6 Phases of Fuelling


Fuel is our lifeblood. Whether it is positive fuel from admiration, delight and love or negative fuel from hatred, anger or upset, we want fuel. There are many, many different ways in which we will manipulate you, many different machinations, some wonderful and others terrible, that we will use against you to extract fuel from you. These different methods appear during the six phases of fuelling.

  1. Seduction

A period when everything is rosy in the garden. We are the most wonderful person you could every meet. Kind, considerate, amusing and entertaining. We are generous with time or money, sometimes both. We are impressive in terms of our achievements, our abilities, the people that we know, the places that we have been and we just happen to like all the things that you like as well as we engage in our tried and trusted practice of mirroring. If we have chosen you to be our intimate partner we will gushing with love as we sweep you off your feet with borrowed love quotes, gifts and sensational love-making. It is irresistible and you will succumb to this intense love-bombing whether we want you as our partner in love, friend, trusted colleague or reliable family member. Our seduction is powerful, effective and is aimed at getting you hooked on us as we begin to drink from your positive fuel that you will provide to us during the golden period.

  1. Devaluation

In this second phase we have found your positive fuel has lost its potency. You are no longer providing us with the earnest and amazing admiration that we require and this is entirely your fault. The consequence of this is that we must continue to draw fuel in order to sustain our existence and now we must do this by extracting a contrasting fuel, negative fuel. This is derived by treating you badly, meting out silent treatments, shouting at you, provoking you and unleashing the whole malevolent content of our Devil’s Toolkit against you. We want you to shout insults at us in anger, we want you to plead with us to stop our torment of you, we want to see you sob in desperation at our continued abuse of you. Tears, frustration, anger and hatred are all delicious emotions which will fuel us and they provide such a magnificent and stark contrast to all of the positive fuel that you once gaze that the effect for us is considerably edifying and invigorating.

  1. Respite


We do not want to keep the devaluation in place all of the time otherwise you will break too soon and deprive us of our primary source of fuel. Accordingly, the third phase is one where we allow you some respite from the devaluation. We reinstate the golden period and you provide us with relief tinged positive fuel. This is of an excellent quality as it is heightened by your relief and joy at returning to the golden period. It also allows us to convince you that the golden period can be resurrected to you will not leave us and instead keep trying to recover it. We will alternate between devaluing you and offering you respite, back and forth between these two states in order to confuse you and keep you in situ. The contrast between treating you well and treating you badly also provides us with a greater degree of fuel as your emotions are pushed and pulled by us. This phase may last for years as we move you back and forth, one week everything is wonderful and then you are plunged into a fortnight of awful treatment with you completely bewildered as to why this is happening.

  1. Preventative

You may be pushed to a point of no return. You may have received some outside help from a friend or a professional who understands what is actually happening to you or it may be that you do not know what is happening but you know that you cannot allow it to continue any longer. In such a situation when you warn us that you are thinking of leaving us or that you intend to end our relationship we will instigate the preventative phase. This is designed to stop you from going. We will provide a massive dose of the golden period but we will also ally it with promises to mend our ways, seek help and change. None of it is meaningful but it is a desperate measure to prevent you from leaving us. We decide when we no longer want you, you are not superior to us and therefore you are not allowed, in our minds, to make this decision. By applying these preventative moves, which might be seeking pity, forgiveness, understanding and sympathy, we aim to stop your departure and then drink deep of the fuel that you will provide as you soothe away our concern, responding favourably to our stated intention to better ourselves. Your delight at hearing us say these things provides us with further fuel.

