You Were Warned



“You know you really shouldn’t get involved with me you know, I am damaged.”

“Well, it is a little bit late for that isn’t it? I am already involved.”

“I know and I am glad to hear you tell me that, really I am, because I want you more than anything. I have not wanted anybody else in the way I want you but it is because of that I think you would be better off without me.”

“Don’t be silly, what do you mean by that?”

“You are so wonderful, so perfect. I truly have not met anyone like you. It is as if everything I have ever wanted and needed in somebody has been put together and rolled into one.”

“That is lovely of you to say, but I am not perfect, far from it.”

“To me you are.”

“Bless you, that is so sweet. I think you are wonderful too, not at all damaged. I cannot believe you said that.”

“Well I am.”

“Not from where I am sitting. You are incredible. Thoughtful, loving, attentive, interesting, sensual and so passionate. Those are just a few of the things that spring to mind when I think about you.”

“What else?”

“Oh let me see. Generous, yes generous and kind, considerate and successful. Entertaining as well. I don’t think I know anybody who can light up a room like you do. I love to watch you when you have everyone’s attention, I can see how much they love to listen to you.”

“Oh you are just saying those things to make me feel better.”

“No not at all, I mean every word, I really do. I have not met anyone as special as you and that is why I love you as I do.”

“You shouldn’t, I don’t mean to be rude, but you will only get hurt.”

“How? By you?”



“I don’t know; I just always seem to mess things up. It may sound strange but somehow I want to think, I mean, I kind of know it should work with you, with you more than anybody else, I suppose I am just terrified that what we have is so wonderful, so perfect that I might do something to ruin it and then you would be hurt and I could not stand for that to happen.”

“You see, there you are again, considerate and kind.”

“I could not live with myself if I hurt you and I just do not want to run that risk of that happening. You do not deserve to be hurt.”

“That won’t happen, I can feel it. What you and I have is something out of the ordinary.”

“Yes we have haven’t we?”

“Absolutely. I love you and you love me and nobody is going to change that.”

“I know, I know, but what if, you know I do something?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, it is just that well, previous relationships have not exactly been successful have they? My track record is not great.”

“No but that wasn’t your fault was it? Look, you told me all about what has happened in the past. Not many men would be so honest as you to admit to what you have gone through. That takes real courage and is typical of the honesty and decency you exude. You are a good man and you have been treated abhorrently by some wicked people. Oooh, if I ever met them, I don’t know what I would do.”

“I knew you would understand. You always do. You get me. They never did you see. I tried you know. I always tried to make it work. I just wanted both of us to be happy but you know when whatever you do is not enough? When no matter how hard you try to please somebody but they always find some kind of fault? That was them. They made me feel like it was my fault a lot of the time. They had that way of twisting everything around so I was made out to be the villain. It is hard to explain it, but that is what they did.”

“I understand. There are some people who just delight in the misery of other people but that is not going to happen with you and me.”


“No. We have both suffered previously.”

“I know. That is why I do not want to hurt you, you have had enough from the past and you deserve to be treated properly.”

“Well that is what you do. I could not ask for a better boyfriend, I really could not. You put me first, ahead of everything and you do so much for me. I really do appreciate it and each day I feel more in love with you because of what you do for me.”

“Thank you. That is all I want. Both of us to be happy. I think it must just be because of what has happened in the past, I am worried that this time, having found you, it will go wrong again and you will be hurt and I could not live with that.”

“Honestly, there is nothing to worry about. You have just been made to feel like this because of what they have done to you. It is understandable. I know you won’t hurt me. How could anyone who says the things you say to me ever hurt me? I have never had someone say the wonderful and beautiful things you say to me before. You leave me in tears. Tears of happiness admittedly because you just know what to say, you understand me.”

“Yes. There is a connection and it is deep and meaningful and I do not want that ever to be severed. I will fight to my dying breath to stay connected to you. I want to become you.”

“See, there you go again, saying the most wonderful things.”

“You bring it out in me. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know what I would do.”

“Well you don’t have to wonder do you? You’ve got me and you always will have.”

“Do you mean that?”


“You see I am really in heaven every time we kiss. I don’t ever want to hurt you or lose you.”

“That will never happen. You have me forever.”

“I hope so, I really do.”

“You do. Now, let’s not have any more talk about you hurting me, that isn’t going to happen. We have the rest of our lives to be together and be happy. Let me get another bottle of wine, no, it is my turn, you stay there. You do enough running around after me, let me do something for you for a change.”

“Okay, same again please.”

“Coming right up. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Listen to ‘You Were Warned’

11 thoughts on “You Were Warned

  1. Wounded says:

    In the instance of where we fall in the fuel matrix would a song be used instead?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Do you mean might a song be used to warn you? Yes.

      1. SarcNarc says:

        And it was, by me to me some two decades ago, and strangely resurfaced about two weeks ago.
        Blurry, Puddle of Mudd.

  2. Jules says:

    They really always do! I just watch for it now….
    A guy I’m talking to recently asked if I was being saucy with him and when I said “maybe” he said, “Be careful, I bite. Hard.” Then went back to flirting sweetly.
    He thinks I am in his crosshairs but he is actually in mine.
    I wonder… might a narcissist enjoy being totally mirrored and seduced? They always have to do all the work of the seduction. How might they react to a full blown seduction aimed at them for once? Has it ever happened to You HG?

  3. SarcNarc says:

    What if she said, “Then stop NLPing me, hurt me or whatever there is to do already and let’s move on to the good times”?

  4. Lisa says:

    This is almost word for word from the Narc. So the question is do you believe this crap when you say it? Are you truly shocked when every time it doesn’t work out ? Or do you know going it’s not going to work out ?

  5. Jdhers says:

    Sure was. He warned me. I thought he was joking. What I want to know is when the smear stops. Shouldn’t the new supply keep his mind off of my life?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If the new person is a new IPPS then the smear will die down, unless you are perceived as doing something to justify it counting – such as trying to expose him, undo the smear etc.

  6. Sadgirl says:

    Mine narc told me there are days when he hates himself and that he doesnt want me to see this. And also at the beginning of relationship “I promise I won’t screw up” – it was weird.

  7. Julie says:

    This is possibly the most hurtful post that I’ve read here so far, HG :’(

    He absolutely warned me. He told me that he’s difficult to be with and that he figured he should be alone. He laid that challenge down to be better than the others. To beat his past and be the one that would work in his life.


  8. All out of Fuel says:

    “I know and I am glad to hear you tell me that, really I am…”

    I heard that verbatim from him. He used to reply to many compliments that I gave him in that same manner! One time he even said “I believe that you believe that”

    And here are a few snips from the dialogue that I said verbatim:

    “Don’t be silly…”

    I said this to him when he told me “I am a bad person”.

    “You leave me in tears. Tears of happiness admittedly…”

    I said this to him when he asked me why I was crying. “What’s wrong? You’re….CRYING? What’s the matter?” “tears of happiness” seemed so foreign to him.

    HG, this is all so fucking eerie. Not just the shit they say but the way we reply! I used to say there was a narc textbook that these people follow but now I am seeing my own damn comments in this textbook.

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