This Time It Will Work
When you first come into my sights, when you appear between those crosshairs and I sense your empathic qualities, your adherence to the traits which make you so attractive to me, I am filled with optimism. I have spoken on many occasions about my need to extract fuel on a daily basis. This ritual necessitates the acquisition of someone who will be my primary source and then a whole host of secondary and tertiary sources who are drawn from friends, family, strangers, colleagues and so forth. It is a ceaseless task but one which I am built for, one I have been designed for and one which I will always apply myself to. I prefer to conserve my energies and that is why I live in hope that this time the person that I have targeted will be the one who will not let me down. On this occasion I have found the person who will be my primary source so that I never have to embark on the devaluation of this person because they have failed in their obligation to provide me with fuel. Many people may regard me as prejudicial person and it is true that I pre-judge people, but only ever do so on the basis of satisfactory evidence. I look for the necessary traits in how you interact with others, the things that you say and what you do. I watch carefully before I make my move. When I see the very things which I cherish and require for the purposes of gathering fuel, I experience an elation. There is excitement and anticipation. Mostly it is because of the fuel which I hope to gather from you, that delicious and golden fuel which super charges me, invigorates me and provides me with the power to sail through life charming and attracting. However, my excitement is not all based on the anticipation of tasting your fuel. No, a significant part of my anticipation is borne out of the fact that you might just be the one. You could be that person who does not let me down. You could be the one who finally provides me with such sweet fuel that I never have to go elsewhere for a primary supply. I cannot give up my supplementary sources as they are a reserve and a contingency for when I am not able to draw my main fuel from you as my primary source. This is not because I have cast you aside or because you have committed that treacherous act of escaping me and instigating no contact. Not at all. The reserve is required because owing to various factors I cannot be by your side every hour of day or in some form of contact with you to this extent. This means that much as I delight in your sweet, sweet fuel, I am forced to obtain it elsewhere and this is from those supplementary sources. It is you however that I still look to for the best fuel. You who I look to in order to provide me with the most fuel and to do so with comforting regularity. I want this fuel from just one primary source. You seem to think that I revel in the abuse that I dole out when I devalue my primary source victim, but I do not. It may look that way, a side effect of the power that courses through me as I drink deep of that negative fuel but in truth I would much rather never have to go down that route. I would prefer that you continue to pump out that positive fuel to such an extent that it always remains satisfactory for me. I want you to be the one that is always there, reliable, dependable and magnificent in the production of your fuel. You would benefit too. There would be no awful abuse as devaluation takes place. There would be no mystifying discard (mystifying to you at least – it makes perfect sense to me) and then I would not even have to go to the trouble of applying various types of hoover in order to bring you back to me. Imagine avoiding all of that and remaining in the glorious golden period of seduction the whole time? I know how much you love that. I have seen it in your eyes, I have seen you speak of it and of course I have seen how hard you have fought at times to recover it. You adore and worship the golden period and you can have that. You can have that all the time. All I ask of you is to keep providing me with that fuel at the potency and level that is appropriate and demanded. It cannot be too difficult for you can it? You once did it. You provided it brilliantly but then you let me down by not providing the quality I was used to. You diminished the frequency and became unreliable, thus hurting me and that could not be countenanced. You had to be hurt in return. There was no hope for any other way. Imagine being able to avoid bringing all that horror on yourself as you keep doing what is necessary. You keep giving me my fuel at the prescribed level and in return you get to stay in the golden period forever. This is what I hope for too and you think that I am selfish. Not at all. We both win. You have the golden period and I have the golden fuel. This is what I hope for each time a new target presents itself and I begin my work to consider moving to the seduction of this target. I am filled with hope, I am filled with optimism that this time, just for once, you will keep on doing what I need and you will not let me down. No matter how many times this has happened in the past. No matter how many times I have been betrayed and hurt by the treasonable conduct of those who said, so many times, that they loved me and they always would, I have always continued to believe in the power and capacity that the next target may just be the one. I am not a bad person for believing in that way am I? I just want to find the right one for me. Just like you do.
You want to find the person that you will love for the rest of your life, I want to find the person whose fuel I will love for the rest of my life. Surely you can understand and appreciate that? Surely you must accept that such a notion is noble? Surely you understand why I always think that you might be the one. This time.
15 thoughts on “This Time It Will Work”
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Maybe if you could continue the wonderful golden period we could provide high levels of delicious fuel. The silent treatments, mind games, lies make it more difficult to show the love and provide due praise and adulation.
As I understand this – from HG’s work – The fuel inevitably becomes stale. No matter what. Familiarity breeds contempt and this will not change.
I agree.