  1. Benign Return

Whether you escaped us or we cast you to one side through one of our callous discards we will also seek fuel through the benign return. Similar to the preventative stage but this takes place after there has been a cessation in our relationship. You try to stay away from us or you have been trying to get back with us but we have kept you at arms’ length for some time until we decide that we want your positive fuel once again and we approach you taking you back. We may seek forgiveness, express we made mistakes, that we were not thinking clearly and so on, all done in order to con you into resurrecting the relationship. If we ended it, you will return with joyful open arms. If you ended it, you will return delighted you have got us to agree to making changes. Of course nothing changes. It is all about the fuel and as you respond in a favourable manner, admiring us again, expressing your love and gratitude, portraying relief we will take all this fuel.

  1. Malign Return


This also takes place post cessation of the relationship. You may have ended it and resisted out attempts to hoover you back in. We may have ended it and you want to return to the fold but we will not let you as we have a replacement. In either instance we will not forgo the opportunity to extract additional fuel from you by continuing to administer terrible and hurtful manipulations against you. We may no longer be in a relationship but this will not stop us from lashing out, lying about you, invoking the assistance of others as we smear your name and doing everything we can on a repeated basis to cause you to become angry and upset and thus provide us with fuel. You may not have heard from us for some time but there will be some trigger, some opportunity and whilst we may not want you back or we may be unable to cause you to come back, we will still look to provoke and emotional reaction from you and obtain fuel. It is always about the fuel.

9 thoughts on “6 Phases of Fuelling

  1. Again says:

    HG, does narc drink negative fuel when thought that we are watching his social media and imagine that we are upset of what we see. If yes, what is intensity of fuel and how much that fuel last?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Potency depends on your place in the fuel matrix.
      Quantity is very low as it is Thought Fuel and it is do not last long.

  2. PurpleLove says:

    Hello HG 🙂

    My ex narcissist is in the golden period with his new victim. He is focused on seduction, meeting her friends and so on. AND what I really don’t understand – he suddenly started to hoover me in friendly manner. He commented a post on social media, he started to follow me on social media, he wants to show me how kind he is (after sevage discard he blocked me on social media for a month). No, he doesnt tell me anything about his new girlfriend – I know it from friends and I ignore his friendly hoovers.

    What is the purpose? I thought that if his new girlfriend fuels him positively he won’t try to “make friends” with me. I’m confused.

  3. Intrepid says:

    What happens if you seek negative fuel by way of provoking, triangulating and/or silent treatment and the other person does not react? How do you respond?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They always do respond, but if they happened not to, I would increase the pressure on them. Ultimately (although highly unlikely with regards to me) if there was no reaction I would break off and seek fuel elsewhere. Other narcissists would operate in a similar way but are more likely to break off sooner.

      1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        You have said that narcissists invest a lot of time/resources into a victim, so hoovering will likely occur. And I understand that the need for fuel drives this and that the narcissist views it as he/she “owns” the empath. But for narcissists who go the extra mile, is the persistence more about the empath or the narcissist’s need to win?

        Does a Greater not give up easily because he is pursuing an ex with whom he seeks a particular attribute (such as she gave great fuel amongst other things) or is he tenacious mainly because he simply needs to prove to himself that he can win her back?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is all about the fuel so that has to be there, but an escaped IPPS who does from a Greater may be hoovered back into the FR but again for the fuel (either to avoid the hole caused by the escape or to punish the IPPS for escaping).

  4. OCEAN says:

    good morning HG
    wow another good read doesn’t matter how many times i may read it truly enforces the whole dynamic slowly but very surly getting to the conclusion not all N the same person but on the whole pattern is so similar….and what a great lesson you are an excellent teacher ..do not know where you got the idea to revisit all your different and many components by sending various posts daily old and new read read and it really does shift the emotional to logical …thankyou

    read elsewhere i think post was if one has not heard from N the IPPS may be in respite or devaluation mode what is this devalue period ..as in i thought N would delight in contacting other sources while devaluing current IPPS ..is it to energetic to devalue presently and continue to seek positive or possibly negative fuel from secondary sources….sorry if i confuse you and i understand wrongly
    thankyou for all you do HG

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

Why The Narcissist Wants You Dead

Next article

Little Acons – No. 25