The Stolen Case of No



No is a familiar word from our lips and I have explained its extensive use and important value to our kind on a previous occasion. We use now to exert our hold over you. It is not only used in that sense but also as a reminder that you have lost the use of no because we steal that from you and then, when saying “no” to you on a repeated basis we are flaunting what we have taken from you.

We steal your ability to say no very soon into the entanglement. We pluck it away from you with ease and subterfuge so that it seems as if you have placed the use of the word “no” into retirement when actually it has been carefully and quietly spirited away from you. During devaluation, the theft is far more apparent. It has been a brazen burglary, a smash and grab as each time we metaphorically hit you over the head (and in some cases also do so literally) and make off with your use of the word “no”. It is removed from you forcibly and then waved around in front of you on a daily basis, a vicious reminder that we can use it and you cannot. Therein this underlines our superiority over you. The acquisition of the word “no” is an early and key aim of when we ensnare you. We set out to take it from you, acquire it for our own extensive use and deny you the opportunity of using it ever again. Inevitably the questions of how and why we do this manifest. First of all, how do we achieve this pilfering? What forms does it take?

  1. You lose the capacity to say no to our advances during seduction.
  2. You cannot say not to spending time with us.
  3. You cannot say not to the suggestions we make.
  4. You cannot say no to the places we take you.
  5. You cannot say no to the gifts we shower you with.
  6. You cannot say no the first time we take your hand.
  7. You cannot say not the first time we move closer to kiss you.
  8. You cannot say no when we take you to bed.
  9. You cannot say no when we keep staying at your place.
  10. You cannot say no when we invite you to stay with us.
  11. You cannot say no when we turn up unexpectedly and invite you out for lunch or coffee.

Think back to your seduction (or if you are still inside this period consider the ongoing situation) and how readily you accede to all these requests. It is easy because there is always an upside. You cannot say no, because you do not want to say no, because you do not want to miss out on the experience of being with us and being bound closer to us. You do not realise this but we have already stolen your ability to say no. Just in the way that a totalitarian state tells you what to think, say and do, we do the same but it is all wonderful, golden and benign. This is because when we take away your capacity to say no during the seduction of the golden period we are governing you through love. This regime is as controlling as any other but is uses love to achieve governance.

What then of devaluation? How then does the theft of “no” occur?

  1. You do not say no to our demands that you run around after us.
  2. You do not say no to our command that you stay in and do not go out with your friends.
  3. You are forbidden from saying no to our demands in the bedroom, no matter how degrading and humiliating they may be.
  4. You do not say no to our sudden explosions of rage but rather you must deal with them and ride you out.
  5. You do not say not to the repeated crossing of your boundaries through our invasion of your personal space, the occupation of your accommodation, the use of your resources such as time and money.
  6. You do not say no to our coming and going as we please. We are entitled and we remove your ability to say no in order to further this sense of absolute entitlement.
  7. You do not say no to our erosion of your self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem as we whittle them away through the repeated applications of our manipulations.
  8. You do not say not to our isolation of you, as we ensure you spend time with us and do not socialise with friends and family.
  9. You do not say no to the frequent manipulations that are applied to you, but rather you suck them up and deal with them as best as you can.

The totalitarian regime that we implement is no longer one which used love in order to govern. That has been replaced with fear. Fear of repercussions, of responses, reactions and consequences has the word no evaporate from your vocabulary. Even if you try and say it, it will not come naturally, but rather sticks in your throat until we seize it and pull it away from you once again leaving you with no option other than to say “yes”.

The theft of “no” continues even after you are discarded as well.

  1. You do not say no to our smearing of you to third parties, since you are bewildered and do not have the energy or coping mechanisms to fight back;
  2. You do not say no to our hoovering of you by saying no to our home visits, no to our telephone calls or no to our messages;
  3. You do not say no to the memories of us but rather allow them to fill your mind and continue our infection of you;
  4. You do no say no to wondering what we are doing and who with
  5. You do not say no to spying on us, trawling our social media profile and asking others about us.
  6. You do not say no to the reinstatement of the golden period.

No is denied to you repeatedly. It is taken from your lexicon of words and if you ever try to take it back, it is soon whipped away from you once again. We own your use of the word “no”. We understand the power that comes with its use and that is why we take it by any means possible. At first through the false love and then through the imposition of fear, intimidation and threat.

Why do we do this? Why do we make it our aim to remove your capacity to resist, refuse and thus say no?

