings… much to our detriment
Yes. I believe you are right!😕
I know you know blocking him or changing your email is best for you. I have to say it anyway though. I wish I had followed directions to do so a long time ago. It’s best to not even be able to check to see if they’ve started the game of cat and mouse again.
I would like to understand why once I discover that a man is interested in me romantically I don’t want him with the same intensity I did before he made it clear that he wants me. The time varies with each person. When his intentions become clear that he sees a future with me or wants to date I start the mental process of escaping and offloading him for a better prospect, without cheating of course. This is so screwed up and I hate it. Does anyone else think or do the same thing? Why does it even happen?
Yes, I like the chase, which is usually a masculine trait, I guess. I also like to be the one to do the ‘picking.’ When the right one comes along, I won’t run anymore. Your discerning. Nothing wrong with that.
Weird, mine discarded me months ago and I went on happily with my life! Then he came back two months ago— all happy- THEN I found out he got married two days after he saw me- And he had been seeing me twice a week for over two months— and he was VERY angry when I figured it out. So, it seems to me he may be in the devalue stage with his new wife even before he married her??
I think that’s common from what I’ve read. The chase is over. The thrill is gone. His fuel is secured now so he can really do what he wants.
A narcissist will eventually age. They cannot repeat this cycle forever. At what age will this cycle cease???
You may not know the answer as you yourself are not a senior citizen, yet.
Jen — My ex-MRN is 68 and is still able to seduce with ease, because he’s still attractive and his act is very good.
It will end when they draw their last breath. Even on their death bed they are probably looking for fuel, such as, pity, tears, sadness, fear etc.
Sickening!…… Soooooo glad to be rid of the narcissist
I saw the signs. I could feel it too. It was palatable, like choking on panic. I had been studying him for months and his drinking made him sloppy. Unfortunately for me, I still had hope
Same here, Jasmine. I saw the signs for months but chose to ignore them.
These are excellent quotes from HG.
“Do not look to hope, she is a charlatan. A fraudster. A denier. Look to me, I am the answer.”
“Hope dies last.”
I live and die by hope. It is my fuel
That is completely understandable, Jasmine. She has fueled me too.
The studying….the hope….choking on panic. Then the numbness when the hope is dead. It’s sad.