A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 59


paloma letter
Dear Sunshine,
There I was on Facebook, innocently commenting on a post of a mutual friend we shared regarding our most favorite TV show.  You interjected with your wit and amity and before I knew it the friend request was forthcoming.  I never accept friend requests from strangers, that I told you, but surely I can make an exception for someone who shares the appreciation for one of the best shows of all time. Plus our mutual friend vouched for you.  She said you were a bit a flirt but that you were like that with everyone, and not to worry, you were “good people”.  The typical friendly Southern gentleman.  You lived 860 miles away. What harm could possibly come of this?
As the months went by, the exchanging of an occasional photo like or a funny quote among one another was par for the course.  You were a casual online commentator who I did not mind interacting with on an intermittent basis.  Until the evening you messaged me privately to compliment me on a recent picture I posted of myself.  Again, I attributed this to your friendly demeanor which I was told about in advance.  But your messages continued.  You wanted to know all about me.  For a fleeting moment this seemed so unusual to me.  I was nervous but damn…you were so sweet and flattering, showering me with compliments and pleasantries.  So it went on from there as we learned more about one another.  You knew all the right things to say.  You must have had a sixth sense of how lonely I was because before I realized what was happening, phone numbers were exchanged and we were texting. I never exchange my information with “Internet strangers” let alone those who live so far away, but there was something about you that felt right to me.  Then the first phone call (of many) came where I heard your voice and was completely smitten.  Hours turned into days turned into weeks as you made me feel like I was the most important person in your world.  And you knew you were in mine.  All that was left was arrangements to meet.  And while that did eventually happen, it all happened so fast and I should have seen the warning signs.  But who usually does when it feels so amazing?
But let me go back to the part where I was blinded again, only because it felt so amazing compared to the opposite hell I now feel deep within.  I felt like I had known you my whole life.  You felt like home.  Your sense of humor, your vast vocabulary, your laugh, your smile, your…brightness.  I nicknamed you Sunshine for your smile.  Was it all fake? Were you even real?  I used to ask you if you were real and you replied “I love you and I am goddamned real”.  And you said I was as gentle as a dove, so you nicknamed me Paloma.  You also told me you were a bad person and I was a good person.  I thought that was odd but I shrugged it off and told you not to be silly.
I remember when I first realized I was in love with you and I told you. It was when I saw that picture you posted from your show. You were at rehearsal, sitting down on the floor, one hand up on your piano, your fingers resting on the keys as you had a contemplative look about you.  It was a candid shot and you were annoyed at the person who took it and said you did not like the picture.  I told you it was the best picture I ever saw.  That I felt like I saw your soul in that picture.  How could I have been so wrong?  Who falls in love with someone without even meeting them?  Yeah that would be the fool known as me.  When I met you face to face the magnetic pull I felt between us was ridiculous and intoxicating.  You stimulated not just my body but my mind as well.  You lived a simple country life. In a small town where everyone knew everyone. You played piano for the church.  Yes, a southern gentleman they all said. I had no idea you were only reading to me from the “Encyclopedia of Narc” as you spun your illusion on me.
Soon the “bad person” comment began to make more sense as you told me you were married and had a child.  But you saw nothing wrong with your relationship with me as long as it did not interfere with your marriage.  You told me the last one did. You were caught out in town canoodling with your former mistress.  It was an ugly showdown, you told me.  You destroyed your wife and the mistress and yet you had me feeling so sorry for YOU.  Horrible people blackmailed you with their evidence of your affair and forced you to tell the truth to your wife.  And so you did.  You came clean and told everyone you lost your mind and were so selfish and wrong.  What happened to the other girl? Yes I had the audacity to ask.  Oh, her? She was crazy. Selfish. Delusional. Wanted more than you could give her, you said.  Nothing at all like me, you said.  You could not believe you were going to leave your family for her.  You told me you lost your mind and that getting caught made you come to your senses.  You cut ties and never spoke to her again.  You never thought you would be caught up in this situation again. You said what happened with her would never happen with me because I was “different”.  You were still reading to me from your Narc textbook.
