A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 68

 

PHANCY LETTER

You… 
Lonely and Pathetic. Trolling for Attention.
Addicted to Porn, Drugs, Alcohol and, well…Anything really, to Soothe Your Pent Up Frustration.
You finally found someone to listen to your lies.
Those gut-wrenching “stories” of mistreatment–at the hands of your “hideous” wife. The one you claimed must have been Hell sent. You shared that you feared for your Life!
You followed me like a lost dog, licking my hands and begging me to never stop petting you. You brought me a bone…daily and nightly…but how was I to know that it, like you, was nothing but a tool?
Smoke and Mirrors. I began to see what YOU wanted me to see: Hope. Freedom. Adventure. Not to mention all the Sex a man would need from an adventurous woman like me.
You said you loved me. You complimented me on how much love I must yet have to give.
You were scared at times. So, I gave you space. But you would pull me in even closer–claiming that you needed ME to live.
How could I leave someone with so much grief and in so much pain? I hated that you were still married, but my defenses cracked and waned.
I didn’t want to love you. I fought those feelings–slapping them sober with the truth. There MUST be more to what you were telling me, so I stuck around praying for more time to dig and to sleuth.
You beat me to the punch and, soon, you began the decline. Silent treatments. Passive-aggressive jabs. When I brought things up, you claimed it was all in my mind.
Besides, you had a lot on your plate, right? Your divorce, Your emotions, Your claims of physical pain. My, my…what about Me? The fact that you now held me in disdain?
Instantaneously, you turned off EVERY ounce of charm. You strained to put on as much as a smile and seemed to revel in the harm.
You brought up a cruel sentiment, announcing that you KNEW how much it hurt my feelings. Yet, you would use it again and especially following what was supposed to be sexual healing.
What he Fuck was WRONG with you? I banged my head for answers. I logged in long hours online; nothing made sense and everything was fractured.
You, it turns out, are a Broken Toy. A Man Trapped by Whatever Happened While You Were Just a Boy. 
On that weekend in September, I met a man I called Handsome. And then I watched him die right in front of me. It was brutal. I didn’t even recognize his face. In less than 48 hours, he was gone, leaving horrible you to take his place.
I looked around and confirmed I wasn’t in the fifth dimension. I walked away from the madness, never again calling my gut into question. I loved Handsome–he was wonderful, warm and brilliant. Instead, it turned out, he was actually you…cold, hateful and distant.
I Am Free Now. Happier. Stronger. Fuelled by Love. Kissed by God Himself Because I Am His beloved. 
I Was Never Yours…
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14 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 68”

  1. Phancypants,

    I love this letter, you have such a wonderful way with words. i especially liked:

    ‘You followed me like a lost dog, licking my hands and begging me to never stop petting you. You brought me a bone…daily and nightly…but how was I to know that it, like you, was nothing but a tool?’

    Tongue in cheek, but you captured narcissistic seduction perfectly in that short paragraph.

    As they seem to all be broken children, the term Enfant Terrible comes to mind.

  2. Your letter could have been my letter. I watched him change and die on the 6th day of our honeymoon and the next 10 years were hell for me. I shocked him when I walked out one day. Said I was done living with a 5 year old.

  3. Amazed at how closely this letter speaks of exact situations, behaviors and feelings from the relationship I had with a Narcissist. I feel your pain. I, too, have smelled the coffee. From my lowest point of life where suicide was the answer, I rose. I’m healed to the point of being able to thrive again, but I’ll never forget the joy I felt when he was putting on his show nor the painful destruction as he tore me down.

  4. Dear Ms. Phancypant’s,

    Your sentence below is a superb characterization of the narcissist.

    “You, it turns out, are a Broken Toy. A Man Trapped by Whatever Happened While You Were Just a Boy.”

    It appears as if the narcissist’s development has been arrested at a young age and they were never able to attain the full spectrum of emotions in order to achieve balance. Although, capable of physical growth, they seem to be perpetually stuck in this phase of arrested development, like giant malevolent infants, wreaking havoc wherever they go.

    I liked what you wrote about the 5th dimension because I felt like I was trapped in the Twilight Zone, so I googled it and I liked this definition, especially the reference between light and shadow.

    There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area we call the Twilight Zone.”

    I am very happy that you are free from the confusion and the madness and that you are fuelled by love.

    warmest regards
    K

  5. Dear Ms Phancypants,
    Well said and what a great letter! I can relate to what you say… I watched my friend die as well… it was almost straight away. To be replaced with someone I didn’t even know. From a kind, considerate, friendly, outgoing, helpful, trusting person…. to a lying, deceitful, cold, shallow, distant, callous, fake, pathetic, nasty coward of a man! I even asked him … “where has he gone, who are you”? Didn’t even have the decency to reply!
    Lesson well and truly learnt!

      1. Dear Jasmine,
        I take friendships very seriously. My husband and I invested a lot of times and effort with this individual who let us down big time, I was truly gutted that one could be so deceptive to use and abuse and lie to us the way he did. He is a veteran, as is my husband, which made it all the more heartbreaking. I honestly feel your loss. I think the more empathic we are, the harder the fall and I took it extremely personally. He’s now doing the same to someone new.
        It’s proof they are all the same, some worse than others.
        My heartfelt wishes Jasmine and thank you so much for writing your letter, you defined their “character” perfectly
        💜
        Ps .. I have a cat named Jasmine, I bet she’s as gorgeous and beautiful as you are ☺️

  6. I really appreciate the line, “I watched you die.” I saw the same thing in mine. Over a compressed period of time, it really seemed like I watched him die right in front of me.

  7. Spot on description! Kudos to you for putting your experience into words.It’s so very hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t been involved with a narc.

  8. Wow, these letters get better and better! You are strong girl! Nice analytical thinking! Trust our ‘gut’ so right! Bravo to you living in truth! God bless you in your freedom.

  9. I’ve nominated you for the awesome blog awards. 🤗 I’ve done a blog post explaining what to do next xx

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