Just Leave Him




I know what they say about me. I always know. I know they crowd around, earnest expressions etched across their made-up faces, their mouths flapping as they spout their supposed wisdom to you.

“We will be here for you. You have always got us.”

“If you are unhappy there must be something wrong.”

“Is it right to be treated like this?”

“You are not the person you used to be.”

Who are they to claim what is right for you? Have they held you on that cliff-top with the foaming ocean churning beneath us, the cool Atlantic air brushing past us as a canopy of stars hung overhead? Have they looked into your eyes and seen the pain that I know was there long before I came along, a pain that I have shouldered for you? Where were they when you called at 3am and asked that I tell you a story because you had just had a horrible nightmare? I do not recall them soothing you and keeping those night demons at bay. Do they know you inside out? I think not. They do not know every each of you in the way that I do. Each delicate piece of you that I have kissed and caressed, so there is no place about your person that has not been embraced by me. They have not done that have they? Have they held your long tresses back and rubbed your back as you spewed those cocktails back up and groaned about what how much money you have just regurgitated? No. It was I who rode to your rescue as they wove their drunken way to another bar. They do not know your favourite ten songs and I will wager more than they earn that they have no inclination that you are frightened of geese.

Oh I know alright. I know about their messages which they send you. I have seen them and it is fortunate that I have so I can spare you from the green-eyed lies. They do not have what we have and nor will they ever. One cannot blame them for their wretched jealousy, they are just flesh and blood, but are they your true friends when they seek to pour such sedition in your ears when my back is turned? Ought they not to be happy for you, delighted that you want to spend so much time with me. Do they not see that your sadness on occasions is borne out of your deep and perfect love for me, that such is our connection that you justifiably feel upset when you irk me or irritate me. I know you do not mean to do it and that is why I have not pushed you aside like those other pretenders who came before you. You understand what it is to have found someone who fulfils all your hopes and your dreams and you understand my pain when you sleight me or let me down. Yet, since you are such a good person, my upset becomes your upset but they do not see it. I suppose if I was charitable I might ascribe their short-sightedness to the fact that they lack your special qualities. Only you understand me and only you have that deep-seated bond with me so that what I feel resonates with you. That is who you are and who they are not.

I heard them caution you about moving in together, their comments about “undue haste” and “it is too early” and “he wants you where he can see you.” Well, why should I not? Why should I not have my number one fan with me as often as I can? Why would you want to be anywhere else?Why would I not want to have someone so pretty and wonderful as you besides me? Does not every winner want to show off his trophy? Of course.

I know they have cautioned you about my temper and urged you to depart, claiming that it will only get worse and you will suffer. They mistake passion for temper, but then they would wouldn’t they, it suits their selfish purposes to try and bring down what you and I have. People usually do that when they do not understand something. It is a predictable and regrettable response.  As for their remarks about me controlling you, how can that be so? I chose you for so many things and chief amongst those attributes was the attraction of your strong mind and keen intelligence. So what if I suggest what you might wear and how you should do your hair, I am taking an interest. Would you prefer it if I never commented on how you looked or made no suggestion as to what suited you? I know a couple of them think I stop you seeing them, but that is just more of their campaign of slander. Perhaps it is selfish of me, but the times I have asked you to cancel plans to see some of your friends were only because I wanted to be with you. Perhaps I sounded firmer than I intended, I suppose that might happen when you spend all day working hard to support a relationship, it does make one tired. Do not be concerned by their observations that I make all the decisions about what we do, where we go and how our money is spent. I am happy to bear such a burden for us both and you have admitted, have you not, that I do know more than you about certain things. I am only doing what is right for you, for me and most of all for us. Of course, they do not bother to gain possession of all the facts. They would much rather whisper untruths in your ear based on hearsay and ill-informed perspectives. I suppose that is a price I have to pay for loving you so totally, so completely and so perfectly.

Still, I know they urge you to leave me. I am no fool. I have overheard their comments, heard what they say when they telephone you and seen the messages. I know they want you to depart and escape me. Well, do it. Go. Leave everything that we have built up together. Leave my guiding hand and perhaps someone more grateful will come along. I do not want that but why should my largesse and love be abused in this way? Why should I pour my all into an empty hole? Go do  it. Pack your bags and leave. I will not stop you. See. If I controlled you would I not be begging you to stay and pleading with you to ignore them? If I pulled your strings as they accuse me of doing so would I not be threatening you now with all manner of terrible consequences if you had the audacity to step through that door and away from me? But I have not and I do not, because you already know don’t you? That is why I chose you. But I shall not stand in your way. If it really is awful being with someone who only ever has your best interests at heart and who loves you perfectly, albeit sometimes clumsily and erratically, then leave me. Just leave.