This is the most crazy thing to try to understand. And id this is 💯 % true- it is where the pathology is exposed and my sympathy is (slightly) engaged. Not to any point I think I could fix the person- but instead of hating them- pitying them-
Well the fuel gets stale, empath or narc, after a certain amount of time in any relationship. The difference is that we don’t do devaluation or try to get negative fuel. I find it so difficult to envision that a person can feel fueled by the negative emotions of others. I certainly saw that in the narc, he would like to stir things up, just to get a reaction.
If the narcissist is a fake person who mimics and mirrors victim to gain the fuel do you think it is possible that narcissist seduces another narcissist because they both don’t know that they are narcissist (or at least one of them doesnt know) and they instinctively fuel each other in the seduction phase? Maybe even they both feel there is something fake about this seduction but the hunt is still engaging?
From the early beginning I knew, I felt that my narc who started targeting me was fake. First meeting, he was talking about soul mates and I didn’t feel the same. I knew it was a kind of game. I knew it was bullshit. But I thought he was inteligent and good looking and it was a challenge for me to seduce him or to let him to seduce me. I knew what to do and what to say to let him view me as the one. But still I didn’t feel the same. I was lauthing at my heart “oh boy, does he really believe that? is he naive? does he think that I am naive? ha ha, it’s really funny, I’m on!” But after the seduction it was fun for me to argue with him. I knew what to say to iritate him. And we were fighting a lot. I realised we won’t fuel each other anymore. I realised we must die as a relationship because the fakeness is too obvious, we couldnt play anymore.
Wow! You suggest that no matter how much you love him etc it’s bound to fail…I find this difficult to comprehend. Does that mean then that if the IPS is being devalued the narcissist will definitely be seducing/ being intimate with someone else or is he just being mean?
Yes he will be seeking out a replacement which involves engaging with others.
Yes, this time it will be the one. Then why do you keep calling me? Secondary source— or am I now your anchor? Why do you want to cheat on her days before your wedding to her– and three weeks after ( you did see me but not ‘cheat’ on her– I said no to that)
The one thing I still want is an opportunity to sit down with him… to have him explain his treatment of me, to have him open up and expose his vulnerabilities as I did for him.
I have started to accept that I will never have that chance. I see the odds being slim in sitting down for that open and honest conversation he often promised but never delivered.
You are the closest opportunity I’ll ever have to that HG. And like the others, I am grateful, especially for your willingness to teach and to share.
And in reading your lessons and the stories of others, I am reminded how we are more alike than we are different. I want the exact same thing. We all do.
That is why we struggle to revisit that delicious golden period you frequently speak of; we sensed your hope. We fed off of your enthusiasm. We felt your magnificent energy. That is why it felt so real to us… because for a brief moment, it was.
But like you, I knew it couldn’t last.
No one is perfect. Everyone dissapoints from time to time. We from the other side understand that and adjust accordingly. Most of us look forward to growing into the comfort of secure love. We actually prefer it over “new love” as we understand that mature love… loving someone once we’ve discovered their flaws… that eventually brings the sweetest of all fuel.
We love it because we understand its rarity and significance.
But because of his treatment of me, I don’t know how to go about opening myself up to trying to find it again?
Once I became involved, I was available to him each time he asked. I answered his every call or promptly returned his messages with sheer excitement. I was there for him when he needed me, craving even more of his company. I gave him so much of me. I put him above others.
I started to “change” because I sensed that I couldn’t trust him. I withdrew because he started to distance himself. My female instincts knew it was to be with another. So I don’t understand this disappointment. I only disappointed him by reacting to the pain that he placed upon me.
At first, he went to great lengths to hide his indiscretions. I don’t believe he wanted to hurt me. And when he did, he did it in grand fashion. But through his anger, I could see fear. It was like being able to glance at a deeply buried wound that just erupted to the surface. A part of me believes that he even felt shame. But it was never enough to stop… certainly not enough to try to change.
So I wonder… Will we ever find our way? Will we humans ever learn to stop fearing abandonment to the point that we will allow ourselves to open up to another in a way that brings about comfort, trust, security… peace?
We all want the same thing. Why can’t we find a way?
HG, you say fuel is everything to your kind. Then how come on the one hand, the narc tells the appliance who was an intimate secondary source that she makes him feel very good but on the other hand, he can just go and stay silent for a long time and even ask her for space with a promise of future contact?
HG, does it ever really work? If we just deal with the B.S. will the golden period really last?
No. No – some golden periods last longer for secondary sources, but there is always that risk of devaluation. With a primary source the golden period will always turn to devaluation.
Why? Why would someone devalue and hurt the person who gave them their entire heart and soul? What is the point of being so damn mean and empty. May I ask, what made you this way? My.husband was the “golden child” to his mother and their relationship is entirely too close. She’s a good woman but she bred a man child. She praises him and she KNOWS about everything he did. How does someone so damn spoiled…turn into this terrible person?
Keep reading, the answers to those questions are here.