You began to get distant and push me away.  Said you were busy, depressed, filled with guilt and shame. Said that being in love with my predecessor destroyed your life and you could not be in love with me anymore. You said you were not honoring the 2nd chance your wife gave you by being caught up with me.  Well no, I guess you are not. But that was just your excuse to push me away.  But you always came back.  And then you pushed me away again. Repeat repeat repeat.  God only knows how many others you were reading to from your book, along with me and her.
Then came the never ending contradictions.  You never spoke to her again but now you still keep in touch.  Said that you cannot just leave her, that you owe her and need to be there for her. That you were able to get past it all and “be friends”.  You wanted the same for us and said distance was best.  That you were doing the right thing because you loved me.  But then the contradictions continued.  You never loved me and I was a fling. You continued reading your Narc book to me.  The story kept changing, but you still read to me.
At the start of our relationship I never stopped talking.  You told me you loved it.  You often compared me to a book, an encyclopedia even.  Of course as time went on you talked less and less but reminded me you were “filled with just as much encyclopedic rhetoric” as I was, if not more.  All you were doing was reading to me from your “Book of Narc”, but I never realized it.  Every day you would read to me.  Then it was every week. Then eventually every few weeks with a silent treatment in between (which was always due to your overwhelming guilt).  But you always read to me. Read to me from your book.  You read it all to me and fed it all to me and I swallowed it.  Figuratively and literally.  As my mouth was your favorite place to be, as you often told me, second to my brain most likely.  You amplified me. In every way. And then you cut the power cord.
Finally after your latest guilt tripping pity party, I called you out on the sex site profiles I found online.  How could you tell me you felt so guilty being with me, and you wanted to be faithful to her yet you could hook up with total strangers? I hoped for some kind of explanation.  I hoped they were old profiles that maybe you forgot to delete. But you flipped your shit at me and told me I was crazy and in need of therapy.  You said that my perception of you was not real.  Yet you never even acknowledged what I uncovered.  You just twisted it all around and blamed me like it was my fault.  My fault for wanting more. My fault for loving you. My fault for wondering why you can fuck total strangers and then whine about guilt and shame for not being faithful, using it as an excuse to push me away from you.  And that I had the nerve to call you out on it.  I often wonder if you know what you are but that you just deny what you are.   When I asked how many partners you had it was 30. Then it was 40. Then it was “I have lost count”. “This is how I express my affection” you said.  “But it is wrong of me to do that”. (yet you keep doing it).  You then closed the latest chapter of your Narc book and told me to “leave you alone now”.  Is that your way of saying “The End?”
I don’t want to leave you alone.  I want you to open that book and read more to me.  Tell me that this has a happy ending.  Don’t leave me hanging.  But I also want to take that book and hit you on the head with it.  Tear out all the pages and throw them at your feet.  Burn it. Demand a rewrite of the chapters, offer to rewrite them myself, because it should not have to be like this.  I know I deserve a better story yet I want our story.  I do not want the story to end.  I know it is not my book. It is your book. You just read to me from it and I played your part.  And every time you read from it, the story kept on changing.  And I wonder if maybe your wife gets a different version of the story.  If she gets the happily ever after.  Or whomever else is in the book.  You skipped over their chapter when you read it to me.  And did you skip over me when you read it to the others?  Those chapters you bookmarked for later as you went backward and forward throughout your book, rewriting the story.  But I will never know as you hold the book and control what happens.  And now it seems you want to close the book and put it back on the bookshelf. With me inside.
Until you decide to dust me off, let me out, read to me again…
I remain.  I wait.
Yours Forever,