I know you won’t though. I know.

12 thoughts on “Just Leave Him

  1. Kristine says:

    Ahh, some of us do actually leave him! We may be baffled and hurt for a few years, but one day we learn about what we were involved in and how lucky we are that we got out when we did. 8 years later, I bump into him and he tries to “run his game” with me, Oh the love bombing I received that day…. the addiction was there, I won’t lie, but my logic brain steps in, pushing the desire to be swept up into the fake high away. He tells me the horror story with his ex. How he dated a woman, just tried to love her, yet she turned on him and made up a domestic abuse case. He is facing criminal charges but the court will see how crazy she is. Guess he forgot that small detail of how he abused me too. My entire body goes into “freeze”. He even tells me he lost his pilot job and I see a little glimpse of his potential collapse. That gives me the strength to finally look blankly at him and “flee”.I know what he is and what he wants. No fuel from me! But I realize more healing is needed within as the flashbacks are back.

    HG- I understand your kind has a different agenda and feels a need for fuel to survive. Since you are all knowing of your kind and your actions, aren’t you choosing to continue this fallacy of survival by hurting others?
    Do you see this as a mental illness since you actually know that many of us survive without manipulating or hurting others? Isn’t your kind “dangerous to society” as a result of your existence? You don’t see others dangerous to you or your kind, just the creature inside is dangerous, right? I am new to your site and haven’t read all your posts, books, etc. so forgive me for not fully understanding. I thought that narcs didn’t understand why they do what they do, but if you really know what you are doing, why you are doing it, perfect in every way, it seems like you would be able to kill the creature inside yourself and be free. Just curious…

    1. Kristine says:

      Anyone Have comments…

  2. Sherry says:

    The self-consuming importance of this personality
    disorder is massive. I can now smell the bullshit a mile away 🙂

  3. Kassie says:

    HG … you have no comment to my questions?
    Cat your tongue, darling?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It may just have something to do with having hundreds of comments et al to deal with. See rule 13

      1. Kassie says:

        It’s okay, Hun … I was honestly kidding.

        Regarding my questions, I have a solution in the works, I think.
        I would still welcome your input though.
        My narc has threatened to claim duress to the judge in divorce court … meaning … I’m leaving him, he has cancer, blah, blah, blah.
        It’s amazing. Once we have our eyes opened, the narc trail is a mile wide and I find my guilt is dissipating in increments.

        Thanks for your insight and the fuel to burn his ass. 😈

  4. Kassie says:

    Hi HG,
    Approximately 5 months ago, I finally figured out that my husband of 20 yrs is what you refer to as a mid range narc. Personally, I now call him a superlative waste of skin. I haven’t loved him for YEARS but I have been full of guilt to split our assets and leave/divorce him. And of course, with expert malice, he plays the victim card. He knows I’m on to him now but won’t admit it. I don’t expect him to.
    The extra twist … in October 2015, hubby was diagnosed with an rare indolent cancer that is not cureable. We’re both seniors, both retired and his cancer will snuff him eventually but not for many years. His cancer is currently in an unstable remission. It’s obvious I’m an empath because I have allowed him to spin doctor his way though our years together.
    My question for you is … how do I muster up enough guts to divorce him? And how do I get him to agree to it? Yes, amusing, I know.
    I cannot afford to lose the personal assets I would receive in a 50/50 divorce split. I feel absolutely trapped in so many ways now that I know what he’s doing and why.
    Personally, I’d like to bury him in our backyard and plant flowers in the future fertilizer that his rotting body would provide. Harsh? Yes, but so has his treatment been to me for far too long!
    I think I’ll know what your answer will be but it’s worth me asking anyway.
    Thank you for your consideration to my query and thank you for shedding a light on the narcissistic world of smoke and mirrors.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Kassie, the need for more detail and the necessity of the level of detail I would provide to you means that a consultation is appropriate to address this situation.

    2. flutterbymorpho says:

      Same here Kassie.. though not retired yet and assets not worth enough when split to ‘re home myself.. was my assets to start with as well..but believed the lies 14yrs ago..

  5. 69revolver says:

    Oh, but I SO did.

  6. Darlene Buzash says:

    I tried to warn his new supply. This particular writing got to me more than any other. I’m out. I can read no more. I’m engulfed in my smearing campaign. I will turn my back on all of these posts and work toward my healing. Those who truly know me will understand. And when that poor woman tries to escape and heal from his abuse, I will try to help any way that I can.

  7. Pinkie ring says:

    Finish it. There are predators of all races.

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