  1. The word “no” is powerful. More so than “yes”. It is harder to say but when used it is powerful. We want to remove that power from you and have it ourselves.
  2. By preventing you from saying no to us we can control you and have you do what we want.
  3. Only the great have the ability to say no. We have it. Therefore, we are superior. You do not. You are therefore inferior.
  4. You know you should say it but you cannot. This damages your self-worth even further.
  5. Watching you try to say the word we have taken causes you pain, frustration, upset and anger, all of which lead to the provision of fuel.

The removal of “no” from you to us is a lynchpin in our manipulation of you. How ought you to deal with this theft? It is simple enough. Always remember where you have placed the word “no”, take it out, use it, practise with it, say it to yourself in the mirror and remember that the more you use it the harder it is for us to steal it from you and keep it from you.

18 thoughts on “The Stolen Case of No

  1. Sophia says:

    First time I said NO he was exasperated. “No?! What do you mean, no? You never tell me NO.” I’m not good at telling anyone “no.” It is one of my biggest flaws. I’m always justifying my reasons or making excuses for why I don’t want to do something. Rarely do I give a firm no. Makes me feel almost as cowardly as he was. Lol

  2. narc affair says:

    If you want to get rid of your narc super fast keep saying no. Boundaries and a narcissist dont mesh. No is a boundary and they dont like you to assert your boundaries. Try saying no and standing up to your narc and you will be devalued and eventually discarded.

    1. Insatiable Learner says:

      NarcAffair, are you speaking from personal experience or from study? 🙂

      1. narc affair says:

        Hi insatiable learner….both. ive tried saying no to my narc on occasions and the narc games start up and devaluing. I have friends who have stuck to their boundaries and been severly devalued and either left or were discarded. Narcissists dont like boundaries and when you start to assert them they retaliate.
        This can also go for non narcs. If youve always been afraid to say no to people then you start to be assertive they dont like it and youll lose a few friends as a result but if they were true friends theyll accept the new you. This ive found out personally.

  3. Medusa says:

    HG, the non-contact is a NO? or the narcissists see it as cowardice?
    after a strong devaluation these weeks I managed to escape

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well done on your escape. The no contact is indeed a no and not one which can be countenanced.

  4. analise13 says:

    HG, Is it possible for someone to always say yes,
    In every situation with a narcissist?
    That seems even beyond co dependency.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is possible albeit unlikely.

  5. Jasmine says:

    I know hehe

  6. Blank says:

    When you learn from your parents that when you dare to say ‘no’ you are going to be hit, get a furious tirade, get a silent treatment or get to hear they are so terribly disappointed in you…. a narc doesn’t even have to worry we will say no. Ever. Because we will feel the guilt and feel bad about ourselves again. We were drilled and molded to be pleasers.

    1. Nina says:

      Yes, this is it for me. It makes sense now. I see normal friends walk away from situations for far less transgressions against them. I stay and try to make it work, much to my detriment.

    2. echo says:

      We absolutely are conditioned to be people pleasers. Saying no or anything roundabout close to it makes me literally sick to my stomach. It might sound silly or childish but I’ve found that practicing saying it helps. With understanding friends, or even just getting used to saying it out loud.

  7. Kathleen says:

    This one – hrm. I feel the fact that my narcissist hit me as fake pretty early on- is the key part of why I didn’t say NO. The mismatch of words and my sensory perception was causing me confusion early- within months. So I felt to continue my study/work fixing this damaged individual I sensed I should “not say no” in a million little ways or else they’d easily- with no feelings- walk off. And I’d sacrificed my relationship to try to be with this robot. Anyways- the reasons we survivors continued to say yes are many. First it’s less an addiction and more of a project. Then it becomes a hellish cycle of misery..

  8. SandraDee says:

    What if we say no more than once? Will this bring on a dis engagement?

  9. gettingstronger123 says:

    When I started to say no and stick to it, is when he became nasty and started setting up scenarios to provoke me. Each time I didn’t react, he upped the ante, until finally I lost my temper and once again looked like the mad and insane one.
    I WILL thank him one day for waking me up to my blind spots and sincerely working on myself once again.
    He was the first narc I dated that I finally started saying no to… but there was a price. Definitely. Dare I say “never again”?

  10. Sniglet says:

    And she simply cannot say no to her husband. Frustrates the hell out of me.

  11. Sniglet says:

    This is another of of my very favourite articles along with the Crossing of the Emotional Sea articles. I’ve explained the emotional sea to a close friend of mine and she is not swimming to the island of logic, no matter how much I try to help her. It is exhausting. She understands business but not keeping her emotions in check.

  12. horseyak says:

    In my Nexperience, no usually triggers the narc to begin devaluation. Just sayin’…

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