52 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 59

  1. Nuit Étoilée says:

    Dearest Paloma,

    Your letter took courage – you are being honest and expressing where you are, not lying and saying what we’re supposed to say – that you want nothing to do with the narc..

    Such a lovely moniker, Paloma – he’s right, you are gentle. But I feel you are putting wayyyyyy too much emphasis, trust.. into his words..
    You were touched by what he said, so it hurts to even consider that he never meant any of it, that it’s just an illusion..

    If it comforts you, allow yourself that at the moment he said what he said, he meant it… those flattering words and compliments..
    then you must feel the hurt.. the sting.. that maybe he meant the other things when he said them, too?
    It’s ok.
    It’s confusing.
    It’s meant to be.

    You are replaying his words, that meant so much to you.. over and over and over…
    Have you written them down?
    Can you find a way to stop that repetition long enough to turn down the volume and just look at what happened?
    Replay the actions, without those words that mean so much..

    He gives nothing.

    N O T H I N G.

    I know, because I lived it, too.

    I am not sure you’re going to really hear what I’m going to say next, but I hope you’ll copy it, print it out, write it in a notebook somewhere and keep it and re-read it until you can see its truth:

    You deserve so much more.
    You are beautiful.
    You are tender, and caring, and loving and kind.
    You deserve to be loved. You are worthy of love.

    He doesn’t deserve you. He is not worthy of what you have already given him. He is incapable of appreciating you.

    *sorry for such a long post.. my heart goes out to you, Paloma, and I sincerely hope you have a friend nearby willing to be with you, however long it takes, for you to let go of this asshole. You can do better.

    I’d love to see you set your face in a – don’t even think about it – expression, when it comes to him trying to get some – again. Because you will feel fantastic in saying “boy, you had your chance, and you blew it – I can do better than you.”

    Sending a biiiiiig hug!

  2. Narc Angel says:

    Narc Affair
    Im saying this with kindness:

    Do you see the irony in what you wrote to Gabs? I dont think it can just be me.

    1. Blank says:

      Why is that NA, is the other NA in the same situation?
      I can’t recall everyones story here all the time. Is it just me? Or am I getting too old? It’s confusing and I scroll my fingers numb to find thinks back.
      I need a kind of seperate blog or search-item that lists everyone’s personal story 🙂

      1. Blank says:


      2. Narc Angel says:


        I will only say that I wish for Narc Affair what she wishes for Gabs. I would guess that many others do also.

      3. Yolo says:

        Two affairs…besides that there’s beef probably because of the NA. If you’ve been on 6 months or more you’ve read the stories or deemed them too long and scrolled through. We’ve read both stories .

  3. narc affair says:

    Hi gabs…i still cant get over he called you a fling! A fling! That is so deeply insulting and rejection at its highest. You are so mesmerized by him but he told you in so many ways that you mean nothing to him. You hold on and want that closure but he will never say what you need him to say or do what you need him to do bc you are nothing to him but a piece on the side. What is the most bothersome is his awareness of what hes doing and hes fully aware. He knows you are waiting on that shelf for his golden crumb as little as it may be and hes playing that card and using you. Hes sucking you dry of your self esteem, confidance, self respect and the time youve wasted on him youll never get back.
    What is it hes giving you that you cant live without? You could find a great guy and start a happy future but with this guy in the picture they dont stand a chance.
    You are a great woman with such deep insight and much to offer. Its never to late to go no contact. He can never give you what you need and you deserve the best!

    1. Blank says:

      Well said Narc Affair!

    2. gabbanzobean says:

      Narc Affair,
      The explanations change. First it’s “You are more than just a fling” then it’s “you were a fling”. Then it’s “I love you”….then it’s “I care for you”….

      I cannot even keep track of the contradictions anymore.

      1. Catherine says:

        Oh, I recognise all those contradictions; that’s narc behaviour at its finest. I found one of the most troubling parts of my relationship to be what I thought of then as this inconsistency in personality. The wide gap between his words and his actions. The wide gap between the kind of excellent behaviour he expected of me and the low life behaviour he was indulging in. And also between what he said one minute and what he said the next. Nothing could ever just be what it was. It’s a method of making you insecure, uncertain and confused; forcing you to accept his bewildering reality over your own.

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          I have pointed out the inconsistency to him in the stuff he says and he just says “oh, you read too much into what I say vs. what I do, I won’t lie though I know I can be contradictory”…. gee you think???!!!!!

      2. Catherine says:

        Yes, all these inconsistencies are infuriating but there’s in the end no need to analyse them Gabrielle. They’re pure manipulations, they have no inherent meaning or content in themselves except to confuse you into further analysis which is what is intended; by that you miss the whole point of what they’re really about, which is power play and control. Nothing else.

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          And yet here I am still in this tormented loop. All I want is the truth. One accurate statement that encompasses everything. Either you loved me or you didn’t. And yes I know you’re going to say “didn’t and never did” because they are incapable of loving anyone. But goddamn it if they are not the best fakers that ever fucking lived.

          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            But Gabrielle, he has 100% told you exactly what is the truth and YOU keep rejecting it because it is not what you want to hear.
            He has told you emphatically and repeatedly there is no future for you two. He will not leave his wife. He wants another baby (you do not). If he said he loved you at one time, it was how he loved how you made him feel in that moment in time. Not for the long haul. His actions show that again and again. He has no issue blocking you or dropping off because he does not view you as someone integral to his daily life (or as HG says you are further down in his fuel matrix). Your constant devotion is not going to yield the outcome you desire which is to win him over because he does not view you in that capacity. His mind has already been made up.
            And like I’ve said, who cares as this point how narcissistic he is or what school of Narc. He is a sorry excuse for a husband and father. No integrity, loose moral compass, liar, and down and out douche-bag.
            There is your truth.

      3. Catherine says:

        I know what you mean, I want my closure too. I’m not really wondering if he loved me or not though; for me it’s more telling him which horrors he subjected me too; finding that voice again. But I don’t think I will try for that anymore; I’m creating my own closure now.

        If it helps, think of it like I do. Yours is a Midranger? Probably through all those words he’s been telling you that simulate some kind of awareness he’s not aware of what he actually is anyway, or of the big picture, even though he might know that he’s manipulative and playing some games. He doesn’t know what love is; to him love equals control and power and yes, he loved you with the tools he had within him to love. That’s not true love at all; there’s nothing mutual about it, it’s all about him, but he doesn’t know that so who’s to say he didn’t try?

        You just need to realise that that kind of love will never be enough for you because you deserve the real thing.

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          Yeah mid ranger. Some debate between whether he is cerebral or somatic. But definitely mid range, either mid or upper mid. There are times that I think he knows what he is doing but then there are times where he plays the victim and I am the one who is horrible. Yet his “empathy” prevents him from “ignoring me forever” (his words).

      4. Catherine says:

        I see. Either way I guess it does the least harm to us to think of these men as not aware. Mine played awful mind games with me, punished and praised, but I don’t think that he was aware of the big picture; meaning that there’s something seriously wrong with him. He doesn’t know that. He sees the world upside down through a distorted lens of believing he’s the good person manipulating to defend himself from the harm everyone inflicts on him. He’s the victim; just like yours. It’s delusional and it’s crazy but if I try to see it his way everything falls into place. The thought of him not doing it all on purpose aware of the evil that he is is somewhat comforting; isn’t it? If you do not know what love is; you can’t give it to someone however hard you try.

        Two worlds colliding; that’s what’s happening when we meet a psychopath/narcissist; it’s tragic and it’s sad, the abuse is solely their responsibility, never ours; but we can’t stay to help or to love them; god knows I tried for years; because then we’re abusing ourselves instead. They can’t even help themselves and there can be no happily ever after because they act out of fear, resentment, anger, jealousy and destructive behavioural patterns; if we stay we do too.

  4. M. says:

    Dear Paloma, there is only one way for you to think from now on: the man who doesn’t understand that you are the best thing that has happened to him is an idiot. Period.The man who can be inside you but prefers to be inside dozens of other women is, apart from an idiot, used. Over-used, do you get what I mean? He is below you. Period, again.
    He plays for the church??? Hahaha! That is, for me, the funniest part-what a facade! Just think of the other church goers, who are delighted to listen to the “divine” hiss of a snake and do not realize it. Poor fools.
    Think of his wife and feel deeply sorry for her. Or angry, because women like her, always forgiving, always patient, always hopeful, encourage these monsters to hurt many other women as well. Do not be that woman yourself. Do not encourage that destructive behaviour. Protect us and, most importantly, protect yourself.
    Forget the love. It is leading you nowhere, on the contrary, it is his weapon against you. No love for people who do not appreciate it. Your love is too precious to throw away, haven’t you learned that by now? You have, I am sure. Now is the time to start feeling it too. Feel it, Paloma.
    Find the self respect in you, girl. Find the pride, find the arrogance, if needed, and see that pathetic coward as he is. No need to hate him either, do not spare any intense feeling for this low life of a person. Just diminish him inside you. Finish the little man off with a smile.

  5. Brian says:

    Nice to hear the full story, hopefully this letter pushes you along the road of recovery

  6. Bibi says:

    HG and others:

    I mentioned The Twilight Zone. There is an episode called ‘A Nice Place To Visit’ that I think illuminates the idea of fuel and it getting stale.

    To summarize: a criminal dies (Lesser Narc) and he is sent away to ‘the other side’ after death wherein he receives everything he wants: money, women, wins at gambling, etc. But then after a month grows bored. He tells the angel he doesn’t think he belongs in heaven, that he wants to go ‘to the other place.’

    The angel then replies, ‘What ever made you think this was heaven? This IS the other place!’

    Please watch this end. Serling said so much about humanity via his show, albeit much of it was cloaked with science fiction and fantasy.

  7. Caroline says:

    “You also told me you were a bad person…”

    Believe him. He answered everything, right there. Consider it the one spot of mercy he gave you.

    1. Caroline says:

      P.S. I just saw the jolting picture HG chose for this particular letter… so glad he didn’t go for a book graphic. Paloma should refer back to this picture – a lot.

  8. Ugotit says:

    Paloma it doesn’t get better if he takes you off the shelf or if you became a primary source or even married him I’ve gone back twice and everything said during the hoover is a blatant lie designed just to get u back then they fall back into their old ways of ignoring u devaluing you and gas lighting you I’m living proof the problem is during the absence we fantasize things will get better they don’t they get worse and they get worse faster I’m living proof and even if you were primary source they’ll still throw u under the bus faster than u can blink I’m living proof and his wife is living proof he’s cheating on her left and right. Basically they have nothing to offer but heartache and misery I’m trying so hard to detach its not easy its a terrible addiction but u need to do whatever it takes to break the addiction burn the damn book this is a losing situation he will never ever have anything to give you

  9. Sniglet says:

    Paloma, after everything he did to you and his wife, how could you write ‘Yours Forever’ as an end to your letter? This must be a joke.

  10. Catherine says:

    I do feel your pain Paloma; most of us have gone through it; you’re in a place of considerable awareness refusing to let go anyway; not wanting the dream you dreamt to end. That’s hell on earth; I know. But you need to close that book because reading and rereading it will in the end amount to nothing more than even further harm. Closing those pages hurts immensely, but the pain of it lessens over time; it truly does and compared to holding on your torture will only last longer the longer you stay invested in this mean man. Knowing what he is, you do know that there’s no happy ending and who knows, you might be missing out on something so much healthier when sticking to a love that isn’t real. I understand though that you need to feel this truth in your own heart before you can heal and I’m sure you’ll get there!

  11. Patricia J says:

    Great story!
    Perhaps it is time for a Book Burning.
    A Phoneix can only arise from the Burning Flames.

  12. Noname says:

    Ahh, infamous pianist…

    Recently, when I commented Clarece’s letter I told that her story is one of the saddest stories on this blog. You story, Paloma, is another one…

    You continue to live in your toxic dream and you protect and cherish it like a mother protects and cherishes her child.

    Book…Read…Chapter…Book…Read…Chapter… – they aren’t just random and accidental words you repeat and repeat like a mantra in your letter. They are the signs of the “anchors” your pianist had implanted into you. Now, they paralize your will and control you.

    I see a lot of work here. A lot.

    Ideally, when you finally wake up, don’t waste your time and quickly find a right helper – a therapist who knows what the ASPD means and who practises the psychoanalysis and hypnosis (Otto Kernberg’s school). Your case isn’t easy, but everything is possible.

    You’ll win, if you really want it. Do you want it?

  13. Ugotit says:

    I relate completely to it feels like home I dedicated this song to my narc because that’s exactly how I felt in the beginning too

  14. Bw says:

    Wow, nailed it!

    HG, do your kind always end it by offering a “friendship”? Why?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not necessarily. When friendship is offered it is merely a means by which we keep you engaged and we will make it intimate again as and when we choose or we will do nothing about this supposed “friendships” because we have someone else installed as IPPS. By offering friendship the narcissist maintains the facade of being “decent”, it maintains hope on the part of the victim and thus leaves them susceptible to hoovering and prevents them from moving forward because the supposed friendship makes the victim think that all is not lost.

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        “When friendship is offered it is merely a means by which we keep you engaged and we will make it intimate again as and when we choose or we will do nothing about this supposed “friendships” because we have someone else installed as IPPS.”

        Yeah that sounds about right. Make it intimate again as and when you choose (“oh the things I will do to you when I see you”) or do nothing (cue silence). Then repeat the first thing again. Then the second. Or contradict. (“We are never having sex again!”) The contradict again. (“I will indulge our intimacy from time to time. BUT…it is wrong of me!”)

        I can really relate to this Paloma girl.

      2. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

        That’s no friendship, that’s 100% FWB (friends with benefits only for him, of course, when you are able to feel, you feel used in such “arrangement”). He uses you when it suits him, if he has another one, he didn’t engage to you so you must keep your mouth shut and take the BS. Something I was never able to accept.

        Why feeling used?
        Why becoming even bitter than before (when in a relationship with him)? Being mean is not something I enjoy doing…it is “self defense”, I used it because that’s the only way with insensitive people!

      3. Sniglet says:

        Gabbanzobean – you state that you can relate to this Paloma girl. Infact isn’t the letter yours?

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          Maybe….not confirming or denying…

      4. Bibi says:

        ‘Friendship’ is basically an invite to remain part of his harem. PASS.

      5. Sniglet says:

        Gabbanzobean – you may or may not be Paloma. If you happen to see Paloma tell her that her piano man is enjoying his wife’s every curve and every moan every breakfast, lunch and dinner and maybe expecting a baby too. Piano man won’t ever leave his wife because she is a beautiful, burly, intelligent, rich, charming, charismatic 4’2’’. He is emotionally and physically attached to his wife and only wants small physical excitement with Paloma and a few other beans on the side. Paloma is wasting her life waiting for a man who was never hers. He is probably ugly too. Gabs tell Paloma the truth, that evidence is staring her in the face and she is blinded by feelings of lust – not love. When will Paloma give up Mr Dim?

      6. Yolo says:

        Wash, Rinse, Repeat..

        We must cleanse our soul and spirit after each negative experience; to allow renewed positive energy to enter our bodies and mind.

  15. Paloma,

    The story does change. It gets scary and more painful.
    You will have to write “The End” yourself.

    Do you see the cage door is open?
    Fly away from this Narc, Paloma.
    He is a hawk,
    He means to make a meal of your dear heart.
    Such a tender, delicious heart, that he flew nearly 1000 miles to partake of it.

    You have my sympathy.
    I hope you will be able to disentangle yourself from him. It is painful to see how tightly he has you bound.


  16. MLA - Clarece says:

    He really calculated the targeting and initial messaging. After his first affair blew up in his face, he chose someone safely out of the hot gravy zone (which is if you leave your house with hot gravy and it’s still hot when you arrive to your host’s house, you’re in the hot gravy zone).
    He may not have ever intended to ever meet you. Just line you up for a sideline flirtation for a distraction. Probably when his wife hits him up to deal with real life issues like the furnace going out or a medical crisis.
    I have said it before, you and your kids deserve someone who will love and accept your whole package.
    This is a lying, cheating douche-bag who brings no value to the table. At this point who cares what kind of Narc he is. He is bad news.

  17. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

    I think I might know who Paloma is and if so, a big hug to her and courage to close his narc book -herself, regaining her own act on life’s stage.
    We (empaths) all were “a Paloma” at least one time, when inexperienced. After that, some of us continued to suffer and some turned into narcs “walking detectors”. It depends on how rational vs emotional we were built.

    1. Blank says:

      “and courage to close his narc book” ????????

      Didn’t you read the end??

      1. Ugotit says:

        She was wishing her the courage to close the book hetself

      2. Somewhere over the rainbow says:


        I read the end, but it was a metaphoric way of ENCOURAGING Paloma to close that narc’s book and write her own story.

        I can understand your opinion and of course I agree that what you’re saying is right, but we have different ways of expressing it.

      3. Blank says:

        Ugotit and Somewhere…

        Yes sorry, I got it. I’m not native English and I read it the wrong way.

      4. Somewhere over the rainbow says:


        I understand you, neither am I a native English, so… 😉

  18. Blank says:

    “Until you decide to dust me off, let me out, read to me again…
    I remain. I wait.
    Yours Forever,”

    It’s obvious that, despite everything you have read on this website, you still volunteer to be abused by a narc.

    Good luck Paloma!

    1. gabbanzobean says:

      My interpretation of the “yours forever” is that of a double meaning. Not just meaning the person will wait around forever but also HG always tells us we are theirs forever until one of us dies. Just my observation.

      1. Blank says:

        Gabrielle, I think this was your letter right?
        But wether it is or not, in this letter I read a clear longing to go back.

        “I don’t want to leave you alone. I want you to open that book and read more to me. Tell me that this has a happy ending. Don’t leave me hanging.”

        “read to me again…
        I remain. I wait.”

        It is insane to want to go back to abusers. Yes, I understand the pain, the longing, the loneliness, the whatever intense feeling… I’ve been there myself.
        But narcs are abusers. Stop allowing yourself to be abused.
        It’s the dope in your head that has to leave, it’s an addiction.
        Go No Contact. Work yourself through the hurt, learn everything there is to learn and find a good non-narc partner.

        Imagine yourself a beautiful beach with clear blue water and a huge sign saying “Don’t go in.. Sharks!!”. Do you then think “well, maybe it’s not so bad, I bet they won’t hurt me”? You go in there, get your legs bitten off, almost die, and expect us all to say “omg, those horrible sharks!”.
        No, people will say: What an idiot! Didn’t she see the huge warning sign?
        Sharks.. narcs… they’re the same, dangerous and unpredictable as hell. Just get out if you want to live.

  19. Bibi says:

    So much in this letter reminds me of my own experiences and mirrors many of the same patterns. Finding out a major lie after the fact. Ugh, this guy is such a shit! Total somatic. Please don’t wait for him or any diseases he might offer.

    On a lighter note, I do hope the TV show was The Prisoner or Rod Serling’s The Twilight Zone and not Family Ties or some shit like that.

    Thank you for sharing your story. This guy is a whore. Fuck him.

    1. Anonymous says:

      Not somatic, but cerebral.

      1. Insatiable Learner says:

        Actually, a cerebral narc does not have much interest in sex with a person, so the fact that this narc had 30-40 partners is a strong indication of somatic traits at the very least.

    2. Anonymous says:

      “On a lighter note, I do hope the TV show was The Prisoner or Rod Serling’s The Twilight Zone and not Family Ties or some shit like that”

      Nope. It was the longest running animated TV series. The lead character has a catch phrase that rhymes with “Boh!”

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